by Caitlyn Dare
"Hey," I complain.
"Oh, come off it. You're the craziest one of them all." She laughs.
"You know, I used to like you, Martha," I say with a wink using the nickname I gave her when we first arrived in the Bay.
"Just think about her, not you. You'll come up with something. And if you need anything, you know where I am."
"Thank you, Ellen. I have no idea how we'd have survived without you these past few months."
"Oh, I'm sure you'd have managed."
I give her a grateful smile before making the slow climb back up to my bedroom.
By the time I fall back on my bed, it feels like it was hours ago that I had that conversation with Ellen.
Grabbing my cell from my nightstand, I find five missed calls from Kenny, but before I call her back, I glance at the time and realize that she'll be back in class already.
I opt for a message instead.
Conner: You've got a date on Friday night. Dress casually. He'll pick you up at 7 x
Excitement trickles through me that I'm going to get to spend some one on one time with my girl in a few days. I might even be able to convince the others to leave us alone for the entire weekend so we can make up for lost time.
I make my way down to the pool house in time for everyone to appear after school’s finished, getting comfortable on the beanbag and blasting Bring Me the Horizon through the wireless speakers.
"Well, well, well, look who's feeling better," Ace says, walking through the door a few minutes later.
"Where's Remi?" I ask, looking around for her as if she's about to appear out of nowhere.
"She's gone out with Hadley and Kenny. Apparently, Kenny has a date Friday night and the girls insisted that she needed a new outfit." He rolls his eyes at their antics, but, as ever when he thinks about his girl, his features soften.
Remi is hands-down the best thing that could have ever happened to Ace. While Kenny might have saved my life time and time again, Remi most definitely saved Ace's ass from the state pen.
"Soda?" he asks, pulling the refrigerator open and reaching inside.
"Yeah. I brought a tub of cookies," I say, nodding to what's left on the counter.
"Wow, I'm honored you saved us some."
"I owe you," I whisper.
"Fucking right you do, bro. Here." He throws me a can before falling down on the couch. "Now," he starts, cracking open his drink and taking a swig, "what the fuck are we going to do about that cunt?"
He doesn't need to say his name. I instantly know which cunt he's talking about.
I was so proud of Kenny when she came back up from breakfast and told me that she'd given them all the truth about the reason behind what I did. Although I’m still pissed she couldn't have just told me herself to begin with.
"No one knows where he is," I admit, the words like molten lava in my veins. "I've been asking since Kenny arrived. It's like he's fallen off the face of the Earth."
"He'll have to show up eventually. I'll speak to a few people. The second he does, we'll be on him."
"As much as I appreciate your support, bro, you don't need to get involved."
"Like fuck I don't. He hurt one of us. He deserves everything that’s coming for him."
"I..." I trail off when Ace's eyes lock with mine. It might have been my girl he messed with, but Ace feels it almost as if it were Remi. "Thanks, man."
"That fucker won't be able to take another breath by the time we're finished with him."
"You're aware that she's seen you at your lowest, right?" Cole says, falling down onto my bed while I rummage through my closet for something to wear tonight.
"Don't care. It's our first date."
"Really?" he asks, his brows lifting. "You've been inside her—a few times, if the noises that came out of this room the other week were anything to go by."
"I don't give a shit. I want to do this properly, treat her right. She deserves it."
"You're gonna fuck her though, right?" he asks with a smirk. "You can't go to all this effort and not give her what she really needs."
"What the hell do you know about what she really needs?"
"Because, dipshit, that's what every girl needs."
"You have taken Hadley out on a date, right?"
"Sure, I took her to the beach that night after you told me to."
"Fucking hell, Cole. How did you manage to snag a girl like Hads?"
"Because I make her scream like no other, motherfucker."
"Yeah, about that. You promised me that you'd tell me what you did to make her squeal like she does when I had a girl. So... I'm waiting."
He laughs and scoots to the end of my bed. "Not yet, little bro. Your innocent ears aren't ready. Once you've mastered the vanilla shit, come give me a holler."
"Fuck you, man," I call out as he walks out of my room. I don't miss him flip me off before he disappears around the corner. "You won't tell me, I'm sure your girl will."
He laughs before his door closes and I turn back to the clothes hanging before me.
Irritating myself with my indecision, I drag a navy Henley from a hanger and pull out a pair of light, ripped jeans.
I drag it all on, run my fingers through my hair, and head out, ready to give my girl a night out that she more than deserves. As I make my way down the stairs, I text her to let her know I'm leaving. Every day they're easier to maneuver, I'm sure by the end of the weekend I'll be running down them like usual.
She replies immediately, telling me to wait in the car and that she'll meet me there. I feel like a kid at Christmas as I make my way to the dorms. Excitement flutters in my stomach, knowing that we're going to be able to spend a normal night together without all the bullshit and secrets that have surrounded us up until this point.
Only two seconds after I pull up out the front of her building, the door opens and she steps out. I have to give her a double-take, because I swear I've never seen her looking like she does now.
"Fuck, babe. You look..." I trail off as she drops down onto the passenger seat, because I'm literally speechless.
"I'm glad you like it. I missed you," she whispers, leaning over the center console and brushing her lips to mine.
Every concern I've had this week about her pulling away again settles as I deepen our kiss, threading my fingers into her hair.
Chapter Twenty-One
Kennedy
“Hmm, Conner, what is this place?” I stare over at the restaurant with its pristine windows and gold and black awning. There’s a handful of wrought iron tables out front, gold cushions on the chairs, and candles flickering in the dark.
“It’s a restaurant.” He frowns at me before climbing out of the car.
I meet him at the hood. “I can see that, but why are we here?”
“It’s supposed to have the best pizza in town.”
My eyes slide to the restaurant again. It fits right in, nestled amongst the row of expensive boutiques and stores. My stomach sinks as I glance down at myself and back up.
“You don’t like it?” Conner’s expression falls, and I feel like a total bitch.
“It looks expensive.”
“Money isn’t an issue.”
“I’m not sure I’ll—”
“Don’t say it.” He crowds me against the hood of his car. “You look beautiful, K. It’s just a restaurant. I wanted to bring you somewhere nice before we go to the movies.”
“The movies?” My face lights up. That sounds more like my thing. “What are we seeing?”
Conner leans in, lowering his head to mine. “I know what I’ll be watching. You.”
“You did not just say that.” Laughter bubbles in my chest as I slide my hands over his shoulders.
“It’s the truth. I’ve waited a long fucking time for this, babe.” The way he says babe makes my insides flutter.
I ghost my fingers over his jaw. His cuts and bruises have mostly healed now. James insisted Conner stay at home for the week. I know the two of them
had a big chat about things, but he hasn’t been very forthcoming about the details.
I know he probably doesn’t want to make me feel any guiltier than I already do.
“I would have been happy with burgers from Surfs.” It’s about the only place I really feel comfortable at in the Bay. Even if it’s usually full of stuck-up bitches like Lylah and Marissa.
“Let me have this, babe. Our first proper date.” He captures my lips in a bruising kiss that steals my breath and makes my blood run hot. I’ve been worrying all week that Conner won’t want me after I confessed everything to him. But this kiss, every slide of his tongue and press of his lips, is full of promises and things to come.
A shiver runs through me as Conner nibbles on my bottom lip. “I love you, K.”
My breath catches and he chuckles, touching his brow to mine. “I don’t need you to say it back yet, but I need you to know that there has never been another girl for me.”
His admission slays me.
We’ve wasted so much time, been through so much to get here, but when Conner looks at me like this, it’s like time hasn’t really moved forward and we’re just two friends—two best friends—falling into something more.
Yet, I can’t say the words. They’re there, teetering on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t say them.
“It’s okay,” he breathes before pulling away. “Come on, I’m starving.” Conner snags my hand and leads me toward the restaurant. I try to push down the little voice in my head whispering that this is nothing more than a fairytale.
And everyone knows fairytales don’t come true.
“You want popcorn?” Conner asks.
“Popcorn? I couldn’t even manage dessert.” Delucca’s pizza was, in fact, the best pizza I’d ever tasted. At first, I’d been uptight, sitting there among Sterling Bay’s finest, but Conner made everything so easy. He didn’t care that people watched us out the corner of their eyes, judging my tattoos and piercings. He only had eyes for me.
After his confession, it had been a little intense.
So I was looking forward to the movie. A chance to be with him without any pressure.
“You are not going to eat all that,” I say, eyeing his gigantic tub of popcorn.
“Sure am.”
“It doesn’t make any sense… you eat and eat and eat and still look like... that.”
“Like what you see?” His brow quirks up.
“Careful, or your head might not fit through the door.”
“Can I ask you something?”
My body tenses.
He’d kept the conversation over pizza safe. We talked about school and our favorite childhood memories. We didn’t talk about Warren or anything like that. But I knew he had questions.
How could he not?
“That depends... I don’t want to ruin what’s been a great night so far.”
Conner’s expression slips, but he masks it with a warm smile. “You’re a lot thinner than you used to be. Is that because—“
“You just watched me devour an entire pizza.”
“I know. But I worry about you. I will always worry.”
“I guess it just happened. It’s hard to remember to eat when you’re constantly worried about...” I trail off, really not wanting to do this now.
“I’m sorry.” His jaw clenches. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I’m not upset. I’m... honestly, I don’t know how to feel. I never thought I’d escape, Conner. I thought that was my destiny.”
“Fuck, Kenny.” Pain etches into the lines of his face “I know you don’t want to talk about it. But one day, I want to know. You can trust me with your secrets, babe. I hope you know that.”
I press up on my tiptoes to kiss him and say, “Thank you,” because it’s all I can give him right now.
We find our seats in the back row and get comfortable. Conner slings his arms around my shoulder, and I love how safe he makes me feel.
“You’re supposed to be watching the movie,” I whisper.
“I told you, I only want to watch you.”
“You are such a goofball.” I lean over to kiss him, but Conner catches me off guard by plunging his tongue into my mouth. I moan at the sudden intrusion. A low growl rumbles in his chest.
“Fuck, K,” he breathes as I run my hand along the inside of his thigh. No one can see us back here, secreted away in the shadows. I press closer, thankful that it’s a double seat.
“I think I’m hungry again.” I whisper the words against the corner of his mouth.
“Yeah?” It comes out shaky as his eyes glitter at me.
“Yeah.” I palm his cock through his jeans. He’s so hard, a thrill shoots through me. One-handedly, I manage to flick his jean buttons open and push my hand inside.
“Whoa, K, easy.” He tries to snag my wrist, but I wrap my hand around him and start pumping slowly.
“Fuuuuck,” he hisses, burying his face in my neck.
A heady sense of power surges through me. With Warren it was always forced, he never let me just take the reins, but as I jack Conner harder, he lets me control everything.
“Shit, babe,” he pants quietly, “keep that up and I’m gonna come all over myself.”
I give him a wicked grin. “I can probably help with that.”
I yank his jeans down as far as I can get them and lower my head, running my tongue over his slit, tasting the bead of pre-cum there. Conner’s fingers go to my hair, but he doesn’t force my head down or try to set the pace. He lets me suck him like a popsicle. With slow, deep licks, I rub my tongue up and down his velvety shaft before taking him in my mouth.
He fists my hair, thrusting up so I take him deeper. For a second, I panic, thinking he might be about to turn the tables, but then I realize this is Conner, and that I’m making him feel good.
Too good.
I circle my slim fingers around the base of his shaft and pump hard as I continue licking and sucking, hollowing my cheeks to take him deeper.
“Kenny, babe.” It’s a strained whisper, but I don’t stop. I want this.
I want him.
Conner’s legs lock up as he spurts hot jets of cum down my throat. I swallow it down, licking every last drop. When I sit back up, he’s staring at me with awe through heavy-lidded eyes.
“Nice and full now?” He smirks.
I brush my lips over his, letting him taste himself on me, and whisper, “For now. But I’m sure you can find a way to fill me up later.”
Need pulses between my legs, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to wait. I drop my eyes, looking up at him through my lashes, as I drag my bottom lip between my teeth.
It’s my attempt at being coy, and I half-expect him to dive for me. But he does the complete opposite, wrapping his arm around my waist and hugging me into his side. Conner kisses my head and whispers, “Thank you.”
Thank you?
That’s it?
I just gave him head at the movies and he... thanks me.
Dejection snakes through me, and for the rest of the movie Conner doesn’t touch me.
He doesn’t even kiss me.
By the time we leave the movie theatre, I’m trying to tell myself that I’m worrying over nothing. Conner clutches my hand as we walk down the street toward his car. He’s smiling, he’s happy...
So why did he turn so cold with me after I made him come?
Maybe I’m imagining it. He probably didn’t want to get me all worked up in a movie theatre full of people.
He probably wants me all to himself.
Conner opens the door for me and I start to climb inside. But he snags my arm, leaning down for a kiss. “Thank you for tonight.”
“Isn’t that supposed to be my line?” I ask, the dejection I felt earlier melting away.
“Come on, it's late. I should get you back to the dorms.”
“Dorms?” I blink at him. “Oh, okay.” That horrible sinking feeling is back.
“Well, yeah, I just thought...
I mean, you can come back to the house, but I didn’t know if you—”
“Whatever, I don’t want to be a burden.” I skip past him and climb inside, pulling the door shut.
I don’t know what happened. One minute, everything was great, and now there’s this vast ocean between us.
It doesn’t make sense.
Unless...
He changed right after I touched him.
A shiver runs through me. Is he repulsed by me? Did it make him realize he doesn’t want me now that I’m tainted?
Bile washes in my stomach, and I press my head against the cool glass, waiting for Conner to get inside the car.
When he does, he takes the air with him.
“K,” he says, and my eyes slowly slide to his. “I’m sorry. Of course you can come back to the house. I just thought—”
“Are you having second thoughts?” I blurt out, pain lancing my chest.
“What?” He balks. “You think... No. No, Kenny, why would you even say that?”
“You’re not… repulsed by me?” The words hurt to say.
“Babe,” he leans over the console, curving his hand around my neck, “I love you. I meant what I said, Kennedy. I meant every single word.”
“So it’s not me?” I hate the vulnerability in my voice, but I’m not sure I will survive if Conner rejects me after everything we’ve been through.
“Of course not. Shit, babe. Come here.”
He holds me tight.
I want to believe him, I do, but something still feels off.
“Why don’t we go back to the house, and I’ll raid Ellen’s secret cookie stash and we can get into bed and watch a movie.”
My brows furrow. It isn’t quite what I had in mind, but I can’t deny that the idea of falling asleep in Conner’s arms makes me feel all squishy inside.
Conner pulls my hand onto his knee as he fires up the engine and backs out of our parking spot.
“I can’t believe you’re already thinking about food again.”
“I’m a growing boy.” He shoots me a playful smile, one that makes me feel like everything will be okay. It’s just new for us both. We have history—messy, painful history. It was never going to be easy.
