by Sarah Morgan
‘Couldn’t she understand that?’
‘Carly wasn’t interested in my work—just in the concept of being married to a successful consultant. But there’s not much point in being married to a successful consultant if he’s so busy working he can’t take you anywhere. She was bored.’
‘She had the children.’
Patrick gave a cynical smile. ‘As I said, she was bored.’
‘Did she have a career of her own?’
‘When I met her she was working as a secretary to my colleague—I was a registrar. She didn’t want a career. She wanted a successful husband.’
‘You fell in love with her?’
‘Honestly?’ Patrick put his empty glass down. ‘No. That wasn’t what happened. I thought she was pretty. I asked her out a few times—’
Hayley gave a soft gasp of understanding. ‘Oh, no, she became pregnant—and you married her.’
His blue eyes narrowed. ‘Astute, aren’t you?’
‘Not particularly—but it explains why your first thought when you saw me on your doorstep was that I must be pregnant.’ She stared down at the bubbles in the bath, absorbing that new information. ‘No wonder. No wonder you thought that.’
‘The crazy thing was Carly and I didn’t even really have a relationship—not a proper one. I’d taken her out to dinner twice and on that last occasion she invited me in for coffee.’ Patrick dragged his hand over the back of his neck and shrugged. ‘She told me she was taking the Pill and on that one occasion I wasn’t careful—’
Hayley remembered how he’d always used condoms with her. Always been careful. ‘So you married her.’
‘And we were happy enough, or so I thought.’ Patrick shrugged. ‘She wanted a big house—I gave her a big house; when she said Alfie was hard work, I paid for her to have help. I did my best to turn up at dinner parties, although I confess I rarely managed to stay through three courses. There were lots of occasions when I worked through the night—you know what it’s like. But we muddled through—and then we had Posy.’ He closed his eyes briefly. ‘It went downhill from there.’
‘Why?’
‘Because Carly nearly died in childbirth,’ he said hoarsely, ‘and she blamed me. I think her exact words were, “You save every other bloody woman but you’re going to let me go because I’m not good enough for you.”’
Hayley winced. ‘What happened?’
‘I don’t know,’ Patrick said wearily. ‘I wasn’t doing the delivery for obvious reasons—we were having a nightmare in the department, staff off sick, too many difficult deliveries in one night. Carly was in labour, but everything was fine—routine. And then there was a real emergency and I had no choice but to leave Carly and perform an emergency section on this lady. And I was only just in time—we would have lost that baby if I hadn’t operated when I did. But while I was gone Carly started to bleed heavily.’
‘Oh, Patrick…’
‘The midwife was from another hospital and she panicked—I suppose because she knew Carly was the wife of a consultant. There was a delay. By the time I returned to the room it was horrendous. I thought we were going to lose Posy, so in the end I took over charge of the delivery—I couldn’t trust anyone else at that point. And I had no choice but to do a Caesarean section.’ He pulled a face at the memory. ‘If I’d been there all the time—monitored her—I might have been able to do everything differently.’
‘And another woman’s baby might have died,’ Hayley said softly, tears in her eyes. He’d performed an emergency Caesarean section on his own wife—to save the life of his own baby. ‘You must have nerves of steel to have been able to do that.’
‘I had no choice. To be honest, I blocked it out. I didn’t let myself think, This is my wife, my baby.’
‘Patrick, that must have been so hard. You had to make decisions that no man should have to make.’
‘Carly didn’t see it that way,’ Patrick said roughly. ‘She thought I’d let her down, and maybe I did—I don’t know. I go over it in my head again and again. What didn’t I see? What did I miss?’
‘You didn’t miss anything,’ Hayley said quietly. ‘I’m sure of that. You’re a brilliant obstetrician.’
‘But a lousy husband,’ Patrick said softly, and Hayley shook her head.
‘No. You were put in an impossible position. But I don’t understand why Carly was so upset. If she knew the other lady would have lost her baby…’
‘I think she just panicked and I wasn’t there,’ Patrick said wearily. ‘And when I was there I was focused on saving her and Posy, not on stroking her arm and telling her I loved her. In fact, I pretty much ignored her emotional trauma at the time—I just didn’t want her to bleed to death or Posy to die. But I see now that I made it much, much worse. If Tom or one of the others had been on duty it would have been different, but you can’t be an obstetrician and a husband at the same time.’
‘That’s why you sacrificed your Christmas day to help Tom and Sally.’
Patrick leaned back against the bath and closed his eyes. ‘I just know what it’s like trying to play both roles—and it’s not good. Anyway, Carly was furious about the section—she hated having a scar.’
‘Having seen the way you work, I doubt she had much of a scar.’
‘It was more than she could cope with.’
‘Wasn’t she relieved that you’d saved Posy?’
‘If anything, she saw that as more evidence that I didn’t care for her.’ Patrick opened his eyes and looked at her. ‘The one thing I didn’t tell you was that she got pregnant on purpose that first time—she confessed as much to me after one too many glasses of wine one night. She was shocked it only took once, but thrilled with herself. She said that all she ever wanted was to marry a doctor. But the reality wasn’t what she expected and she became more and more unhappy.’
‘Did you love her?’
Patrick hesitated. ‘I adored the children, and she knew that. She always said I only cared about the children. I used to try and get back from the hospital in time to bath them and put them to bed, and then I’d go back to work again and sometimes stay out all night. It’s hardly surprising my marriage collapsed.’
‘She has to take responsibility for it too,’ Hayley said stoutly. ‘She forced you into that position.’
‘I shouldn’t have married her, but that was just one of many mistakes I made with Carly, the first being the fact I took her to bed in the first place,’ he said wearily. ‘My second mistake was trusting her to take care of contraception—I take full responsibility for that. It was carelessly irresponsible of me, but I can’t feel too sorry about it because if it hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have Alfie.’
And she knew how much he adored his son. ‘So what happened two years ago? Why did she suddenly walk out?’
Patrick gave a short laugh. ‘It was a pretty memorable Christmas. Daniel proposed to Stella on Christmas Eve and we all opened a bottle of champagne and Carly had made an elaborate celebration lunch. Just as she put it on the table—’
‘Your phone went and you had to go to the hospital?’
Patrick gave a faint smile. ‘How did you guess? There was no way I could delegate it. This lady was having triplets and I was concerned about them.’
‘Triplets? Wow.’ Hayley slid closer to him. ‘I’ve never delivered triplets. Sorry, go on.’
‘When I arrived back from the hospital there was a taxi in the drive and Carly was waiting by the door with her bags packed. She’d already told the children she couldn’t live with me any more.’
‘Oh, God, Patrick, no.’ Hayley’s heart ached at what that must have done to Alfie, who would have been old enough to understand. ‘And that was it? What about access? Seeing them?’
‘She doesn’t see them,’ Patrick said coldly. ‘Don’t ask me why.’
Hayley tried to imagine a woman not wanting to see her children but failed. ‘Do you think it’s because she loved you so much she just had to make a clean break?’
; Patrick gave her an odd look. ‘That’s the generous interpretation,’ he said softly, lowering his head to kiss her gently. ‘I don’t think that. I think she wanted to start afresh and the children would have held her back. If you want my honest opinion, I’m not sure she ever really wanted children. I think they were just part of the lifestyle package she wanted for herself. An acquisition. Like a new kitchen,’ he said wryly, ‘only more work.’
Hayley felt a surge of outrage on his behalf. ‘So you were left on your own on Christmas Eve—’
‘Actually, no.’ Patrick turned the hot water on again. ‘Daniel was so freaked out that Carly had walked out, he broke off his engagement to Stella and he walked out, too.’
Hayley stared at him in disbelief and Patrick shrugged.
‘Daniel and I had a very dysfunctional childhood. It was like living in a war zone most of the time. Dan was always nervous about marriage. In fact, it was an indication of just how much he loved Stella that she even got him to propose—and if Carly hadn’t walked out that night they might have stayed together and not have wasted two years.’
‘It scared him?’
‘It reminded him that relationships are difficult, fragile things. So Stella and I were left on our own, both of us crushed.’ He gave a faint smile. ‘Unbelievable, really. Anyway, we joined forces that Christmas and put on a giant act, as you do when you have children—and somehow we got through.’
Hayley slid deeper under the warm water. ‘So for two years you concentrated on your children and then you met me—and you thought you’d made the same mistake again.’
‘No.’ Patrick’s tone was rough. ‘I never thought that. What you and I share is entirely different and it has been from the first moment.’
‘But I can see why you must have been so worried. Your children’s lives have been shattered and you’ve just got things back together—and then I arrive. And you thought I was pregnant. You were worried I’d expect you to marry me.’
Patrick sighed. ‘I admit I’m a bit sensitive to that issue. I overreacted.’
‘And I can understand why.’
Patrick took her face in his hands. ‘I’m glad you came, Hayley. I’m glad you stayed. Alfie already adores you. I’ve never seen him take to anyone so quickly.’
‘Thank you for telling me the truth,’ Hayley said softly. ‘And for what it’s worth, I don’t think pregnancy is a reason for marriage either. My dad married my mum for the same reason and it was a disaster. There’s no love there. Never was. And my step-siblings really resent me and always have. It hasn’t made for a happy family.’
‘I can see why you didn’t want to spend another Christmas with them.’
‘I wanted to find you. I wanted to know whether what we’d shared was all in my imagination.’
‘It wasn’t in your imagination.’
‘When you opened the door on Christmas Eve I wanted to die on the spot. All I kept thinking was, I got this wrong,’ she confessed. ‘I wanted to melt into a snowdrift. I realised then that for you it had just been a one-night stand.’
‘That wasn’t how it was and you didn’t get it wrong—although I admit that seeing you on my doorstep was a shock.’ Patrick stepped out of the bath and tugged a huge warm towel from the heated rail. ‘That night in Chicago took me by surprise. I hadn’t been with a woman for a long time. That should tell you something about the way I felt.’
Hayley followed him out of the bath and took the towel he offered her. ‘Desperate?’
He made an exasperated sound and brought his mouth down on hers. ‘Smitten,’ he said against her lips. ‘I was smitten, you silly girl.’ He scooped her up again. ‘But I was desperate, too.’ He strode back into the bedroom and tumbled her onto the bed, the damp towels falling onto the floor. As he stroked her hair away from his face, his eyes were suddenly serious. ‘I’m glad you came, Hayley. You have no idea how glad.’
‘I thought you were panicking.’
‘I never panic.’ He wiped a droplet of water from her face. ‘But I was worried—for all the reasons I just explained.’
‘Well, I’m not pregnant, so you can relax.’ Hayley stifled a yawn, thinking that she’d never felt so tired in her life.
Patrick pulled her into his arms. ‘You poor thing—first jet-lag then a day at work and then—’
‘Fantastic sex,’ Hayley said sleepily, a grin on her face. ‘Don’t apologise for that bit.’
She was already drifting off as she felt him pull her into his arms. ‘Sleep,’ he said quietly. ‘And tomorrow we can have some fun with the children.’
CHAPTER SEVEN
‘SO MUCH for not working over Christmas.’ Maggie handed Patrick a thick set of notes. ‘What are you doing for New Year? Are you treating yourself to a night off?’
‘Maybe. Depends on this place, doesn’t it?’ Patrick frowned at the list on his computer screen, careful not to reveal his plans for New Year’s Eve. He was taking Hayley out. They were going to have some time on their own. ‘Why is this clinic so busy?’
‘Because everyone who was trying not to see you over Christmas now wants to see you.’ Maggie was looking at him expectantly and Patrick lifted an eyebrow.
‘What?’
Maggie grinned. ‘You were right. She’s very pretty. And fun.’
‘Who is very pretty and fun?’
‘Hayley, of course.’
‘You fancy Hayley?’
‘Patrick Buchannan, you are not going to change the subject.’
‘I wasn’t aware that I had.’ Resigning himself to the inevitable, Patrick sighed. ‘Go on, then. What do you want to know?’
‘Is it serious between you?’
‘She’s my housekeeper, Maggie.’
‘I’ve seen you looking at her, Patrick.’
‘Obviously, I look at her.’ Patrick kept his tone casual. ‘She’s worked every shift here for days.’
‘It isn’t the fact that you look at her it’s the way you look at her. You’re clearly crazy about her,’ Maggie said happily. ‘And she adores you, anyone can see that. And I just love happy endings.’
Patrick ran his hand over his jaw. ‘Maggie, there is no happy ending—it’s too soon. We haven’t even…’ What? What hadn’t they done?
Spent time together.
Their relationship had been intense and concentrated and he knew better than anyone that sex was no basis for a long-term relationship.
But it wasn’t just sex, was it?
The more he discovered about her, the more he liked and admired her.
Maggie folded her arms. ‘I’ve known you for seven years. I knew you when you went through the trauma of Posy. I even made you tea when Carly left you. I deserve to enjoy the good bits with you.’
It was just the reminder he needed. ‘Given that my wife walked out two years ago, I’m not likely to jump into another relationship in a hurry.’
‘Your relationship with Carly was over a long time ago. And if something is right, it’s right,’ Maggie said stoutly. ‘You don’t need decades to know it’s right.’
‘Hayley arrived a week ago. A week!’
‘But you met her a few weeks before that.’
‘We spent one night together that’s all.’ Patrick dropped his pen on the desk and exhaled sharply. ‘Why am I discussing this with you?’
‘Because I love you. And because I deserve some excitement in my life. What about Alfie and Posy? The children like her, I’m sure. She’s such fun.’
Patrick had a mental image of Hayley playing hide and seek through the barn the day before. Alfie had been Robin Hood, Posy tripping over a long dress as Maid Marion and Hayley had been the wicked Sheriff of Nottingham. He smiled slightly at the memory. ‘The children adore her.’
Maggie gave a wistful sigh. ‘That’s wonderful, Patrick. I’m so pleased for you. At last you’ve found someone.’
Patrick sent her a warning glance. ‘Don’t. I’m taking this slowly, all right? I’m not going to make another
mistake.’ At least she wasn’t pregnant. That took the urgency out of it. They had no need to make any quick decisions about anything. They had time to let their relationship develop. He was going to take her out. ‘If it works, great. If it doesn’t, we’ll part company.’
‘You’d better not part company. She’s a fantastic midwife, I can tell you that.’ Maggie glanced at her watch. ‘We’re quiet on the labour ward so I’ve brought her down here to help you in clinic.’
Patrick greeted that news with mixed feelings. ‘You think I’m going to feel romantic in clinic?’
‘No, but the only other available midwife is Sandy and she’s so in love with you she can’t concentrate. Hayley actually seems to manage to be in love with you and still get her work done.’
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake.’ She was in love with him? Patrick frowned. No. Of course she wasn’t.
‘And you care for her, too. I’ve never seen you as happy as you’ve been over the past week. Marry her, Patrick,’ Maggie advised. ‘Don’t hesitate.’
‘Maggie, I barely know her. She’s been over here for less than a week.’ And it had been the most frustrating week of his life. Apart from Christmas night when they’d been on their own without the children, they’d made a point of staying away from each other. And abstinence was driving Patrick nuts.
‘Right. Enough of this.’ Striving to hold onto his sanity, he changed the subject. ‘Anything going on upstairs that I ought to know about?’
‘Katie King’s blood pressure went up so she’s fed up because she knows you won’t be sending her home.’
‘She’s right. I won’t.’ Patrick sat back in his chair. ‘What else?’
‘Vicky Thomas has gone into labour. She came in last night.’
‘Vicky? Why didn’t anyone call me?’
‘Because you deserve the odd evening at home with your family,’ Maggie said mildly. ‘Tom sorted her out last night. He said he owed you that one. He adjusted her insulin. He said he was going to call you to discuss it.’
‘He didn’t. No doubt he’s in new father mode. All right—I’ll go up and see her when I’ve finished clinic. What about—?’ Patrick broke off as someone tapped on the door and opened it.
