by Fields, MJ
“What the hell are you doing?” I yell over the engine’s noise
“Climb up here, Phoenix, this thing is to loud I can’t hear a damn thing you’re jabbering about.”
Fucking asshole, I think as I look towards the house, expecting to see the owner walking out naked with a gun.
I climb up on the damn thing. “Are you trying to get killed?”
“Nah, just trying to mow the lawn.” He grabs my wrist and then releases the brake and the tractor jerks forward.
I am sure I’m going to get thrown off but his grip is firm enough to hold me in place and then he pulls me up so I am nearly sitting on his lap.
“Let go of me,” I snap at him.
“Then sit your ass down against the wheel well and chill the fuck out.”
“You’re gonna stop this and let me off before he comes out and shoots you,” I point to the house.
“Who’s gonna shoot me?” he smirks as he pulls another piece of hay out of his open flannel shirt pocket.
Holy shit, his body is insane, and the tats, gawww.
“The owner! You aren’t above the law you know dipshit,” I say, looking for a safe way out of this situation.
He turns his hat around and pulls it down over his eyes smiling like a fool.
“This isn’t a joke, I agreed to do some work around here to knock some rent off. You’re gonna mess this all up for me.”
“This guy sounds like a dick,” he says. “Maybe we should just go have it out with him. Tell him, if you can’t drive his fucking tractor to mow his goddammed lawn, you won’t—”
I cover his mouth, “Just shut up!”
He laughs harder and I let go.
“Why are you here?” I ask, pleading now.
“I’m mowing the lawn,” he winks.
“Unreal,” I say knowing short of diving off this thing and risking getting crushed by one of the tires I’m at the mercy of this madman.
“I don’t know who you are or what your name is but—”
“Morning, beautiful,” he interrupts me and waves.
I look over and Mags is standing at the edge of the driveway laughing.
“Good morning to you, young man,” she laughs.
“Be back for my coffee, keep it hot for me?”
“Of course, my boy,” she yells back.
I look at Mags and she smiles as she turns and walks towards the cabin.
“What? How do you know her? Do you work here?”
“Known her most of my life and I do work here, sometimes.”
He has a smug ass look on his face and my thoughts are jumping around and it hits me. “Are you—”
“Gage Falcon,” he says and his chest vibrates in a silent chuckle.
“Wait you’re—” I pause before I say ‘naked and unafraid.’
“The asshole landlord,” he nods. “In my defense, I had nothing to do with your rental agreement. No idea you lived here till,” he starts to laugh.
“This is far from funny.”
“Shirley, the woman at the diner, gave me the lease information, she’s the property manager.”
“And you’re fucking her?” I gasp.
He looks at me like I’m insane. “Does she look like my type, Phoenix?”
“Hell if I know, and you know what, it’s none of my damn business,” I say, giving him a stern look.
He nods and then shakes his head. “You live right here.”
“For a couple months,’ I tell him matter-a-factly.
“June, July, August. Three months.” He holds up three fingers but not the normal way, it’s more like an okay sign. “Three.”
“And?” I say getting uncomfortable being this close, knowing what I know now.
“I’m just sayin’, three.” He holds up his fingers again.
“Fine, whatever, take me back.”
“You gotta mow the lawn,” he laughs. “What the hell are you thinking using the push mower? That would take three fucking days.”
“It takes two full days,” I tell him.
“You seriously pushed this whole bottom ten?”
“I have no idea what bottom ten means, but whatever isn’t overgrown I’ve pushed.”
He licks his lips and shakes his head. “That’s a hell of a lot of work for a couple hundred bucks.” Then he chuckles. “I’ve got a better idea about how to shave off—”
I smack him in the chest before he continues, “I’ve had mosquito bites that hurt worse, Squirt.”
“Great, note to self, next time YOUR LANDLORD talks nasty to you hit him upside the head with a shovel, he may feel that.”
He laughs. “You don’t want to switch it up, make things easier on yourself then you’re gonna learn how to drive this tractor.”
He turns around and heads back down the road.
“Where are you going now?”
“Mows better with the mower attached.” He reaches his hand out. “Welcome to Falcon’s Landing, Phoenix, I’m Gage Falcon, and I am gonna make damn sure you enjoy yourself for the next month.”
“What after that you’re gonna be an overtly sexual jackass again?”
“Nah, I’ll be back to work.”
“Oh, so you don’t work here?”
“I wouldn’t call it work, I actually like being here. It’s a great place to just be.”
I look away from him at the view in front of us, the lake and trees, and a beautiful clear blue sky.
“Yeah it is,” I whisper, not caring if he heard me or not.
It’s quiet for awhile and he slows down no doubt taking in the beauty of the scene before us.
Then he laughs.
“What?” I ask looking at him.
“It’s different for girls,” he starts to sing and my face immediately feels like it’s burning up.
“I’m embracing my country side,” I defend my musical choice.
He reaches down and hits his radio, grabs his phone and hits a few buttons. “There’s better than that. Check this.”
The music starts and I can’t help but laugh and he does too.
“Deny it’s truth?” he jokes.
“Denied.” I try not to laugh, but fail when he turns it up and starts singing the chorus.
“She thinks my tractor’s sexy, it really turns her on.”
“You are such a—” I pause and shake my head.
“She likes the way it’s pullin’ while we’re tillen up the land,” he sings over the roar of the engine and the music.
“Just stop.” This time I do laugh and so does he.
And at that moment, he looks incredibly...normal and very very sexy.
Something shifts between us, and we both look away at the same time.
We ride down the dirt road listening to this stupid song and when it changes I cringe. I hate this song. Reminds me of how I felt the first year of college whenever I went home.
My little town looked the same, the people were the same, the stores, everything looked the same. But nothing was.
I saw them together and they were happy and so was I, until they were in my face, playing my ideal role.
“Break Up In A Small Town” by Sam Hunt. Hell I didn’t even listen to country, but that song was all over the radio.
How the hell is that I was the one cheated on and lied to, yet I was the one who felt like I didn’t belong anymore. How does that even happen?
He backs the tractor up to the shed and climbs off, offers me a hand and I refuse.
His head cocks to the side in confusion then his eyes narrow. “Fine.”
I climb down and repeat his word. “Fine.”
Then I walk away.
*****
I’ll be damned if I’m going to let that tree with ink get to me so I use all of this pent up energy to push mowing as much lawn as there was gas for. He sat on that tractor, shirt open, hat on, straw hanging out of his mouth, looking...so unbelievably sexy, as he mowed in the tractor places I had yet to mow.
I push the empty
mower into the garage and march up the dirt road towards my home, that I now know is owned by the tree sized manwhore.
I need a shower and hopefully I can take a nap so that I can turn off my mind.
I feel as if I am standing on the edge of a cliff where I will do one of two things, raise my hands in the air, lean forward, and fall keeping my eyes closed the whole time as the sensation, the feeling of falling, the high of it, takes over me entirely, when I know what kind of pain follows the fall, or step back where it’s safe and comfortable.
By the time I get back to the cabin my body is aching and I’m tired.
“Coffee?” I look over at Mags and smile.
“Not right now Mags, but thank you.”
“You okay?” she asks.
“Tired, sore, probably sun burnt,” I answer.
“So you met Gage,” she says raising a grey eyebrow.
“Yeah, a couple times before today too, just didn’t know who he was.”
And I wish I hadn’t, I say to myself.
“He’s a good man. Has a big heart that one, just hides it.”
I nod, “I’m sure.” Before she can study me anymore I nod towards the door. “The shower is calling my name.”
Chapter Five
Why Do I Feel...
Gage
I watch her walk up the driveway and I know I fucked up. I should have left it alone this morning. Shouldn’t have even shown my face. I knew last night when I left the bar, shit was gonna happen. Brought it too close to home too fucking soon.
That fucking song she was singing is all sorts of wrong. It’s different for girls because they feel too much, get lost in their misery, hang on to shit that wasn’t theirs to begin with. A man fucks you up, you walk and don’t look back. You fuck a man up, he does the same. Unless he can’t, because you’re forever bound. But you keep your shit separate. You get over it and move on.
I pull off my hat and run my hand through my hair and sigh.
Great advice fuckhead, I scold myself because I’m still living my shit.
Got to for Brand. Blood is blood.
Not everyone is all fucking twisted up in the shit like I am.
She has no kids, I know that and everything about her from her application. College graduate, parents still together, siblings, and no marriages.
Hell, I looked at her social media shit too, not one fucking picture with a guy, not even a damn prom picture.
So what the hell was she so anti-man for? She isn’t, she just thinks she is. I know damn well how I make her feel. I feel the same way.
Fucking is fucking, and her and I, we should be fucking, not mowing the damn lawn.
I park the tractor in the barn and walk up to see Mags, hoping maybe she’s on the porch with her.
She’s not.
“Got my coffee, Mags?” I ask trying not to notice the music playing from the cabin next to Mags, or Phoenix singing along to it.
“For you my boy, anything,” she says and hands me a cup and then unscrews the cap to her thermos.
“Sure it’s just coffee,” I joke.
“Never could drink with my three boys running me ragged,” she laughs.
“We were a handful, huh?” I laugh and then take my first sip.
“You, never. Your brothers, a different story,” she says and sits in the glider I built for her last year. “Sit. Let’s talk.”
I sit down.
“You doing good up here, Mags. I mean, it’s gotta get lonely when no one’s around.”
“You and I both know that with or without people, this place is good for your soul.”
I nod and take a sip of the steaming hot black coffee.
“How’s that boy of ours?” she asks, and I swallow the strongest coffee on the freaking earth.
“Trying to back off,” I say which is true.
“You think that’s what he needs?” she asks.
If anyone but Mags asked me that, I would walk. I know it’s out of concern for him and for me.
I shake my head. “No Mags, been Dad to Brand for five years now, everything’s fucked up.”
“He needs you strong, Gage,” she says and squeezes my forearm.
“Doing the best I can,” I tell her. “Letting him and Julianna fix the broken between them.”
“And here to fix the broken in you?” I give her a sidewise glance and she pats my knee. “He’ll understand when he gets older.”
I nod because I believe she thinks it’s true and honestly I don’t want to get into it.
“He’ll know you did it all for him.”
I toss back the coffee. “Yeah.”
I stand and so does she.
“Gage, you’re a good man.”
I nod. “Gotta be right?”
She smiles sadly at me. “You were born to be. You have no choice in the matter.”
I take in a slow and hopefully calming breath and she jabs me with a sucker punch.
“Are you and your mother talking?”
I know she of all people knows the answer to that just like I know it’s a nudge to get me thinking.
“We’re all taking a break, Mags.”
“She loves you, Gage.”
“Yeah well, she has a hell of a way of showing it. She knew Jules’ secret and kept it from me.”
“She didn’t do it to hurt you, Gage. You and I both know her.”
“Doesn’t much matter Mags, I’ve been Daddy to the boy for years, come to find out I’m really not and she knew.”
“It hurts.” She follows me down the porch steps.
“Hurt is putting it mildly. That boy is my fucking heart,” I say, feeling the tension build. “Gotta go Mags. Things to get done around here before heading back to reality.”
“Gage,” she says and I stop and turn around to face her. “She loves you. She fell in love with that little boy too, we all did. He is your boy.”
I nod. “Yeah, he is.”
*****
Standing on the back porch, I look out over the lake and toss back a whiskey, hoping it takes the edge off.
Brand wants a damn horse, which means, he’ll get a horse. Hell, he’ll get a dozen, but first I needed to fence in some pasture.
Should be happy that I got done what I did today. It’s a good start.
I stand up straight off the railing and look up at the stars. Can’t see them in the city from my apartment.
I don’t know how long I stand looking up at them, but when I look at my watch it’s past ten at night and although I should be exhausted, I’m not. Although I should climb my ass in bed instead of throwing on some clothes, I’m not.
*****
I walk into the bar, it’s crowded again, but tonight I see a reason aside from the fact that I’m sure half these guests want the same thing I do, her. There’s a band playing, a country band.
I look away from them and towards the bar. I see Phoenix look up and our eyes meet.
I walk over and push my way through the crowd toward her.
She nods. “Date tonight?”
“What are you offering in return?” I ask, knowing it’ll trip her up.
“Excuse me?” She tries to act like she’s pissed but she’s lost that bite when it comes to me.
“If I take you on a date, you gonna put out?”
“Wow,” she shakes her head. “You need some help with your game, you’re batting oh for three Gage.”
I like the way she says my name. Not sure why, but I do.
“So me asking a straight forward question is wrong? I’m supposed to play games? That shit actually works for women like you?”
“Women like me?” she says defensively.
“Sexy, smart, pissed off at the world for something some dick did to you. Probably lied, possibly cheated, but definitely was a fucking idiot for letting you get away. That’s what you need? More bullshit laced in pretty words and false intentions?”
Her eyes widen a bit and then she fires back.
“You have no
idea what I need.”
“You want roses, flowers, promises of forevers, I ain’t got any of that in me. I will tell you that if I’m fucking you, no one else is. If you’re fucking me, I would expect the same. I’ll tell you that you won’t be going out with dicks like that.” I point to the same asshole who’s sat in the same barstool every time I’ve been in this damn place. “Who stares at your tits for hours on end.”
She pushes my hand down. “Would you please quiet down?”
“Why, when you know, and I know damn well that—”
“Mandee, he’s yours for the night,” she yells to the other bartender.
“I want you,” I tell her.
“You’ve made that clear, and I’m not interested. I’ve made that clear.”
“Everything okay?” the girl she calls Mandee asks as she walks over and stands beside her.
“Everything will be,” Phoenix says as she walks away.
“What can I get you?” Mandee asks.
I look at Phoenix, she’s looking at me, but she looks away quickly.
“Jameson,” I say as I sit down at the stool recently occupied by one of the patrons.
I turn the stool and look at the dance floor that’s packed with couples dancing close.
I guarantee most of the men out there are whispering drunken promises to a girl whose eating up the lies. She wants to be that girl, or at least she thinks she does. She’s fucked up too. In reality both of them want the same damn thing. The skin on skin closeness leading to the feeling of a release, in hopes that in that release they find something more, something that lasts, something they can build a foundation of forever on.
All of it starting with a lie, it will fail.
I glance back at Phoenix, and she looks down again.
Didn’t take her as a girl who wanted a fucking lie.
Couldn’t muster one up if I tried. Lies ruin lives, destroy futures, and wreck families.
I fucking build things, take pride in what I do, who I am. I take pride in my word.
“Your drink,” Mandee says from behind me and I turn around.
“What’s her deal?” I ask as I pull my money clip out of my jean pocket.
“Um,” she says and looks toward Phoenix and then back to me. “She’s my best friend.”
“But what’s her deal?” I ask, handing her a hundred.
