by Jeff Hale
“Are you crying?” he asked me several seconds later. He hadn’t moved, was still on his back with me lying limply on top of him.
“I want to. I’m just not sure there’s any tears left,” I admitted softly.
Almost awkwardly, his arms came up around me to pat my back, then tighten to hold me against him gently.
“I love him,” I whispered against his chest. “I won’t just let you have him. I’ll do whatever it takes to get him back from you,” I promised darkly.
“I’m counting on it.” He pulled on my shoulders, and then he was kissing me, a bittersweet, aching kiss that left my body on fire for more. When my hand went to the button on his jeans, his own closed over mine. “I’m sorry, kitty Kat, but he won’t let me give you what you want,” he said against my lips. “This is the best I can do, and he’s even trying to fight me for something as trivial as a kiss.” His lips closed on mine again and I found myself unsure, and uncaring, as to who I was kissing. Exhaustion flooded me and I fell asleep snuggled against him. I woke later to find him stroking my face, staring at me with Aerick’s eyes again.
“Rick?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry, Kat, please forgive me?” His eyes were wet with held back tears.
“Always. I love you, you know that. Nothing has changed.” I rolled away from him and sat up, rubbing at my eyes. “I’m going to put a movie on. You can join me if you want.” Anything to take my mind off of what had happened, what I was afraid I knew.
I stood and walked into the living room, then looked through the collection of DVDs on the shelf. A comedy would be good, something to lighten the mood. After it had been playing for a few minutes, Aerick came in and joined me on the couch. I could tell that he wanted to be close to me, in that way that wants comfort.
“So, I saw Serena earlier,” I said.
“You did?” His eyes were immediately fixed on me instead of the television.
I nodded. “She seems to be doing better. She asked about you.”
His lips curved into a smile that was chased away by the sadness that went through his eyes. He stared at me for several seconds, then began talking softly, as though he were narrating a story, and I realized he was telling me an anecdote from when he and Serena were kids. He continued to talk, switching from one story to another, almost as if the memories were pouring out of him, needing to be voiced to make them real. I let him talk, keeping the movies going in the background, until he finally fell asleep cuddled up against me on the couch. He twitched in his sleep, stirring restlessly, and mumbling her name every once in a while as though he were looking for her. I held him close and whispered in his ear that everything would be all right, and that she was safe.
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I was surprised when I woke. I was still on the couch and Aerick was still sleeping curled up on me. He stirred when he felt me move, gave me a sleepy, sad smile and sat up. I rubbed my eyes, made a quick bathroom trip, and he was still sitting on the couch when I came back out. I glanced toward the connecting door, then back at him suspiciously. He seemed almost… normal, if depressed.
“You want some breakfast?” I asked him.
“Sure.”
I went for the stairs.
“Terry’s part of the Purity Movement,” he said suddenly.
That stopped me. I turned back to him. “Terry? You mean the guy who led that bunch of douches who used to pick on you in school?”
“Yeah. He’s the one that did… this… to me.” He gestured at the visible scars on his arms and upper chest that I could see around the tank top. It dawned on me that when he’d put it on last night, it was the first time he’d worn a shirt that didn’t entirely cover the scars.
I went back to him, knelt on the floor in front of him, took his hands in mine. “It’s okay, I’m here, you can talk to me.”
His head came down to rest on my shoulder, although he kept his arms wrapped around himself. “I… can’t remember… everything he did to me, Kat,” he whispered brokenly. “I’m not sure… if he…” A noise came from his throat, ragged and raw. “I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.”
I lifted his head, kissed him, placed light kisses on the scars that were visible.
“Darien has whip scars,” Aerick stated quietly.
“Yes. He showed you?”
He nodded. “You don’t think they make him ugly, do you?” He saw me shake my head. “You don’t think mine make me ugly either.”
“No.”
“She will, she’ll see them as reminders. Every time she looks at me she’ll remember.”
“Ssh, no she won’t, she loves you.”
He was shaking his head. “No, she doesn’t want me near her, I remind her.” He stood up. “I’m going to take a shower if you want to go get some food.” He wandered back to his own room and closed the door.
I went straight to his room with the food, expecting to find him tearing the place apart as had been his routine the last few days, but he wasn’t there. I found him in my room, sitting listlessly on the couch and using the remote to flip aimlessly through television channels.
He spent the rest of the day in a depressed funk, eating when I told him to, talking with me occasionally about Serena, making sad observations in regards to whichever TV show we were watching. It hurt me to see him so despondent, but it was a grand sight better than having him take his wrath out on the furnishings or me, and it was good to see only Aerick, and not the other monsters that lived in his head.
He came creeping into my bed that night, telling me it was too lonely in his room by himself, falling asleep moments later wrapped in my arms. He was still sleeping when Lucien knocked at my door. I indicated Lucien should quietly follow me down the stairs and we settled in the living room, whispering softly so as not to wake Aerick.
“He’s doing better?” Lucien asked, looking past me at the sleeping man in my bed. I blushed at what Aerick’s presence there implied, even if we weren’t having sex, but I was pretty sure that Lucien knew everything that happened on his premises.
I regarded Lucien carefully. I was sure he was aware of Aerick’s behavior, just not all of the reasons behind it. Part of me wanted to tell him about Aerick’s other selves, but the more cautious part was afraid of the consequences if I did. It was the cautious part that won. “Yesterday was a total difference. Not a single outburst, not a show of anger at all. Of course he’s been mopey instead but I think he might be past the worst part.” I hoped he was. I hoped the lack of presence of those other personalities was a sign Aerick had them under control.
“That’s good to hear. I’m going to be lifting the room restrictions off of them today, partially at least. I still don’t think it would be wise for them to see each other yet, but they both need other outside stimulation. Serena will have the first quarter of the day, from seven until noon, then Aerick from noon until five, Serena again until ten, and Aerick for however long he wants after that as long as he is back in his room before seven in the morning,” he told me. “I want you with him at all times though. You don’t have to be right on his heels, but if he’s downstairs, you need to be downstairs too. Just be careful on the times, we don’t need their paths to cross yet.”
“Gotcha. So I can let him loose around noon today then?” I saw Lucien nod. “Good, he’ll be glad to get out of here I think.”
“Hmm, and he’s awake now. You can be the one to tell him.” Lucien smiled at me. “Good morning, Aerick,” he said as he left the room.
“What was that all about? Do I get to see her?” Aerick asked me anxiously. No ‘did you tell him?’, no ‘you didn’t say anything, did you?’, just concern over Serena. I took it as a good sign.
I shook my head. “No, not yet. But you can go down into the rest of the club, wander around, maybe have some other visitors.”
His shoulders slumped and he just gave me a vague nod, dropping onto the couch to find something to watch.
I took him downsta
irs just a little after noon, hoping it might perk him up a bit. He wanted a drink, but I didn’t think it would be a good idea so I kept him away from the bar. He found a seat in the empty dance area and sat in it, watching workers come and go. Lily came by at one point to talk to him. He chatted back with her for a short time, although he never smiled at her. I saw her over in one corner a few minutes later, practicing her dancing, occasionally throwing a glance Aerick’s way to see if he noticed. If he did, he never showed it.
Each time I brought him, it was the same; he talked, he moved, but he didn’t seem to find any joy in anything. The only emotion he showed was when he came to my bed again that night, snuggling into me for comfort, as though he couldn’t sleep if I wasn’t there.
The next day was a mirror of the last, although Aerick did go into Lucien’s office for a short stint and I called Kris to let her know how things were going. When I woke up the next morning, there was a gift wrapped box on my nightstand. It was small, and as I sat there staring at it Aerick sat up next to me and put it in my hand.
“Open it,” he said.
I did. There was a small jewelry box inside, and in that lay a necklace with a thin gold chain and a small crystal cat pendant.
“I noticed that Serena was wearing the unicorn one, the one that I gave to you as well,” he explained.
“Yeah, she recognized it, and since it was hers, I gave it back to her,” I said.
“I figured as much. But I still wanted you to have a necklace from me that meant something. Here.” He drew it out of the box and fastened it around my neck. “A kitty cat for my Kat.” He actually laughed.
I kissed him on the cheek, then hurried off to take a shower and get food, hoping that maybe it might signal a better mood for the day, but when I got back he was idly flipping through the television stations again.
He claimed he was tired when we got back to his room after his excursion downstairs, so I went back to my own room and took the time to text Darien that I was still okay before I settled down to write in the journal I was keeping. I couldn’t talk to anyone about what was going on with Aerick, when he wasn’t Aerick, and the journal was the only outlet I had for my jumbled feelings.
A giggle interrupted my concentration on the journal. A female giggle, coming from Aerick’s room. I tiptoed over to the door, listened, heard a female voice whispering, a voice that sounded familiar: Lily. I didn’t want to barge in on them, Aerick was allowed visitors now after all and Lily was his friend. But curiosity kept me at the door a few minutes more.
I wished that it hadn’t. After less than a minute, it was quite apparent from the noises on the other side what they were doing; Lily was very vocal in calling on the Christian God.
I went back to my journal, feeling sad and jealous. Aerick loving Serena; I could deal with that. I’d dealt with that from the moment I had met him. I could deal with the thought that he wouldn’t have sex with me because he was with Serena now, or that he thought he was saving me, from what I didn’t know.
But now he was fucking Lily and my heart didn’t know how to deal with that.
I was confused. Aerick was pretty good about sticking to his principles, and one of those was that he didn’t sleep with girls he wasn’t at the very least dating; no fuck buddies, no one night stands, no cheating. Those didn’t fly well with Aerick.
So I understood why the Aerick part of him refused to have sex with me. Serena might not want him near her, but he loved her, and in his mind, they were still together. Having sex with Lily, though, was way off base. The Aerick I knew just wouldn’t have done it. When we went back downstairs much later, he smiled when she went by and he watched her dance avidly, even though he seemed to show little interest in anything else.
I could only think of one reason he had given in and it crushed my hope that he was back to himself. It was confirmed when he came to my bed that night, eyes bright with yellow-orange flame and tried to force himself on me. I didn’t even fight him, beginning to become addicted to his particular brand of pain even though I hated myself for it. Once again he stopped before he could go through with it, as though someone else put a halt to it, and then he curled up in my arms and fell asleep.
We had just come out of his room the next afternoon when I heard Val’s voice from somewhere below yell, “Serena! Wait!”
Aerick heard it too and darted to the steps, taking them dangerously fast before running across the club to the alcove for the other stairs. He sank to the top step as he looked at something below. I caught up and saw that Serena was about halfway up the stairs, Val holding her as she cried.
“She… she cain’t do this ta me! I cain’t believe ya guys would just let her do this. I… I love him so much. I don’t want ta lose him. ‘Specially not ta someone else. But I cain’t blame him I suppose. I’m dirty now. Tainted. How could he want me now?” Serena wailed, noisy ragged breaths coming from her.
“Because. I love you too. No matter what happens. I will always love you,” Aerick said from his perch on the top step, watching her. He made as if to stand and go down the steps and I saw Serena curl herself into Val.
“No. No,” Serena whispered. “Don’t let him see me. He cain’t see me. I don’t want him near me.”
Val waved a hand at Aerick, a clear order to stay away. Aerick turned, his face stony, and stormed back to his room. I hurried after him, hoping that the incident hadn’t set him back any.
I cringed as I entered his room, saw that he had already begun destroying anything he could get his hands on. He saw me come in and stopped for half a second.
“She doesn’t want me near her, I told you she didn’t.” A targeting dummy ended up in splinters. “It’s been a week, she still doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. I don’t think she ever will!” Another inanimate victim. “Do you know how much it hurts to have someone you love so much not want you to even be near them?!”
I did. I watched him destroy the rest of the room, prepared myself for him to take it out on me when the room no longer served his purposes, even egged him on. Luckily for him I could take the damage that a human couldn’t, could heal just about anything he did to me, physically at least, as long as he wasn’t trying to actually kill me. Even for a shifter, I healed fast. However, too much damage, or too severe, and he could still fuck me up royally.
After, he went into a crying jag again, going on and on about how Serena would never want him again, how all he did was make her feel bad, that he might as well accept it now that he would never be with her again.
He was back to normal depressed the next morning, and on our afternoon excursion down, he insisted upon being taken to see Travis. I ran the idea by Lucien first, and all Lucien did was shrug and tell me to give it a try.
At first I thought Aerick was going to be okay with it. He prowled Travis’s tiny cell, staring at him, for almost an hour, while Travis hunkered in one corner, doing his best to keep away from both Aerick and me.
Aerick’s mood didn’t stay neutral for much longer though. He stopped moving, that familiar, slightly insane grin framing his mouth, eyes changing, then he conjured a small blade of ice, another of fire and shut the door, closing all three of us in the room.
Travis screamed when that blade was driven into him repeatedly. I bit my lip, forcing myself to stay still, knowing that if I moved I might just join Aerick in making Travis hurt. It had been hard enough to fight the desire for violence before, but now with the way Aerick had been messing with my head, it was worse. Not only did I want to do it for the pure thrill of it, but it was becoming a turn on as well.
And in the case of someone I couldn’t stand? It was all I could do to not shift to Aspect, tear into Travis along with Aerick, and then beg Aerick to fuck me while we were both covered in his blood.
A gasp from Aerick drew my attention back to him. He had wrapped Travis’s hand around the hilt of the ice blade, had driven the blade into his own stomach. The ice blade had the added effect of being able to drai
n life from the victim to the wielder and I watched as Aerick gave Travis some of his own life force, healing him. Once Travis was healed, Aerick pulled from the Aether to heal himself, then began to play with Travis all over again.
Nausea rose in my throat as Aerick set about methodically skinning Travis; nausea at the smell of seared flesh, at what I was seeing, at the violence that my brain hated so much; nausea at how it made me feel, what it made me want to do. Aerick would stop occasionally, draining his own life again to keep Travis from dying, then start all over, making Travis beg and bleed, squirm and scream.
At some point I found myself wrapped around Aerick’s legs, rubbing myself against him. I wasn’t sure how I had gotten there, figured I must have crawled over while my attention was on Travis. There wasn’t much blood on the floor because neither blade left much behind. What little there was I could feel in spots through the knees of my jeans, dotted my hands. I brought a finger to my lips without thinking, tasted the bit of red liquid that was on it. It was still warm.
Another scream rang out from Travis and the next thing I knew I was climbing his legs, desperately trying not to shift to Aspect. Aerick was just peeling away another layer, and I forced myself to not look, to not see the raw bloody muscle and tissue that was laid open along most of Travis’s body, that I could feel wetly under my belly.
I knew that soon there would be no way out of here for me, knew that my hold was so worn thin that I would be joining him if I wasn’t careful. I was afraid that Aerick wouldn’t stop until Travis died before he could heal him enough or until he became exhausted with his morbid game.
So when Aerick finally healed Travis again, I did the only thing that I could; I left the room and shut the door behind me. My knees gave out and I slid down until I was sitting on the floor against it. I wasn’t sure how long I sat there, my forehead against my knees, until I finally felt I could function enough to stand. When I did, I found myself staring into a set of deep brown eyes through the glass window of the cell across the way.
