Off the Grid for Love

by Rena Koontz

  Mount St. Helens couldn’t spew its lava faster than her fears tumbled from her lips. “Lost. I have nowhere to go. I can’t go back home to my parents. I won’t. I’m ready to fight but I’m confused by all of it. Why me, I want to ask? Safe is another word that comes to mind. When I’m with you, Jake, I feel safe. And excited. When I’m with you, I’m also afraid. And that adds to the confusion and thoughts of running away from it all.” She took a deep breath. “Shall I continue?”

  “Jesus, Kenna, that’s a hell of a lot of stuff boiling in your brain. You’ll never get to sleep with all that going on. We should talk about all this. Maybe I can help you work through some of it. But not tonight, it’s late. And as you said, we’re both tired. You’ll think more clearly in daylight.” He shifted toward her and edged his hand beneath her shoulder blades. “Come here.”

  She scootched nearer to him, readjusted the oversized sleep shirt she wore, and stretched out along his right side. He was boiling hot, like a furnace. Jake rested his hand on her hip and placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

  “I like that you feel safe with me, Kenna, because you are. I’m not sure why you’re afraid of me. I’d never hurt you. But that douche bag you lived with probably told you the same so I can understand your doubt. Maybe it’s not me who scares you, maybe it’s you. Could be you see what’s happening between us and that scares the hell out of you. It frightens me too but I think together, we can figure it out.”

  She caressed his stomach, causing him to inhale sharply, and eased her hand to the waistband of his underwear. “Jake?”

  This time he planted a gentle kiss on her forehead. “Not tonight, honey. It’d be for the wrong reasons. Sex is a great escape from just about anything that’s ugly. But I want better than that for us. You’re not looking for me tonight. You had a scare and you’re looking for someplace to hide. I don’t want you because you’re running from someone else. I want you because you’re running to me.” He dropped another kiss on her forehead. “Like you said, I’m tired. Go to sleep, sugar. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

  Forty-five seconds later, Jake’s chest rose and fell and his breathing slowed to a constant rhythm. Mackenna settled in closer, stretched one bare leg across his thighs and relaxed her head on his shoulder. He was right about one thing, she was hiding this weekend. She could hide in this make-believe world for one more day before she returned to work and the reality of her life. But she still had tomorrow with Jake and whatever that might bring.

  Chapter 17

  Less than an hour later, Mackenna stirred, waking Jake. She cuddled behind him in a spoon position, generating an immediate hard-on. Her face nuzzled between his shoulder blades and one arm lay across his hip, her fingers dangling in his crotch. He couldn’t take much more of her being so close without making love to her. And that would be the mother of all mistakes.

  Who was Jake Manettia? A decorated Marine who wanted nothing more than to serve the Bureau as he’d served his country, and to make his mama proud. Yet here he was in bed in his undercover apartment with a prime robbery suspect, which was against every regulation on the books. And his body worked to betray him. Every one of his cells screamed in heat for Kenna.

  She thought she was confused by the situation she found herself in but she didn’t know the whole truth. She was sleeping with the FBI, the very agency she feared most. What would she do when she found out he was an agent? And if he faced arresting her, this woman who trusted him with her life, could he? Would he?

  He shifted his weight to lie on his back and her eyes opened. Drawing her into his arms, he whispered. “Go back to sleep. It’s still early.”

  A soft murmur floated up from her face, nestled in the side of his neck, after she repositioned herself and stretched her leg across his groin. Her hips gyrated. “Mmmm, is that for me?”

  His erection stood tall. Thank God the room was dark, preventing her from seeing his flaming cheeks. His voice croaked. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll behave, though. Don’t worry.”

  Somehow Mackenna’s sweet voice turned sultry as she rose up on one elbow, and then rolled on top of him. “What if I don’t want you to behave?”

  He didn’t dare breathe. This had to be an incredible dream and if he exhaled or uttered one word, he’d wake up and be majorly disappointed. “Sugar, you don’t know what you’re doing to me. I’m only a man and we’re all weak creatures.”

  Mackenna caressed his cheek. “I can feel exactly what I’m doing to you. Last night you said I was running away from something and last night in the dark, you were right. But it’s dawn now and my eyes are wide open. I know what I want. Give me a minute to pee and brush my teeth,” she whispered. “Keep a good thought.”

  She slipped out of his side of the bed and floated to the bathroom and his brain soared. This had to be what an LSD trip was like. He’d never done drugs but this hallucination was mind numbing. What’d she say? Did she mean what he thought she meant?

  Maybe his mind didn’t comprehend her words but his body sure did. He retained one lucid thought. Get a hold of this situation now, Manettia, before it gets out of hand. You’ve already committed innumerable errors. Don’t cross this line.

  Jake threw the covers off and planted his feet on the floor. He stood beside the bed when the door slid open and she floated toward him. “This isn’t a good idea, Kenna. We’ll talk about it in a minute. Excuse me.”

  With the door closed, he splashed cold water on his face and brushed his teeth. He regarded the bulge in his underwear. The delay had no effect on his desire. The only way to stop this was to tell her the truth, confess who he was and explain why he’d deceived her. But that would be a violation of Bureau policy, equally as flagrant as the sins he’d already committed and the one she tempted him with now. Which misstep was the right one? Or the wrong one?

  No, he couldn’t let it go that far. But when he slid open the door and spied Mackenna on her side facing him, wearing only white lace panties, he lost sight of the argument he’d planned to make. She reached her hand toward him and against his will his feet moved him closer to the bed. “Sugar, this is a bad idea. There’s too much you don’t know.”

  She coaxed him onto the bed beside her and pressed her fingers to his lips, suppressing his words. “Shhh, don’t say anything Jake. Don’t ruin the mood by being logical or rational or protective. We both want each other. That’s all I need to know right now. I haven’t felt like this for a long time. Let’s just get lost in the moment.” She kissed him tentatively. Sweet and minty.

  He moved her hair behind her ears. “Jesus, I want you. But I’ve never been a one-and-run kinda guy, honey. Especially with a woman like you. We do this and it changes everything between us. I’m not sure you’ll like that.”

  She smiled and rolled on top of him. “I’m a grown woman, Jake. I can be intimate with a man without expecting a marriage proposal. Without expecting anything, for that matter. If we never have sex again, that will be fine. But right now, this is right for us. Don’t worry about tomorrow or even later today. Let’s just be together now. I want you for all the right reasons. Now.”

  This was crazy. He was an undercover agent on special assignment and about to violate every conduct code established by the Bureau. Mackenna shouldn’t even be in his apartment, let alone in his bed. And no way in hell should he get involved with her on any level. Too late for that. He already was involved. On all levels.

  The only thing he could do was pray that he didn’t get caught.

  Straddling his hips, she sat up and his arms involuntarily settled on her waist while his heart thudded. First his feet and now his hands operated of their own volition. He was a mere puppet in her presence and she jiggled the strings. Jesus, he was as nervous as a virgin.

  Beautifully shaped breasts topped by perky nipples beckoned. His fingers eased up her ribs and cupped her breasts,
discovering skin as soft as a Georgia peach. He smiled.

  Mackenna dropped her hands on either side of his head and fell forward, her hair enclosing him in a brown cloak of coconut scent. His palms slid to her round bottom and her breasts dangled in front of his face. He placed a light kiss on each nipple and then stared into her eyes, dark with desire.

  “I want you, Jake,” she whispered. There was no going back now. Slowly, she lowered her face to his, her mouth inching closer and closer. And then, nirvana. Minty kisses so sweet they could compete with his Mama’s tea and skin as soft as a puppy’s ear. His hands skimmed upward to press her to his chest and he welcomed her mouth eagerly, his tongue doing a slow dance of desire with hers. Her hips rocked on top of his in concert with their kisses and a moan, barely audible, escaped him.

  “You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever held in my arms. You’re driving me crazy, Kenna.”

  She giggled and murmured against his mouth, “Good. My plan is working.”

  She drew back a few inches, balancing herself on her forearms. “I’m not running from anything, Jake. More like I’m finally running to you. No strings attached.”

  His hands skated along her velvety skin and he caressed her breasts. She purred as his thumbs teased her nipples into peaks that tempted his taste buds. “Come here, sugar.”

  It was difficult to decide which he enjoyed more, kissing her soft mouth or laving her creamy breasts with his tongue. He alternated between the two, forging a path with his lips and tongue along the side of her neck, nuzzling the hollow of her throat and nibbling her ear lobes. Based on her moans and the heightened movements of her hips on his erection, she enjoyed it all.

  She delivered three quick pecks to his mouth and sat upright. “Can we shed the clothing?” Without waiting for an answer, she sat back on her haunches and tugged at his elastic waistband. He lifted his hips to assist in the removal of his underwear. No hiding his desire now.

  His fingers moved to the lacy edge of her panties and she rose up on her knees, sliding out one leg and then the other. She settled back down on his thighs and admired him.

  A wide smile creased her face and she placed a gentle kiss on the head of his penis. “You’re beautiful, Jake.” Then she crawled up his body, her eyes hazy with longing, straddled him and reached down to grasp him.

  “Mackenna, wait.” He grabbed her arms in a weak attempt to move her backward. “I don’t have protection here. We can’t do this.”

  Her hand closed around him and he groaned. She had total control over him and could likely negate the need for a condom with only a few quick hand strokes.

  “It’s okay, Jake, I’m on birth control. Even if I wasn’t, this is a safe time of the month in my cycle.”

  Panic replaced every lustful thought that clouded his brain. From the time a boy first hears about sex he learns never to take a chance on the rhythm method of birth control and never to trust a woman who says it’s a “safe time.” His hand shot down between his legs and closed around hers.

  “Wait a minute, Kenna. Let’s not be too hasty.”

  Her eyes rounded and she stared at him for several seconds before she laughed, dropped closer and placed a tender kiss on his mouth. Then she sat back on his thighs. “This is rich, Jake. Suddenly the tables are turned and you don’t like it, do you?”

  “Huh?”

  “Not long ago you stood in your kitchen and begged me to trust you, asked me for blind faith and yet right this second, you can’t give me the same. I tell you I’m on birth control but you aren’t certain you believe me.” Her hand tightened around him and he caught his breath.

  “I saw the panic in your eyes when I said the time of the month is safe. You aren’t so sure you trust me, are you?” Her lips landed on his, this kiss more demanding. Then she drew back, leaving only inches between their faces.

  “What’s it going to be, sugar? I want to make love with you right now and it’s quite obvious you like the idea.” She squeezed his penis again and hot desire electrified him. “Trust me? Believe me? Or stop me?”

  Their kisses had left her lips exotically swollen, her beautiful breasts brushed his chest and her fingers enclosed his pulsing erection. There was no need to contemplate his decision.

  Smiling, he released her hand to caress her bottom. “Take me to heaven, sugar.”

  She hesitated but a second before rising up on her knees and lowering herself onto him. Her desire equaled his and he slid into paradise, warm, wet, and pulsating. She set the pace of their coupling, slow at first, the two of them learning about each other together. With her on top of him, she controlled the action but within minutes it felt as if she followed a set pattern of movements rather than indulged in the delight of intimacy. In a sitting position, she caressed his chest and rode him, all the while rolling her head from side to side and keeping her eyes closed. Her gyrations increased in intensity as did her breathing until he witnessed a one-woman show imitate sexual ecstasy.

  While he enjoyed the sensations and their nakedness, it dawned on him that Mackenna didn’t know the first thing about making love.

  She dropped her head to his chest and kissed his breastbone, her breathing ragged. “I wondered what it would be like to be with you. It was all that I imagined.”

  He was grateful she didn’t see his face. If it reflected the puzzlement he felt, she’d be disappointed. Her performance had been admirable but not genuine and he doubted she’d been satisfied.

  With a firm hold on her Jake rolled over, eliciting a dainty yip when Mackenna suddenly found herself on her back and beneath him. He balanced his head on one bent arm and studied her face. With his free hand, his forefinger outlined her eyebrow, her cheekbone and finally her mouth. She smiled at him and he whispered words he hoped wouldn’t hurt her feelings.

  “Is that what you’re used to, honey?”

  Her eyebrows knitted.

  “Is that what pleased Arthur, you riding him until he was satisfied, which I’m guessing was a matter of minutes, and you never getting anything out of it?”

  She swallowed hard. “I-I don’t understand. Didn’t I please you?”

  He lowered his mouth and kissed her gently, before murmuring against her lips. “It’s not about pleasing me, honey. It’s about our shared pleasure.” Another slow, deliberate kiss. Her breath caught.

  “I’m pleased just being here with you, skin on skin, kissing you and touching you.” His hand glided down her side to her hip. “You’re as soft as cotton. And as beautiful as the white sandy beaches back home. They’re breathtaking.”

  He kissed her again, settling his hand between her legs, hoping to communicate with his actions what words wouldn’t. When he touched her, she gasped.

  “Have you ever experienced an orgasm, Kenna?”

  Her eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

  That was his answer. Mackenna McElroy had never been truly worshipped, loved like a woman deserved to be loved, every inch of her flesh kissed and caressed until she screamed on the edge of fulfillment and shuddered once she reached it. Jake rolled over top of her, careful not to settle his full weight on her. He smiled, already anticipating the most exciting sexcapade he’d ever indulged in.

  Mackenna stared at him wide-eyed. A smile crept across his face as he moved toward her head. “My turn, sugar,” he whispered before placing his lips at her hairline, kissing each eyelid, her nose, and finally settling on her lips. She was so easy to kiss and she responded to his intensity, playful when he offered light pecks and passionate when he allowed his desire to dictate. He kissed her throat, the cleft between her breasts and then cherished each beautiful mound, growing harder when she moaned with pleasure.

  He kissed his way to her belly button and down her left thigh to her knee. He sucked her toes and caressed her right leg with his tongue before licking a pat
h to the center of her legs. Mackenna tensed and nudged his shoulder. “I’m not comfortable with that, Jake.”

  Undaunted, he refocused his attentions on her belly button and kissed his way back to her mouth, hovering over her so that their skin barely rubbed. Her breath came in quick spurts and her eyes were half-closed. His hand found its way between her legs again and he teased her with his fingers. She was slick with desire and her back arched each time he touched her core.

  “Jake, what are you doing to me? This is . . . I’ve never . . . I’m losing control. This scares me.”

  He repositioned himself and rubbed her center with his erection. “Never be scared in my arms, my sweet. Just let yourself go.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Mackenna’s eyes flew open when Jake plunged into her. Half in surprise at how much she wanted him and partly because she’d never experienced such intense physical reactions to a man’s touch. He’d sucked her toes for Pete’s sake. It had been the most erotic thing anyone had ever done to her. Slow and deliberate, he’d taken command of her body and the new sensations were equally frightening and electrifying.

  Sex had never been a gratifying act for her. She’d enjoyed the handful of partners she’d had in the past, relished the intimacy of being naked together, or touching each other in private spots. But there had never been that moment when she lost her mind with lust and screamed for her partner, like she’d read about in various magazines and novels. The men had always achieved orgasm and complimented her ability to satisfy them afterward. But she’d never truly enjoyed the encounters and learned to follow a pattern of key moves she knew worked.