“I’m not sure where I stand,” Kyle said, frustrated. “I swear, Donatella, Ann Marie’s more difficult than a wild horse!”
I couldn’t help but laugh, for what he said was true. Nonetheless, it wasn’t my place to step in.
“It’s not funny, Donatella. I’m falling deeper in love with her. Why, just last night a young girl came to Ann Marie’s tent with her parents. When she finally got to speak with Ann Marie, she told her that when she grew up, she wanted to be exactly like her. Lucky happened to be standing behind the young girl, and Ann Marie could see that she was listening, too. We both know Lucky idolizes her older sister. So, she told the girl, ‘You don’t want to be like me, for if you were, the world would miss what’s special about you and the stars would turn into tears of sadness.’ The child understood, and so did Lucky. Then she asked the little girl what she liked to do best. She said she liked to draw. Ann Marie told her about Diamond who drew, Lucky and her poetry, and Spade, who walks the wire, and how much richer all their lives were because of their differences. I knew then she was the one for me. I don’t want to live without her.”
Ann Marie was very taken by Kyle, but just how serious she was, only she could answer, and I didn’t think she knew.
¯¯¯
One evening, I overheard Kyle ask Ann Marie if she’d like to go for a ride with him the following afternoon. It seemed like an eternity before she answered Kyle, but finally she said, “Yes, meet me at the stables at two.”
The next morning, I was up early getting some fresh air when I saw Ann Marie in her riding clothes on her way to the stables. I had decided to visit Emily and Bess—it just happened that I’d have to pass through the stables to get to them. As I approached, I saw Ann Marie tackling up the slowest old workhorse the circus owned.
“Who’s going to be riding him?” I asked, curious. “Kyle,” she answered matter-of-factly. I could barely keep the surprise from showing on my face. What was she thinking?
“I’m sorry—I have to go find Diamond Claire,” she said when she’d finished tightening the last strap. “I have a favor to ask of her.”
It was obvious Ann Marie had something up her sleeve.
¯¯¯
Around five thirty, when the sun was beginning its slide toward the horizon, gilding the big top with its deep, warm rays, I ran into Diamond Claire on my way to my carriage. “How did Ann Marie’s ride go with Kyle today?” I asked, as casually as I could.
“Oh, it went fine…eventually. Kyle showed up right at two, but instead of Ann Marie”—she smiled impishly—“he found me.”
“What?” I was a little disconcerted.
“I told Kyle that Ann Marie couldn’t come—but she didn’t want to deny him his ride, so she’d insisted that I take her place. I guess he didn’t want to hurt my feelings, so he went along with it. I suggested that we ride in the meadow behind the horse cars—‘It’s very pretty there,’ I said. Then I handed him the reins to our old workhorse, just like Ann Marie told me to do. ‘This is Ralph,’ I said. ‘His back is so wide, we had to make a special saddle for him.’” Diamond Claire was obviously enjoying telling me the story with considerable dramatic flair.
“What did Kyle say?” I was flabbergasted. “How did he react?”
“He laughed, and so did I. ‘Ralph seems to be a nice old boy’ was all he said. “Then he scratched Ralph’s nose and mounted him happily enough.
“He remained the perfect gentleman. I was truly impressed. He even asked me questions about myself—had I always wanted to be a trapeze artist? How did I like life in the circus?
“We walked away slowly from the stables. Well, seeing that he was on old Ralph, slowly was the only way we’d be going anywhere.
“He was real easy to talk to. I told him I was born to be in a circus and perform. My mother and my grandparents on both sides and all of my sisters were in the circus and several had become rather notorious. My father’s mother, my grandmother Lillya, was actually quite a famous horsewoman. I found myself rambling on, telling him how I hadn’t spoken until I turned three, and that ‘pony’ was my first word. He found that sweet. He spoke of Wyoming and the rodeo. I said that for me, just like him with the rodeo, swinging on the trapeze had been my world, but recently I’d been thinking more about acting and singing. I don’t even know why I told him that, Aunt Donatella.
“Kyle was a good listener, and he seemed to be enjoying himself. Not one complaint about old Ralph, even when a steer passed him on a path because he was going too slow.”
I laughed. It was an amusing picture, though I felt a little sorry for Kyle.
“We rode for a mile or so, until we passed a barrel painted blue. I didn’t know what to expect, but that’s where Ann Marie had asked me to rein the horses in. We were only there for a minute when Ann Marie mysteriously appeared out of a clump of brush. She was leading two horses, a beautiful mare for herself and our most spirited horse for Kyle.
“‘His name is Panther,’ Ann Marie said, smiling. She looked as if she was quite amused by her own joke. ‘We call him that because of his shiny black coat and the way he can run.’
“Kyle seemed pretty amused himself and real happy to see Ann Marie. ‘Why, you devil, you,’ I heard him say, and then he laughed, dismounted old Ralph, and went to Ann Marie and gave her a kiss on the cheek. I think she turned the color of your favorite soup, beet red.
“Kyle didn’t complain once,” Diamond said. “He was a very good sport. He’s who I would choose.
“As I was leaving Ann Marie was challenging Kyle. ‘I’ll race you to that big…’ Ann Marie said when Kyle had mounted Panther. Then I watched them disappear.”
¯¯¯
“Aunt Donatella, you should have seen us,” Ann Marie told me later that evening, her eyes shining. “I challenged Kyle to race me to that big old oak tree, and we galloped away through the meadow, the long grass was tickling the bottom of my feet. The sun was beating down on me, but my heart was already warm.”
She paused, and I could see she was back in that meadow in her mind. I smiled to myself. Kyle’s patience and persistence had obviously paid off. “By the time we reached the big old live oak tree,” he would confess years later, “I thought I might just be the one who wins the heart of Ann Marie.”
He was right. “I learned more about Kyle in that half hour than I have since we first met,” she said on the day of their first ride. “He’s kind and patient, and he can take a joke. He didn’t mind riding old Ralph. He’s confident. In my eyes, he’s a champion.”
¯¯¯
Twenty-one nights later, Kyle came to Ann Marie with a scarlet bouquet twice the size of all the others. “I want you to be my wife,” he proclaimed, getting down on one knee. “I won’t stop asking until you say yes.” And three nights later—the third week of September—she did.
“The handsome cowboy lassoed the heart of Ann Marie,” I said to Bella.
“She’s his main event.” Bella winked.
¯¯¯
On the nineteenth of October, Vladimir gave away the bride. Ann Marie wore a flowing white gown. She walked to meet her groom along a path strewn with scarlet petals, all the circus people lined up along it, Spade, Diamond Claire, and Lucky by her side. After the ceremony, Kyle boosted Ann Marie up onto his own horse, Sir Charles—named after his grandfather Charlie, who was from the British Isles—and together they rode away. Vladimir, Bella, and I felt certain that Lillya and Anton were with us.
“Aunt Donatella, did you see how high she threw her scarlet bouquet? I thought it might disappear,” Lucky recalled that evening, as we all sat around a fire we’d lit to keep the autumn chill at bay. “The way they were galloping, Sir Charles looked like Pegasus flying!”
“She was a beautiful bride,” I said, smiling.
Several months after Kyle and Ann Marie galloped out of our lives, Bella and Vladimir rece
ived a letter. In my tent over coffee, Bella took out the thin sheet of onionskin paper and read Ann Marie’s words to me:
Kyle built us a house under the tallest tree on our land, and he made me a swing and hung it from the highest branch. Now every day my feet meet the clouds, and every night they see the stars. I feel the wind touch my soul as I fly through the air. I want you to know that I’m happy in my new life.
P.S. Tell Lucky I miss her most of all, and send my love to Donatella, Spade, and Diamond Claire. My swing is waiting for her.
Chapter 34
It was the spring of 1929, and the early rains had given way to a flood tide of blossoms. The peach trees were almost in full bloom. Irina had told me once that the Chinese believe the peach tree to be the most vital tree of all because its blossoms appear before its leaves sprout, and its wood and the seed of its fruit are believed to possess a protective spirit. I found a branch that had fallen from a tree, laden with sweet-smelling pink flowers, and I put it on the table next to my bed. Marvin and I had argued the night before, and I wanted to make amends. Ancient rulers of China believed a branch from a peach tree could protect their home and keep them safe and healthy. Its sweet smell filled the tent, reminding me we had entered the season of birth and rebirth. I wondered how this renewal would reveal itself. Without Ann Marie here, we were all a bit out of sorts.
Though Vladimir was happy for Ann Marie, he felt her absence. He didn’t know how to fill the gap left by the loss of her contagious laugh and free spirit. “Of course, I know Kyle is a very good husband,” he’d say, “but it’s been months. What would it take for them to pay us a visit? Bella and the girls miss her terribly!”
“Kyle’s a good man,” I found myself defending him. “He wouldn’t keep Ann Marie away from you unless there was a very good reason, and remember your daughter, like her twin, has a will of her own. Patience, my friend, now you have a sense of how Bella’s parents felt when you dragged their daughter across an ocean.”
Everyone missed Ann Marie. Now that one of the four queens was missing, none of us was playing with a full deck. Our lives had become lopsided, even though on the surface everything seemed normal. It was as if the circus were riding on the back of a three-legged dog who was learning to make the most of his three legs but, try as he might, couldn’t find his balance without the fourth.
Vladimir tried to fill the void he felt by putting all his energy into Spade’s high-wire act. “She’s as good as any high-wire walker,” he would brag to anyone who would listen. “And prettier, too. You name a trick, and my Spade has mastered it. All she has to do is decide what suits her mood.”
This enthusiasm pleased Spade, now a young woman, but it also came to feel like a burden. She visited my tent one morning, looking rather strained. “Aunt Donatella,” she said, “I love that Papa is paying so much attention to me, but sometimes it’s smothering. He misses Ann Marie, and he’s trying to replace her with me. And Mama’s no help in this matter, because she doesn’t approve of my choices. Do you think you could encourage him to spend more time with Lucky and Diamond? He listens to you.”
Sadly, I never got to have that conversation with Vladimir. Life can fool you into thinking you have all the time in the world, that everything will go on and on as it always has, and then things change.
¯¯¯
Even the warm glow that Harsita and his work with the elephants had given us lost its effect. The peach blossoms in my tent wilted, and I had a sense of foreboding I couldn’t explain.
Small discords that had been seething just below the surface showed themselves more and more. Lucky was jealous of Diamond and the freedom she’d claimed for herself. Diamond envied the attention Roman showed Spade. Spade distanced herself from the problems of her younger sisters; she was focused on her high-wire act and Roman, although she still enjoyed taking walks with me and Emily and Bess. “I’m more mature,” she said, justifying herself, but we all knew it was something more.
I went to visit Roman and his father when I had extra time. Marvin was exceptionally busy, and I knew that Louie appreciated it. My conversations with Louie hadn’t really changed much over the years; still, there was comfort in their sameness. Louie was perplexed that his son’s crush had grown.
Roman had turned into a handsome young man whom women found attractive, and this newfound attention boosted his confidence greatly. Other girls began to look at him in the same way he looked at Spade. He had a long, lean build and strikingly beautiful hazel eyes.
Even Diamond’s friend Katie had a secret crush on Roman. Her parents told me that she giggled and blushed whenever he came into their store.
He had no interest in Katie, but like any other young man, he wasn’t immune to the charm of a compliment.
When Katie confessed her crush on Roman to Diamond, Diamond was none too happy. “She knows he loves Spade. Think how it would hurt Spade if she found out.” If Diamond were honest, though, I thought, she would admit that it was she, not Spade, who was hurt.
Diamond, more than any of her sisters, asked me to predict her future. I refused. Still, with Ann Marie married and gone, Diamond knew Roman’s time to tell Spade how he really felt was running out.
Finally, Roman worked up the nerve to tell me how he felt about Spade. “I don’t want to play the role of her younger brother any longer. I’ve talked with the lions long enough. It’s time to take Spade aside and tell her how I feel. It’s time I asked her to be my girl.” I’d been waiting years for him to speak his mind.
“I want to give Spade something really special,” he said the next time he came to my carriage. “Something she can hold onto when we’re old, a souvenir on which to build memories.”
I thought of all the years it had taken for him to get up the courage to act; I was so happy. “I have something that might be perfect,” I told him instinctively. Then I reached into my dresser drawer and handed him a hand-cut rose quartz necklace. “This stone is very powerful. It has the ability to soothe and open hearts to the possibility that you are both worthy of love. Take it. Let this be my gift to you.”
Roman shook my hand long and hard. “Donatella, tonight’s the night. Thank you.” Then he left to ready himself for his special evening.
¯¯¯
That evening, I came to the big top early. When Roman entered the tent, I immediately caught him out of the corner of my eye but made a point not to stare too long. He had put on his favorite olive shirt, which brought out the hazel in his eyes. The necklace I had given him, I assumed, was in his pocket, and I could see him checking his reflection in a mirror. He ran his hand through his unruly hair as if waving goodbye to the boy that he’d been and made certain his shirt was neatly tucked in. A change in weather brought me back into the moment.
The wind began to whistle, then howl. Then a lightning bolt lit up the sky. Caught up in his own storm of emotions, I wondered if he even heard the rain and thunder brewing outside.
I hadn’t expected it to get so heavy. The raindrops drummed against the big top’s canvas sides harder and harder, I tried to put it out of my mind.
I was certain Roman wouldn’t let a little bad weather get in his way.
I smiled, thinking of these young lovers who had grown up together. It had been twelve years since Roman first laid eyes on Spade.
Spade was on the rope. She looked so beautiful and graceful. Juggling her plates, she began to sing her favorite song. Unlike Roman, who only had room for thoughts of Spade, I couldn’t help but notice this storm was heating up.
Diamond was with the other trapeze artists waiting in the wings; she would be the next act. I saw her glance at Roman curiously. The rose quartz was working its magic, and he was gazing up at Spade with an unshakable sense of certainty, and a big grin.
As if to break this trance, a blinding flash of lightning illuminated the tent, and the lights began to flicker on and off. Then suddenly eve
rything went dark.
Tension filled the room like a string tied too tight, about to break. All eyes focused on Spade. In the dim light, she was only a shadow above. I squinted to see her. She took two steps forward and one step back, not knowing which way to go. I was sure it took all of her concentration to maintain her composure. I could hear the conversation she was having with herself: I’ve done this all my life. I could do this with my eyes closed. I could do this in the dark. And I knew that she could, but still I was afraid for her.
I could faintly hear Spade singing, “My dreams are just like,” when an explosive clap of thunder so violent it shook the entire tent, caused everyone in the audience to gasp. The sound like a physical blow broke Spade’s concentration. For a fraction of a second, all hearts seemed to stop. A beat later, they resumed. Like an outsider looking in, Spade’s life flashed before me as I watched her lose her balance and slip; her very first performance, our visits with Emily, Roman! Roman’s mouth was open, his face rigid with panic.
Gravity ruled, and speed took over Spade’s body. I saw her grab one last big breath and fill her lungs with life. She looked like an angel as she fell.
Silence filled the big top and no one dared to shout “Queen Spade.”
Chapter 35
It all happened so fast. Diamond slapped herself on the face, wanting it to be an illusion, and then ran to her sister.
As Diamond took her sister in her arms, I could see the limpness of Spade’s body. She was already gone. Diamond gently closed Spade’s eyes and began to howl like a wounded coyote. It seemed like forever before anyone could pry Spade’s body from Diamond or coax her from her sister’s side. “Don’t you touch her!” she screamed even at me. “Stay away!” No one could get near her.
The Fortune Teller's Fate Page 21
