by Jessica Wood
I wasn’t completely honest with you in my first letter about why your birth parents and I decided to things a secret and keep it from you and Katherine. You see, I knew I couldn’t let you go. I loved you too much, and you’re all I had. Your birth parents, however, wanted to meet you, they wanted to see if we could all be parents to both you and Katherine. I convinced them that this was a bad idea. But in the beginning, they had demanded to see you, and threatened to take you away. The only way I was able to convince them to keep things a secret was to pay them. I had hired a private investigator and found out that your birth parents were buried in debt and were barely making end meet. I knew they were desperate for money. So I had promised them that I’d send them monthly payments so they could live a comfortable life and be able to provide for Katherine.
But last week, the monthly check was returned to me. I found out that your birth parents were recently in a car accident. I’m sorry you have to find out this way, but they didn’t make it.
Honey, I do not know how you will react to this news, but I wanted you to hear it from me than to go searching for them and find out that way. Please do not hate me. Please try to understand that I did all this because I love you very much, and couldn’t imagine a life without you. You are all I have left in this world.
Love always,
Your mother
Beth Preston
Emptiness consumed me as I sat on my couch trying to come to terms with what this all meant. I had been living a lie for the last twenty-nine years of my life. My name wasn’t Trent Parker. It was Trent Fox—no, that was wrong too. Had I not been switched at birth, my name probably wouldn’t have been Trent—it would’ve been whatever my biological parents decided to name me. But they never got that opportunity. So I didn’t have a name. And I would never know what my parents would have named me…because they’re dead.
My name was blank Fox. I was an orphan. I had no parents, no family, and no property under my name.
My phone beeped just then. It was a text from Blair:
“Hey, big brother! I know you’re going through a lot right now. I haven’t heard from you in awhile. Do you want us to pick you for the funeral? Your family loves you and is here for you. Call me! <3”
I stared at her message and felt the life I thought was mine slip away from me. Blair wasn’t my sister. She was the girl who didn’t have a care in the world. She was the girl who lived the life I wanted. She was the girl who was always loved by the man I’d spent my entire life to please and impress—the man that wasn’t even my real father. She was everything I wasn’t. A mixture of sorrow, envy, and resentment consume my numbed body.
I finally got off the couch half an hour later to get ready for my mother’s funeral. Her letter was still clutched tightly in my hand. I went to the kitchen and turned on the burner. Before I could change my mind, I burned the letter. I wasn’t sure why, but I wished I never read this letter. I wish I didn’t know that my mother had bribed my birth parents to stay away from me. I wish I didn’t know that my parents were dead.
When nothing remained of the letter but a thin layer of black ash, I got dressed quickly and walked out of my condo into the gloomy day. Dark, threatening clouds rolled through the sky, signaling a storm that was sure to come.
As I got into my car and drove to the funeral, I could only think of one thing.
Trent Parker was dead. Today I would not only mourn over my mother’s death. I mourned over my own.
***
Present Day
It’d been two weeks since Blair stormed into my office to confront me about my secret. I saw the sadness and betrayal in her eyes as she tried to reason with me and I didn’t know why I brushed her off the way I did. I didn’t know why I had so much range inside me, and why I had been directing them to her. Deep down I knew she had nothing to do with what had happened to me. She was an innocent bystander.
But for some reason, I couldn’t seem to look pass the fact that she was the reminder of everything I wanted, everything I once had, everything I wasn’t. Every time I looked at her and saw how happy and carefree she was, I was consumed with the pain of losing my sense of self all over again. The despair I had for losing the life I thought I had, the jealousy I had for Blair, and the hatred I had for who I really was—all that seemed to have spiraled me down a path I couldn’t come back from.
But ever since Blair had confronted me, another feeling started to root itself inside me. Guilt. Her words continued to haunt me.
“But, why didn’t you just tell us when you found out a year ago? Do you really think we’d shut you out like we’re strangers? Trent, we’ve been so close all these years. How can you think that I’d turn my back on you?”
I knew I had hurt her. And as much as I tried to push the thought aside, I knew she deserved none of it. She’d avoided me since that day, and I’ve only interacted with her a few times due to work. Part of me worried about what she was going to do now that she knew the truth. I knew my days here were numbered.
“Good morning, Mr. Parker. Did you have a good New Year?” The receptionist smiled at me as I walked out of the elevator.
“Morning, Dawn. It was fine.” I walked past her quickly and down the hall to my office. Mr. Parker, I thought, I’m such a fucking fraud. I pushed the thought away the second it popped into my mind.
As I walked passed Blair’s office, I could hear her on the phone inside. Something about the desperate, pleading in her voice caused me to stop just as I past her doorway. Maybe it was a reflexive reaction from my many years of always helping her out of situations when she needed help.
“Well can you expand outside of San Francisco? I really need to find her.”
I listened just behind her doorway, wondering what was causing her to sound so distressed.
“Yes, that’s all I know about her. She’s thirty. She was born at San Francisco General Hospital on March 12, 1983, and her name’s Katherine Fox—unless, of course, she got married, then her last name could have changed. I know that’s not a lot to go by to find her contact information.”
I froze in place, knowing exactly what this call was about. Blair was trying to find her half-sister. A pang of sadness hit me like a ton of bricks. Her half-sister. Her family. Has she already moved on and given up on our relationship?
I was surprised by my thoughts and my feelings. I tried to ignore them, but I knew I couldn’t. Over the last year, after I had found out about who I really was, I had decided that I needed to stop caring about Blair. I had spent her entire life being there for her, being her big brother, being the one to protect her. But after I’d learned that I wasn’t her brother after all, I knew I needed to stop caring about her before she discovered out the truth and stopped caring about me.
But now, as I stood here in the doorway, knowing that Blair wanted to find Katherine, her real sibling, a wave of loss and anguish crashed through me. It was then that I knew that as much as I’d tried to cut my emotional ties with Blair, I still deeply cared for her. I still had an inclination to protect her despite my efforts to shut them off.
With a familiar sense of determination, I knew what I had to do. I quickly walked to my office down the hall. I unlocked the drawer of my back credenza and dug through its contents. After a few moments, I found what I was looking for.
Seconds later, I found myself standing in front of Blair’s office. She was off the phone now with her back to me as she typed away at her computer.
I knocked.
Her body stiffened the moment she turned and saw that it was me.
“What do you want?” She voice was cold and distant, and I wondered if this was a good idea.
“Hi, Blair.” I handed the piece of paper that I had pulled moments earlier from my cabinet. “I was just doing some New Years office cleaning…I found this and I wanted to give it to you.”
She eyed me suspiciously, but didn’t take the paper from outstretched hand. “What is it?”
“It’s something I t
hink you want.”
“There’s nothing you have that I want, Trent,” she snapped.
I held my breath, trying to keep the mixture of emotions that coursed inside me at bay. “Well, I have no need for it. You can throw it away if you want.” I put the paper on her desk, and without another word, I walked out of her office. Instead of heading back to my office, I needed some fresh air and headed toward the elevators.
“Trent!” came Blair’s voice as she came running after me.
I turned to face her and saw the tears in her eyes.
“Thank you, Trent.”
“Don’t thank me. I didn’t do anything.”
She looked down at the piece of paper in her hands. “But you did. This is Katherine’s last known contact information. This was what I’d been looking for.”
“I know. I accidentally caught your phone conversation earlier when I walked past your office.” I looked down at my feet.
She cocked her head and grinned. “I know you didn’t have to do this. I know this is probably the last thing you want to do. So thank you. It means a lot to me.”
I shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. I had looked into her last year when I discovered the truth. I don’t need the information, but knew you were looking for it. You were bound to find her sooner or later.”
“Trent…” Her voice was soft and sincere.
I finally looked up and met her gaze. The moment I saw her warm, emerald eyes, and the happy expression on her face, I saw a flicker of the four-year-old Blair that used to look up to me like I was the only person that mattered. I was immediately taken back to a happier time when she was my sister and life was simpler.
“Thank you, Trent. This means a lot.”
I gave her a small smile. “Happy New Year, Blair.”
CHAPTE
R FOUR
Dean
Nine Years Ago
“Dean?! Are you in there?” Someone pounded violently against the door to my room, matching the agonizing pounding in my head.
I let out a loud groan and covered my ears with my hands, trying to block out both the pounding and the throbbing headache.
“Are you seriously still in bed? Wake up!”
“Let me the fuck alone!” I yelled at the door. I sluggishly rolled off my bed with a loud thud and grabbed my Introduction to Sociology textbook and flung it at the door.
“You’re going to be late for English 190 again. It’s already 1:48 pm!”
“You’re wrong! I’m not going to be fucking late because I’m not going!” Damian’s lecturing was getting on my fucking nerves.
“Come on, man! You can’t miss anymore of this class! If you miss another class, the professor might lower you one letter grade.”
“Just sign me in like you did last week!” I screamed at the door.
I heard a loud sigh from the other side of the door. “Dude, I’m coming in.”
I groaned and rolled onto my face to avoiding seeing him.
The door opened slowly and I heard his footsteps approach me on the floor. “Man, you look like shit.”
“Well, thank and fuck you too.”
To my annoyance, he stifled a laugh. “Sorry.”
“Whatever. Can you just let me go back to sleep.”
“Dean…I know you’re going through some shit after what happened with Katherine—”
“Don’t fucking mention that name to me! She’s dead to me. That blonde bitch!” I felt like my head was about to explode.
“Ok, fine. I know what the Blonde Bitch did was fucked up. Gibson is fucked up. I’m glad he moved out of the frat house last week. But look man, it’s Wednesday afternoon and you’re still hung over from another late night of drinking. You look like shit every day. You have a pathetic looking beard starting to develop on your face. And dude, you seriously need a good shower because you fucking smell.”
“Thanks for the pep-talk, coach,” I mumbled sarcastically.
“I don’t mean to sound harsh, man, but I’m worried about you. You’re practically drinking all every night. You barely leave your room. You’re missing half your classes. It’s been over two weeks since you found out. You’re a fucking mess. No girl’s worth this. Don’t let her beat you down like this—don’t let her win.”
I grunted and slowly got up to a sitting position. “You’re right. I’m letting the Blonde Bitch win.” I clenched my jaw at how fucked up things have gotten. She was the one that cheated on me. She was the one that broke me. And here I was, drowning in misery and making things worse for myself. She fucked up, and I was letting her win. I balled my hands into tight fists and pounded at the floor in frustration. “I need to get over her.”
“Yes, you do,” Damian agreed.
“But how?” I looked at him, feeling lost. I’d been dating Katherine for so long, it was hard to imagine a life without her. It was hard to imagine who I was without her.
Damian shook his head. “You’re really pitiful, you know that? The easiest way to get over a girl is to fuck another. Then another, and another, and another! Or better yet, fuck several of them at the same time!” He laughed. “And for us, that shit is easy.”
I frowned. “What do you mean by us?”
“We’re fucking Sigma Chi frat bros living on Greek Row! You just have to go next door, or across the street, or two doors down to meet a house-full of hot, wild, sorority-girl pussy.” He chuckled. “Trust me, once you’re back on the saddle, you’ll get over that bitch in no time.”
Damian was right. I wasn’t going to let Katherine ruin me. I wasn’t going to waste my time with love again. I was going to spend my time on what was important: having fun with more than one woman and enjoying my life in college.
***
Present Day
“You must be Blair!” I watched as Alexis squealed in delight as she approached us and gave Blair a hug. “I’m Alexis, Damian’s wife. It’s so nice to finally meet you.”
“It’s so very great to finally meet you too. Dean’s told me so much about you and Damian.” Blair handed Alexis a silver wrapped box with a large pink bow. “This is for the birthday girl.”
“Oh my gosh! Thank you so much! Izzy’s really getting spoiled this year!”
“You only turn two once.” I leaned in and gave Alexis a huge. “Now where’s that husband of yours?”
“He’s here somewhere. Damian?” She looked around.
Just then, Damian came out of one of the bedrooms with Isabella. “Hey, guys! Princess Izzy wanted to change the bow on her hair to another color.” Isabella followed her dad into the room as Damian greeted us.
“I seriously can’t believe she’s such a diva already,” Alexis said in a hushed voice as she leaned in toward me and Blair. “Damian’s totally spoiling that child.”
“That’s pretty cute,” Blair gushed as she watched Isabella giggle as Damian picked her up from with one arm.
I laughed. “Damian’s always had a way with the ladies.”
Blair jabbed me in my arm playfully. “That’s not nice.”
I swung my arm around her and kissed her on the cheek. “How did I end up with such an abusive girlfriend?”
“Must be your bad luck.” Blair shrugged and made an apathetic face.
Alexis laughed as she watched us. “You two are so cute together. Thanks so much for coming to Izzy’s birthday party.”
“We wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“Dean, you’re such a liar. I know you’re hear for free booze,” Damian teased me as he leaned in and gave Blair a hug. “So great to finally meet the woman who’s managed to tie Dean Chase down.”
“He’s definitely a handful,” Blair said as she made a face at me. “I must be a masochist.”
“Easy guys. I thought we’re at a kid’s birthday party, not Let’s-Gang-Up-On-Dean party.”
“Oh really?” Blair frowned in confusion. “I must have received the wrong invitation then.” She shrugged innocently.
“No, you didn’t, Bl
air.” Damian laughed. “I sent those out to everyone except for our Dean here. He got the only birthday party invitation. Sucker!”
“Very funny, guys.” I shook my head.
“We love you, buddy.” Damian gave me friendly punched in my arm. “Wanna help me make with the drinks in the kitchen, Dean? Blair, you want me to make you a cocktail?”
“Sure! How can I say no when it’s being offered by the infamous bartender Damian Castillo.”
“I see my reputation precedes me.” Damian laughed. “Dean, I love this girl already. So what will it be, Blair?”
“How about a Manhattan?”
“Wow. A whiskey drinker.” He slapped his hand against my back and leaned in to whisper, “Dude, this one’s a keeper.”
I smiled at Blair, who grinned back at me.
“Alexis, do you need any help with anything?” Blair asked Alexis, who was straightening Isabella’s new hair bow.
“Yes, I’d love some help in the living room.”
“Have fun. We’ll have the drinks out in a few.” I kissed Blair on the cheek before following Damian into the kitchen.
“I really like her, man.” Damian grabbed a cocktail glass from the cabinet and started to make Blair’s Manhattan.
“Yeah. Me too.” I nodded in agreement.
“I can tell.” He looked over at me. “I’m really happy for you, man. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen you look this happy before.”
“Thank you. I seriously can’t remember ever feeling this happy and comfortable with someone. She’s pretty incredible. She’s smart, witty, and confident. And I love that she challenges me and keeps me on my toes.”
“Shit, man. You’re already in love, aren’t you?” He eyed me with a smug smile on his face.
I laughed and thought about it. Then, as if a layer of fog had cleared inside my head, everything made sense. I nodded. “Yeah, I really think I am.” I knew I’d been having this all-consuming feeling about Blair for a while now. But for some reason, I wasn’t sure what it meant. All I knew was it felt foreign, different, and incredibly good. It wasn’t until this moment, hearing Damian ask me if it was love, that it finally became crystal clear to me.
