“I thought you were in the kitchen,” she said.
“The girls insisted that we needed flowers to make the table pretty, so I left Nathaniel in charge while I ran out to the florist.”
“They’re beautiful.” She’d told him long ago that these were her favorite flowers, but surely this was a coincidence. There was no way he remembered her preference after all these years.
“If I would have known I was missing a dance party, I would have come home sooner.”
“Oh, you never know what you miss when you’re not around.” She shook her shoulders playfully and he laughed again.
He set the flowers on the table and wiggled his hips in a silly motion that should have looked ridiculous, but instead it was...hot.
They danced lightheartedly to the music for a few moments. Then the upbeat song ended and a slow song replaced it. Mere inches away, Paul held out a hand to her. She should have resisted, but she was having too much fun to stop, so she took his hand and let him draw her into his arms.
Sighing, she leaned her head against his shoulder as they moved together, listening to the baritone sing about love at first sight. Paul’s heartbeat was steady beneath her ear and her heart pounded in time with his. Nothing could feel better than being held in Paul’s strong arms, breathing in his masculine scent with every breath she took.
When the song ended, they didn’t move. His hands remained on her waist and she kept hers draped around his neck. She lifted her face and their eyes met. Held. Time froze. Ever so slowly, he lowered his head. Their lips were only inches apart when Megan burst into the room.
“Is it time to eat yet? I’m hungry,” Megan said, hopping on one foot. Suzanne trailed behind her sister, her thumb in her mouth.
“Absolutely,” Paul said, stepping away from Roz and leaving her yearning for the missed kiss. If only her kids had waited a few more seconds before they’d come into the room. If only. Those had to be the two saddest words she knew. “Why don’t you ladies sit down and Nathaniel and I will bring in the food.”
“We’re not ladies, we’re girls,” Megan corrected. “Mommy is a lady.”
“Right,” Paul said, pulling out the girls’ chairs. Roz made a move to pull out her chair, hoping to mask her disappointment about the missed opportunity. Paul placed his hand on hers, stopping her. The warmth of his skin practically scorched her hand, yet she didn’t want to pull away. “Let me.”
Their eyes met and a shiver traveled down her spine at the emotion she saw there. Maybe he was longing for the missed kiss, too. “Thanks,” she whispered.
He nodded, then disappeared into the kitchen.
Moments later, he emerged carrying a rotisserie chicken on a platter. Nathaniel followed with a dish filled with roasted red potatoes. After two more trips, the table overflowed with Roz’s favorite foods. Nathaniel and Paul were taking their seats when Megan burst out. “We forgot the candles, Uncle Paul.”
“Right. I’ll get them.”
“I’ll turn out the lights,” Nathaniel said. “Then it will be perfect.”
Paul placed two crystal candlesticks on either side of the flowers then lit the wicks. At his nod, Nathaniel switched off the lights.
Despite the fact that her children were present, the image was romantic enough to give her chills.
“Ooh, pretty,” Megan said, clapping her hands.
“Are we going to sing ‘Happy Birthday’?” Suzanne asked.
“No, baby,” Paul said. “The candles are to make the table look prettier.”
“When are we going to blow them out and turn the lights back on?”
“After we eat,” Nathaniel said.
“How will we see our food?” Suzanne persisted.
“Too dark?” Paul asked.
She nodded.
Paul strode to the windows and opened the blinds, letting in the fading sunlight. “Better?”
Suzanne smiled at him, hero worship written on her face. “Better.”
Paul returned to the table, and, after leading them in grace, served the food. Roz sampled everything, then smiled at her family. “This is delicious. Thank you so much.”
“I put the almonds in the string beans,” Megan boasted. “And I put the butter on the rolls.”
“I made the potatoes and the chocolate cake,” Nathaniel added.
“I didn’t do anything important,” Suzanne said sadly.
“Of course you did. You kept us all company,” Paul said. “That’s very important. No one wants to be alone in the kitchen.”
“And you thought of the flowers,” Nathaniel added.
“See,” Roz said. “You were very important.”
Suzanne beamed. “I like being important.”
Roz and Paul were seated at opposite ends of the table, the kids on either side. Whenever she looked up, she was treated to a view of his face. He led the children in conversation, encouraging them to tell Roz what they’d done in school that day. It was clear that he’d made himself a part of her family. Although she was glad her kids had come to love him, she didn’t want their hearts to be broken when he left. Sadly, she didn’t know how to protect any of their hearts, including hers.
* * *
“You need to sit down. Nathaniel and I can clean up.”
Roz added two glasses to the dishwasher, then leaned against the counter. “I can handle it, Paul. You guys cooked so it’s only right that I help clean the kitchen.”
“Sounds fair to me,” Nathaniel said, edging out the door.
“Freeze.” Paul glared at his nephew, then pointed at the broom. “Sweep.”
Nathaniel grabbed the broom and began sweeping as if trying to set a speed record. After he dumped the debris into the garbage can, he leaned the broom against a wall and raced into the front room to watch television with his sisters. That left Paul alone with Roz.
Despite knowing that he was walking on dangerous ground, he couldn’t keep his eyes from straying to her whenever he thought she wasn’t looking. At the moment, she was bent over the dishwasher, filling the lower level with plates and humming a vaguely familiar melody. He stepped closer, bringing the last of the dirty dishes. She chose that moment to stand, bumping into him as she did so. She was knocked off balance, so he placed a hand on her waist to steady her.
A faint tingle buzzed over his fingertips. For the second time that day, he’d been aroused by a simple touch, and the desire to kiss her nearly overwhelmed him. This time, he couldn’t count on one of the kids providing him with a timely interruption. Not when coming into the kitchen might result in being put to work.
And what about Kristin? Though he’d stopped calling her since she hadn’t returned even one of his messages, he still thought they had a chance to make their relationship work. Or was he just clinging to that belief as a way to keep Roz at bay? Was he using Kristin as a barrier between him and Roz? Probably. Maybe he should stop doing that and see where his feelings led, but he wasn’t ready to do that yet. He needed to think before jumping into the fire. He had to be sure he knew what he was doing and that his feelings were real. Right now his head wasn’t clear and he was too busy to think straight. So he couldn’t act. It would be wrong to give Roz the wrong impression or lead her on.
He cleared his throat. “About earlier. I want to apologize for my behavior.”
“That’s not necessary. We both just got swept up in the moment. This has been a stressful time for all of us and our emotions are all over the place. We were just releasing some of the tension.”
Was she giving him an easy out or did she really mean what she said? “Is that what you think it was?”
“Of course. I know you’re seeing someone. I’m not the type to try and come between the two of you. I hope you know that.”
“I do.” It was clear to him that she was worried he might think the worst of her. “Actua
lly, Kristin and I are no longer seeing each other.”
“Since when?”
He blew out a breath then led her to the table. “She didn’t want me coming here.”
“I’m sorry, Paul. I didn’t think of what asking you to come here would cost you. Maybe you should have gone home a while ago. You’re free to go now. Maybe you and Kristin can reconcile. I can handle it from here.”
No, she couldn’t. She’d had major surgery a little over a week ago and had restrictions on her activities. And she was still occasionally weak from chemotherapy, although not nearly as often or severe as before. She might be able to do most things for herself, but there was no way she could care for three kids, even with the help of Charlotte and her other friends. She still needed him. He’d made a commitment to her and he intended to keep it. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Then call her. Maybe if you talk to her, she’ll understand. I’ll talk to her if you think that will help.”
“She doesn’t pick up when I call and she hasn’t returned any of my messages. She’s ignored my texts and emails. It’s over.”
“Sorry. I know how that feels.”
“What do you mean?”
“That’s what happened when you went away to school. I tried to keep in touch with you, but I felt you pulling away. After a while, I figured that we were through and that you expected me to get the hint. That’s why I never told you when Terrence started coming around. I didn’t think you’d care. I’m sorry for hurting you. That was never my intention.” She stood. “I’m going to watch TV with the kids awhile. I know you don’t want my advice, but I’m going to give it to you anyway. If you still have feelings for Kristin, call her. Don’t let a misunderstanding cost you a relationship you want. If you do, you’ll regret it forever.”
Paul pondered Roz’s words long after she and the kids had gone to bed. For the first time in years, he actually saw things from her point of view. Now he realized that she hadn’t owed him an apology. He’d owed her one. Because, though she’d broken his heart, he’d broken hers first.
He and Roz had been kids when they’d sworn to love each other forever. She’d been seventeen and he’d been eighteen. How many high school kids made vows like that with the best of intentions, only to realize they hadn’t been as deeply in love as they had believed? That didn’t make them bad people. That just made them young.
Looking back, it was understandable that she would take his silence as rejection. She hadn’t had a serious boyfriend until he came along. He’d promised to always be there for her. To always love her. And then he’d left. Not long after, her aunt died and she was all alone. Was it all that surprising that she turned to Terrence and the security he represented? Nothing was black-and-white, as he’d always believed.
Paul had intended to keep in contact with her, but he hadn’t. He’d thought about her all the time, but she had no way of knowing that. His actions were all she had to go by. In retrospect, it was easy to see how she’d come to believe that he’d stopped caring. That hadn’t been the case. His classwork had been more time-consuming than he’d expected. He’d also participated in a lot of extracurricular activities. Roz had remained in his heart and he’d loved her as much as ever. But how was she supposed to know that if she didn’t hear from him for days on end?
Sure, he wished she would have had more faith in him, but he should have done more to deserve that faith. Who knew if they would have made a relationship work long-term? And really, did it matter now? Twelve years had passed and they’d gone on with their lives.
It was time to let go of the past for real. Especially since he wasn’t blameless. Roz had let him down, but he’d let her down first. All this time, he’d been sure he couldn’t trust her with his heart. The reality was that she hadn’t been able to trust him with hers.
Chapter Twelve
Roz watched out the kitchen window as Paul and the kids worked on the lawn. The weather was cool and the leaves had begun falling from the trees. Roz had spent the past week welcoming the change of season as her strength slowly returned. She didn’t quite have the energy she’d once had, but she wasn’t as exhausted as she’d been either. Three weeks after surgery, she was starting to believe that she might actually make a full recovery. Oh, she knew there were more tests to be had in the months and years to come, but she was making headway on the road to wellness.
Paul and Nathaniel had raked the leaves into a big pile and, one by one, the kids ran and jumped into them. Their laughter was a balm to her soul. They’d been outside quite a while and the chicken and dumplings she’d made for dinner were about ten minutes from being done, but she didn’t call them in right away. They were having such fun, she didn’t want to make them stop. It had been so long since they’d been carefree. She wanted them to enjoy as many special times as they could. A few minutes more wouldn’t ruin anything.
Humming to herself, she grabbed a gallon of apple cider. She’d warm it and add cinnamon sticks, making one of their favorite beverages to drink on fall days. It had been unseasonably cold over the past week, but Roz had no complaints. She liked snuggling with her kids to read or watch one of their favorite shows on television. She and the girls had become addicted to jigsaw puzzles and spent many hours working on them. They’d glued and framed two puzzles, which now hung on the girls’ bedroom wall.
She was setting the table when the kitchen door opened and everyone rushed inside. Noise and laughter filled the room.
“Is dinner ready?” Nathaniel asked.
“Yep. Wash your hands and sit down.”
The kids ran out and she was left alone with Paul, who washed his hands at the kitchen sink. Over the past few days, he’d spent many hours working outside, getting the house ready for winter. He’d fertilized the lawn and shaped the bushes. He’d also washed the windows and repainted the porch, stairs and trim. The house looked so good that Megan and Suzanne said it looked like a princess house. Roz appreciated all that he was doing for her, but she was worried he was wearing himself out. Of course, she wouldn’t tell him to slow down. She hadn’t appreciated it when he’d tried to tell her what to do, so she wouldn’t give him unsolicited advice either.
The kids raced back in and took their chairs at the table. Megan and Nathaniel chattered away as usual, and Suzanne took part in the conversation. Paul was quieter than usual, and Roz wondered if he was already mentally removing himself from their family. Perhaps he’d been working overtime to get the house into shape so that he could leave them behind with a clear conscience.
He’d gone above and beyond for her family. Roz wished she could do something for him in return. But since he didn’t need anything from her, she would always be in his debt.
They finished dinner and dessert and the kids went to their rooms to play while Roz and Paul cleaned the kitchen.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Paul said, leaning back against his chair.
“That’s all? You can’t get much for a penny these days.”
“True enough. How about a dollar?”
Roz laughed. “I guess that’s a fair enough price. I wasn’t really thinking about anything. Just enjoying the quiet before I go to bed.”
“They sure did go out fast,” Paul said. When they’d gone upstairs to check on the kids, they’d found them already asleep so they’d returned to the kitchen for a nightcap.
“That just means they’ll be up earlier tomorrow.” Roz covered her mouth as she yawned.
“Looks like they’re not the only ones ready for bed.”
“I hate that I still tire so easily.”
“You’ve come so far, Roz. Don’t rush things.”
She frowned. “That’s easy for you to say. You aren’t the one who was dependent on someone else for months on end. You aren’t the one who couldn’t take care of your own family.”
“I know,” he said softly, surprising her. She
’d half expected him to snap as she had. “But you’ve made great progress. You’re getting stronger every day. Your appetite is better and you aren’t taking as many naps as before.”
“You’re right. I know that. It’s just that...” Her voice trailed off.
“Just that what?”
She hesitated. She’d never told him how things had been growing up. As a teen, she’d been too embarrassed. Now, though, she needed him to understand where she was coming from. “This isn’t the first time I’ve been in this situation. My parents died when I was five, remember?”
“Of course I remember. You went to live with your aunt.”
“Yes. But the truth is...” She blew out a breath. Why was it so hard to say the words after all this time? “My aunt didn’t want me.”
“What do you mean? You lived with her most of your life.”
“And she hated every minute of it. She’d liked being single and living her own life. Before I came to live with her, Aunt Rosemary traveled a lot. She did her ‘own thing,’ as she liked to call it. When my parents died, she took me in, but she never for a moment let me forget that I’d changed her life in a way she didn’t like. I tried to be as quiet as I could and not make trouble. I cleaned the house and basically tried to be invisible.”
His eyes filled with sadness as the truth dawned on him. “That’s why we never hung out at your house.”
“I liked being outside anyway, which was good, but yes. I was an obligation. A responsibility. That’s kind of the way I felt when I had to come to you for help.”
“You weren’t just an obligation to me, Roz.”
“Then what was I?”
He stared at his hands for a long time. When he looked up at her, his eyes were shadowed and she couldn’t decipher the emotion there. “I don’t know. I didn’t come only because I felt obligated. I came because you needed me.”
The Single Mom's Second Chance (Sweet Briar Sweethearts Book 7) Page 12
