“Nothing. I just burned my hand.” She spoke over her shoulder.
He crossed the room, took her hand into his and looked at it. “How?”
“I wasn’t thinking. The cookie sheet slipped and I grabbed it. It’s not a big deal. I’ve burned myself before.”
She pulled her hand free, then dabbed at the moisture with a paper towel.
“I’ll get the ointment.”
She didn’t bother to argue. Paul was going to do what Paul was going to do.
“What are you doing up at this hour?” he asked when he returned.
“I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to bake.”
“I see.” He opened the tube, then held out his hand. She tried to steel herself for the electricity that always shot through her when they touched, but it was a waste of time. Her body reacted as strongly as ever. Why wouldn’t it stop? She needed to become immune to him in order to become attracted to someone else. A man whose heart was available and who would welcome her love. One with whom she didn’t share a complicated past. That wouldn’t happen if she couldn’t get over Paul.
His fingers were gentle as he smoothed the ointment onto the burn. The pain began to subside. He finished rubbing in the medicine, but he continued to hold her hand. She knew she should remove her hand from his, but she didn’t have the strength. Besides, he was leaving in the morning, so what could it hurt to enjoy this one moment of time?
The night was so quiet she could hear her heartbeat. She hadn’t turned on the television or one of her playlists, because she didn’t want to disturb anyone. The silence became a blanket that wrapped around the two of them, cocooning them in warm intimacy.
“I’m coming back, you know,” Paul said. His deep voice was soft, yet the power of its conviction made her tremble.
“You don’t need to do that,” she said, ignoring her deepest longing for him to return. She couldn’t imagine not seeing him every day. She’d grown accustomed to his presence and enjoyed the rare, quiet moments they shared. “You’ve put your life on hold much too long. I’m better and can handle it from here.”
“You don’t want me to come back?”
He sounded hurt and disappointed. But why? He should be relieved he was no longer obliged to take care of her. Now he could return to the life he’d left behind without guilt.
“You’ve done so much already. Way above and beyond the call of duty. But it’s time to get on with your life. And the kids and I need to get on with ours.”
“And Suzanne?”
“She’s so much better now. Surely you’ve noticed. She’s not worried about me dying. And since things are no longer tense between you and me, she’s been able to relax. Her teacher said that she plays with the other kids and answers questions in class. And she’s stopped sucking her thumb. She’s becoming more like her old self.”
He dropped her hand. “So you don’t need me anymore.”
She’d always need him. Always want him. But she couldn’t say that. She couldn’t tie him to her indefinitely. And as noble as Paul was, he’d stay if she asked. But she couldn’t hold on to him that way. She wanted him to stay because he wanted to be with her and for no other reason. He deserved to spend his life with the woman of his choosing. He deserved to be free. But she couldn’t say all that without breaking down. “I think I can take it from here.”
He nodded. “What about the ball? I promised the girls I would dance with them.”
He’d promised her, as well. “I’ll think of something. I’m sure Rick will dance with them.”
“And Joni’s brother.”
“Brandon?”
“No. The other one. The soldier.”
She raised her eyebrows at his sharp tone. “Russell? I suppose if I ask him he will. The girls don’t know him very well, though.” And how odd was it that Paul would mention Joni’s brother now. Perhaps he was trying to convince her that she had other relationship options so she wouldn’t hang her hopes on him. She’d already received that message loud and clear. She didn’t need him to play matchmaker in order to drive home his point. “Anyway, we’ll be fine.”
“Okay. I’ll see you in the morning.” He turned and walked from the room.
Roz went back to the stove, unable to watch him walk away from her again. She knew if she wasn’t careful, she’d beg him to stay.
* * *
“I wish you weren’t leaving, Uncle Paul,” Suzanne said, giving him a big hug. She held on longer than either Nathaniel or Megan had. He felt wetness on his neck and eased her back slightly. “I love you a lot and I’m going to miss you.”
“Don’t cry, Suzanne.” He wiped tears from her face. “I love you a lot, too.”
Her bottom lip trembled and his heart broke just a little bit more. “Then why don’t you stay?”
“I can’t. I’m going to tell you a secret. But you can’t tell anyone else, okay?”
She nodded, then twisted her fingers over her lips and wiped an arm over her face. Her eyes sparkled and she perked up at the thought of knowing something her older siblings didn’t.
He leaned closer. The wind blew and a few leaves drifted from the large tree in the backyard. Even though the kids had a swing set, they preferred the tire swing he’d hung from a thick branch. Megan was swinging there now and singing a song she’d made up. The words didn’t rhyme and the melody was inconsistent, but her voice was clear and filled with joy. Nathaniel was tossing a football into the air and catching it against his chest.
“What’s your secret, Uncle Paul?”
“I’m coming back. I promised to take you to the dance and I’m going to do that.”
“Are you going to dance with me?”
“Yes.”
“And Mommy?”
He smiled. “Yes. I’m going to dance with your mommy. But remember, this is our secret.”
Suzanne giggled. “Okay. I won’t tell anyone. Even Mommy.”
He met Suzanne’s eyes, happy to see a twinkle there. Her joy touched his heart. He didn’t hold out much hope that she would keep the secret. It would probably leak out before the day was over. But that didn’t matter since it really wasn’t a secret. He’d told them he was going to escort them to the ball. What mattered was that Suzanne knew he would be returning. That he would always keep his promises to her. “That’s good. Otherwise, it won’t be a secret.”
He hugged her one last time. Before he stood, he whispered in her ear. “I’m going to bring you a present when I come back.”
“What is it?”
He chuckled at her breathless anticipation. “I’m not going to tell you. But you’ll like it.”
He waved to the other children, then watched as Suzanne raced over to the swing before he went into the kitchen. Roz was staring out the window. She turned to face him, her arms crossed over her breasts. He took her all in, wanting to memorize everything about her so he could carry that image with him. Dressed in a long-sleeved green-and-gray-striped shirt and a gray denim skirt, she looked both casual and sexy. She’d always been beautiful, but these past few weeks she’d become practically irresistible.
It was good that he was leaving for a while. If he stayed much longer, he’d put the moves on her. It was better that he sort out his feelings before taking any action. He didn’t want to approach her unless he was 100 percent sure of the direction he wanted to take.
“So, you’re ready to go?” Her voice quivered a bit. She didn’t look directly at him, but rather stared at some point just over his shoulder.
“Yes. I’ll call you when I get there.”
“You don’t have to do that.” It was as if she was trying to end things right now by building a solid wall between them.
Or maybe it was something else entirely. When he’d left her to go to college, he’d promised to call her the minute he arrived at school. That first day had been more hect
ic than he’d thought it would be and he hadn’t found time to call her until the following morning. He’d tried to explain that the school administration had arranged events from the moment he stepped on campus until late that night. He’d had to get his room organized, and then hustle from one end of the campus to the other to participate in everything from cookouts to a workshop on campus life. And the promised contact had only diminished from there. He hadn’t realized it then, but he knew now just how badly he’d let her down. No wonder she didn’t trust him.
This was different, even if she didn’t believe it. For one thing, he wasn’t an eighteen-year-old embarking on an exciting adventure. He was a grown man going home to take care of business and sort through his feelings. Then he was coming back here to see what was going on between him and Roz. There was no going back, of course. There never was. And he didn’t want to go back. He was starting to believe that they could put the past behind them and move forward. Together.
What would a future look like for the two of them? It would definitely be different from the one they had planned years ago. They had three children to think about, for one thing. He loved those children with his whole heart. He couldn’t love them more if they were his own kids. There was no way he would do anything to hurt them. If he and Roz got together it was going to be for the long haul. There would be no going back and forth. The kids deserved certainty in their lives.
There was a time when he didn’t believe he could ever forgive Roz for what he saw as her betrayal. Now he realized they both were responsible for the demise of their relationship. They’d been too young to make such a commitment to each other. But they were older now, and, hopefully, wiser.
He closed the distance between them and gave her a gentle hug, then kissed her cheek. “I’ll call you when I get there.”
She nodded and he quickly walked through the house and out the front door, not slowing until he’d gotten into the car and driven down the block. His chest ached as he drove farther away. He missed them already. He was more certain than ever that he would return to them for more than the ball. He would be back for good.
* * *
Roz took a deep breath and steeled her spine as she watched Paul drive away. Being sad was ridiculous. She’d always known he wouldn’t stay forever. She just didn’t think it would hurt this badly to watch him leave. And he wouldn’t be back, no matter what he said. This goodbye was final.
And it should be. There was no reason for him to return. He’d cared for her children when she hadn’t been able to just as he’d promised. It wasn’t his fault that she’d fallen in love with him again. She was responsible for controlling her emotions—not him.
And with that admission Roz ended all dreams of sharing her life with Paul. It was time to put that dream to bed and look to the future. Hopefully, it included love and romance.
The back door slammed and her kids trekked into the house.
“What are we going to do today?” Megan asked. It was a teacher institute day and the kids didn’t have school.
“I don’t know. What do you want to do?” Roz asked.
“I want to go to the youth center,” Nathaniel said. “All the kids are hanging out there. Bobby and I want to play basketball.”
The girls thought going to the youth center was a good idea, too, so Roz loaded them into the car for the short drive. The kids talked happily about their planned activities, unconcerned that their uncle had left less than an hour ago. Apparently, she was the only one with separation anxiety and abandonment issues.
Roz dropped the kids off and, twenty minutes later, she returned to the empty house. Two days ago, Paul and Nathaniel had moved her furniture back to her upstairs bedroom. Her doctors had cleared her to walk up and down the stairs without limitations, so there was no need for her to continue to sleep downstairs. It had been comforting knowing that Paul was sleeping on the other side of the wall those two nights, even though she’d had to restrain herself from giving in to temptation and going to him. They’d established that their relationship would never be romantic. The kiss they’d shared would be their last. It would feel lonely tonight, knowing that he wouldn’t be sleeping a few steps away, but it was a feeling she’d have to get used to.
She climbed the stairs and then entered the guest room. Paul had stripped the bed and swept the floor before he left. There wasn’t a speck of dust anywhere. Still, his presence lingered. It was as if he would return any minute. Foolishness.
There was a piece of paper propped against the lamp on the bedside table. Her name was scrawled across it in Paul’s bold penmanship. Heart pounding, she picked it up and unfolded it. He’d written three words. I’ll be back.
Chapter Seventeen
“Wait for your brother,” Roz called for the umpteenth time. Why did she even bother? The girls were so excited, they weren’t paying her any mind as they ran from one booth to the next, drawn by the attractions each one offered. Nathaniel and Bobby had promised to keep tabs on the girls, but even they were finding it hard to do as the girls ran about willy-nilly. Finally, Megan and Suzanne decided they wanted to get their faces painted and joined the kids in line.
“How are you holding up?” Charlotte asked.
Roz smiled at her friend. “Fine. I haven’t had this much energy in the longest time. Which is good, considering that Suzanne has finally turned back into herself and has boundless energy.”
“That’s good, although that’s not what I meant.”
Roz brushed her hand over her hair, tucking it behind her ears. She was getting used to wearing the wig although her own hair was starting to grow back.
The family had gotten used to life without Paul and were establishing new routines. Roz had returned to work on a part-time basis and the kids spent three afternoons a week at the youth center. Megan was taking a tumbling class and now cartwheeled all over the house. Suzanne was studying ballet because she wanted to be a good dancer when she danced with the prince at the ball. Roz had told her more than once that there wouldn’t be any princes at the ball, but Suzanne had insisted there would be. After a while, Roz decided that trying to convince Suzanne was a losing battle and stopped fighting. And who was she to say a prince wouldn’t show up?
“Then, what did you mean?”
“How are you doing without Paul?”
Just hearing his name made Roz’s heart ache. She reminded herself that she’d gotten over him before and could do it again. The time would come when she could think of him without her stomach feeling like she’d been dropped from the top of a ten-story building. Until then, she would paste on a smile and keep moving forward.
“I’m fine. We’re all fine.”
Charlotte stepped around a smashed cookie until she and Roz were face-to-face. Roz had no choice but to look into her friend’s concerned eyes. “This is me you’re talking to.”
“I know.” Roz blew out a breath and looked around. Although there were plenty of people milling about, they were involved in their own activities and weren’t paying attention to her. She could talk freely without fear of being overheard. “I still can’t believe he’s gone. A couple of times I’ve actually called out his name to tell him something. Which just proves that I’ve got issues. He was only around for a few months. I’d lived without him for years. It shouldn’t be so hard to get used to him being gone.”
“The amount of time he was here really isn’t important. What matters is what happened while he was here. You relied on him. So did the kids. You cared for each other. You became a family. That has nothing to do with time and everything to do with love.”
“Love.” Roz scoffed even though her hopeful heart jumped in her chest. “He didn’t love me. He may have stopped hating me, which is nice, but I won’t go so far as to say he loved me.”
“There are different kinds of love. He loved the kids and they loved him right back. And you loved him, so don’t both
er to deny it. You might not agree with me, but I believe he loved you, too. Not just the concern type of love, but romantic love.”
“Which is why he isn’t here now. He promised to come back so we could take the kids around this weekend, and he didn’t show up. I guess hanging around us isn’t as exciting as being back in Florida and sailing his yacht.” Yeah, that was snarky and sarcastic, but Roz couldn’t help it. What Charlotte said sounded good, and it would be easy to get sucked into believing it. But she couldn’t. She had to protect her heart.
“I thought you said he called when he got back to Florida. And that he checks in from time to time.”
“He did. And he does,” Roz admitted. “But most of our conversations are pretty bland. He spends a lot of time talking to the kids, too. I bet his old girlfriend convinced him to give her a second chance and he doesn’t know how to tell me.” Something he’d never been willing to give her. “Or maybe he doesn’t think it matters since our relationship was never going to be anything more.”
“I doubt it.”
“I don’t. I’ve seen pictures of them together. She’s gorgeous. And smart. She’s a neurosurgeon, you know. For all I know, they could be on a romantic getaway right now.” Her stomach seized as she said the words. She didn’t want Paul to be on a romantic vacation with another woman, even if it was all in Roz’s mind.
“She couldn’t be all that important to him if he stayed away from her for months on end.”
“You don’t know that,” Roz countered, even though she hoped Charlotte was right. It wouldn’t change a thing in her life, but she hated the thought of Paul being in love with anyone but her. And didn’t that make her the most selfish person on the planet.
“Of course I do. I love Rick. And I trust him. But you’d better believe there is no way I would let him go off and leave me behind while he took care of his ex-girlfriend and her kids.”
The Single Mom's Second Chance (Sweet Briar Sweethearts Book 7) Page 17
