‘Hi there.’
Dr Roach—a man in his mid-forties who looked like he’d been built for the rugby pitch but was so gentle with the newborn babies in his care—smiled broadly at him. ‘Your little daughter is a star,’ he said. He glanced down at his notes before looking up again. ‘Our monitoring shows that Anaya is now able to breathe on her own, so we’re going to remove the CPAP tomorrow morning.’
Jasper must have looked a little blank for the nurse translated. ‘Dr Roach is referring to the oxygen we’ve been giving Anaya through the nasal prongs.’
The doctor nodded. ‘And I think she’s pretty close to regulating her own body temperature as well, so my prediction is that in the next day or two we’ll also be able to transfer her into a normal cot.’
Joy rushed through Jasper’s veins as if he’d been injected with happy pills, and his woes about Harper faded into insignificance. ‘Wow. That’s awesome.’
They both nodded.
‘And, not to bombard you with too much good news at once,’ Dr Roach continued, ‘but if all that goes well, then the next step is attempting to feed her via mouth.’
Jasper swallowed, tingles running up and down his spine. ‘You mean … giving her a bottle?’
‘Yes.’ Dr Roach scribbled a note onto Anaya’s file and then popped the pen back into his shirt pocket. ‘We’ll need to start slow of course. Learning to suckle will exhaust her and we don’t want to overdo it. It’ll be one bottle a day at first, but if her progress so far is anything to go by, she’ll be taking all her nutrients via mouth before we know it.’
‘Thank you,’ was all Jasper found himself able to say as he stared down proudly at his sleeping daughter.
As the doctor and nurse moved onto the next baby, Jasper’s hand went to his mobile in his pocket. His first instinct was to call Claire and tell her the news. But as his fingers closed around his phone, he remembered two facts: the no phone rule and the reason why Claire wasn’t here with him. How long would it take for his head to get around this fact? How long would it be before his every thought when something happened wasn’t to text or call her? His heart burnt and his vision blurred a little. He blinked back the tears, not wanting to cry when he should be happy about Anaya’s progress.
He needed to focus on the positive. He needed to share this with someone. Harper immediately popped into his mind, but he shook his head. He wasn’t making any rash calls. Phoning her now would be cruel—like dangling a piece of fish in front of Gerry or Sunny but not letting them eat it—because he hadn’t decided what to make of her request. And his head didn’t feel clear enough to make such monumental decisions on his own.
With this thought, he slid his hand back inside the incubator and stroked his finger over Anaya’s cheek. ‘I’ll be back later tonight,’ he told her, even though she was still slumbering away.
Then, with a wave to the nurse, he left the ward.
As he stepped out into the waiting area he got a whiff of body odour and grimaced. The bad smell emanating from his person confirmed his decision to go back to the apartment and take a shower, change his clothes. How the nurses had let him hold his baby this morning he had no idea. Claire would be disgusted.
In the car, he called his mum on speaker phone. ‘I’ve got a few things I need to discuss with you and Dad,’ he said. ‘I know it’s short notice but do you guys think you could come to Newie tonight? I’m going to call Claire’s parents and Tim and ask if they can come as well.’
‘Is something wrong with Anaya?’ his mum asked, her voice shrill with anxiety.
‘No,’ he rushed to reassure her. ‘She’s doing well. But something else has come up and I need your thoughts on it.’
‘Of course we’ll come,’ said his mum. ‘Do you want me to bring dinner?’
‘No. That’s okay.’ He didn’t want her tiring herself out when the drive to and from the Hunter would be draining enough. ‘I’ll order in some takeaway.’ He was about to disconnect when he remembered. ‘Oh, and have you seen the news?’ In the wake of Harper’s request, he’d almost forgotten the media issue.
‘About Harper being the egg donor you mean? Yes,’ she added before he could answer. ‘Some journalist called us this morning. Your father told her to take a hike.’
‘Good. Thank you. Keep up that silence and I’ll fill you in on everything when you get here.’
Chapter Thirty-one
Harper drove to the first hotel she saw, not caring what star rating or facilities it had—simply wanting to be as close to the hospital as possible. After handing over her credit card to the annoyingly talkative woman behind reception and listening to her spiel about the restaurant and breakfast, she couldn’t get to her room fast enough. Her heart had been thumping like a brass band since she’d left the NICU; anger, frustration and anxiety playing the part of conductor.
She wasn’t sure who she was more upset with—Jasper for not letting her see Anaya again or herself for not choosing her moment better. Asking him to be part of their baby’s life when he was clearly worked up about the media had possibly not been the smartest move on her part. She’d stupidly—naively—imagined he’d be overjoyed by her request, but of course it was much more complicated than her feelings.
Usually when Harper stayed in a hotel, the first thing she did was pull open all the drawers and cupboards, and check the minibar and all the little bottles and goodies in the bathroom. But quite aside from the fact that this motel wasn’t up to the standard of the places she and Samuel usually stayed and might not even have a minibar, she didn’t care about any of that right now.
Instead, she dumped her overnight bag on the floor of the sparsely furnished room and made a beeline for the bed. As she stared at the ceiling, which was in desperate need of a new coat of paint, she thought of Jasper’s reaction to her confession and her request. He’d listened as she’d told him about her childhood, he’d even appeared sympathetic. For a few seconds she’d felt as if they were on the same page, both of them wanting only the best for their little girl. But then, for the third time since Anaya’s birth, he’d basically dismissed her from the hospital, and she had to wonder if his vow to think about what she’d asked was merely a means to get her out of there.
When she’d first arrived and seen Anaya snuggled up against his bare chest, she’d sighed at the sweetness of their obvious bond, but her heart had also contracted with jealousy. The closest she’d been to her baby was holding her hand through that little hole in the side of the incubator and she craved the ability to hold Anaya skin to skin, mother to child.
So when Jasper had sent her packing, she’d wanted to fight him—to tell him he had no right to stop her seeing her daughter, but somehow, thankfully, she’d restrained herself. Her sensible, rational side knew he did have a right. He had every right—and that terrified her like nothing ever had before.
The law was on Jasper’s side, and even if she could take him to court and win some kind of custodial rights, that would only make him and his family hate her. And what would it achieve? The bitterness would filter through to Anaya and their daughter would have a childhood as shitty as her own—albeit in a different way. That possibility broke her heart almost as much as the idea of not being involved.
No, as hard as it was to be patient, her best bet was to hope and pray that in time—not too much time—Jasper would find it in his heart to let her into Anaya’s life. As she closed her eyes, her phone started ringing in her handbag.
She leapt off the bed, almost tripping over her own feet in her effort to get to it. While part of her knew it was too soon, she couldn’t help hoping it was Jasper with good news. Deciding it had to be Willow or Samuel checking in on her, she frowned when she glanced down at the screen and saw an international number.
Laura! She hadn’t known her mother even knew how to call a mobile from overseas—the few times they’d spoken since she’d been in Montana, it had always been on Skype—but she’d been one surprise after another this last year.
Talk about crap timing.
She considered ignoring the call, but then again, maybe some mindless chatter with her mother would help take her mind off Jasper. Hoping she wouldn’t regret it, she pressed accept.
‘Hello?’
‘What the hell took you so long to answer?’ Laura sounded as if she were screaming from the next room. Harper almost dropped the phone, feeling like a little girl being scolded for something that wasn’t even naughty.
‘I’m … a little bit busy.’ She took a deep breath, already wishing she’d let the call go to voicemail. She didn’t have the mental energy to deal with her mother. She went back over to the bed and lay down again, trying to remember who she was supposed to be interviewing at work today so she could tell Laura about that.
‘I know,’ Laura said, her tone accusatory. ‘When were you going to tell me I’m a grandmother?’
‘What?’ Harper sat bolt upright again. ‘How did you hear?’
‘How did I hear?!’ That shrill voice again, worse than nails down a blackboard. ‘On the internet. That’s how. I know you think I’m a dummy compared to you and Willow but I keep up to date with Australian news. Someone shared a link on Facebook.’
Despite the seriousness of her situation, Harper almost laughed out loud at that. Damn social media—of course it would be there. She hadn’t checked her accounts for over twenty-four hours. Taking another deep breath, she told herself to be calm. ‘You’re not a grandmother,’ she said, because no matter what decision Jasper made, Harper would never let her mother take on such a role.
‘So Facebook is lying?’ Laura sounded only moderately placated. ‘You didn’t give your eggs away to strangers and now one of them is dead and the baby alive?’
‘I did donate eggs,’ Harper admitted, ‘and sadly the recipient is dead and the baby was delivered alive.’ Although the bit about ‘giving away’ and ‘strangers’ made her fingers tighten around her mobile.
‘And you didn’t think to tell your own mother what you were doing?’
‘No, I didn’t.’ Harper refused to feel guilty. ‘This was a private thing. If Claire hadn’t passed away, the media would never have been privy to any of this information and I don’t see how it’s any concern of yours either.’
‘No concern of mine?’ The piercing shriek was back, louder and more deranged than ever. Harper seriously considered ending the call without another word. ‘I’m your mother. After all I’ve done, all I’ve sacrificed for you and your sister, I shouldn’t have to hear stuff like this on the internet. You don’t think I care that I’m a grandma to a little girl?’
‘You’re not a grandma! The baby already has two sets of devoted grandparents.’ Harper was careful not to call Anaya by name. And no way was she telling Laura anything about her hopes to be more involved in her life. For one, she didn’t trust her own mother not to blab to the media—Laura would do anything for a quick bob. And two, just hearing her voice had doubt creeping into Harper’s mind.
Seeing Jasper with Anaya today had proven his initial hesitation towards her had blossomed into full-blown love. No one looking at Anaya cradled against him could question that love—it was clear that he’d do everything within his power to make her happy and safe. Maybe Anaya would be fine with him. More than fine. Maybe Harper was being selfish—like her own mother—in her desire to play a bigger role in the baby’s life. Her gut tightened and turned with the uncertainty.
‘Are you still there? Are you listening to me?’ Laura demanded. ‘Why didn’t you tell me about giving away your eggs? It’s embarrassing, not to mention insulting to find out something like this third hand. Mack wonders what kind of daughters I have that they don’t tell their own mother something this huge.’
‘Oh my God, you’re truly delusional.’ Something inside Harper snapped—it was time for a few home truths. ‘No, I don’t think you have any right to know what I do with my own body. You gave up those rights over and over again during my childhood. You didn’t sacrifice anything for Willow and me, but we sacrificed a lot because we had a mother like you. A selfish mother who always put herself ahead of her children.’
Harper barely paused to take a breath. ‘Willow and I have been beyond kind to you since we’ve been adults. We’ve made excuses, we’ve dragged you out of scrapes time and time again when it should have been the other way round. But you never chose us. The day you didn’t turn up when I had the star role at my grade two assembly I finally understood that you weren’t what a mother should be.’
‘You’re not going to bring that up again, are you?’ Laura interjected.
Ignoring the question, Harper continued, ‘Willow said you wouldn’t come, but I believed in you and you let me down. Just as you let Willow down when you called her a whore when your deadbeat boyfriend mistakenly climbed into her bed. If it even was a mistake. What would you have done if he’d raped her? No, don’t answer that because we both know the truth. We both know who you’d have believed. You let us down over and over again. And because of you, I decided never to be a mother. Because Lord help the child if I turned out like you! That’s why I “gave my eggs away” as you put it, because I was too scared to use them myself!’
There was dead silence on the other end of the phone, but Harper could tell Laura hadn’t hung up. She could keep talking—keep throwing examples at her—but what would be the point? It wouldn’t change the past and she didn’t want to waste her breath. ‘Unless you’ve got anything else to say, I think this conversation is over. I have more important things to focus on right now.’
And before Laura could say another word, Harper disconnected and threw the phone across the bed. Her heart was racing and her blood boiling. She’d never felt such rage, yet at the same moment a massive grin exploded onto her face. She’d finally told her mother what she should have told her years ago. Whether Laura would take any of it in or not didn’t matter, because the simple act of getting it off her chest made her feel like the noose that had been hanging around her neck all these years had finally been cut loose.
She now knew with absolute certainty that she was not like her mother and never would be. Whether that was because of her father’s genes, Willow’s guiding influence as she was growing up or some wonderful freak of nature, who knew? It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that she wanted to be Anaya’s mother and that somehow she and Jasper would work it out so that Anaya got two loving parents instead of one.
Now that she’d held her baby girl’s hand, now that she’d stared down into her tiny but vibrant eyes, Harper couldn’t comprehend a life without her in it.
She’d given up on a baby once before, and whatever it took, she wasn’t going to do it again.
Chapter Thirty-two
Wendy, Paul, Joanne and Mike arrived at the apartment within minutes of each other, followed soon after by Scotty and Polly. Unfortunately Tim was on a mine site overnight for work and couldn’t make it, so Jasper had decided to invite his cousin and Claire’s best friend instead. He figured it might be good to have another opinion in case his parents and Claire’s were divided.
He hugged them all and led them straight into the kitchen where the food he’d bought from the local Thai restaurant was already laid out on the table.
‘That smells delicious,’ Mike said, but the smile that went along with his words looked forced. Both his and Claire’s parents looked as if they’d aged a decade in the last two weeks.
They were all making an effort to keep going without Claire but nothing had ever felt like such hard work. Although there wasn’t really room for anyone else around the table, her absence was as obvious as if there’d been a dragon sitting among them.
Taking a deep breath to try and ease the pressure on his chest, Jasper gestured to the plates and the plastic containers filled with an assortment of rice and spicy food. ‘Help yourselves.’
Everyone did so without speaking—the only sounds in the small room the scraping of cutlery against plates. Since Cl
aire’s death small talk seemed overrated and Jasper appreciated that none of his family attempted it. When all their plates were full, he put some food on his as well, not that he had much of an appetite. He’d noticed when he’d pulled clean jeans on earlier that they were looser than they had been in years, but food seemed a low priority right now.
He cleared his throat and all eyes in the kitchen focused on him. ‘Thanks for coming at such short notice.’
They nodded, smiled and uttered things like ‘not a problem’ and ‘we’d move heaven and earth to be here for you, Jasper.’
‘Well, anyway …’ His gut tightened as he spoke and he decided to deal with the easiest issue first. ‘You might have noticed that the media has found out about Harper donating her eggs to Claire and me.’
‘Bloody media,’ Paul grumbled. ‘Journalists should learn to mind their own business.’
‘If it wasn’t our story, we’d probably be fascinated by it,’ Joanne pointed out with a sad shrug of her shoulders. ‘The papers only print stuff because people want to read it.’
‘Anyway,’ Jasper continued, not wanting to get into a debate about the ethics of media, ‘Harper drove up to speak to me about it today—apparently The Morning Edition wants to interview us. They’ve offered us money for an exclusive interview.’
‘The Morning Edition?’ Paul’s derisive tone told Jasper exactly what his father thought of this.
‘By us,’ Joanne asked, ‘do you mean you and Harper or all of us?’
Mike slammed his fist down on the table. ‘Does it matter? Paul’s right. This has nothing to do with anyone but the family and if they think they can buy us … well, they’ve got another think coming!’
Jasper swallowed—while his initial gut reaction had been very similar to his dad’s and Mike’s, he’d had a few hours to ponder the proposal a little more. What if Harper was right and the media monster continued to run with the story whether they gave their consent or not?
The Greatest Gift Page 30
