Harper met her two oldest friends at a restaurant in Darlinghurst. They squealed like schoolgirls when they saw her and then wrapped their arms around her as they offered their congratulations.
It still felt awkward when people used this word in relation to her situation. The staff at the station had all signed a big card for her with the word printed in massive pink letters across the front, and Samuel’s partners’ wives had sent her a big bouquet of cloth nappies designed to look like flowers. And while she appreciated the enthusiasm of her friends and colleagues, guilt hovered over her like a dark rain cloud whenever she dwelt on the fact that she only had this because Claire didn’t.
‘We saw you on TV the other morning,’ Juliet said as they bustled into the restaurant.
‘You looked stunning,’ added Renee. She opened her mouth to say something more, but an attendant with a name badge that read Keisha greeted them at the entrance and asked if they had a booking.
Harper nodded. ‘Under Harper Drummond.’
‘Fabulous, come this way.’ The attendant picked up three leather menus and led them to a table in the far corner. ‘Can I bring you some drinks to start?’
Juliet clapped her hands together. ‘We’re celebrating. I think this calls for champagne. Bring us a bottle of your finest. This one’s on me.’
‘Ooh, good idea,’ Renee said. ‘I’ll buy the next. Sam’s just stopped breastfeeding so I’m a free agent tonight and I plan to enjoy myself.’
‘Right then. The best bubbly we have, coming right up.’ Their waitress laughed as she retreated.
Harper opened her menu and glanced down to scan the options—the last two weeks she’d been living on muesli bars and takeaway, so the prospect of something a little more upmarket had her tastebuds watering—but her friends didn’t appear in the slightest bit interested in the food.
‘So, welcome to motherhood,’ Juliet said, grinning. ‘Isn’t it wonderful?’
Harper sighed and decided to be frank with her friends. She put down the menu. ‘To be honest, it’s all a bit surreal at the moment—and while I adore Anaya and am so damn thankful she’s in my life, it’s bittersweet because of Claire.’
Her friends’ faces fell. They looked suitably chastised. She hadn’t meant them to feel bad but it wouldn’t feel right to sit here celebrating her entrance into a club that only a few weeks ago she didn’t want to be a part of. ‘And it’s hard being so far away from the hospital. I can barely concentrate on work.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ Renee reached across the table and squeezed Harper’s hand. ‘We’re excited but we’re being insensitive. How is poor Jasper holding up? When he spoke about his wife on the TV, I couldn’t stop bawling. Matthew even had tears in his eyes and the only other time I’ve ever seen him cry was when the Sydney Swans lost the grand final. Jasper seems like a really good guy.’
Harper nodded. ‘That is a perfect way to describe him. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone so in love with their spouse. If it wasn’t for Anaya, I don’t think he’d be coping at all. She gives him a reason to get up in the morning.’
Renee sniffed and Harper felt a little bad for lowering the mood of the night. ‘Anyway,’ she said, ‘how are Sam and Kiara?’
Her friends blinked in surprise and Harper realised she’d never actually asked them this question before. Shame washed over her. She thought they’d been baby-obsessed since becoming mothers but now she saw things for how they really were. Without being aware of it she’d been living in self-preservation mode, steering clear of all things baby in case—heaven forbid—she might start craving things she didn’t want to crave.
‘Sam’s doing really well,’ Renee replied after a few moments of shocked silence. ‘I think I was more upset about him stopping breastfeeding than he was. He’s just started climbing—as if walking wasn’t bad enough—so we’re having to baby-proof all the high cupboards and doors as well.’
Harper smiled. ‘How old is he now?’
‘Almost sixteen months,’ Renee said.
‘I didn’t even know you knew their names,’ Juliet exclaimed.
‘Juliet!’ Renee tossed her a warning look.
‘What?’ Juliet shrugged. ‘It’s true. She’s never shown the slightest bit of interest in our kids.’
Renee glanced down at the table.
‘It’s okay,’ Harper said. ‘Juliet’s right.’ They hadn’t been bad friends; she had. And she owed them an explanation. ‘I’m sorry for not showing the interest I should have in your children. I’m not making excuses. I realise now how wrong it was and although it’s no excuse, I do have a reason.’
Juliet leant back in her seat and made a face that said this will be good. ‘We’re all ears.’
Talking about her childhood and the abortion should have been getting easier, but it wasn’t. Her stomach churned. Thankfully, just as she opened her mouth to begin, Keisha returned with three glasses and a bottle of Veuve Clicquot. The woman had barely poured her glass before Harper grabbed it and gulped down a mouthful.
‘Are you ready to place your orders?’
Renee smiled back apologetically. ‘Can you give us a few more moments, please?’
‘Sure thing.’
As Keisha retreated and Juliet and Renee each took a sip, Harper began. They had all met in high school so they were already familiar with her less than perfect example of motherhood, but both were shocked when she admitted how much this experience had shaped her. Both women took Harper’s hand when she told them about her abortion.
‘Oh Harper, I wish you’d told us earlier,’ Renee said.
‘Me too.’ Juliet nodded, her earlier anger banished. ‘We could have been there for you.’
Harper nodded and swallowed the lump that rose in her throat. ‘I wish I had now, but there’s no changing the past. I’m just sorry it meant that I wasn’t excited for you two when you got pregnant like a good friend should be.’
‘Forget that now.’ Renee waved a hand in front of her face. ‘We’re certainly not always the perfect friends either, but the fact we’re still here putting up with each other after all these years shows there’s something between us.’
Juliet lifted her glass. ‘I’ll toast to that.’
‘Me too,’ Harper said. Toasting friendship and letting go of past demons was something she could definitely do.
Keisha returned to the table as they lowered their glasses. ‘Ready yet, ladies?’
They smiled sheepishly at each other.
‘What’s your favourite dish on the menu?’ Juliet asked their waitress.
‘The char-grilled beef sirloin with parsnip mash and honey-roasted heirloom carrots. Chef does beef better than I’ve ever tasted anywhere. Even better than my mum.’ Keisha leant in close and put a finger to her lips. ‘But don’t tell her I said that.’
They all laughed.
‘That sounds fabulous,’ Harper exclaimed, snapping shut her menu. ‘You sold me.’
‘Me too,’ Julie said.
‘I’m not supposed to eat roasted food on my diet, but …’ Renee threw her hands up in the air and grinned. ‘To hell with it. I’ll have what they’re having.’
Keisha chuckled. ‘That was easy then. Thanks ladies.’ She collected their menus and went off to deliver their order to the kitchen.
‘About your job,’ Juliet began, a pensive expression on her face. ‘Can’t you just take maternity leave? Surely your contract entitles you to parental leave.’
She nodded. ‘Yes, it does but it’s not as straightforward as that. Legally Anaya is Claire and Jasper’s baby—and he still wants her name on the birth certificate—so we have to work out some sort of guardianship agreement. Until that is in place, I don’t have any rights to maternity leave. I’ve asked Samuel to talk to someone at his firm about the situation for me but he’s pretty busy at the moment as well.’
Juliet rolled her eyes. ‘Since when is Samuel not busy?’
Harper ignored her. ‘I’ve got plenty of holida
y leave, so I am going to take a couple of extra days off here and there while Anaya is still in hospital, and when she goes home in a couple of months I’m taking six weeks. If I can get maternity leave, I’ll look at taking it on top of that.’
‘It sounds exhausting, but if anyone can do it, you can,’ Juliet said. ‘Me? If I were in your shoes I’d probably just quit my job and embrace full-time motherhood.’
Harper knew her friend didn’t mean any offence by this statement—even at school Juliet’s life ambition had been to have babies and keep house—but as much as she adored Anaya, she couldn’t imagine being one of those stay-at-home types. She wanted Anaya to grow up to understand that women could be as successful as men in the workforce and that doing a job you truly loved brought immense joy and satisfaction.
‘How’s Samuel handling this whole situation?’ Renee asked, giving Juliet another look as she changed the direction of the conversation.
Harper fiddled with the necklace at her throat. ‘He’s being very understanding and supportive.’
‘When will he be able to meet Anaya?’
‘Not for a while. It’s only parents and grandparents in the actual neonatal ward.’
‘That’s a pity,’ her friends said at the same time.
‘There’ll be plenty of time for them to get to know each other later. Anyway,’ Harper said, smiling at Juliet, ‘you haven’t told me how Kiara’s doing.’
This time Juliet smiled and happily filled them in on the many milestones her almost two year old had recently achieved and Harper listened carefully, making mental notes of what she and Jasper had to look forward to with Anaya.
Keisha delivered their meals and conversation continued as they ate. She hadn’t over-exaggerated the chef’s talents—the beef was impossibly tender and Harper had never known parsnips could taste so good. Although they were already full to bursting, they couldn’t resist the citrus curd, French meringue and nut crumble that Keisha recommended.
Finally, at almost eleven o’clock, Harper looked up and realised they were the only people left in the restaurant. After the initial moments of discord, the evening had flown by and as they stood to leave, she thanked Juliet and Renee for being so supportive and understanding, and also for helping her get through what would otherwise have been a long night on her own.
‘Have a safe trip to Newcastle tomorrow,’ Renee said as she hugged Harper goodbye.
‘Yes.’ Juliet nodded as she did the same. ‘And be sure to send us more photos of your gorgeous girl. I’m getting clucky again but I’ve got to convince Jared that it’s time for another. He’s a sucker for newborns so your photos might just do the trick.’
Harper laughed and promised she would.
Chapter Thirty-seven
Jasper startled awake when his alarm clock rang at three o’clock on Saturday morning. His body clock, which used to wake him at this time of its own accord, had changed over the last few weeks. Now he took hours going to sleep and usually woke without an alarm at about 7.30 am, then got ready and headed into the hospital. But today, for the first time in almost three weeks, he wasn’t going to see Anaya.
Today he was at home—although it no longer felt like home—and he was going up in the air instead. He forced himself up off the couch, dragging his hands over his face and fighting the urge to snuggle back under the throw rug. When he’d arrived late last night, he hadn’t been able to face the prospect of sleeping in the marital bed without Claire, so he’d opted for the couch with Gerry and Sunny at his feet instead. The cats barely moved when he got up, and a lonely silence echoed through the house.
As he’d driven away from the hospital yesterday, his emotions had once again been at war inside him. Part of him thrummed with excitement at the prospect of flying again, but he also struggled with the guilt of leaving Anaya and the knowledge that he’d be working without Claire. They’d been a team for almost five years and he wasn’t sure he knew how to work with anyone else anymore. This morning, as he padded down the hallway to the bathroom and threw himself into the shower, that guilt and grief felt stronger than ever.
By the time he’d dragged on his clothes and headed outside to his car, the only thing stopping him driving straight back to Newcastle was the knowledge that he’d be letting his parents down if he did so—they had two big groups booked in this morning.
His headlights lighting the road ahead, Jasper drove the familiar route to the balloon shed, marvelling at how unfamiliar everything felt. He parked his vehicle next to his father’s and then headed into the shed. The last time he’d been here they’d been getting the equipment ready for the Civil Aviation Safety Authority’s annual check and he realised he’d never even asked his dad how they’d fared. Had the check even gone ahead? He shook that thought from his head, not wanting to dwell on anything about that day. He had tortured himself enough in the weeks since.
‘Hello, son,’ said his dad with a wave as Jasper entered the building. He was in the tiny kitchen off to one side of the shed filling two reusable coffee cups with the Big Basket Ballooning logo on the side.
‘Hey, Dad.’ Jasper headed over to him, his nose twitching as he caught the aroma of bacon and eggs. Sure enough, on the bench beside his father were two packages wrapped in greaseproof paper.
Paul chuckled as he followed Jasper’s gaze. ‘Your mum told me I was to watch you eat that. She’s scared you’re wasting away.’
Jasper picked one up and started peeling back the paper. He took a bite and moaned as the flavours exploded on his tongue. ‘She worries too much,’ he said between bites. ‘I’m okay, honestly. Sad, obviously, but I’m eating. It might not be great food, but nutrition is the least of my worries right now.’
Paul held up his hands as if he were the victim in an armed robbery. ‘Hey, no need to explain to me. I’m just following orders. And you’re allowed to be sad. Are you sure you’re up to all this today?’
Jasper swallowed. He wasn’t sure at all but he couldn’t put it off forever. He wanted to fly, but the thought of facing a bunch of excitable strangers filled him with dread. ‘I’ll be fine.’
Whether or not his father believed him, he nodded. ‘Let’s get this show on the road then,’ he said as he picked up his coffee and breakfast.
They climbed into the four-wheel drive and drove in silence to the site they’d chosen for today’s launch. Jasper was grateful his dad didn’t try to make him talk. Even when they stopped the vehicle in a paddock and began their testing, he only spoke about what they were doing and Jasper threw himself into the work, happy for the distraction. If he focused on ballooning today and tried not to dwell on the fact that Claire wasn’t with him, maybe he could get through this.
By the time they returned to the shed, Wendy and one of their other employees, Luke, had arrived, and a few eager passengers were starting to emerge from cars. Jasper took a deep breath, trying to ignore the butterflies dancing in his stomach. He’d done this more times than he could count, but for some reason he was nervous. As he looked at the animated smiles on the faces of the people that were arriving, he fought the urge to get back into his car and escape. How was he supposed to be all jovial with these strangers when he was still coming to terms with a life without his wife? What if they’d seen his story on the TV, recognised him and wanted to talk, ask questions?
Paul paused as he headed for the shed and looked back to Jasper, a frown on his face. ‘You coming, son?’
‘Yes.’ He couldn’t let these people down and he couldn’t let his parents and the business down either. This business was Anaya’s nest egg. If anyone said a word about Claire or their baby, he’d politely tell them he preferred not to talk about it.
Thankfully, it soon became apparent that most of today’s passengers were tourists from Japan, and none of them appeared to have heard about Jasper and his miracle baby. Either that or they didn’t care, which was fine by him.
Despite this, the group were one of the most excited he could remember having f
or some time. Even before his dad had finished the safety spiel—during which he was interrupted a number of times with questions—their enthusiasm was beginning to grate on Jasper’s nerves. When they were split into two groups and he was introduced as one of the pilots, every person in his group wanted to take a selfie with him.
Again he almost walked out, but the tired lines around his dad’s eyes kept him from doing so. Instead he summoned a smile he didn’t feel and acquiesced to the photos, telling himself that the only way to get through the next few hours was by pretending. He’d imagine he was an actor in a film—a happy actor who wanted to win an Academy Award for his performance—and try not to let the fact that he’d never excelled at drama classes at school bother him.
This decision helped him make small talk as they piled the passengers into the bus to take them to the launch site.
As he lifted his foot to climb in with them, his mum came up beside him. ‘Do you want to drive my chaser car today?’ The usual routine was for his dad to drive the bus while the two crew members each took a vehicle with a basket trailer and Jasper sat among the passengers answering questions. But today he couldn’t have been more grateful to his mum for offering to swap places.
‘Thanks,’ he said as he kissed her on the cheek and took her keys.
While his parents finished getting everyone onto the bus, he drove ahead on his own, Luke following closely behind with the other trailer. His mind kept drifting—to Claire, to Anaya, to Harper—but he repeated the word ‘actor’ over and over like a mantra as he tried to slip into his old self.
Once he’d parked in the middle of the paddock they’d chosen to be today’s launch site, there was plenty to keep him busy. He and Luke unloaded the baskets, envelopes and other equipment from the trailers and prepared them so that by the time his parents arrived with the passengers they were ready to start filling the balloons. Everyone split into their two groups and as usual they encouraged the passengers to participate in the set-up process. Lots of photos were taken of the balloons coming to life—photos of the action, shots of the sun rising behind them and more selfies than a busload of teenagers could ever take.
The Greatest Gift Page 35
