by Yessi Smith
First we’ll have to get over the hurdle that is my parents. They’ve been in the back of my mind since she brought them up weeks ago and this morning I finally took the leap and emailed them. I haven’t checked to see if they’ve responded because I don’t want thoughts of them following us to dinner or to my surprise. I don’t need them tainting any other part of my life.
But after that hurdle, because there will be an after, we can start to plan our future. I wonder what she’d think if she knew that was where my thoughts were headed. Toward marriage and babies.
After ordering her a Jack and Coke and a beer for myself at an outdoor bar, we walk toward the beach where a live reggae band is playing. The ocean breeze hits us before we make it to the beach and while night is quickly approaching, the smell of sun tan lotion still mingles in the air with the fresh scent of the salty waters.
When we reach the sand, she faces me and I pull her to me and place my hand on the small of her back, swaying us slowly to the rhythm of the music while the light breeze from the sea tickles her hair. Looking down at her face, I realize that never has she looked more beautiful to me than under the early evening sky. I shamelessly stare at her face, making her lips twitch into a small, seductive smile. She encircles her hand around my neck and pulls me closer to her.
“Beautiful,” she whispers into my neck while her fingers play with my hair, making my body hum with her touch. “You’re so beautiful.”
I tilt my head back so I can once again look at her and it feels as if my heart has quit beating altogether. “Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you.”
She runs her hands over my shoulders and arms and my muscles twitch when her fingers graze over my skin. I watch as her lips quiver with her own desire so I pull her closer to me, uniting our bodies as much as publicly acceptable as we dance under the stars. My hands itch to touch the skin beneath the thin fabric of her sundress. I appease myself by running my hands over her back and letting it rest on the small of her back where my thumbs run circles.
Hayley rests her head on my shoulder and the gesture is so intimate, it takes my breath away. I feel as if I’m floating as I guide us from song to song, kissing the top of her head and her ear randomly.
When the alarm on my watch alerts me that it is time to move on with tonight’s plans, I move away from a breathless Hayley with great effort.
“Let’s go have dinner,” I tell her and she opens her eyes in confusion. She blinks her eyes at me several times as if she were waking from a dream—not even realizing she is my dream. Her dream has yet to begin.
“Now? Can’t we stay here a little while longer?”
I kiss her again and promise her that what I have planned is far greater than dancing on the beach. At least I hope it is.
“A surprise?” she asks, excitement shining behind her eyes. She’s so genuine in her emotions. I love watching them cross her face as she experiences each one.
With her hand in mine, I lead us to Atlantis’ marina, passing several gift shops that Hayley didn’t know existed. She tries to sneak into a couple, but we have a schedule to keep to so I urge her on with the promise that we’ll visit the stores the following day.
As we pass the last restaurant in the marina shops and step on to the docks that boast several large yachts, Hayley’s interest is piqued. I can feel the excitement vibrating off her skin so I put my arm around her shoulder and soak her in, glad that whatever had her fidgeting earlier has subsided long enough for her to fully enjoy tonight.
A small gasp escapes her lips when I stop in front of Enigma, a one-hundred-forty-seven foot custom built super yacht. After she removes her wedges, I help her on deck where we are greeted by two of the crew and the Captain. Speechless, she holds my hand firmly in hers as the Captain leads us past the stern that already has our candlelit table set up in the main salon, which is fitted with a large leather couch and silk curtains. The salon is connected to the dining area that consists of a marble top table that easily seats ten guests. As we walk past the dining room, we are met with a professional looking galley with restaurant-grade equipment.
Hayley giggles into my back as we go down two flights of stairs to the master cabin, that sits just below the bow of the boat and stretches from port to starboard. The cabin is adorned with white silk walls. But it is not the walls nor the wood floors that interest me, but the king size bed and spa-like bathroom.
After the Captain leaves, Hayley jumps on the bed with a loud squeal, running her fingers over the expansive bed. Her eyes sparkle back at me and I feel my grin widen while my chest lightens with her excitement.
“How long is this ours?” she asks with her eyes closed.
“Forever.”
She opens one eye to look at me and I wink back at her.
“Shut up, Max!” She grabs a pillow from behind her and tosses it at my face. With the pillow in my hand, I jump on her and smother her with half my body weight.
“For the night. There’s no glass bottom.” I laugh when she covers her face and moans. I kiss her cheek and let out a throaty laugh when she begins to mumble under her breath. “And the captain is gonna stay in the bay.”
“Great, so I won’t ruin the night and you won’t have to take care of me.” She smirks.
“Taking care of you is an honor I hope I’ll have for the rest of my life.”
Her smile grows while a slight blush overtakes her cheeks.
“How’d you get to be so sweet?”
Before I can answer, she pulls me down to her and kisses me, igniting the passion that lives just below the surface. I hear the engines roar to life as the Captain begins our small journey, but the only roaring that interests me is the one pumping through my veins.
Hayley holds onto me while I love every inch of her and show her how much she means to me. I savor her, letting the seconds merge together until all the tiny fragments of time have lost their meaning and all that is left is us. Us, together. The only thing in this hectic world that makes any sense.
***
We take our champagne to the bow of the boat and sip it in the hot tub. Hayley leans against me and together we watch the sunset until the last of the red and yellow hues disappear into the horizon. Hayley sighs happily as I pull her closer to me.
“I love your surprises so much, Max,” Hayley tells me and I smile into her hair. “But sometimes I wonder if it’s a façade you can hide behind.”
I feel myself stiffen and try to relax my suddenly tense muscles. Just when everything felt like it was suddenly righting itself, reality had a way of reminding me that misfortune was mere moments away.
“What do you mean?” I play the fool, hoping she’ll join me.
My life is a façade, but I’ve never been one to hide behind a bright smile. Instead, I hide behind Hayley and allow her laughter to speak for me. Her unrestrained laughter, so full of joy, makes me forget what I work so hard to pretend never happened. But every day my eyes open and I take my first breath, is just a reminder of the heart that quit beating. So maybe, yeah, I do try to go to extremes to make sure that the heart that has been entrusted to me beats strong and hard for me.
“This is amazing.” She waves her hand around her as her eyes scan the yacht we’re on. “But I can do without the boat and balloon rides. I just want you.”
“You have me.” I can only look at her for a moment before I avert my eyes and stare into the horizon.
She turns her face so that she can look back at me and continues to hold her gaze until my eyes meet hers. “Not yet I don’t, but I will.”
“Hay,” I stop, not knowing what else to say.
“Just you, Max. You’re enough. As soon as you realize that, you’ll let me in. Only then can we really be together.”
I exhale nervously, not sure how to respond. She wants me to bear my soul to her, but that’s not what tonight was supposed to be about. We’re just getting comfortable with one another again.
“I love the romance and love behind ea
ch of your surprises, but I think you’re missing out on the big picture. It isn’t about flowers or jewelry or any other lavish gift—although I’m not complaining.” She winks at me and I smile a wolfish smile. I know she likes my gestures, it’s the main reason I find new ways to surprise her. “The romantic things I treasure the most are the every day things you do to show me you’re thinking about me or when you go out of your way to make me feel special. Random text messages, when you hug me in public, or kiss me for no reason. That’s what tells me you love me. Telling me I’m beautiful, even when I’m on the rag, without any make up on, wearing sweatpants and my hair’s up in a messy bun. Letting me eat your fries or when you put a game on pause so I can tell you a funny story. Your most romantic gestures can’t be bought, but you give them nonetheless. That’s what makes me feel like the most special girl in your life.”
Speechless, I look back at her uncertainly. “Hay, baby, I’d do anything in the world for you.” I kiss her neck while my hands travel up her arm. “I like doing this, surprising you with something you’ve never experienced. I love watching your face light up. It’s like you fall in love with me all over again. It’s the best damn feeling in the world.”
She turns around and straddles me, holding my face in hers. “I fall in love with you every morning when I wake up next to you and see you smile at me. Granted first thing in the morning, your breath kind of smells bad and you get these eye boogers that creep me out.”
I pinch the side of her stomach and she giggles into my neck.
“Admit it, it’s the eye boogers that do it for you,” I joke and she laughs harder, but my tone turns somber. “You know all that there is to know about me. I haven’t kept anything from you, except my parents. After Dee and Adam’s wedding, I promise we’ll talk to them. That’s the last bit of it, Hay. There’s nothing else. I want to give you everything and I will.” Even if it means losing myself in the process.
Hayley’s lips find mine and I relish the feeling of her soft skin under my fingertips when I touch her. There’s no guilt between us, just an acceptance that our lives crossed long before we knew of each other. Her warmth placates me and fills my every gaping hole.
“Hungry,” Hayley moans in my mouth so I bite her bottom lip, willing to feed her with my own hunger, but she pushes me away and grabs her glass of champagne. “Hungry for real food,” she explains and I frown.
Slowly, she gets out of the tub and wraps herself in a towel, extending mine to me. Begrudgingly, I get out of the tub and finish my glass.
“The lady wants to eat,” I huff and she laughs. The lady gets me all worked up only to tell me she wants food. She’ll just have to agree to be my dessert.
Together, we walk back to the table that awaits us inside, but both agree we’d rather eat outside so we take our plates and drinks to a table in the stern of the boat. I fill both our glasses while two crew members bring us our appetizers when we sit down. When they take the lid off the food Hayley’s smile grows as she leans in to smell it.
“Crab cakes,” she whispers and I slice my eyes at her.
The seduction in her voice belongs to me, not to the crab cakes. I push her fork to the side when she tries to take a bite and slice my own fork through what apparently constitutes as orgasmic food.
With a small piece on my fork, I bring it toward Hayley’s lips. She willingly opens her mouth and closes her eyes as she savors each morsel. I moan my disgust at her obvious enjoyment and she eyes me curiously.
So what if this small delicacy is making me jealous—it just threatened my manhood while I sat there and watched my girl salivate over it. Stupid crab cakes.
Hayley’s lips part open again so I feed her another piece of the crab cake, all the while feeling myself harden at the expression on her face. I try not to hold a grudge toward the food, but I’ll be damned if I hate anything putting that look on her face but myself.
After we finish our appetizer, grilled conch over yellow rice is brought out and I can’t even remember what I was jealous about. I wipe the dribble from my chin and barely acknowledge Hayley as I plow through our main course.
Drunk on good food and champagne, we sway with the yacht as we make our way down to our cabin. Hayley lies down next to me, her face in front of mine and I can taste the sweetness from the champagne from her breath. Never satisfied, I kiss her lips tenderly, taking my time as my hands explore her body. Her soft whispers and sighs vibrate throughout my body, further drugging me until I am lost in the abyss that is Hayley.
Without a need to rush, we take our time tasting and teasing the other’s body. My entire body is aware of Hayley’s. I can feel her heartbeat through mine, each pulse sending an electric shock throughout my body. Her cheeks glow as we move together, breathless as our needs entwine so that we are left only wanting to satisfy the other. Her body is a gift, but it is her heart that I value most. After hours of making love, Hayley drifts to sleep with her face snuggled on my shoulder and our breaths mingling together freely in the air.
Almost a month ago, my heart quit beating. Every breath I took hurt. Blinking, moving, existing was a pain so excruciating I wanted to hate the very person who had hurt me so deeply. But love doesn’t work like that. When you love someone, you can’t hate them for breaking your heart. If you really love them, you wait. And if waiting doesn’t work, you push your way back into their life until they have no other choice but to acknowledge you and your emotions.
That’s what I did with Max. I swallowed every ounce of pride I had and pushed my way back into his life and showed him my unrelenting love, all the while fearing the outcome. In doing so, I didn’t just make him see me, but for the first time, I saw him. All of him. Even the parts of him he didn’t want anyone to see.
I saw all of his fears, flaws, and insecurities. I saw his hurt and how perfectly it aligned with my own. I saw how hard he tried to be someone he could be proud of, never fully understanding the value he possessed by just existing.
Through every angry word or moment of passion, the constant that remained was that Max was my future. It was my responsibility to make him see himself through my eyes. To know that the things most took for granted was what I held most dear. To know I wanted him, without the flourish and grandeur of extravagant surprises. Just him with his tender touches, his loving words, his joy, his bad habits, and his sadness.
Life is not perfect, love is not perfect, but together Max and I come pretty close to perfection. Our love isn’t fragile. It can withstand and will not shatter, despite how hard our imperfections may try to do just that.
A love that is blind to the other person’s struggles, is not strong. I sought Max out, because I knew we had to bare it all, see it all and accept our imperfections and weaknesses in order for our love to fully take root. We have to face those challenges together and overcome them for love to be real.
The night we shared on the yacht isn’t just memorable because of the extravagance of the surprise. Nor is it because of the food or drinks. What made it special was us. Our touches, our talks, our hearts beating as one. It was a night of poetry simply because we were us. An us, that is stronger because we know each other better, not just physically, but now intimately know each other’s feelings. Throughout our relationship, we’ve been together but have neglected to nurture our relationship with trust and the open communication that comes with that trust.
I was afraid the openness would fade away once we got back home, but we continue to talk and discover one another.
My heart flutters when I hear Max open the door with Janus by his side. I take out the Thai food I ordered us and set the table while Janus plops his big head on our kitchen counter, looking for scraps of food.
“You should really teach him some manners,” Max tells me, moving Janus’ head off the counter.
“You’re the one who feeds him people food, thereby teaching him those bad manners,” I counter.
Max puts his arms around my waist and turns me around so that I’m
facing him. With his hands on my cheeks, he bends down and kisses me once on the lips, leaving me wanting more. I lick my lips when he moves away from me slightly and narrow my eyes at him.
“Let’s not fight over Janus,” he says and kisses me hard so that I can’t immediately respond. Bastard.
I point my finger at him, ready to remind him he’s the one that started this conversation but his stomach interrupts us.
“Food,” I say, poking a finger at his stomach, making him inch away from me.
“Then sex,” he adds and I roll my eyes. Men.
“By sex, I’m sure you mean The Walking Dead marathon?” I question, with my eyebrows raised.
“Not quite.” He scrunches his eyebrows at me and I laugh at his pained expression.
“You’ll live,” I remind him and laugh harder when he mutters curses under his breath. “Tell you what. You can give me a back rub while the show’s on.”
“Yeah, a back rub. That’s what we’ll call it.” He leans closer to me and nips at my ear, sending shivers down my spine, straight to my toes.
It’s good to have him back.
***
The following day, I meet Dee outside the bridal shop she bought her dress from, and my toes are still tingling from the hours Max spent rubbing my back. I stifle a giggle when I spot Dee and put my arm around her shoulders as we walk into the bridal shop for the last time.
Not that I’m going to chance a lashing and say anything, but I’m a bit skeptical Dee is gonna fit in her wedding dress. Each fitting, the dress has gotten a bit tighter and this is the last one before her big day. My gut feeling tells me she’s pregnant but, I won’t say a word. Not after the look from Hell she and Adam gave me when I thought she might be pregnant three weeks ago.
Nope, I’m keeping my mouth shut and will lather her body with coconut oil on her wedding day if needed.
I sip on my wine as Dee’s attendant helps her into her dress and I can feel the excitement radiating from her. I take pictures from my seat for the scrapbook I’m making her so that she can relive every moment of being a soon-to-be-bride when the excitement of being a wife wears off.
