“Like Iker?” Javi asked pointedly.
“He’s a friend,” Ed said. “Nothing else.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. I may have inferred otherwise, but he’s just a nice guy I met on the beach.”
“He’s got a thing for you,” Javi said.
Before Ed could respond, the gurgling from the coffeepot signaled it was done, and he quickly turned off the burner.
“The mugs are in the cupboard to your right,” Javi said. “If you want sugar, I’ve got some on the table. Cream is in the fridge and there’s aspirin in the bathroom for your hangover.”
Ed huffed. “Thanks for reminding me. I’ll be back in a second.”
He hurried down the hallway and entered the bathroom. After he had taken care of business, he decided to wash his face. The cold water was refreshing, and he longed for a toothbrush to get rid of the coating on his teeth, but Javi didn’t have a spare, so he ended up squeezing a dollop of toothpaste on his forefinger. He topped it off with a gargle of the mouthwash that happened to be within reach.
Ed glanced in the mirror above the sink and winced. God, he looked as awful as he felt. He combed through the unruly mass of hair with his fingers, trying to tamp down the unflattering bed head. The only consolation he could find in this unexpected sleepover was Javi’s placid demeanor. Ed had been sure they’d be trading insults after his stupid blunder regarding the crutches, but Javi had seemed to take it in stride. He shook out two aspirin from the bottle in the medicine cabinet and headed back to the kitchen.
Instead of waiting for him to finish in the bathroom, Javi had gone ahead and poured himself a mug, leaving the pot on a trivet in the center of the table for Ed.
“I wasn’t sure how you like your coffee,” Javi commented, “so I’ll let you take care of it.”
“I like it hot and bold.”
“Like your men?” Javi said, tacking on the cheesy comeback.
“Quit it,” Ed said. “It’s too early for your bullshit.”
Javi smirked. “Why don’t you tell me about your new friend?”
“He’s not into me, by the way. You’re wrong in that regard.”
Javi sipped his coffee, appraising Ed quietly.
“Stop looking at me like I’m on trial,” Ed snapped.
“Did you take the aspirin?” Javi asked blandly. “I think you need it.”
Ed realized the pills were still in his shirt pocket, where he’d dropped them. He popped them both into his mouth and washed them down with coffee.
“Proceed,” Javi prompted.
“With what?”
“Tell me about Iker.”
“Why is he so important?”
“Checking out my competition,” Javi said.
“You fucker,” Ed said, shaking his head in confusion. “One minute you treat me like I’m the enemy, and next thing I know, you’re making outrageous statements like that.”
“Maybe it’s time we stopped playing games.”
“I wasn’t playing at anything,” Ed said tersely. “You treated my offer to help you like a tax bill.”
Javi laughed.
“It’s the truth,” Ed continued. “When are you going to realize I have your best interests at heart?”
“If it’s any consolation, I went to the clinic yesterday and ordered a new prosthetic.”
“Let me pay for it.”
“I already put it on my credit card.”
“So let me give you the cash to cover the bill.”
“It’s not necessary, cariño. You’ve already done enough.”
The endearment must have slipped out by accident, but Ed felt his cheeks warm, and the flutter in his stomach made him feel like he was twenty-two again.
“Um… what exactly do you mean?”
“Before you arrived, I spent most days in bed. My family checked on me at least twice a day because they were afraid I was going to kill myself. Some days I wouldn’t eat or even turn on the TV. All I wanted to do was sleep and dream of surfing again. And then you showed up.”
Ed leaned forward. “And you threw me out.”
Javi’s lip curled. “True, but seeing you jump-started something, Edu. You cared enough to argue with me and push me into action when no one else dared. I finally had a reason to get out of bed, go to the bar, and see someone about this idiotic stump.”
Ed reached across the table and Javi met him halfway, clasping his hand with an iron grip. He swallowed the lump in his throat and called up the last of his reserves so he wouldn’t fall to pieces. He wasn’t sure why the words meant so much, but they did. Just knowing he’d done something positive to make up for the years of silence was a huge weight off his shoulders.
“I’m glad I could help in a small way,” Ed said in a choked voice. “Despite the evidence to the contrary, I care about you very much.”
“That’s the part I still don’t understand,” Javi said, pulling back his hand. “What happened after you left? I thought we had something really good.”
Ed released a pent-up breath and slumped back in his seat. “Life happened.”
“Were you afraid to come out?”
Ed was too embarrassed to admit he hadn’t even considered it. He’d hurt Javi enough without throwing in the horrible truth.
“Do you mind if we table this discussion for another day?” Ed asked. “The aspirin didn’t help my headache, and I’m running on about four hours of sleep.”
“Sure,” Javi said. He looked a little disappointed, but at least he wasn’t angry. “Do you want to take a nap here or go back to your place?”
“Let me go home and sleep for a few hours,” Ed said. “I can come back and take you to lunch if you’re willing.”
“Yeah, I’d like that. Let’s meet downstairs in the portal at two thirty,” Javi said. “Is that enough time for you to get some beauty sleep?”
“That’s plenty,” Ed said. Standing, he rinsed out his mug and put it on the drainboard. “Thanks for letting me crash here last night.”
“Since I’m the one who got you drunk, it was my responsibility.”
“You didn’t pour the drinks down my throat, Javi.”
Javi waved away his protests. “Go, so you can hurry up and come back.”
Ed paused and studied Javi. There was an unmistakable glow about him. He wasn’t sure if it was the mild sunburn or his new lease on life, but he looked more like his old self, minus an eye and foot. A wave of tenderness made Ed want to gather Javi in his arms, but he held off. Their truce was too fragile to risk another thoughtless act.
“See you later, buddy.”
“Agur,” Javi said softly, Basque for goodbye.
Chapter 12
A POWER nap, some Advil, and a nice long shower were exactly what Ed needed to restore his confidence. He’d been shaken by his conversation with Iker, and then last night’s debacle at the bar. The subsequent sleepover at Javi’s place had just about done him in. By the time he’d crawled into bed two hours earlier, he didn’t know which way was up.
With a clearer head and steady hands, he dressed, choosing his clothes carefully. In the two weeks he’d been here, there were noticeable differences in his appearance. For one thing, he was now sporting a flattering tan and his hair was sun streaked. He’d stopped combing it back, a style that was difficult to maintain without product. The first few times he’d come back from his walks looking like a blond version of Don King, he’d decided to drop the tightly wound doctor persona and start acting more like a tourist. The gel and spray were put aside, and he let his hair fall into place naturally. It took years off his appearance and was far easier to manage.
He stood in front of the full-length mirror, unsure why he was primping for a lunch date. Javi had seen him at his worst that morning, and his opinion wasn’t going to change if Ed’s outfit was subpar. Nonetheless, he wanted to look good. This was their first date in three decades, a one-on-one in a public venue, which would allow them to sift through the mis
understandings amicably.
Ed had disrespected Javi by ignoring him all these years. Now he wanted to show him that his good opinion mattered, and dressing up instead of down would also prove his interest hadn’t faded. Javi might be a gnarlier version of the man he used to be, but Ed was still attracted to him. Adding a few spritzes of cologne as a finishing touch, he exited the apartment and walked briskly toward Javi’s place.
Apparently they were of similar minds, because Ed took one look at Javi in his mint-green short-sleeved shirt and beige pants and knew he’d dressed for a date. The color of his shirt worked perfectly with his hazel eyes and deep auburn hair. He’d trimmed his beard and shampooed, leaving the longish locks to dry in soft waves around his face. Ed tried not to stare at Javi’s legs, but he did see one boat shoe stick out of his pants instead of his usual flip-flop. The other pant leg hung empty, a painful reminder of his recent altercation with fate.
“You clean up nice,” Ed said.
Javi smirked. “You too.”
“Where are we going?” Ed asked.
“Have you eaten at Saltxipi?”
“No.”
“Let’s go there,” Javi said. “I know the owner, and he’ll give us a good table.”
“That’s fine.”
Ed wanted to offer his arm but hesitated. Javi might resent the implication and Ed preferred to keep things on an even keel, so he slowed his pace, letting Javi take the lead. They didn’t have too far to travel, and when they got to the restaurant, they were greeted by an older gentleman who recognized Javi immediately.
“It’s nice to see you,” he said. “You’re looking well.”
Javi returned the greeting, allowing the brief hug and thump on his back. “Thank you,” he replied. “How are you, my friend?”
“Everything is going well. Are you both staying for lunch?”
“Yes. Would you find us a quiet corner?”
“Absolutely. I have just the right spot.”
Settled in an alcove, they ordered a carafe of wine and a few appetizers to start. For the main dish, Javi requested paella, which would take about thirty minutes to prepare, giving them time to chat. Raising his glass, Javi toasted, “Salud.”
Ed smiled and mimicked his move.
“So… here we are,” Javi said in a low voice. “Are you ready to tell me what in the hell happened after you got back home?”
“God, do we have to do this?”
“It’s easier to forgive if I can understand.”
Ed drained his glass of wine and reached for the carafe, but Javi stopped him.
“Not another drop until you answer my question.”
Defeated, Ed let go of his glass. “I guess I’ll start at the beginning.”
“Go ahead.”
“You are aware that I’d never been with a guy before you and I hooked up,” Ed began.
“I know.”
“I’ve always considered myself as heterosexual.”
Javi nodded.
“The truth is, I didn’t take our affair seriously. In my mind, it was summer madness, a slice of a lifestyle I’d never considered for myself. Plus, to be fair, I honestly thought you had zero expectations.”
“Because…?”
“You had a reputation as a player and never talked about a future,” Ed said somewhat defensively. “You lived for the moment. Chasing the next big waves was your thing, not looking to settle down. My life was planned in detail, and the European trip was supposed to be my last chance to enjoy myself before the big push. When I got back, reality took over almost immediately. I was in medical school for eight long years. You have no idea what it’s like to be sleep-deprived and so exhausted you forget to eat. And always, the constant pressure of keeping up the grades, living up to my parents’ expectations, figuring out which branch of medicine would be my niche. There was no time to think about anything except my career. Carol was a fellow student, and we gravitated toward each other for comfort and support. Eventually, it turned to love. I’m amazed we somehow managed to fit marriage and children into our busy schedules.”
“I meant nothing?” Javi asked, going for the jugular. “You didn’t think of me even one time?”
“I did,” Ed said, trying to soften the blow. “I had fond memories of you, but not as someone in my future. Our lives were drastically different and there was no way it would have worked.”
“Coño,” Javi said bitterly. “My reputation as a lover must be more legend than truth.”
“Stop it,” Ed said gruffly. “You were great in the sack.”
Javi’s strangled laugh couldn’t hide the emotion that glittered in his eyes. Ed reached for his hand and squeezed.
“I feel like the world’s biggest asshole.”
“That’s because you are,” Javi said mercilessly. “Why are you even here?”
“I invited you to lunch?”
“¡Idiota! I meant here in Sanse.”
“I didn’t realize I needed permission to visit Spain,” Ed said.
Scoffing, Javi ordered, “Drop the bullshit. You chose this location for only one reason—to see me.”
“Maybe,” Ed hedged.
“And since I’m not the same guy you remember in your fantasies—the ones you keep trying to deny—you’ve decided to hit on an exact replica.”
“So you’re a mind reader now?” Ed asked.
“Tell me you’re not into Iker.”
“Nothing has transpired between us.”
“Yet.”
“Since you seem to have all the answers, why not answer the million-dollar question?” Ed asked impatiently.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Why did it take me so long to figure this out?”
“Because you’re incredibly stupid,” Javi snarled, “and your view of life is strictly black or white instead of rainbow-colored. I can’t believe you’re a doctor. Do you think you’re the first guy in the universe who’s bisexual? Unlike mermen, they do exist, you know.”
“I’m… sure you’re right,” Ed stammered. “I’ve never thought of myself in that way.”
Javi looked incredulous. “Listen to these hard facts, Edu. Some people are one hundred percent straight, and others one hundred percent gay. You happen to like both sexes, which is really a blessing when you think about it honestly.”
“Why haven’t I had another encounter in thirty years?” Ed asked. “It makes no sense.”
“Because you were happily married,” Javi said patiently. “Being bisexual doesn’t mean you’re a sex addict in constant need of a fix. You loved your wife. Now that she’s gone and you feel a void, your mind is reaching far back to the last time you were happy. You can deny this attraction, call it whatever you want, but it’s real. I satisfied you in and out of bed. It shouldn’t matter that I’m a guy. What’s important is that we click.”
Ed looked down at his lap. It was humiliating to be called out by someone who had no credentials other than life experiences. Moreover, Ed felt like a fool for lying to himself. The glaring truth was he wanted Javi, craved his touch, and if he were being really honest, he was attracted to Iker as well.
“Look at me, Edu,” Javi said gently.
Ed lifted his eyes. “You must hate me.”
“Que va.” Javi waved a hand. “I’ve loved you for years. That’s not going to change because you’re so dumb.”
Ed choked on a laugh. “Bastard. I’m not dumb, only suffering from tunnel vision. It’s a thing.”
“Fix it!”
The waiter appeared just then with the paella, and the smell alone was enough to end the conversation. He laid the copper platter in the center of their table and scooped up two healthy portions, plating them expertly. He then refilled their empty wineglasses before leaving them alone.
Picking up his glass, Javi asked, “Shall we try and start over?”
Ed thought about his answer carefully. An affirmative answer and all its implications would undoubtedly change hi
s life, at least the one he’d been living for the last thirty years. His sons would be horrified if they learned their father was sleeping with another man, but the twins were far away, and there would be time to figure out his response if they were to confront him. For all he knew, this reunion with Javi would fizzle out like a shooting star.
Or not. His heart was hammering loudly in his ears as he imagined their next step. Blood rushed to his groin as well, and he had to bite his lip to keep the embarrassing groan from escaping. It had been a long time since he’d experienced any physical intimacy. Knowing it would be with Javi, someone who apparently knew him better than he knew himself, made the anticipation almost unbearable.
He nodded his assent, unable to voice the words. He didn’t have to. Despite his blind eye, Javi saw right through him. He smiled and urged him to pick up his glass.
“To the future,” he said softly.
“Whatever it might bring,” Ed said.
The kiss after their toast was unexpected, and Ed looked around wildly when Javi made his move, but whatever objections he was about to voice got swallowed up as he felt Javi’s soft lips and gently probing tongue. It was heady and so damned exciting, Ed was catapulted back in time to a simpler place when his world revolved around this man and their intense desire for each other.
“Oh my God,” he moaned after they broke apart.
Javi looked wrecked as well. Color suffused his face, and Ed had to hold back a laugh when Javi reached down to adjust himself.
Unabashed, Javi stated, “Not bad for starters, eh?”
“Not bad at all,” Ed confirmed.
Chapter 13
IT WAS a pity Ed could barely distinguish the tantalizing flavors of the superb meal that had been painstakingly created just for them. Javi’s kiss still lingered on his lips, and no amount of saffron-infused rice would get rid of his unique taste. They kept glancing at each other over forkfuls. He’d never used food as foreplay, but every time Javi licked a clam out of its shell or teased the flesh off a crab leg, Ed’s body reacted in a primal surge of lust that made his hands shake and his cock press painfully against his zipper.
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