For six months I’d thought about this conversation. Brainstormed. Practiced. And, nothing.
“Phoebe. Nick is clearly not in his right mind. You know what I do.”
Releasing a deep breath, light laughter fluttered up her throat, relaxing me. “May I see your phone?”
A couple got into the car next to us sidetracking me for a second while they stared at us. “My phone?” I clarified with my heart walloping against my chest. Texts from both Joe and Frank were on my phone. I could not give her my phone.
“Yes.” Her hand opened waiting for it.
Praying she was going to possibly Google something, I willingly pulled it from my pocket and handed it to her. She held it in front of my face, which unlocked it. Moving next to her, I watched over her shoulder. Her tiny index finger tapped the messages app, opening my messages.
Freebie
Hannah
Frank
Seth
Mom
Joe
My mind raced, thinking of my next move. Her finger tapped on Seth first, which surprised me.
Can’t wait until you and your girl are here. I want you to meet Tori.
“Where?”
“Oregon. I am…was flying you there tonight.” I swallowed the words I wanted to follow up with. “I brought Benadryl just in case you wanted to be knocked out.” I smiled. She didn’t.
Closing out of Seth’s messages, she tapped on Frank. Instantly, I reached for the phone, closing my hand over hers, gently sliding the phone from her hand. There was no way she could read those texts.
“It’s true, then? That’s why you’re hiding it?” she half whispered half huffed.
“Of course not. That was work related. It’s confidential.” My eyes tried their damnedest to communicate truth. The thought of lying to her rocked me let alone doing it. My family was mafia. I wasn’t. Though even I knew that wasn’t possible.
Her green eyes floated from me, to Joe’s car, to Frank’s car then to the apartment. There was no doubt her mind processed the possibilities.
“I don’t want to go with you,” she whispered, clearing her throat.
I nodded. “Ok. We can do whatever you’d like.”
Once again, her eyes took in me, the two cars, the apartment.
“I don’t want to go anywhere with you.” Her voice broke simultaneously with my heart.
“Phoebe.”
“Austin, don’t. I suddenly don’t feel safe. We don’t.” She back stepped away from me, the black and silver dress not allowing her to take large steps. Even as she stepped away from me—possibly leaving me, she was the most beautiful woman I’d even seen.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Phoebe. You’ve never been safer. The kids have never been safer.”
I began a slow walk toward her. Following her. Her hand came up, forcing distance.
“Please.”
“Please what, Phoebe?” I raised my voice more than intended.
When she glanced at the diamond band on her wedding finger, her thumb rubbed over it. I swallowed the upcoming bile, but I was certain I would be sick if she gave it back. In all the possible scenarios, she always forgave me. She loved me enough to move past it. To become a part of my life. For better for worse. To death do us part.
“I can’t do this. I don’t want this anymore,” she said, looking up at me and maintaining eye contact for the longest time. The look on her face…more of indifference than anything. I wasn’t sure if she could see my eyes fill but I inhaled a breath so deep that my chest hurt, trying to make the tears go away.
“I don’t think I know who you are,” she whispered. “Every single turn there is something else. I don’t know anymore.”
“Yes, you do, Phoebe. Look at me. I love you.”
“Austin,” she gritted through clenched teeth. “I just had a gun pointed at me, then four guns pointed at my ex!” she screamed and cried simultaneously. “Leave me alone.”
I opened my mouth to speak, then shut it, realizing no matter what I conjured up would only sound like excuses and lies. Then her teeth clicked together in silence. That was it. The day I thought my world stopped spinning.
As much as I wanted to, I didn’t stop her from closing the door. The last image seared into my brain was black tears because of her makeup, streaked down her cheeks. Rattled beyond comprehension, I laced my fingers behind my head and spun around, eyeballing the two cars holding the two people who were there to protect me, yet who had just completely demolished everything I’d ever wanted. My life…my family…sat behind a brick wall and my access had been denied. I willed myself to walk away fueled by the bitterness, hatred and discontent of what and who I was. Not by choice but by circumstance.
Once inside the Tesla, I spotted the lavender sterling roses mixed with yellow roses lying in the passenger seat. Phoebe’s seat. The purple thorn free roses mixed with the yellow thorn roses—a perfect rose…a flawed rose. The entire bouquet indicative of us. Our relationship. Snatching them out of the seat, my fist wrapped around the tissue paper and stems; the thorns instantly punctured my skin, only powering my rage. With the flowers in hand, I whipped the dash, causing petals and leaves to fly in every which direction as a hair-standing, deep roar shook the windows. How the fuck could this have happened? When there was nothing left of the flowers but a few stems and a handful of blood, I reversed the car. A cloud of dust blew up in the wake of the Tesla.
“Fuck!” I shouted, as the wall that Phoebe had broken down six months ago secured its place around my heart, hardening my chest like a goddamn plate of armor.
My cell phone rang, and I picked it up, smearing the screen with blood. I’d disconnected the blue tooth after I’d met Phoebe, so she’d never overhear a call. It was Joe. Not Phoebe, so I tossed the phone into the passenger seat. It rang again. Again. The fourth time, I answered.
“What?” I asked gruffly.
“The plane and security are waiting at the airport, shall I cancel, sir?”
“Nope. I’m goin’. I’m getting the hell out of this fucked up state.”
“Yes, sir. I’ll meet you at the airport.”
As if returning to Cannon Beach without Phoebe wasn’t enough, it added insult to injury when on the plane I found Phoebe’s driver’s license in my phone pocket, the place I tucked it away the moment she’d given it to me.
Frustrated, I walked in the door at our house in Cannon Beach and my mom stood with her suitcase. They were supposed to be gone. In Chicago. Their absence was the reason for the trip to begin with.
“Austin, sweetheart. I thought I’d be gone before you got here.”
I wrapped her in a hug. What was it about a mother’s arms that for a moment let you forget everything?
“How’s Phoebe?” she asked, bringing it right back into focus.
Purging everything that had happened…with Nick, Joe, Frank…I let it all out. The anger, rage and hurt crushing me as I fell apart in my mother’s arms.
“Oh, my sweet boy,” she whispered, stroking my hair. “Come. Sit.”
Wiping my face, I followed her into the living room.
“Austin. We’ve known for a long time that you wanted little to nothing to do with the family business. I know my family is your tie to this. We’ve always tried to give you your space. Your father and I wanted so much more for you. No one expects you to be a part of the business. But you’re vulnerable. You must have the protection. So must Phoebe.”
Gray tendrils of hair outlined my mother’s face. I rarely saw her without a dish towel over her shoulder or her hair not up. She was truly beautiful. Her brown eyes a replica of mine.
“I’m not sure I get to get her back in this, Mom.”
“Give her time,” Mom whispered. “What happened probably put her into shock. You are more used to this world. She doesn’t understand.”
Brushing my lips over her knuckles, I nodded, not wanting to disappoint her or make her sad. She hadn’t seen the resolve in Phoebe’s eyes though.
“Why haven’t you left? You’re going to miss New Year’s Eve.”
Mom swatted her hand at me. “There’ll be another one. I don’t get this time with you back. “
I hugged her again. “Thank you for listening.”
“I love you, Austin. You’re my world. Enjoy the house while you are here. Relax. This place has always been your safe haven. Let it be that for you now.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
She held onto my fingertips extra-long before she squeezed them. I winced ever so slightly from the pain where the thorns had punctured my skin. Thankfully she didn’t notice. She let go, grabbed her suitcase and headed out the door.
PHOEBE
January 3 was harder than January 2, which was harder than January 1, and New Year’s Eve was the worst in history. Ever. I’d let the kids down too with bailing on the trip Austin had planned. They were so excited, and I’d ruined it for them.
The two texts I’d sent Austin over the last two days went unanswered. He had never not answered me. In perfect Phoebe fashion, I’d managed to get rid of two guys in one night. I couldn’t believe Nick had lost his mind and I pushed Austin away…all the way away. It almost felt like the flu all over again just in a different way. I was miserable.
The light taps on my bedroom door pulled me from the dismal thoughts as Sloan opened the door and walked in, nudging the mattress with her knees.
“Are you not getting out of bed today either? You’re starting the year off with a bang.”
Her sarcasm annoyed me. She was happy in love with psycho’s brother. I turned over, facing away from her.
“You can’t hide, Phoebe. What the hell are you doing rotting away in bed? We need you.”
“Hannah is here. Ask her.”
The comforter and sheet were yanked from the bed, exposing me in my t-shirt. Austin’s t-shirt. “We don’t want to ask Hannah. The kids need you.”
“You know what, Sloan. When I was about your age, I was already taking on the responsibility of my siblings. Maybe you could stop smoking weed and drinking long enough to share in that. Your diversion is about over.”
I cracked my eye open to see her out of one slit. Head tilted to the side. Hands on hips. I braced myself for her shit.
“Look, I know you’re hurt. I know you’re sad. I know you love him. Stop lashing out at me. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get up and be something. You’ve wallowed in your self-pity long enough. Get the fuck up.”
“Watch your mouth,” I mumbled with my face in the pillow.
Sloan kicked the bed. “Make me, you ‘ho.”
“I’m not doing this, Sloan.” My lips twitched into a slight smile, knowing what she was trying to instigate.
“Eat a dick, Pheebs.”
That got me. Instantly pissed. I reared around glaring at her stone-cold face. Her perfectly shaped right eyebrow arched. My finger jetted out in true mom mode.
“You best watch your mouth and your tone.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. Choke on a pecker.”
Even though I shot upright out of the bed and flew after her, she was quicker on her feet and down the stairs. My reactions were indisputably delayed as a result of my being in bed for days on end. She laughed as she fled. I didn’t. At the bottom of the stairs, Hannah stepped in my way before I could get to Sloan.
“Hannah, please don’t. I need to address something with Sloan.”
Hannah nodded. “I understand. But we need to address something with you.” As she stepped to the side, Heather, Claire, Jake and Sloan all sat on the sofa. Was this some sort of depression intervention?
My angry glare landed on Sloan.
I love you, she mouthed.
“Was that olive juice or I love you?” I rolled my eyes and plopped down in the bean bag.
“We want Austin back,” Jake said shrugging.
They didn’t understand what happened the other night. They didn’t understand relationships. I didn’t tell them anything about the mafia or any part of…anything because I didn’t want the questions. Though I knew Sloan suspected something.
“Guys. It’s not that easy.”
“It IS that easy,” Hannah interjected, surprising me. “You go out and tell the guy in the car you want to see Austin.”
My surprised gaze lifted to hers. “He’s still out there?”
All five heads nodded.
“Why?” I asked, which I knew before I asked that no one knew the answer. Getting up from the bean bag was much more of a chore than what I found energy for. When I pulled the blinds open, I saw the man sitting in his car. “He never leaves?”
Sloan stood up and chanced coming near me. “Someone takes his place for about an hour every day. Or the same guy brings him food.”
“It’s pretty cool,” Jake said. “Does Austin pay him? Dude, Austin’s a badass.”
Hearing Austin’s name gutted me. Besides, I didn’t know enough to answer their questions. I stared at my entire tribe sitting on the sofa looking at me for answers. I was their world. Running my hands through my greasy hair and without a bra, I decided to pay our stalker a visit.
“Phoebe!” they all shouted as I closed the door behind me.
The Texas breeze was chillier than I anticipated, and I pulled the t-shirt away from my chest to prevent him from getting an eye full. The man lowered his sunglasses as I approached. Without hesitation, I walked straight up and knocked on the driver window. The window lowered.
“Yes, Ma’am?”
“What are you doing here? I mean, is he paying you to stay for some reason?”
The man’s jaw ticked to the side. “Ma’am, I…”
“Phoebe. My name is Phoebe.”
“Yes, Ma’am. I know your name. I am here to protect you.”
I glanced around the parking lot. “From what?” I asked, raising my hands out to the side.
“Mr. Falsone could answer…”
“I’m asking you. Protect me from what?”
Two guys pulled up and parked in a car, looking over at us. Staring at me. Without answering my question, he opened the car door and I stepped back and watched him walk to the trunk of the SUV and get a blanket. Unfolding it, he handed it to me.
“What is this?”
As he sat back in the front seat, his eyes roamed to my lower half and said, “Mr. Falsone wouldn’t want you out here dressed like that.”
I glanced down and realized I wore only Austin’s t-shirt and a pair of panties. Mortified, I quickly wrapped the blanket around my waist, covering my legs as blood tinged my entire face pink.
“What are you protecting me from?” I asked again firmly.
“Whatever might take you away from Mr. Falsone. That wouldn’t be good.”
A funny sensation rippled out across my chest. A fluttery feeling. All I could do was stare into his mirrored sunglasses. Obviously, he stared back at me too.
“He won’t answer my texts,” I said like the guy was my therapist or confidante.
“I’m sorry.”
Awkwardly, I stood there not knowing what more to say. “Could you take me to him? I mean is that part of your job or is that not ok to ask? Never mind, I can drive over there.”
Uncomfortably, I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. Following an uneasy silence, he lowered his sunglasses and said, “Mr. Falsone left town.”
Chapter 16
AUSTIN
Two Reds
HEAVEN. SITTING ON the deck, the cool breeze blowing through my hair, sweatshirt on and the waves crashing in the distance…this had to be the closest thing. Except Phoebe wasn’t there. The sometime violent crashes of the ocean waves were indicative of the way we’d crashed a few days ago. The last couple of days were some of the hardest in my life. Phoebe turning her back on me, on us, crushed me. When Emma and I broke up, I knew there was someone out there for me even though I was hurt. Hurt hurts. But this… this never-ending, relentless ache in my chest. The continual replay in my mind of Phoebe’s
smile, her damn nose scrunch, the beautiful face she makes when she orgasms—though she was self-conscious about it. No matter what I did, she was in the forefront of my mind. Even when I fought to focus on something else, to concentrate, she was there. She was in the wind. She was in the crashing waves. She was in the mirror. The girl was inside of me. A part of me.
Ignoring her texts was the hardest thing I’d done since walking away that night. She needed to think. I needed to think. Not about her. She was everything I wanted. Nothing I expected.
When I saw the flash of red hair and the hand waving crazily in the air, my pulse soared unhealthily. As she got closer, I realized it was different red hair. It wasn’t the perfect mess I loved. Emma must have been visiting.
“Hey you!” she shouted.
“Hey back. What are you doing here?” I hollered back.
She pointed back at their house. “Zach and I came up for the weekend. He’s watching some football game. I decided to go for a walk. What are you doing here? Phoebe here?”
I slid my sunglasses on to hide my eyes. Emma’d know if I was lying.
“No. Not this time. Just me.”
Casting me a sideways scowl, she said, “All ok?”
Slowly, I nodded and shrugged.
“What’s wrong?” she asked softly and sat in one of the chairs.
“May I ask you something?”
“I’m here, goofy.”
“Did you ever wonder what my parents did for a living?”
Brushing the red mane out of her face, she shrugged. “Well, we all joke around that it’s mafia since he goes to Chicago all the time but mainly, we just joked about it.”
I nodded. Wow. “And if that were true?”
Emma tilted her head back and forth. “I don’t think it really matters. We love you. You’re one of us. It’s your dad. Not you.”
My chest slowly deflated hearing those words. Relief. Seeing Emma only made me think about Phoebe more. Made me miss her more.
“What’s up?” Zach said stepping onto the deck, I’m guessing not liking a single bit that his wife was talking to her ex-lover.
Finally...My Forever (Just One of the Guys Book 4) Page 16
