by Regina Cole
His words brought a single person into her mind’s eye.
Nate.
He’d always been the one she’d wanted to tell when anything good happened. That shy, quiet boy had grown into a strong, quiet man, but that smile of his had always made her feel like everything was a hundred times brighter than it had been before. And when things were bad, he helped her to shoulder the burden. He made her good parts better, and her bad parts less bad.
“But what if you’re scared?” Her voice was barely above a whisper, and she was afraid to look up from the bits of ham and scalloped potato and spinach on her plate. “What if walking beside someone is too hard?”
“Being alone is better than being with the wrong person, but having the courage to do hard things is what makes life worth living. He’s always been there for you, honey.”
Allison looked up, and written there in her mom’s face was the truth.
She knew.
Dad knew.
They all knew who she was obsessing over.
“God, you must think I’m an idiot.”
Dad’s chair scraped back and he rounded the table to pull her into his arms. She relaxed into her father’s embrace, smelling the Old Spice aftershave he always used.
“No, you’re not an idiot. My daughter never could be an idiot. What you are is human. And being scared is part of the process.”
Allison laughed a little at that.
“Nate is a fine man,” her father said. “No, he’s not polished, but he’s good down to the core, and he’s always looked at you like you hung the moon. That kind of devotion is rare, sweetheart, and beautiful. If he makes you happy, then that makes us happy.”
Allison bit her lip, almost glad when the doorbell rang and saved her from further conversation.
“I’ll get it,” her mother said, and left the table.
Her father’s hands rubbed her upper arms as she wiped her face. She wasn’t crying, but it had been damn close.
God, she was turning into such an emotional person these days.
“Allison,” her mother said, an expression of consternation on her face as she held out a purple and red Fed Ex overnight envelope. “It’s a delivery for you.”
“For me?”
She took the package, frowning down at it. Why would she get a delivery here? She’d be home tomorrow.
But then she caught sight of the label, written in that swoopy, too-pretty penmanship. She’d always teased him about his handwriting. It was too perfect, the dainty lines almost the polar opposite of his build, his frame, and his persona.
A cowboy writing in cursive?
“Can I have a minute?” She asked, and her parents nodded.
She walked into the living room, the sounds of plates and silverware being gathered masking the quiet conversation in the dining room behind her. They were talking about her, and she couldn’t blame them. She was insane, it was clear.
But as she ripped into that package, and a box and three envelopes spilled into her hands, she was curiously hopeful.
Nate. Try as she might, he’d never given up on her. And though she didn’t deserve it, here he was again, not physically, but he had obviously cared enough to track her down to her parents’ place. She didn’t even know how many times he’d called, texted, emailed. Her phone had been shut off since day before yesterday after her dinner with Charlie. She’d needed the distance from work, from life. From him.
The envelopes were marked one, two, and three. Leaving the box for later, she opened the first one and began to read.
Ally,
You might be a little surprised when you see what’s in the next couple of envelopes. But, then again, you might not. You’re the smartest person I know. So, it shouldn’t be a surprise that I’ve loved you since we were seventeen.
Her hand covered her mouth and the paper went wavy in her vision. She swallowed hard, taking a deep breath, and continued, hearing his voice in her head as if he was speaking the words instead of her reading them.
I love you, Ally. And I know what you heard has made you doubt what I really know about you. But I promise that I was not trying to push you into anything you weren’t ready for. The truth is, that I was trying to help you fix your business problems, and as soon as you come home, I can tell you what I’ve found out. But I couldn’t let one more day go by without telling you how I feel about you.
I love you.
I want you.
You are the only one I’ve ever wanted, and I swear to you that I’m in this for the long haul. No matter if you never want to get married again. As long as I’m beside you, that is what I need. Body and soul, Ally, you’re the only one for me, and I’ll take you however I can get you.
Signed,
Your ‘Thaniel
Her teeth nearly cut her lip from the force of her bite. Breathe, Allison, breathe. The next letter was old, the blue lined paper faded from age, dingy as if it had been opened and read repeatedly.
The purple inked words were in her handwriting.
Nate,
I’ve really liked getting to know you over the past few weeks. I think you’re nice. It’s fun to have a friend who understands me like you do.
Think we could go out on one night? Just you and me?
I think it might be fun.
From,
Allison
She’d dotted the “I” with a heart, hoping that would clue him in to what she’d been too subtle to say in the letter.
Shaking her head, she looked down at the floor. Why couldn’t she have just come out and said she liked him? Told him she thought he was sexy? But he’d been so shy back then, painfully so, and even her usual self-confidence couldn’t convince her that he wouldn’t straight up run away if she did it.
When no answer had come from him, she’d started dating a football player who’d asked her and she’d been putting off because of her growing feelings for Nate. But Nate had appeared unaffected, and they’d stayed friends.
The third and final envelope crinkled as she opened it.
The page inside was just as old as her letter, but the folds were tight, as if it had been tucked in that position a long, long time.
His cursive stared back at her again, but this time it was bigger, more scrawling, as it had been back in high school.
Allison,
I would love to go out with you. I think you’re beautiful.
From,
Nate York.
Below the letter, there was a post-it, dated yesterday.
I wrote this the day I got your note in my locker. But I was too scared to give it to you. So, I tried to wait for the perfect moment. And then a week went by, and you started dating Marshall Fowler. So, I kept it. And I’m sorry.
I wanted to take you out back then. I want to keep you now. For all the years I’ve let slip by, I’m sorry. I’ve always waited for the perfect moment. But there are no perfect moments. There’s only now.
Let me stand by you until the end of time, Ally. Let me be the one who knows you better than anyone else.
If you open the box, you’ll see what I really bought for you at the jewelry store.
Her hands shook as she obeyed his written command.
There, nestled in a velvet box, shone a beautiful necklace with a diamond-covered dog charm on the end. There were black stones that denoted spots all over the body.
A necklace. He’d bought her a necklace. Not the ring she’d been dreading.
He knew her better than that.
God, she’d been so wrong. So cowardly. He’d always been the one who knew her better than she’d known herself. Despite the damning evidence of that picture of him in the jewelry store, she should have trusted him.
She let the tears loose. She couldn't hold them back.
Not from him. He'd had every bit of her forever.
* * *
Even when he was lucky, he was the unluckiest bastard on the face of the earth.
The Firehouse Three crew had drawn straws
to see who would pull shifts on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and there’d been shuffling to take up Chaz’s missing shift.
The missing firefighter had turned up on Friday, dumped on the curb like a sack of trash by thugs who’d sped away immediately. Nate hadn’t been on shift at the time, but he’d heard all about it from Forrest. Chaz had been beat all to hell, but was alive.
It had something to do with Payton. Nate was worried, but Chaz was in the hospital, and they’d all been working crazy hours to cover staff shortages for holiday events. He hadn’t had a chance to go up there and figure out what was going on. He’d have to catch up with him later and figure out exactly how his friend’s life had gone off the rails.
For his own, selfish purposes, Nate had been praying to draw a Christmas Eve shift so that he wouldn’t be so damn alone when he was supposed to be meeting Allison, since that plan had gone up in smoke.
But, of course, he’d drawn the late afternoon Christmas Day shift.
He’d even tried to swap shifts, but nobody would bite.
“Damn it,” he muttered at a particularly stubborn bolt on the engine block. He had the thing suspended from the rafters in his garage, but even the easy access wasn’t helping this particular sonuvabitch to loosen up. Leaning against the wrench, he held his breath and shoved as hard as he could.
His grunt of exertion covered the noise of the door opening, so when he released the tension as the bolt broke free, the soft voice startled him.
“Hey there, ‘Thaniel.”
The wrench clattered to the concrete as he whirled.
Allison almost lost her hold on the fluffy black and white pup, who’d jumped at the loud noise. She petted the dog, shushing as she did.
“Ally,” he breathed, and then he was across the garage in three long strides. He pulled her into his arms.
He didn’t care that he was covered with engine grease.
Didn’t care there was a squirming puppy licking at him in between them.
Didn’t care that he’d had no idea she was coming, or why she was there, or why there was a puppy between them.
All that mattered was that she’d come. She was there, and in his arms, and his world was right again.
“Hey,” she said, and her voice was choked against him. He pulled back, not letting go of her.
Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and the little pup was licking at them.
He reached into his pocket. “Here.”
She took his handkerchief, smiling as he did so.
“You’re always ready to come to the rescue, aren’t you?”
“For you?” He looked down at her, the necklace she wore swelling the feelings in his heart. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
“Can I put her down?”
Nate looked at the pup, and then looked around at his garage. Not exactly the safest place for a rambunctious young one to be playing. “Let’s take her in the house.”
Ally passed Buffy—it was her, he’d known it the instant he’d clapped eyes on her—over to him, and he tucked her in one arm, grabbing Allison’s hand with the other. Together they trudged down the gravel path to his house.
In his kitchen, Allison put Buffy on the floor while he washed his hands.
He took the moment to breathe, his whirling thoughts shouting through his brain.
This wasn’t real. It didn’t feel real. It was his Christmas dream come true, that she’d be here with him. She’d obviously gotten his package. Did she feel the same?
Even if she didn’t, he could wait. He’d been patient this long, and though he was desperate to make her his, claim her in some way, being with her was the only life or death part of this equation. The rest was just details.
“I’m glad to see you,” he said when he couldn’t stand the silence anymore.
She’d been crouching, watching Buffy as the little pup sniffed around the kitchen. The door to the dining room was closed off, so the young shepherd was confined to the patterned linoleum.
She stood and turned to face him. His handkerchief was still clutched in her hand.
“I’m glad to see you too.” She stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him and holding him tight.
God, was there ever a feeling as wonderful as Allison Kurtz in his arms?
“I’m so sorry about panicking and leaving. I should have just talked to you. But I was so scared. I’ve been a coward. You’re so important to me, and I couldn’t take the thought that things were happening that might push you away from me. That I might push you away because I’m a coward.”
“Not a coward,” he said, pushing a strand of blond hair away from her face. “You’ve been burned. I understand that.”
“But I should have trusted you to know me,” she whispered. “And I didn’t. And I’m sorry.”
He bent down and kissed her, trying to tell her with actions that it didn’t matter. In the grand scheme of things, it was a matter of days. What did a few days of pain or confusion matter against the backdrop of their forever?
She responded to his touch, winding her arms around his neck and opening her mouth for his tongue. He groaned as his body stirred at her nearness, her touch, the burning in his blood urging him to press his hips into her, feel the tautness of her belly against his growing erection.
To think they'd almost lost all this—
“Wait,” he said, pulling away. “I need to tell you now, before I lose my head. I know who’s stealing your clients.”
Instantly, Allison’s face went stone cold, her eyes glittering dangerously. “Who?”
Nate told her about the phone conversation he’d been eavesdropping on in the jewelry store, when Deb had seen him checking out the engagement rings. As he spoke, Allison’s fingers curled into a fist and her posture went statue-rigid.
“That can’t be right,” Allison said, shaking her head. “Deb wouldn’t—she’s so sweet.”
“I’m sorry,” Nate said, hating the struggle that was passing across Allison’s features. She was honest. She was good. And understanding that other people weren’t wasn’t an easy thing. “I think she’s been using you all along.”
“That bitch,” she ground out. “And she knew exactly what to say to me about you. She knew that she could make me lose my focus. Oh, hell, she will be ruined when I’m done with her. Steal my clients? Hurt my business and my reputation? She must not understand the contract she signed with Kurtz and Company. Her ass is mine.”
For several minutes, Nate just watched as Allison went into damage control mode. Her cell phone was in her hand, her hands gesticulating wildly as she talked to whoever was on the other end of the line. Call after call after call, he just waited.
Eventually, he sat on the floor and started playing with Buffy, who’d gotten bored and laid down beneath the small table in the corner. She bounced and growled as he made curled claws and tickled at her belly.
Damn, she was cute.
“Come on,” Allison said, bending down and scooping Buffy up into her arms. The little fuzz started licking her face, seeming completely oblivious to the determined look Allison wore. “We’re taking a ride.”
“Where to?” Nate said, grabbing his coat and hat from the rack by the door.
“We’re about to crash a party.”
Nate held Buffy in his lap as Allison tooled her sports car through the Greenway Park area, one of the ritziest neighborhoods in Dallas. Her movements on the wheel were smooth, the expression in her eyes laser-focused as they stopped beneath a street light in front of a large house with an eight-foot security fence around the perimeter.
“I’ll be right back,” she said, throwing the gearshift in Park.
“Not happening,” Nate said, tucking Buffy securely in his arm as he shut the passenger door behind him. “I’m going with you.”
She glanced at him, head to toe, and he knew she was taking in his grease-stained work clothes, the faded jean jacket, the beaten leather cowboy hat.
He knew he di
dn’t belong there, didn’t belong with her. But he had to be there with her. It was the only way.
She smiled, and held her hand out to him.
“Let’s go.”
Up the long, winding walkway, which was lined with expensive vehicles. Clearly there was some big holiday celebration going on. And there, at the door, Allison knocked.
Buffy whimpered a little, and Nate scratched the little girl beneath the chin, glad for the little leash Allison had brought with her. Damn, the pup was cute.
The wreath on the door shimmied as it swung open.
“Well, Allison! Isn’t this a surprise,” an older man with a comb over and a beer gut said with a genuine smile. “Deb told us you couldn’t make it.”
“Deb’s a liar,” Allison said, returning the smile, despite the look of consternation on the man’s face. “Is she here?”
“Yes, but—”
“This is my boyfriend, Nathaniel York. Nate, Paul Taylor, one of the most benevolent business owners in the Dallas area.”
Nate tipped his hat and tried to hide the shit-eating grin that came to his face when he’d heard the word “boyfriend” come out of her mouth. “Evenin’.”
Paul returned the greeting, and though his eyebrows climbed a little higher at the sight of Nate’s clothing and furry accessory, he didn’t say a word about it.
“Deb is in the dining room, talking with a client of yours.”
“I’ll try to keep this quiet and professional, Paul. I don’t want to ruin your party. But I’ve just discovered that my assistant is poaching my clients out from under my nose, and I’m not going to stand it for one second more.”
A gleam came into Paul’s eyes, and he hitched his fancy suit-pants higher over his belly. “I’ve had an employee try to bamboozle me once or twice. You don’t worry about my party, you just take care of your business. I’ll back you up.”
“Thanks Paul,” she said, patting him on the arm as he led them to the dining room.
Christmas music played, rich people laughed and chatted, and the fancy decorations glittered around him, all making Nate feel like a dog turd on the tire of a Cadillac. But Allison never once dropped his hand.
