She could feel everyone’s eyes on her and her face grew hot. Would this be White Light all over again if she was honest about her life? She looked to Kate to take the lead, but Kate only smiled encouragingly.
“Um, okay, what do you want to know?” Jess asked tentatively. She wished she’d asked Kate ahead of time if there would be any angels present, but the thought had been far from the front of her mind. And she was also new to this whole angel thing. She’d get it down eventually.
She wasn’t surprised when Natalie was the first to speak. “Are you God’s only begotten daughter?”
Jessica couldn’t meet her intense stare, so she kept her eyes focused on a spot on the floor not far from Mason’s feet where the linoleum was starting to peel up. “Yep.”
“So you’re Jesus’s half-sister?” Natalie continued.
“Mm-hmm.”
“So these songs are super weird for you, huh?”
Jessica surprised even herself with the laugh that pushed from between her lips, and the mood of the room lightened instantly.
“Yeah, it’s a little strange.”
Natalie brightened. “I thought it would be.”
She met Natalie’s eyes now, and the girl smiled back kindly. Okay, it didn’t take a genius or Kate’s heaven radar to know Natalie was an angel.
What happened next only affirmed it. “Can I hug you?” asked the girl, and Jessica stuttered out a surprised guttural sound before being able to actually say, “Sure.”
Natalie leaned forward in her chair, and Jessica met her almost halfway. The hug was warm and full, and Jessica couldn’t remember the last time someone had hugged her. Most people seemed to think she required a certain bubble around her. But not Natalie.
The hug felt good, and soon others were lining up for a hug.
This is weird as hell. But she knew that on the spectrum of weird shit, this was definitely in the pleasant and harmless quadrant.
She didn’t even know the names of the first two girls that hugged her, and then the guys began to get onboard, and she hugged who she was pretty sure was a Josh and groaned against the clamp of his arms around her—it was quick and tight, like he was trying to pop her back. Then he let go and made way for the next person.
It was Mason. She felt lightheaded just being this close to him, and they weren’t even touching. He looked her in the eyes, resting his hands on the sides of her arms before stepping forward, closing the distance between them. Their bodies pressed together fully, and she could feel his soft, warm cheek on hers. His thick hair smelled like cherry blossoms, and she struggled not to moan like a horny teen (though technically she qualified) as he held onto her for longer than she’d expected.
As he pulled back, he paused with his mouth next to her ear and whispered, “I’m glad you came,” before stepping away, leaving her more turned on than she’d been in months. No wonder religious people had so many kids, if church was this sexy. She wanted to make babies with Mason right then and there. But before her mind could even pull that reel of porn from its canister, a sweaty guy, who for some reason didn’t strike her as a Josh, stepped forward to take Mason’s place, and as he wrapped his large arms around her, he patted her hard with a fist on her back twice and his moist neck made just enough contact with her cheek to leave a little bit of its goo behind. A bucket of cold water to her lap couldn’t have done a better job of extinguishing the fire between her legs.
But now that she’d regained her wits about her, she was able to realize just what exactly she was experiencing: acceptance. Even if a few of the folks in the circle were clearly feeling socially obligated to hug her and it was obvious their hearts weren’t in it, they were still hugging her. No one had spit on or at her. No one had called her the Antichrist. It was weird.
“We’re glad you’re here,” said the large sweaty dude as they all sat back down again. He stared at her the way she imagined she’d been staring at Mason throughout the songs.
“Remind me of your name?”
“Joshua.”
“Are you sure?”
He nodded slowly, confused by the question.
“Okay.”
“Do you want to share anymore right now?” Natalie asked.
Jess shook her head. “Not really. I mean, maybe next time?” Her mention of a next time went over well, and she was greeted by compassionate smiles all around, some of which even looked genuine.
“What’s our discussion topic this week?” asked a small girl who had been one of the first to stand and hug Jessica after Natalie.
“Daily sacrifice,” Joshua chimed in quickly, in a way that made it obvious he’d been thinking about it all week. “Can I go first?”
With no clear leader in the group, he waited until a few people nodded, and then charged in. “I’ve decided to cut down on my eating. Because I had a thought. I thought that every bite I take is one that doesn’t go to someone else. And then I thought of how many people are starving in Africa and so I decided that I would only eat half as much food as I usually do at lunch every day so that people in Africa have something to eat.”
His eyes jumped over to Jessica as he finished, and she forced a smile. But Joshua, it seemed, was a little slow in the head. Was she supposed to be impressed by his weight-loss regimen? Because it seemed less like a spiritual offering and more like something someone would do to not die, which was an obvious risk for someone his size. Did he think his leftovers would be shipped to Africa, or …? Whatever. She decided not to spend more time on it.
They went around in a circle, and when it got to Mason, Jessica tried not to act too interested.
He set aside his guitar, placing it carefully on a stand behind him so that he could give the circle his full attention. He sighed, and it was clear he was taking this prompt seriously. “This is a little difficult for me to talk about,” he said, and Jess could feel the rest of the circle fall deathly silent at the promise of something emotionally juicy. “But I’ve found myself lusting a lot lately. Sometimes I can’t even control it and I—” He bit the corner of his bottom lip again, and Jessica felt tingly in her lady parts. “I’ve succumbed to the temptation a few times. I won’t go into details, but the pleasure was so great, that I almost didn’t want to bring it up today, because it pains me to think about giving it up. But I’ve decided that if I want to be closer to God, the only thing I can do is find ways to crave carnal temptations less. So”—he sighed—“I’ve decided to practice strict abstinence. It’s not really sacrifice, because I should have been doing it anyway, but it feels like sacrifice. Gosh, it’s going to be so hard. I know it’s only possible with God’s help, though, so I’m giving it all up to him and have been praying all week that He offer me His blessings and assistance.” When Mason’s eyes fell shamelessly on Jessica, she felt like her lungs might collapse. What did he think …?
“Great,” Natalie said, though she didn’t sound especially impressed. “Thank you for sharing that, Mason. Thank you for being so honest and open.”
He flashed a suave half-smile at Natalie. “Thanks for listening without judgment.”
The rest of the daily sacrifices were not so interesting or torrid as Mason’s, and Jessica was totally caught off guard when it came to her turn. She had to come up with something quick. Perhaps the honesty was contagious, because before she could stop herself, she said, “Um, I didn’t smite anyone this week, even though I really wanted to.”
The room fell silent for half a second before Kate cackled from next to her. And then Natalie followed, and slowly others began to laugh, too, some clearly more uncomfortable than others. But Mason didn’t laugh. Instead, his eyes narrowed on her and something flashed through his expression that she believed (or perhaps hoped) ran counter to his proclaimed daily sacrifice. He licked his lips slowly, and she thought, Oh for fuck’s sake.
They closed with a song that Jessica believed to be about bloodletting but was obviously about Jesus. All the songs were about Jesus. It seemed a limiting genre
, really, so she understood why songs might have lines like, “leeches of your blood/such a holy holy host/you fill us up so good/with the holy holy ghost.”
That wasn’t to say the verse hadn’t left her shuddering, and not in the way she thought it was intended to.
Once that was done, they adjourned to the game room. Churches had game rooms? That was a new one on her. She still had so much to learn.
The game room had to be the largest room in the CSC, with fußball and air hockey and pool tables scattered throughout, and at the far end, her half-brother’s murder apparatus clearly hand-painted with yellow and orange sunbeams shooting out from behind it.
“Air hockey?” Kate asked as they filed into the room, where a half dozen students were already milling about.
“Sure,” Jessica said, following her roommate over to an open table.
She heard male voices yelling and hollering and looked to her left to see a small couch facing a flat screen TV, where the boys seemed to be battling it out on a video game.
Her eyes latched onto Mason like a leech on Jesus and followed him as he headed over to the gamers, where he shook and chest-bumped each of them hello. Gorgeous man, well-liked by his peers … it was good enough for her to fantasize about, at least. And it’d been too long since she’d had someone to fantasize about.
Kate beat her swiftly at air hockey. It wasn’t much of a competition, but Jess didn’t let it get to her; she’d never played before, and Kate had been coming to church for months, presumably practicing air hockey for the majority of the time spent in the building.
Kate walked around the table to stand next to her. “So?”
“So what?”
“Is it what you expected?” Jessica turned and leaned her butt against the table, standing shoulder to shoulder with her roommate, facing toward the TV.
“In some ways yes, in others, no.”
“You think there might be others like us here?”
Jess turned to inspect Kate’s face. Sure enough, the girl already seemed to know Jessica’s answer. “Natalie.”
Kate nodded. “Yep. That was my thought, too.”
“And she’s an angel, too?”
“Yep.”
“Any other angels here?” She stared at Mason.
“Yeah, but they’re not necessarily who we need.”
Jessica almost asked Kate what she meant, but there was a more pressing question. “Is Mason an angel?”
Kate chuckled. “Nope. Not even a little bit.”
Jess jerked her head around. “What do you mean? Is he a demon?!”
“Whoa, whoa,” Kate said, taking a step back with her palms held up toward Jess. “I didn’t say that. And I wouldn’t know anyway. I don’t know if I’ve ever met a demon. Or if I have, I didn’t realize it was one.” She paused. “Wait, have you met a demon?”
Jess nodded. “Yeah, but it’s a long story and one I don’t feel like telling right now.” Even the thought of Randy this many years later made her stomach clench and a small spike of guilt surge through her temples. “If he was the Devil, do you think you’d know?”
At this, Kate turned her body fully toward Jessica. “Why are you asking about the Devil?”
“I just have to be careful about it,” Jess said, not in the mood to dredge up that old thing about how she would have to confront the Devil at some point. Now that she was in San Marcos and virtually no one around here except Courtney and Chris were from Mooretown, almost anyone could be the Devil. Except angels, she supposed. Either way, the Devil Test was too laborious to run on every single person, and she figured worrying about it all the time would get her nowhere. But it would be nice to know for sure that the guy she was smitten with wasn’t Satan incarnate.
She noticed Kate’s eyes dart to someone behind her only a moment before she felt a gentle hand rest against the middle of her back. She turned to find Mason standing there smiling gently.
Just to be sure …
Is Mason the Devil?
Inconclusive. Good enough for now.
“Hi Jessica. Am I interrupting?”
“Nope.” She could fill in Kate later.
“I, uh, I was wondering if you would step outside with me.”
“You want to fight me?” she spat without thinking.
No dummy. Settle down.
He just laughed pleasantly, though, as if she’d made a witty joke.
“Of course I’ll go outside with you,” she said. Of course? Why is it of course? Pull it together, McCloud!
She didn’t risk looking back at Kate for fear it would make her giggle like an idiot, and when Mason offered his arm for her to take, she thought, What the shit is this? But then she accepted it greedily.
“I’m really glad you came tonight,” he said, echoing his previous sentiments and sending her heart fluttering at the memory of his warm cheek on hers.
“Yeah, me too,” she said, knowing it was expected. It might not have been completely true two minutes ago, but now that he had her on his arm like this, it couldn’t be truer. Whatever he wanted from her, she knew she would give him and she loved and hated that in equal parts. He may have just been human, but it felt like they were magnetically drawn together.
They entered into the chilly December air and Mason led her over to a bench not far from the front door where they sat side by side. It was a slight relief to be outside and have a break from the tingling in her skin. She’d almost forgotten about it, as it’d become her new baseline, but she noticed the absence right away and sighed. A shiver ran down her spine as the cool air filled her lungs, and Mason rubbed her back to warm her.
“I’m curious why you decided to come. I mean, Kate said you probably would eventually, but I almost didn’t believe it.”
“I don’t know,” Jess said. “I guess I thought I’d try it out. See if I could meet new people, make new friends.”
“Yeah,” he said, “that’s why I started going. You know, I wasn’t always such a good guy.”
She clamped her thighs together without meaning to. “Oh yeah?”
He combed his fingers through his lush hair, flipping it as he did so. “Yeah. But that all seems like a lifetime ago. And it doesn’t matter. I just really want to get to know you, Jessica. You inspire me.”
His green eyes stared at her from such a close proximity that she felt lightheaded. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything,” he breathed. “I’d heard stories about you, all kinds of stories, and I didn’t know which were true, but as soon as you walked into the worship room, it all became so clear. You’re meant to be worshipped.”
“Huh?” She tried not to let the shock show through her expression.
He chuckled softly and stared down bashfully at the ground, tossing his hair back away from his face as he looked up again. “Sorry, I get a little carried away. I just mean, you’re all the good things I heard about you and more, and I want to get to know you better, if that’s okay with you.”
She nodded dumbly. “Sure. Yeah.”
“Would you consider going out to dinner with me this weekend? I have all kinds of thoughts buzzing around in my head right now, and I need a little time to get them all together or else I’m going to look like a jackass in front of you, but I have so much I want to talk with you about.”
She promptly shut her lolling mouth as soon as she realized it was open and settled on nodding for a while before she could regroup with, “Yeah, that sounds good.”
He leaned to the side and pulled his phone from his back pocket. “Here, give me your number and I’ll text you.”
She gave it over and he grinned. “Thanks. How about we go warm up now?” He stood and offered her his arm, and she took it again.
Once they were back in the front lobby and her skin had resumed its tingling, he said, “I should go grab my guitar and head out. I have some new lyrics brewing.”
“Oh, you write music?”
He grinned bashfully. “Yeah, but I never perform o
riginals. They’re more for me.”
“You should perform them,” she said, before realizing that she was only assuming they were any good.
“You think so?” he asked earnestly.
She doubled down. “Of course. Why not?”
He nodded like she’d just said something profound. “Why not?”
“Yeah, why not?”
He laughed and his eyes sparkled in the dim lights. “Why not!” He threw up his arms. “Okay, well, I’ll talk more with you this weekend, Jessica,” he said as they approached the split. His guitar was down the hall on the left and the game room was straight ahead.
“Looking forward to it,” she said.
He nibbled the corner of his lower lip thoughtfully. “Would you be okay with it being a date?”
A burst of energy seemed to explode in her sternum, radiating up her throat and into her brain, where it clouded her thoughts. “Yeah, that’s fine. I mean, that’s good.”
“Nice.” He turned and strutted down the hallway, and she forced one foot in front of the other to go back into the game room and pretend something amazing hadn’t just happened. Finally.
“Oh hey … Mason.” The waitress spoke his name like an accusation as she stood next to their table, gripping a glass of ice water in each fist.
Mason’s naturally rosy cheeks grew a shade darker. “Hi … Ver-o-ni—”
“Caitlin,” she corrected curtly, pursing her lips and setting the waters down carelessly, sloshing the liquid over the sides. Jessica’s was only halfway on the paper coaster and wobbled precariously until she grabbed it and adjusted its position.
“Caitlin. Of course. Sorry, I don’t know why I thought—”
“Do you want something else to drink or an app or whatever?”
Mason glanced over at Jessica, who was struggling to keep a poker face and act oblivious to the bad blood. Drinks and appetizers were the farthest thing from her mind, and the question caught her by surprise. “A coke?” she spluttered quickly.
The waitress looked down at her. “What kind?”
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