• Why is this such a significant request?
• Do you think Daelyn doubts his sincerity? Why and why not?
16. Through-the-Light.com, a suicide board, helps Daelyn plan her suicide.
• Is this ethical?
• Is it freedom of speech?
• If it hadn’t existed, would Daelyn have stopped trying to kill herself?
17. In this book, bad things happen to Daelyn.
• Is one of her attackers more guilty than another?
• Do you think any of the people who harass Daelyn want her to kill herself?
18. Bullycide. I know that word well. Suicide as an escape from bullying.
• Before reading this book, had you ever heard of bullycide?
• Do you think it happens a lot?
19. On the Day of Determination, Daelyn logs on and answers the final questions; she checks that she has not left anything from her past behind; she looks out the window and sees a man and his dog, and she wishes for Santana to have a dog; then she decides to complete herself. The last line is, With determination and purpose, I head into the light.
• What do you believe happens on that day?
Bullying
In a recent survey, 70% of all students said they feel affected by bullying. That’s nearly three out of four people in any school. That’s approximately 25,000,000 young people in the United States alone. The enormity of the problem is unimaginable. But not irreversible.
According to current research, the accepted definition for bullying is as follows:
• The behavior is repeated over time.
• The aggressor intends to do harm, if only to embarrass.
• An imbalance of power exists between the aggressor and the target.
There isn’t an established profile of a bully or a target. Anyone can be a bully or a target. If you think someone is bullying you, use the above definition to decide if it is bullying. If your behavior upsets someone, again, check the above definition to decide if your actions make you a bully. What you believe is teasing or fooling around may really be bullying. The effect on the other person is the defining factor.
Given the above definition, brainstorm bullying behaviors you have seen on television, in the news, and in school. Group them into different types of bullying—e.g., name-calling, homophobia, body image, etc.
Name-calling is the first form of bullying most of us experience. Make a list of the hurtful words young children use to name-call. Then make a list of names in elementary school, middle school, and high school. How do the names change? Where and when are those names most often heard in schools?
Discuss the three roles in most bullying events—the bully, the target, and the bystander/witness. Set up some bullying scenarios and get volunteers to play the bully, the target, and several witnesses or bystanders. After the role play, have each person share how he or she thinks their character feels. Create at least one role play involving a teacher as either the bully or the witness.
Brainstorm some healthy and helpful ways bystanders can react. Be sure simple behaviors are included, such as smiling at the target in the hallway, walking with the target to a class, inviting a new student or an alienated student to your lunch table.
Research shows that 70-80 percent of adults at schools do nothing after witnessing a bullying event, while others are unaware of it happening. Brainstorm ways teachers and other staff can respond to a bullying event. Why don’t kids who are bullied tell adults?
Play detective. Get a map of the school, including outside areas—buses, playgrounds, sporting events, etc. Carry it with you through the day and record any bullying events you see with tally marks. Share your observations in class. Why does bullying happen in these areas?
Electronic aggression is any kind of aggression perpetrated through technology. Cyberbullying is one type of electronic aggression. Brainstorm all the other types of electronic aggression. Ask if anyone in the class has experienced any acts of electronic aggression. Research legal consequences.
Each of us needs to decide how we want to react if we experience an incident of bullying as a target or a witness. Discuss what options are available inside and outside the school. If there are no helpful options in your school, how can you and others make the school accountable?
If your school does not have a posted statement of respectful behavior, perhaps you and your friends could create one. Try publishing it in your school newspaper. One elementary school had this one-sentence creed: “We don’t hurt anybody’s insides or outsides.”
Always remember to treat others with respect, and expect to be treated with respect.
Suicide
Suicide is the third leading cause of death in young people ages fifteen to twenty-four. Since 1992, suicide among youth has slowly declined, but the rates are still high. Why are people of this age so vulnerable to suicide?
If a friend told you he or she was thinking about suicide, what would you do? What resources do you know of in the school or outside?
Secrets keep us sick. Secrets stand in the way of healing. If a friend made you promise not to tell that he is thinking of committing suicide, would you keep your promise? Is it better to have a dead friend who still trusts you, or a live friend who is angry with you?
Daelyn was teased and bullied her whole life. Do you think there’s anything she could have done differently to resolve the problem? Did adults let her down?
Some people contemplate suicide as a way to make their attackers feel guilty. Why isn’t this a good plan?
Most young people who have considered suicide say they felt hopeless, or isolated, or insignificant. Have you ever felt like that? What did you do to change your feelings? What are some healthy coping behaviors? What are some unhealthy coping behaviors?
Suicide Warning Signs
(From National Suicide Prevention Lifeline)
* Threatening to hurt or kill oneself or talking about wanting to hurt or kill oneself
* Looking for ways to kill oneself by seeking access to firearms, available pills, or other means
* Talking or writing about death, dying, or suicide when these actions are out of the ordinary for the person
* Feeling hopeless
* Feeling rage or uncontrolled anger or seeking revenge
* Acting reckless or engaging in risky activities—seemingly without thinking
* Feeling trapped—like there’s no way out
* Increasing alcohol or drug use
* Withdrawing from friends, family, and society
* Feeling anxious, agitated, or unable to sleep, or sleeping all the time
* Experiencing dramatic mood changes
* Seeing no reason for living or having no sense of purpose in life
If you hear or see someone you know exhibiting any of these signs, seek help immediately. Contact a mental health professional or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. It is better to be embarrassed than to do nothing and lose a friend. The most common emotion shared by those around someone who commits suicide is guilt.
Suicide Prevention Hotlines and Web Sites
We can all band together to help each other during the hard times in our lives. If you need to speak with a trained counselor through a telephone crisis hotline, please pick up the phone. Most hotlines are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Don’t be afraid. Everything you say is confidential.
National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (273-8255)
Suicide Awareness Voices of Education: www.save.org
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP): 1-888-333-AFSP (333-2377) www.afsp.org
Adolescent Crisis Intervention & Counseling Nineline: 1-800-999-9999
Self-Injury Hotline: SAFE (Self Abuse Finally Ends) Alternatives Program: www.selfinjury.com
1-800-DONT CUT (366-8288)
Youth America Hotline
Peer Couns
eling
1-877-Youthline (968-8454)
Anti-Bullying Hotlines and Web Sites
If you are being bullied, or would like to talk to a trained professional about your situation or that of a friend, there are anti-bullying crisis hotlines. Most are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Everything you say will be kept confidential.
National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center
www.safeyouth.org/scripts/topics/bullying.asp
Girls and Boys Town Hotline: 1-800-448-3000
www.boystown.org
Teen Helpline: 1-800-400-0900
The first Bullying and Cyberbullying sites:
www.bullying.org
www.cyberbullying.org (also www.cyberbullying.ca)
Be Web Aware contains Internet safety tips for kids from two years to seventeen years in age.
http://www.bewebaware.ca
i-Safe educates students, school staff, and parents on Internet safety.
http://www.isafe.org
Wired Kids focuses on preventing cybercrimes and abuses.
www.wiredkids.org
International Sources
Suicide and Mental Health Association International: www.suicideandmentalhealthassociationinternational.org/ Crisis.html
www.suicidehotlines.com/international.html
Anyone over age fifteen can become an activist for suicide prevention. For more information on training go to www.livingworks.net
And see: www.dmoz.org/Kids_and_Teens/Teen_Life/Suicide/
This guide was prepared by C. J. Bott, educational consultant and author of: The Bully in the Book and the Classroom (Scarecrow, 2004) and More Bullies in More Books (Scarecrow, 2009).
www.bulliesinbooks.com
By the Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead Page 16
