by SE Chardou
“I don’t really think that should be an honest concern of yours seeing I have to deliver you back to the city and the arms of your fiancé by this evening.”
I said nothing further and he didn’t probe me either. I had no intention of going back. My whole life had changed the moment I heard of Trésor’s untimely death and I still planned to investigate it and delve into this new world Rory had introduced me to but that meant leaving the country and long stints abroad. I was considered a French national—and by default, possessed European Union citizenship. I also had American citizenship through my mother though I was born in France. It had all been a rather fun affair to drive down to the United States Consulate and register my birth outside of the United States, or so she had told me.
In surrendering all control in one night of pure and unadulterated ecstasy, I had actually regained a part of myself I’d forgotten existed. I didn’t want to be beholden to any man and although I knew it would hurt Grayson, he was a born survivor and would soon move on without me. I had my sister’s modest inheritance though Rory still hadn’t told me how much it was worth, and what better way could I live then trying to find out how she got involved in the BDSM community and what had really happened to her? It was the biggest story of my life and a journalistic coup, but unless I found evidence of foul play, it would never reach the airwaves.
I wasn’t doing this for my own personal glory or the public’s. I felt compelled to speak on behalf of my sister who’d lost her dynamic voice in the basement of an extremely expensive apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.
Chapter Eight
I LAY BY THE POOL with Rory and thanked God it was one of those glassed indoor affairs. All the windows could be opened and there was a gorgeous skylight that could completely slid back on warm, humid days but it was starting to get cold and the weather looked ominous outside our glass palace. We could see the sea from the view the indoor pool afforded us and it was choppy with fierce waves that crashed against the natural sea barriers.
To my utter chagrin, Severin had not left. He’d only shacked up in a spare bedroom before he walked down in an open black robe and a pair of black swimming trunks. His slaves—Claudette and Hans—followed behind on dog leashes collared to elaborate silver chains around their neck.
It seemed like the man had a bit of decorum because even though they sat on either side of them, they were seated on plush pillows instead of the hard marble flooring of the pool area.
“So, did Gabriel get around to calling you yet?” he inquired out loud.
I looked around and realized he was talking to me. Although I wore a modest white bikini that looked great against my rich skin, I still wanted to pull my robe on and cover my body. Regardless he knew what every inch of me looked like, I still felt naked under his intense gaze.
“Who?”
Severin chuckled as he finished the rest of his martini. He placed the expensive Baccarat glass on an even more elaborate and disgustingly expensive art deco glass table. “Gabriel Klume. He’s our personal attorney. Rory’s and mine—that is—as well as our financial advisor.”
I tried to avoid looking at him. It just felt wrong I had had his cock down my throat earlier that morning and now here we were having a normal conversation. I kept trying to remind myself to someone like him, this wasn’t strange at all except perhaps he would like me knelt down on those soft pillows with a white gold chain around my neck and a leash attached to it.
If he ever thought that would happen, he had another think coming because that would never be me—not as long as I had breath in my body. I was very comfortable in my own skin despite the occasional bout of insecurity every person experienced. I didn’t particularly trust people and I had no false security anyone other than me could keep me safe from harm.
“No, I haven’t heard from him yet,” I replied as the iPhone Rory had given me the night before began to ring. It was obvious who it was but my heart started to beat faster before I answered the phone.
“Hello, sweetheart,” I greeted in a warm voice. “I was beginning to think you’d never call.”
“That son of a bitch isn’t keeping you held hostage, is he? I thought you would be home by now,” Grayson replied in a voice filled with controlled anger.
“No, it’s nothing like that. He actually drove me up to the Hamptons for the day. We were just going over the arrangements for Trésor’s funeral.”
Wow, that was a smooth lie. Where did that come from?
“He hasn’t tried to fuck you yet, has he?”
A sudden image of the two of us the previous night flashed in my mind—him taking me from behind on that weird triangle spongy device down in his basement and how much that turned me on despite the pain and his force. My face immediately heated up and I had to squeeze my legs together to stop the sudden heat that grew and juices that flooded my aching sex with longing.
“Of course not, honey. Why would he do that?”
“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, Aurélie. The man eats, sleeps and drinks sex. Do you really think his lustful looks at the precinct escaped me? He wanted you so bad he would have fucked you in front of all of us if we’d been game. He has absolutely no shame and those people don’t think like normal people.”
You mean like us in the vanilla crowd?
I bit my tongue and instead replied, “I noticed that too but he has been a complete and utter gentleman. He’s still so choked up about Trésor, he must have gone through three bottles of Cristal before he passed out on the sofa. I slept in my sister’s old room.”
“Surrounded by all those disgusting sex toys and weird ass sadist devices she keeps in there? Those masks are enough to freak me the fuck out.”
This statement immediately raised red flags from the journalist part of me. “How would you know what her room looks like?”
I didn’t even know what her room looked like because Rory had never taken me there.
It was his turn to back track and try to come up with a proper excuse. “Uh, remember last year when you couldn’t go to the Hamptons due to the assignment in Darfur you couldn’t extricate yourself from?”
“Yes,” I replied, my hand holding the damn cell phone so tight, I thought I might break it.
“Well, I decided to spend time in the Hamptons with Jason and Kaysa. We stayed at Rory’s place and Trésor was there. You know how my brother and his wife are and what they’re like. Severin came by with his slaves, Claudette, Hans and his pet slave who didn’t have a name . . . it was all so depraved and disgusting what happened that night, sweetheart. It would have never occurred in the first place if we had gone on vacation together like we’d planned but once again, you put your career first. You always have.”
“What did you do?” I kept my voice neutral though tears were threatening to break free.
“I don’t want to talk about it. The poor girl is dead now, isn’t she?”
“Yes but last summer she was very much alive so what the fuck did you do, Gray?”
“Shit…” He sighed heavily. “The wrong thing is for damn sure. I participated in their sex orgy. All the guys pulled a train on Claudette, Trésor and Kaysa. It was pretty…rough. You know it’s not something I would normally do but it reminded me of college. We got drunk and loaded and you know how men can be—”
“Yeah…I know how men can be. Is that because I told you I was raped by Renaud?”
“Well, you two were in a relationship at the time of said occurrence so was it really rape?”
“Priceless,” I murmured. “I get it. If two people are romantically involved then a woman automatically loses the right to say ‘no’ if she doesn’t want to have sex? Is that how it works? Forget I said anything. I’ll be back in the city tonight.”
I ended the call and threw the phone to the marble floor. The iPhone faceplate shattered but remarkably the phone itself didn’t break.
I viciously wiped the tears away from my face with uncontrolled fury and anger before stan
ding and walking inside the house for a moment to compose myself. Though instead of pulling myself together, I fell apart in the sitting room and collapsed on the sofa.
It was all so long ago and Renaud had apologized for his behavior. We’d managed to move past it and he still dumped me in the end so why was I crying about something that had happened over a decade ago? Perhaps most people thought like Grayson and didn’t really consider a woman in a relationship a rape victim if it happened with her partner?
I breathed deeply and opened my eyes. They were still downcast as I faced a pair of perfect feet, especially for a man. I slowly looked up and knew immediately it was Rory.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. One minute, I was talking about your personal financial advisor with your brother and the next I’m having a horrible disagreement with my fiancé on the phone on what constitutes rape. Actually, I’m just great.”
He sat next to me though he went out of his way not to physically touch me. My bare right thigh rubbed against his jean-covered left thigh and I swore I could feel the heat from his body through the fabric. He wore a black wife-beater that showed off his toned yet lean physique.
“It really isn’t any of my business about the whole ‘rape’ subject but do you want to tell me what happened?”
I breathed again. “It was between my ex-boyfriend and I so it wasn’t a stranger like with Trésor.”
Rory said nothing and I looked at him. His crystal blue-green eyes glared at me in surprise. “You knew about that?”
“Yeah, she told me because she knew what had happened between Renaud and I and she didn’t want to end up like me…battered, broken and completely unable to trust men. I mean, if I could act like that about an incident that happened with my then-boyfriend…what would happen to her when she didn’t know the guy? She thought it was best he was some random photographer and she would never have to see him again but I ran into Renaud everywhere in Versailles, even after we broke up.
“It was part of the reason why I left France. I just couldn’t stop seeing his face and that smug look. I don’t know if he did it to hurt me psychologically or because he was as drunk as he claimed but in the back of my mind, I always knew he knew it happened so…how drunk could he have been, you know?”
“Rape isn’t the end of the world even though it often feels like it is. If you can understand that and learn to deal with the incident then it is half the battle. It happened and sometimes we have to move on. The devastating effects on the human psyche are often times worse than the act itself. It hurts us deeper than we can ever imagine but we have to keep moving forward and eventually, each day it hurts a bit less but you have to acknowledge it happened first. You felt weak and helpless at that moment but no one will ever make you feel that way again,” Rory explained in a soft voice.
I stopped sniffling and stared at him. He didn’t have to say anything because I already knew. “It happened to you too, didn’t it?”
Rory smiled though there was zero mirth in his expression. “It was my first time at a BDSM club. A hardcore one in Hamburg . . . I was twenty-one and Severin was with me but we got separated. He wanted us to stay together and I didn’t know why he was so concerned but I soon found out there was a method to his madness and he wasn’t being overly paranoid. It was geared more towards homosexuals though there were some women. I witnessed an act of a woman being assaulted and by the look of helplessness on her face, I knew she wasn’t enjoying it at all.”
He swallowed and I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down. “You have to understand that there is a lot of dubious consent in the community. I mean, you have your pain whores—people who get off on being humiliated and degraded. It is a physical turn on for people to piss and shit on them, abuse them beyond what any . . . sane person . . . would think is normal or even acceptable. This woman wasn’t one of those people and there was just a train of men using and abusing her. They were double and triple teaming her and I tried to be a good Samaritan. I only wanted to end her suffering.
“I won’t go into the whole sordid episode but I was . . . assaulted multiple times. I honestly don’t know how long it went on because I passed out and my brother found me. I had to go to the hospital and I needed stitches and spent a whole week in the hospital, face down. My bowels were re-routed and attached to a colostomy bag so my ass could heal properly due to there being a lot of internal damage. Let’s just say it made it harder to become a true Dom when something like that happens to you because no matter how hard you try to separate yourself from someone, you always wonder how they are feeling, what they are thinkin . . . if they truly enjoy what is happening to them.”
“Is that why you don’t have slaves?”
“I don’t have slaves because I don’t want them. I have no wish to break down a person’s mind like Severin has done to Claudette and Hans. It’s a lot of work before and a lot of work after. I just thank what ever is above us he hasn’t gotten bored with them because the transition is going to be very . . . difficult for them. They’ve basically been living in a dream world for the past couple of years and when their service to him ends, they will be completely free and on their own to make decisions they haven’t had to do in ages.
“He literally tells them when they can use the toilet, take a shower, when they are allowed to feel pain and pleasure. I don’t condone my brother’s lifestyle but I can’t quite condemn him either because he has always been there for me in a way you can’t understand unless you have an identical twin. It’s a very strange relationship we have but . . . it’s functional and it works. I suppose I am not a true Dom especially if I am dependent on someone else to make me feel safe and that person is Severin, not me.”
I don’t know why I wanted to reach out and touch him at all but I needed the human connection and I could only hope he wouldn’t reject me. I slipped my arm around his waist and leaned against him. He slid his arms around my naked waist and pulled me closer to him. There wasn’t anything sexual to it; truly we were two people who desired skin-to-skin contact if only not to feel alone in a world so dark, desolate and cold.
“Come on, let’s go get a drink. A little bird told me you aren’t expected back in the city until tonight. So, you can have a glass or two of Cristal with me?”
I didn’t know exactly what it was about him but the way he casually suggested I stay longer made me smile before I said, “I sure can.”
It was so strange to me how easily we could transition back to that place of being friends. I could understand why my sister felt safe with him and why she was loathe to leave him despite their rather strange sexual practices. If it made her happy then who was I to judge her?
I was one to think about not so usual sexual practices when I had experienced a double penetration that morning. That was definitely something to leave out telling future generations if I ever decided to spit out a kid or two.
We stood and walked to the kitchen together and it wasn’t until we got there, I realized his left hand was holding my right. When did that happen? When did we become so close it was okay for us to touch each other without it being the least bit sexual?
Rory let go and opened the fridge to take out a bottle of Cristal. As I watched him uncork and pour, my breath caught in my throat as my heart thundered in my chest with an intensity that frightened the shit out me.
What the hell was going on neither of us wanted to acknowledge to each other out loud?
What did it mean for the future—did we even have one between us?
Most importantly, what did this mean for us?
Chapter Nine
YOU FEEL NOTHING FOR THIS man, my inner voice warned me.
Could that same rational part of my brain communicate this pertinent and important information to my heart? I began to breathe hard until I was wheezing like a goddamn asthmatic and I slowly sank to the floor. The tears came before I could stop them and I had to cover my face out of embarrassment and fear. This wasn’t supposed t
o happen and I would never forgive myself for this. I promised myself no one would ever touch my heart the way Renaud had and there I was— back in a situation so beyond my control, I couldn’t properly breathe.
Rory was immediately at my side and all I could do was read his lips because I couldn’t hear his voice above my own heartbeat. I was falling apart in front of a man and I cursed my fucking weaknesses. I was stronger than this. I was a smart, independent woman who didn’t need anyone to make it on my own. Just like that, I decided I wouldn’t allow myself to fall, least of all for Rory Krieger.
Slowly, his concerned voice came into focus and my anxiety attack began to wane. I didn’t feel completely out of control anymore and my ragged breath began to fade away.
“Breathe deeply, okay? It’ll ease you back down, okay?”
I nodded my head as Severin walked into the kitchen and glared at us though his focus was primarily on me. I could feel his gaze burn over my skin as I allowed Rory to help me up off the floor.
“I didn’t realize you liked bottoming out so much. Looks like my brother dearest has found a replacement for Trésor—his poor dead pain whore.”
I saw red and before Rory could stop me, I stormed at Severin and pushed him so hard he fell on his ass. “You take that back, you fucking pompous asshole! My sister is dead and you talk about her like that? You’re just jealous you couldn’t turn her into another Claudette. Is that why you killed her?”
Severin’s aquamarine eyes shined with hatred as he shot daggers at me up and down. Even in his subordinate position, he commanded an overwhelming power and studious demand I bow down to him. I forced myself to look away before I did something I regretted.
“Calm down, he didn’t mean what he said. He’s just upset—”
