He shrugs, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. “I wasn’t eating them because they tasted good.”
I roll my eyes, but a trace of a smile rises at my lips. “You were such a stoner.”
He chuckles, opening the fridge. “Like you’re one to talk.”
“Hey, I only smoked, like, a couple times. Unlike you.”
“Yeah, I was pretty bad back then, wasn’t I?”
“We weren’t that bad. Sure, we got into some trouble, but we did a lot of good things, too, and we had a lot of fun.”
He grabs a bottle of water from the fridge, a faraway look crossing his face as he twists off the lid then takes a swig. “Yeah, we did, didn’t we?”
A quiet moment passes. I wonder when the last time Loki had fun was. When was the last time I had fun?
“We’re going to have some fine,” Cole whispers.
Tears sting my eyes, but I suck them back and open the cupboard to get some seasonings. Instead, I find a few bottles of prescription pills. I put my hand on my tummy, remembering the stale taste of the pills as I swallowed them dry. For a terrifying instant, I didn’t think I was ever going to wake up. And, for a terrifying instant, I felt … relieved. Then reality slapped me across the face and panic set in.
“What’re you looking for?” Loki asks, moving up next me.
I shut the cupboard and turn toward him. “The salt and pepper.”
He points at a cupboard across the kitchen. “Anna moved them over by the stove. She said it made more sense to have them close to the cooking area.”
“Does she cook for you guys a lot?”
“Sometimes. So does Zhara. Even Nik does once in a while, but those are frozen pizza nights.”
“What about Alexis? She used to like to cook with me.”
He presses his lips together. “Alexis is different now.”
“She didn’t seem different the last time I talked to her.” Come to think of it, the last time I actually talked to her was over six months ago. Most of our conversations have been through texts. “Is everything okay with her? She’s not getting into trouble, is she?”
“No, she’s fine.” He backs away from me. “I’m going to bring in the rest of your stuff. Then I’ll help you cook.” He hurries out of the kitchen, tucking the paper he was staring at earlier into his back pocket.
I grab the salt and pepper then head back to where I piled the ingredients. As I pass by the stack of mail, I glance through them, trying to figure out which one upset Loki. The only empty, opened envelope is from Family Services.
Shit. Is Loki in trouble? Are they threatening to take the kids away? Or is it something else?
My phone buzzes in my pocket, drawing my thoughts elsewhere. But I don’t look at it, too afraid of what I’ll read.
Too afraid of everything now.
Chapter Eleven
Loki and I spend the next hour making dinner. I attempt to wiggle more information out of him about the letter from Family Services, but he evades my questions. I want to get angry at him, but for the last couple weeks, I have been doing the same thing—avoiding, taking on too much on my own, refusing to admit I need help, shutting everyone out.
As I’m searching for a subtle way to get him to talk about his life, Zhara, our seventeen-year-old sister, comes barreling into the house.
“Jessamine!” she squeals as she races into the kitchen and wraps her arms around me, squeezing the air out of me and nearly knocking me into the stove. “Oh, my God, I’m so glad you’re home.”
“Me, too.” I hug her back tightly. It’s been too long since I hugged someone. Way, way too long. It brings me back to that night. I wanted a hug from someone so badly, knowing I didn’t deserve one.
Do I deserve one now?
She steps back, smoothing her brown curls into place. “How was your flight? Aren’t you tired? How long are you staying? I hope for the entire summer, because I really want to spend some time with you. We can go shopping and get manicures, and I was hoping maybe you could help me with some cheers. I know you aren’t a cheerleader anymore, but you used to be so good, and I thought you could give me some pointers before I head off to cheerleading camp.”
I blink at her like a lost baby deer. So many questions. I feel like I’m drowning.
“Zhara, calm down,” Loki intervenes, as if sensing my panic. “One question at a time, okay? Jessa’s had a long flight.”
“It’s okay.” Pulling myself together, I ask Zhara, “Cheerleading camp?”
She nods. “Yeah, some of my friends are going and told me I should go. It starts next Monday. I wasn’t going to go, because I don’t want to take off when you’re here, but Anna talked me into it. She said I’m way too stressed out and that I need to get out of the house.”
“Anna’s right; you do worry too much.” Easton appears in the doorway with his arms crossed, which causes Zhara to stiffen. “And you overextend yourself all the time.” He glances over at Loki, who is stirring a steaming pot of potatoes at the stove. “She wouldn’t even let me cook or clean while you were gone. Not once.”
Loki sets down the spoon, shaking his head. “Zhara, I thought we talked about not trying to do everything for everyone.”
“I just like helping out.” Hurt fills her eyes. “What’s so wrong with that?”
“Nothing’s wrong with that,” Easton tells her, moving out of the way as Nikoli wanders into the kitchen, carrying a football. “Just make sure to have some fun, too, while you’re still young.”
Zhara looks away from Easton, her cheeks turning pink with embarrassment. “I have fun sometimes.”
I’m trying not to laugh at her but, ever since Zhara was a freshman, she’s had a huge crush on him. I remember she used to get all flustered and giggly whenever he was around. Apparently, that hasn’t changed.
Easton gives me a quick hug and a welcome back then starts updating Loki on stuff that happened while he was gone, most of which seems to be centered around Alexis wandering off all the time.
While they yammer away, Nikoli walks up and gives me a one-armed hug. “Hey. I’m glad you’re home.”
I smile at his simple greeting. “Hey, yourself.” I ruffle his hair. “Holy crap, you’re so tall. When did that happen? You’re only fifteen. You shouldn’t be so tall yet.”
He smooths his messy brown hair into place and shrugs. “I grew, like, six inches over the last couple months. Loki says I might still grow more.”
“I bet it helps with sports, huh?” I ask, stealing a carrot off a platter on the counter.
He nods, rotating the football between his hands. “Are you going to watch any of my games while you’re here?”
“Is football going on right now?” I pop the carrot into my mouth. “I thought that was a fall sport.”
“It is,” he says. “But there’s a city team that plays in the summer, and I’m on it.”
“Count me in,” I tell him “I’ve missed seeing you play.”
A smile lights up his face. “I’m way better than the last time you saw me.”
He starts talking my ear off nonstop about the games he played last year. He used to be the quiet one in the family, so his chatty mood throws me off. Without Dad around, I wonder if he has anyone to talk to about sports. Poor kid. He’s probably lonely.
Even though I’m not a huge football fan, I listen and ask him questions so he thinks I’m interested. He chatters on as I finish cooking the chicken then help Zhara set the table.
As we get ready to eat, Easton starts to leave, yet he makes a point to remind Loki about a barbeque he’s having in a few days.
“You promised you’d come,” Easton says, slinging his duffel bag over his shoulder. “And I don’t want to hear any excuses about being busy. You need to get out of the house.”
“I know I said I’d come”—Loki turns off the stove’s burner then leans against the counter with his arms crossed—“but I just took four days off. I need to catch up on school and check on the store.”<
br />
“You’re not getting out of this. Anna or even Jessa can keep an eye on the store, and you can catch up on your schoolwork before then.” A grin curls at Easton’s lips. “Besides, Lucy’s going to be there.”
“Who’s Lucy?” I ask, grabbing a few extra forks from the drawer.
“Just some girl we used to go to high school with,” Loki mumbles, setting the pan of potatoes on the table.
“Don’t downplay it.” East presses Loki with a look then turns toward me. “He was completely obsessed with her for most of our senior year, but he never had the balls to ask her out.”
I cover my mouth with my hand, mocking shock. “Loki Baker, afraid of a girl?”
“I know. Crazy, right?” Sarcasm drips from Easton’s tone.
We exchange a smile. We both know how nervous Loki gets when asking someone out. Or, he used to, anyway. I don’t think he’s been on a date since our parents died.
“Look, I appreciate the invite,” Loki says, pulling out a chair at the table, “but I don’t think I should go to a party right now. I need to check up on everyone and catch up on stuff. Plus, Nik has practice almost every day, and I need to help Zhara get stuff ready for camp.”
Easton shoots him an unyielding look. “The party’s not for a few days, so you have plenty of time to get all that stuff done.”
“I can’t go to a party,” Loki says firmly. “I have other responsibilities.”
“You need to get out,” Easton presses. “Even parents take some time off for themselves.”
Loki’s jaw clenches. He looks like he’s about to lose it, but Easton seems like he isn’t going to back down.
“I can take Nik to practice and help Zhara pack for camp,” I offer, putting the forks on the table.
“I don’t really need help packing,” Zhara chimes in, filling her cup with ice water. “I’m pretty much packed already.”
I smile at Loki. “See? We’re all set here. Go to the party. Have some fun for once.”
He blasts me with a dirty look then hisses, “You’re supposed to be taking it easy.”
“Why? What’s wrong?” Nik asks, shoveling a heaping spoonful of potatoes onto his plate.
Loki’s eyes widen, an oh-shit look crossing his face. Then he quickly composes himself. “Nothing’s wrong. Jessa just doesn’t need to spend her vacation doing stuff for me.”
“It’s not that big of a deal.” I pull out a chair and take a seat, my heart racing in my chest after the partial truth about why I’m here almost slipped out. “Besides, it’ll keep me busy and get my mind off stuff.”
“You can do something fun and get the same thing,” Loki tells me, reaching for the plate of chicken.
“I am going to do something fun.” I throw a grin in Nik’s direction. “I’m going to watch my awesome baby brother kick ass at football.”
Nik smiles proudly. “Yeah, she’s going to watch me kick ass.”
“Watch your language,” Loki mutters, putting a piece of chicken on his plate.
“Well, there you go. Sounds like you’re all set.” Easton grins. “No more excuses. See you then and bring some beer with you.”
After he leaves, Loki aims a dirty look at me. I ignore him, piling food on my plate as I strike up a conversation with Zhara about cheerleading camp.
We’ve just fallen into light chitchat when Annabella shows up with her boyfriend, Luca.
“Jessa!” She limps up to me, and I stand so she can give me a great big hug. “You made it. I was worried you weren’t going to.”
Guilt clogs my airway. Yep, I made it. But I almost didn’t. And maybe I shouldn’t have.
And just like that, the last ten minutes of calmness goes poof.
I don’t deserve this.
She steps back, smiling. “I’m so glad you’re here. I missed you.” She tilts her head to the side, her brows furrowing. “You look different.”
I plaster on a fake smile, trying to ignore the elephant squashing my chest. “My hair’s a little longer.”
“No, it’s not that.” Her smile vanishes. She stares at me with a puzzled look on her face.
I start to freak out. No, there’s no way she can know what I did. That’s hidden inside me, locked in a box with the other problems I will eventually have to face.
I shrug, crossing my fingers that I come off nonchalant instead of evasive. “I don’t know what to tell you. I haven’t really changed.” I take a good look at her. “You have, though. No more purple hair and studded clothes.”
“There’s still a little bit of purple in it.” She combs her fingers through her purple streaked hair. “And I still have a leather jacket with studs, but it’s, like, ninety degrees outside right now, so I can’t wear it.”
“Says the girl I once saw dressed head to toe in black and wearing a sweater when it was crazy hot outside,” Luca teases.
She playfully sticks her tongue out at him. “That was back then. I’m different now.”
She’s definitely different. Happier than the last time I saw her.
I wish I could be that happy.
“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” Luca asks under his breath, leaning close to Anna.
Anna rolls her eyes, but a smile plays at her lips. “I guess, if you really want me to.”
Luca shakes his head but grins. “Keep it up, and I’ll never bring you Skittles again.”
“Luca, this is my awesome sister, Jessamine.” Anna motions back and forth between Luca and me. “And, Jessa, this is Luca, my …” She glances at him with a smirk on her face. “Wait, what did we decide you were again? My annoying next-door neighbor who follows me around all the time?”
Luca teasingly tugs on a strand of her hair. “Don’t play dumb. You know what I am.” He gives her a look that makes her blush.
“You guys are too cute,” I say as the front door slams shut.
Moments later, Alexis stomps into the kitchen, tracking in mud and green paint.
Alexis is Zhara’s twin, and while they are not identical, they used to have similar personalities. Not anymore. While Alexis is rocking the grungy look she’s always been fond of, she now has a scowl on her face and the don’t-give-a-shit vibe flowing off her are far from the happy, upbeat sister I grew up with.
“Why is there green paint on your sneakers?” Anna asks, staring at the footprints on the hardwood floor. “I hope it’s washable.”
Alexis yanks open the fridge and grabs a bottle of juice. “Does it really matter? No one even bothers to mop the floor anymore.”
“Hey, I try to at least once a month,” Zhara protests.
“I’m glad you found your calling in life,” Alexis retorts, kicking the fridge door shut. Then her eyes lock on me. “Well, look who decided to be part of the family again.”
My lips part in shock, but no words come out. Holy crap, this isn’t the sister I remember. Then again, I’m probably not, either.
“Alexis, please don’t start. It’s been a long day,” Loki pleads. “Come sit down and eat. Jessa made dinner.”
“No, thanks.” Alexis strides for the doorway. “I have better stuff to do with my time.”
“Alexis,” Loki calls out, but she’s already halfway up the stairs.
“She’s been such a bitch lately,” Anna mutters with a sigh. Her gaze wanders to me, intently studying me as if she’s still trying to figure out what’s different. “Don’t take anything she says personally.”
“Is everything okay with her?” I cringe at the unevenness in my voice.
Annabella gives a one-shoulder shrug. “If there is, she won’t tell anyone. Trust me; I’ve tried for months.”
I swallow hard. “Is she in trouble or something?”
Anna shakes her head. “That’s the thing. She’s doing okay in school and hasn’t gotten into any real trouble. Not that we know of. But whenever she’s home, she’s rude as hell and pissed off at everyone. And she always comes home with paint all over her”—she glances down at the paint on the fl
oor—“but she insists she doesn’t paint anymore.”
I bite my fingernail, my eyes drifting toward the doorway. “Maybe I should talk to her.”
“You can do that later,” Loki interrupts. “Right now, let’s try to relax and eat dinner together.”
Nodding, I take my seat again.
Annabella kisses Luca goodbye and tells him she’ll text before she joins us.
“It’s almost like old times,” Nik says with a smile then dives back into his food.
I smile, but my eyes wander to the three empty seats around us.
We may be sitting around the dinner table like we used to, but nothing will ever be exactly like old times again. We are all different. Life is different. We may not have all been in the car when the accident happened, but it changed all our lives. And I almost changed their lives even more, made one more seat become empty. Still could if this unknown texter sends the photo to the police and I end up in jail.
For the rest of dinner, I remain quiet. When I’m done, I tell everyone I’m tired and go up to my old room to bed. However, I end up lying awake for hours, staring at a calendar on my wall.
Each month has a photo of a foreign place, like Paris, London, Venice. I bought the calendar when I was fourteen and hung it up as a reminder of my plan to go overseas for college. I continued to change the months even after the calendar became outdated, but when I officially decided to go to London, I turned to the current page and left it there. The weeks before I left, I used to lie awake in bed, envisioning myself there, and my stomach would burst with excitement. Now all I feel is nausea and self-hatred when I look at the photo.
Unable to stand the ill feelings any longer, I drag my ass out of bed and tear the calendar off the wall right as my phone goes off for the tenth time tonight. Knowing I can’t avoid the messages forever, I dig my phone out of my pocket and open the last message.
Unknown: You have no clue what you’ve gotten yourself into, do you? Tell me, Madelynn, ever heard of a little group called The Unveiling? If not, you should look into it. We’re a bigger group than you think, and we aren’t the sort of people to just let our winners go. Especially winners like you, Madelynn. Yeah, we know the truth about you. The truth about your past. Just like we know what you did to win. But this isn’t the first time you’ve killed, is it?
Reclaiming Madelynn (Reclaiming Book 1) Page 8
