Maybe I passed near her, a dead body thrown in a garbage can, I must have mistaken for a stray cat run over by a car. And instead was my life that had been thrown away.
She’s so beautiful, she is perfect, and how much joy I feel just looking at her. She is completely healed, but she remains in the arms of Faith, she has total confidence in her. The child dares to caress her, but I’m too afraid to do it.
All my dreams, my hopes, my illusions are placed in her, and we saved her, we finally did it.
Faith stops fondling her and spreads her arms, but the Fox is in the womb, she doesn’t need to leave it. And how could she? Go where? The Fiery Knight is the one who has to take her home, only him.
She is alive, but still in danger. Until she returns to her kingdom, between her mountains, will always be in danger. She can get lost again, falling prey to fear, to suffering, to death. Our task is not finished, we haven’t saved her yet.
The child asks me. «Now what?».
Around us, there is only concrete, but I see them soar, distant, snow-covered mountains. I will list them with the cane and the boy looks at them dumbfounded.
«Oh! Over there».
He continues to watch them, fascinated. «They’re so far».
I know, they are unattainable for me. They are a dream that I lost, that I can no longer get. But not for you, you can still do it, you can still save your life.
I keep pointing at them, with the stick.
«Do I have to take her there?».
I nod.
«But how can I?».
I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how he can do that, but he must do it, only him can win.
Child, give it a try. Try to save her, fight for your life. It is the most important thing, it is worth any sacrifice. You’re a knight, you are the Knight. Your eyes burn with life. You’re brave, you can do it.
I try to make him hurry and I point to the fox.
He approaches timidly, he stretches his arms.
The fox stays still; she lets him take her in his arms. He held her close, but gently, for fear of hurting her.
He looks at me.
Go, run. There is no time, you have to do it. Run and don’t stop ever. Fight against all, defeat dragons, save the princess. You are the chosen one, you were born just for that, because she can continue to exist.
I hurry him, I continue to indicate the distant mountains with my cane.
«I don’t know how to get there. I don’t know the way. I’ve never been out alone».
It doesn’t matter, you will succeed, it’s your destiny.
I caress him one last time and I push him away.
I see him moving away slowly, turning his head continuously to look at me. The little fox tight in his arms. He walks to the street, where roaring cars whizzing by.
A chill assails me: am I crazy? I’m sending a child to get lost in a city that he doesn’t know? And if something happens to him? If he is devoured by dragons? He cannot ever manage to succeed; he is too small, too frail. And I’m just a crazy old man who lives of illusions.
He disappears around the corner. There are no more: the Fiery Knight and the perfect princess, they started their adventure.
Faith continues to look at me, with confidence.
What’s left now? The last act is finished, I just need to bring back Faith? In her prison, in her cave, in her mount.
I tend an helping hand to her, she stands up smiling, she gets to my side and together we walk back to the house.
This wonderful little girl, with a power that goes beyond imagination. The power to cure the dreams, to heal the hope, to regenerate the illusion. She holds my hand tight, and her hand is small, delicate, soft.
Yes, she is just a little girl the one next to me, a little girl so fragile, so beautiful. We walk together towards the highest mountain.
Then I look in the distance and I see another house, another door. I recognize that.
It’s my home.
Our hands will melt and I continue to walk. Faith is uncertain, but follows me.
Yes, it’s my house. Where I was born, where I spent the first years of my life. There is no one, I know, mom is out working, she is back always very late. And dad…
I understand that it is the day.
This is the day, for this I am back. Here and now. The day that changed my whole life. The day dad hit me for the first time. The day I tried to open up with him, in which I told him all my hopes and dreams. Writing, tell stories. But he didn’t get it, he said I was just a sissy, I had to be cured. He beat me up.
Here and now has changed my life. Beyond this point it awaits me only fear and pain. A continuous, endless suffering. He already did it with my mother, a bunch of times, but I’ve never been touched before. I have seen her bruises, but she said it was her fault, she has been careless, she banged against the door, she fell down the stairs. He teased her for that. At that time I believed it, I didn’t understand, I understood only much time later.
Here and now is where everything has become ugly, where I lost my innocence. But now can be changed, now I found my life, I saved it. Now it can be completely different.
Here and now he won’t win, because I won’t let him.
I wait for him. For a long time. He seems to never come. I know he stops at the bar after work. And he’s drinking, he always does.
Faith is by my side, she never speaks. She is quiet, she is confident.
In the end I see him coming. He is so young, I don’t remember him so young, he looks like thirty years old or so. He is strong, bold, he is a big man that strikes fear. He didn’t notice me, I’m nothing to him.
That shirt, I recognize that plaid shirt. Yes, it is that one, the one bound to scare, bound to terror. Yes, this is the day and this is the hour. Soon it will happen, soon he will hurt that boy.
I approach slowly. I can feel the smell of his tobacco, the stench of all the whisky that he ingested. Fear assails me, terrified of being back in front of him. I would run away, run to hide.
But I go ahead. I lift the cane. He notices me; he looks at me with contempt.
I hear for the voice, the voice that I lost for so long. I try hard.
In the end I find it, it doesn’t seem even mine. It’s a child’s voice, a small child. The voice of the child.
«You’re not going to hurt me anymore, dad. I’m not afraid of you anymore».
The man looks at me with his mouth open, and I see anger growing in him. I move the stick in his direction. I collect all my courage.
«You will not beat me up anymore. I will not let you».
I run. Faster than the wind.
The Princess is in my arms, but I hardly feel her weight.
I lost track of time, everywhere I see is concrete and asphalt, the mountains are so far away, They seem never get closer.
People look at me with amazement, admires the Princess in my arms. Someone tries to stop me, to interrogate me, but I don’t let him succeed in that and I run away.
I cross the streets, but I try to be careful: control traffic lights, waiting for the right time. I know I have a big task, to be the chosen one. She needs me, she trusts me, nothing else matters.
The Princess is calm, she looks around curious. Her body is so hot, I hear her heart beat.
The houses are less and less, there is more green, fewer cars. I’m approaching the periphery, the edge of the city. Far away I can already see green forests: my goal to reach.
How long has it been? Seem like hours.
I am too small, my legs are too short, and I feel weak. I get angry because I would be more, do more. I am a Knight, I can’t give up!
I run again, parallel to the railway. I cross it.
I know that I shouldn’t do this, it is prohibited. But I do it anyway and I continue my journey.
Now there are almost no more houses, lots of green all around me. The forest is getting closer and closer.
The Sun is going down, it will be evening s
oon: mom will be back, dad will be back, and he will be angry if I’m not at home, very angry. But I can’t help it, to save the Princess is much more important!
I climb on to a hollow, I reach the top and I stare with open mouth.
A broad street, with many lanes. A motorway, the biggest I’ve ever seen. The cars whizzing without slowing down. Many trucks, giant trucks, that freak me out.
How did she pass there the princess? At night, illuminated by the headlights, with cars that whizzed around. Dragons with eyes of fire.
How much she must have been afraid, what a terrible risk she has endured.
It is full of dragons: they don’t slow down ever, they are a constant, uninterrupted stream. How to do, how to cross that road of terror? The Princess is scared, she shakes in my arms. I caress her and I tell her words of comfort. At the end I sing her a lullaby, as I’ve seen it done by the seer.
She seems to calm down.
I step over the fence. It’s not easy, holding the princess in my arms, but I can, but then I do not have the courage to move on.
I am the Knight, the Fiery Knight, the champion of Life, I can do it, it’s up to me! I have not to be afraid, I can succeed!
I wait for the right moment and I launch myself. I run with my eyes closed, holding the Princess tight. She wriggles but I won’t let her fall down. I stop, I open my eyes. I’m in the middle of the road, cars whizzing beside me, in both directions, someone plays with the horn, he saw me. I don’t even note them.
I wait again: another moment, the right one. I toss myself, eyes clenched, screaming, as if I throw myself off a cliff. It seems that the race will never finish, then I hit against the fence. I squeeze even stronger the princess not to let her to run away, and finally I open the eyes.
I’m on the other side, the road of dragons has been defeated. I exult!
I jump the fence and run into the forest.
There are no roads, not even a lane, and I advance between the trees, continuing to walk; now I a steep climb wait for me, it’s getting harder.
I’m so tired, but I can’t give up now. I go forward, always forward.
I slide, I fall down, I get up, I keep going. I’m climbing more and more. I turn and I see the highway down in the valley, the cars seem just ants.
The Princess starts to get nervous, she wriggles: she recognizes the air, the scent of freedom. She recognizes the places, its places. She’s already been here and she knows the way.
I go ahead a little longer, then I can’t do it anymore. She has become too restless and I can’t hold her. I put her on the ground, gently.
She snaps away, she stops after a few meters and turns to look at me.
She is beautiful, the most beautiful being I have ever seen. She is proud, confident, graceful. And she is full of life, she is life itself.
Our eyes meet, then she turns and runs away.
She is lost in the green of the forest.
I finally collapse to the ground, exhausted.
I did it, I did it, I completed my task. And I don’t care if I get yelled at home, if they put me in detention, I got it, I’m a Knight!
I can get up and I walk with effort towards the way back.
I descend the mountain slowly, being careful where I put my feet. After an interminable time I find myself in front of the highway, but I cannot cross it, I don’t have the courage.
I go ahead, passing by the street, I walk for so long, it seems kilometers to me, until I see an overpass, a road that passes over. I follow it and I go over.
I still walk. Now it’s dark. They will be all worried about me, they will never forgive me.
I look around, I notice a traffic cop across the street.
I cross the road, I approach him, and I pull a sleeve of his jacket.
«Mister, please, I’m lost».
He is very nice, asks me so many questions, he speaks to a microphone. A police car arrives and they make me jump in.
I remain silent because now is the fear come back. I am afraid to go home, afraid of what will happen to me. Dad will say I failed him once again.
Then I see I know the way and I understand that we arrived.
We have to stop. An ambulance is coming out from the yard and immediately behind, another police car. Then we can get in.
They make me get off; a police officer holds me by the hand and takes me back home.
Something happened.
I see Faith on the floor, she sit there. Four are trying to lift her but seem they can’t.
She is crying.
When I reach her, she speaks to me.
«I tried to cure it, I tried, but I couldn’t do it».
I embrace her and she squeezes me back, so much I lose my breath. I offer her my hand and help her up. She never stops sobbing. An old woman is near her, perhaps her mother.
The cop pulls me, I have to move on.
I see blood on the floor, a lot of blood. They tried to hide it with a sheet of newspaper, but has been absorbed.
In the end he stops, he leaves my hand and starts talking with someone.
I am confused, I hear voices, all around me. They’re adults, I don’t exist to them, they don’t even notice me.
«I saw it, it was horrible. That poor old man, he wasn’t doing anything. He just talked. That jerk! He snatched the stick from his hand and then hit him in the head, he didn’t want to stop. It took two men to take him away».
«He was drunk, as always. The poor guy, how he injured him! Kill a poor old man like that. Oh, but he will pay, he never leaves from prison now, that bastard. I’m going to testify! It’s a monster, he does not deserve even to be called a man».
«And that poor family. The wife, the son! How tragic for them. But will be better off without him. They will surely be better, I saw how he treated her, and all the bruises she always had. It’s good for them to be freed by his presence».
«But he did not tell him anything to provoke him, I heard it myself. He called him dad, that poor old man had lost his mind, believed that he was his father. In addition, the cane, he used it just to stand up; he did not threatened him absolutely. It’s inexplicable what he did».
I look around. I see a woman in the yard, sitting on a bench, she is crying. Near her two grocery bags.
She looks so sad.
I can’t figure out. I search the old man with the eyes. I don’t see him, it’s gone.
I hear a scream: my mother. She saw me and she started to cry. She runs to me and hugs me.
«Thank God, how scared I was. I was afraid you’d be hurt».
She covers me with kisses, not letting me breathe.
I hear a whisper behind me.
«Poor baby, with a father like that, a killer».
Then I realize that the old man is dead, killed by my father. And I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.
But I also understand that they took him away and I won’t see him again. I won’t have to be afraid of him. And I’m glad, despite everything, I exult for joy.
My mother gets up, takes me by hand.
«Come, come away».
She drags me home and I see people step aside. Some whisper, others have caring glances.
I throw a look of goodbye to Faith and I smile to her.
I let her take me into the house, I let her controls me centimeter by centimeter, and to be sure I was unharmed.
Then she starts crying again. I hug her, I try to comfort her, and I would say that from now on I will take care of her, that I will never leave her and that I will always love her.
Instead, I say completely different words.
«Mom, I want to be a writer, I want to tell stories».
She looks at me, astonished.
Yes, I want to tell stories, I want to write the story about the Perfect Princess, that wonderful silver fox, about the Fiery Knight, about what we were me and the old man, for one brief moment, in that courtyard, about the Seer Baby Girl, trapped forever in that horrible body, about the dragons, all t
hose terrible dragons that are so much scary to everyone.
I will tell, because the old man deserves it, he deserves that this story has an ending.
My mother smiles at me.
«Of course dear, you can be anything you want».
July 2008
LIZARD
Translation by Cinzia Albanese
The lizard is catching the sun, motionless, except the forked tongue that sticks out form the mouth. He sees a butterfly that, hovering, was getting closer.
The kid is behind it. He came closer, without making any sound, and now reaching out, centimetre by centimetre.
The lizard is used to sensing danger, but this time: the butterfly took all its attention.
The hand of the kid grabbed it and it was too late for the lizard. He turned around too slow and the kids’ fingers trapped his tail.
It tries to escape and wriggles. The kid tries to grab it with the other hand, but it escaped between his fingers. He lifted the hand up by the tail. It writhes, trying to reach her hand and climb.
Then it commits the extreme sacrifice and detaches its tail. It’s pointless, falling into the other hand, tightening around it.
The kid watches with curiosity the detached tail, which is still moving, then he throws it away.
He looks at the closed fist to control the imprisoned lizard, then looks around, in that abandoned and deserter courtyard. Manages to find a rusted jar. He puts his hand inside and shakes it to make the lizard fall. He hears a thud. He looks at it from the bottom of the jar, while turning it, then he covers it with a piece of paper from a newspaper and an elastic band.
Picks up the backpack with the books and starts running.
In the jar, tight in his hand, the lizard is thrown everywhere.
He hides it at school, but he can’t stop looking at the jar and shaking it to make her move. His school class mates.
During the break, the kid moves away, he kids himself, and starts playing with the lizard. He teases it with a stick, stopping it from moving, pricking it to make it run. If it tries to climb up he throws her down.
Then he gets bored, closes it up, but doesn’t take the jar into class as they might steal it from him. Then opens a window of the corridor, placing it outside on the window sill, out of view.
When the bell rings at the end of the lessons, the kid waits, he waits until everybody’s out and goes to get the jar. The aluminium jar, stayed for hours under the sun, it’s boiling. It’s not moving, not even when pocking it. When his about to lose hope and about to throw the jar, the lizard moved.
Lizzi Bizzi and the Red Witch Page 27
