Her friend sighed. “No, but I worry about you. Just what have you been doing with him, darling? The flush on your cheeks suggests you have gone past mere courtship. You have become lovers, have you not?”
“Well…yes,” Lily confessed, not wanting to lie. “Tonight was our first time, in fact. But you needn’t worry. It may come to nothing. I offered to become Heath’s mistress so he would abandon the notion of winning my hand in marriage, but he decidedly refused.”
“Oh, Lily.” Fanny sounded less shocked than dismayed.
Lily gave her a quizzical glance. “What is the matter, Fanny? You of all people should understand my desire for independence. The position of mistress will allow me freedom I could never have as his wife.”
“I know. But I feel guilty for leading you astray. I have been such a wicked influence on you. You would never have made so scandalous a proposition to Claybourne but for your friendship with me.”
Lily was truly puzzled. “You aren’t to blame whatsoever. And since when did you suddenly become so prim and proper?”
“Since you conceived the abominable idea of following in my footsteps. Trust me, Lily. You don’t want to be any man’s mistress. You do not want that life.”
“I am not proposing that I enter your trade, Fanny. Just that I limit my relationship with Claybourne to an affair instead of marriage.”
“Even so, I think you would be making a dreadful mistake.”
Falling silent, Lily searched her friend’s beautiful face. There was more to Fanny’s objection than met the eye. There was real distress in her tone, along with a genuine sadness. She had recently spoken of being lonely, Lily remembered…
“Fanny, dearest, what is troubling you?”
Lily was startled to see Fanny bite her lower lip as if holding back tears. When one spilled over, Lily sprang up from her chair and went to kneel before her friend, taking her hands in a light grasp.
“Come now, what did I say to make you cry?”
“It…was not anything you said.” Fanny dashed a hand over her welling eyes. “It is nothing, truly. I am simply feeling sorry for myself.”
“Why, Fanny? Because you are lonely?”
Pressing her trembling lips together, Fanny gave a shaky nod. “I suppose so. And because of all of the uncertainty with Mick. If I were wise, I would accept his marriage proposal.”
“You can’t possibly believe that marrying that brute would be wise.”
“At least I would have financial security as Mick’s wife.”
With effort, Lily managed to keep herself from scoffing. “You are just feeling vulnerable because you contributed all your savings to pay off the first ten thousand pounds of the gaming debt.”
“Perhaps, but I know what my fate will be when I grow old and lose my beauty. I see the streetwalkers in Covent Garden, scrounging for their livelihoods, barely able to put food in their bellies.” Fanny shuddered. “I don’t want to become like that.”
“Your circumstances are very different, Fanny. You are the toast of London.”
“For the moment, I am. But Fleur and Chantel were the reigning queens of their era, and look at them now. They are all alone. Well…Chantel has Lord Poole now, but that may not last long.” Fanny sniffed inelegantly. “When my old age comes, I will have no one. I have been spurned by all my family and former friends-except you and your sisters, of course.”
Lily felt her heart twist at the bleakness of her tone. “You know you will always have us. And you have several other close friends. Fleur and Chantel are like family to you.”
“Yes, they are my family now. But it is not the same as having a husband and children.”
“You want a husband and children?” Lily asked in surprise.
It took Fanny a moment to answer. “I believe I do, Lily. I try to convince myself that I am happy in my current life, but I want more. I wish I could be with just one man…a husband I could love. I wanted the gay life of a Cyprian, but I would give it all up for true love.”
Lily scarcely knew what to say. Fanny had always condemned love as a foolish weakness, but perhaps that was due to her profession; courtesans could rarely afford the luxury of love.
Fortunately she wasn’t required to reply just then since Fanny emitted a bitter little laugh. “Perhaps I have merely been dwelling too much about husband-hunting because of my book. The publisher is pleased with the manuscript, did I tell you?”
Lily had almost forgotten about Fanny’s efforts to supplement her income as an author. “No, you said you were finishing the final corrections,” she murmured.
“Advice to Young Ladies on Capturing a Husband by an Anonymous Lady,” Fanny recited. Her lips curled in a sad smile. “I am most definitely not a lady any longer. And it seems rather arrogant of me to presume I could advise anyone about securing a husband when I cannot even fend for myself.”
Lily squeezed her friend’s hands. “You are being much too hard on yourself. You gave Roslyn excellent advice on how to arouse a gentleman’s ardor, and because of it, she will be marrying the Duke of Arden.”
“But I had little to do with them falling in love. Arden lost his heart to Roslyn because of her brains and her charming nature, not to mention her beauty.”
Patting Fanny’s knee, Lily rose to her feet. “Well, I imagine you are right about one thing. Your spirits are depressed just now, so you are allowing yourself to wallow in self-pity. We will have to find a way to bring you out of your melancholy. What sort of husband do you want, Fanny?”
She looked up distractedly as Lily returned to her own seat. “I beg your pardon?”
“Perhaps you should take your own advice and capture a husband. And I am willing to help if I can.”
Fanny’s eyes widened. “You, Lily? You are willing to help me acquire a husband?”
Lily smiled. “I know. It boggles the imagination and violates every independent principle I possess. But I cannot bear to see you so despondent.” She let her expression turn serious. “What about Basil?”
Fanny’s brows drew together in a frown. “What about him?”
“You are fond of him, despite the constant rows you two have.”
“Not fond enough to marry him, for heaven’s sake! Are you daft? Basil is the most insufferable, provoking creature alive.”
“To you, he is. But I suspect he is being deliberately vexing because he wants to gain your attention. Otherwise you would completely ignore him.”
Obviously disbelieving, Fanny shook her head. “Basil is vexing because he is Basil. He doesn’t think of me in an amorous way in the least…” Her certainty faltered. “Does he?”
“Well, I cannot claim to know his feelings, but I have seen the way he sometimes looks at you when you aren’t aware of it. I expect he would worship the ground you walk on if you gave him the slightest encouragement.”
Her jaw dropping, Fanny stared at Lily as if the possibility had never occurred to her.
“Do you have even the slightest romantic affection for him?” Lily asked. “You enjoy his company, I am certain-because of your common childhood memories if nothing else. You and Basil were fast friends when we were growing up.”
“I suppose I do enjoy his company,” Fanny said thoughtfully before her mouth quirked with irony. “At least with Basil I can be myself instead of always being on my guard. He doesn’t see me only as a prize possession or a commodity for sale.”
Lily had to agree. Fanny was sought after by half the men in London, but Basil was not bowled over by her beauty or her aura of excitement and glamour. “You can be a real person around him,” Lily stated.
“Yes,” Fanny said slowly. “With all my patrons I must be witty and flattering and artfully alluring at all times.”
“But with Basil you can say precisely what you want to say.”
Her smile was faint. “Indeed. I can be as cross and temperamental and irritable as I choose. But that is simply because he doesn’t care enough about me to be concerned with my feeling
s.”
“He cares,” Lily assured her.
“I believe you are mistaken. Basil couldn’t think any worse of me than he does. He profoundly disapproves of my profession, that much is certain.”
“Because he is jealous of all the men you must be with. But if you were willing to change professions…” Lily let the thought linger for a time while Fanny pondered. Then: “If you believed that Basil truly loved you, Fanny, could you possibly return his regard someday?”
Fanny thought over the question for a long moment before replying. “Astonishingly enough, I might.” But almost immediately she followed with a scoffing sound. “I must be mad to find Basil appealing. No doubt I want him simply because he doesn’t want me.”
“He does want you, Fanny. That is abundantly clear to me, if not to you.”
It was a perfect case of opposites attracting, Lily reflected. Fanny was gay and lively, a pleasure-seeker down to her satin dance slippers, while Basil was earnest and studious and serious most of the time. “He would cure your loneliness, at least.”
Fanny’s laugh held a sharp note of humor. “Perhaps so-because we would fight all the time. No, Lily. It would never serve. I could never marry Basil. In any event, we would starve on his income. I have very expensive tastes, you know. He is a mere law clerk who earns barely a pittance.”
“But he may have greater ambitions, Fanny, and his future prospects could be quite handsome. He could perhaps take a position as secretary to a nobleman who is involved in politics. The House of Lords is always passing laws governing the country. And to write those laws, someone must have knowledge of our legal system. Why not Basil? He could earn a significantly higher wage as a peer’s secretary than as a clerk.”
“I suppose so.” Fanny worried her lower lip. “But it wouldn’t be enough to support an expensive wife. No, a marriage with him is out of the question. It would be a disastrous mismatch.”
“I am not convinced of that,” Lily replied. “But you needn’t make up your mind this moment. You should, however, think about what Basil means to you.”
“It might prove a cure for my doldrums at least,” Fanny quipped, obviously in higher spirits. Suddenly she straightened. “How did we manage to change subjects so radically, Lily? We were speaking of you and Lord Claybourne.”
“I would much rather discuss you and Basil,” Lily said lightly.
“I still believe you should consider Claybourne’s proposal of marriage. You may never find a better match.”
That might indeed be true, Lily thought, falling silent. Heath would make a better candidate for her husband than any man she had ever met. She had to concede they were well-matched, at least. If she were not so adamantly set against marriage…
“In all seriousness,” Fanny continued, “I might make a similar observation about you. You seem to enjoy his lordship’s company a great deal. Did you enjoy his lovemaking also?”
She did enjoy his company, greatly, Lily admitted to herself. And her enjoyment of his lovemaking was beyond question. She had never known such pleasure as Heath had made her feel. She couldn’t deny, either, that she had relished the closeness she had known with him tonight. The tenderness. The sharing.
She had felt a sense of feminine power as well. Heath was not the kind of lover to dominate or command or take selfishly. Instead, he had led her to experience the kind of enthralling fulfillment she knew few women ever experienced.
He had treated her as fully his equal even as he tutored her untried body. He had taught her the pleasure of giving someone else pleasure. The joy of surrendering to him as a woman, of meeting his passion with her own. She no longer feared his tenderness, Lily realized-which should have been a warning in itself…
Again Fanny broke into her silent reflections. “Having Claybourne for your husband could satisfy more than your physical desires, Lily. You could have a good future with him. Trust me, you don’t want to find yourself all alone in your old age.”
It was the same argument Winifred had made recently, Lily remembered.
“Can you honestly say,” Fanny pressed, “that you are completely happy as you are now?”
She wasn’t unhappy, at least. There were times when she felt a little…empty. Lily frowned. Did she truly feel empty? No, of course not. She led a very fulfilling life, even if she had been lonely without her sisters during these past weeks since coming to London.
“I am perfectly content to remain single,” she finally said.
Fanny sighed. “Well, then you should take care not to become too close to Lord Claybourne. Passion can lead to love, Lily. If you don’t want to risk losing your heart, you would do best to break off all intimacy with him.”
Lily’s frown deepened. “I may not have a choice. He is very close to winning our game, and if he does, I agreed to allow him a formal courtship.”
“Just because you are required to share his company doesn’t mean you must share his bed. It would be a grave mistake to continue.”
No doubt Fanny was right, Lily acknowledged. If she continued as Heath’s lover, she risked surrendering her heart to him. And it could prove disastrous if she were to fall in love. For then she might actually agree to marry him, and she would be trapped in wedlock with no way of escape, just as her mother had been.
She knew how seductive Heath’s powers of persuasion could be. How captivating his allure. No doubt it had been unwise of her to make love to him tonight-
“At least promise me you will give up this fool notion of becoming his mistress,” Fanny urged.
Lily nodded slowly. “Very well,” she said, realizing the wisdom of that advice. “I promise.”
She would end her affair with Heath before it had even begun, even if just now her heart and body yearned to do otherwise.
Chapter Sixteen
You were right to warn me, Fanny. Intimacy with him is far too dangerous. I must put an end to our affair before it is too late.
– Lily to Fanny
Since Heath refused to disclose the intended destination of their drive the following afternoon, Lily’s first indication was the cries of gulls and the scents of brine and fish. And when she peered out the carriage window, she could see the River Thames.
He had brought her to the London docks, she realized to her surprise and puzzlement.
His silence continued until the carriage halted on the quay before a large, two-masted brigantine.
“Are you planning on taking a voyage?” Lily asked as he handed her down.
“Not immediately, no,” Heath replied cryptically.
The day was overcast but pleasant, and a light breeze fluttered her veil and pelisse as he escorted her up the brigantine’s gangplank. The ship seemed to be deserted-or at least Lily spied no one on board.
“Where is the crew?”
“They have been dismissed for the afternoon. We are alone except for a pair of sentries. Come, let us go be-lowdecks.”
Highly curious, Lily followed Heath across the gleaming oaken deck to a hatch and descended a ladder to a narrow corridor. Moving forward, he led her into what looked to be a passenger cabin that boasted rather rich appointments. Polished brass and mahogany adorned the bulkheads, while a luxurious brocade counterpane covered the spacious berth. And in the filmy light flooding through the open portholes, she could see a map spread upon the small table that stood in the center of the cabin.
When Heath shut the door behind her, Lily lifted her veil and turned to face him, one eyebrow raised. “Do you mean to keep me on tenterhooks forever, or will you tell me why you have brought me here?”
“I wanted to show you the ship, since it is my gift to you.”
Lily blinked. “You want to give me a ship?”
Crossing to the small writing desk in one corner, he opened a drawer and pulled out a thick sheet of parchment. “This is the deed of sale, Lily. The final transactions were made two days ago. You can see that ownership is in your name.”
When he handed her the deed,
she studied it distractedly, realizing that her name was indeed recorded as owner. But two days ago? If that was so, Heath had to have begun the purchase proceedings some time before that, possibly even at the start of their game. It was hard to believe he had gone to such lengths…
“A ship?” she repeated, looking back up at him. “A suitor normally gives small gifts such as books or flowers. This is far too costly and extravagant.”
His smile was indulgent. “Actually the Zephyr was not overly costly. I purchased her for a good price, since I have connections in the shipping industry. I believe I mentioned that I’ve funded several scientific explorations? The Zephyr was built last year but has taken her maiden voyage and proved herself seaworthy.”
Lily’s own mouth curved wryly. “Whatever the price, it is still inappropriate, Heath. But of course, expense makes no difference to you. You know very well this will likely put you over the total points needed to win our game.”
“I am not doing this to win our game, angel.”
“No? Then why?”
“To show you that I understand your need for independence. You told me that you have always aspired to go adventuring. This is your chance.”
When Lily merely gaped at him, Heath added casually, “I am an adventurer at heart, just as you are, so I sympathize with your need for freedom. Now with a ship of your own you can sail nearly anywhere. You can travel the world and explore to your heart’s content, as you always dreamed of doing.”
Feeling a little dazed, Lily searched his face, her brow furrowed.
“You said you wanted a life of adventure,” Heath prodded when she remained silent.
“I did at one time,” she admitted. “But not now. I gave up that dream when I came to London.”
“You gave it up?”
Lily nodded. “I realized I must make a choice. I will no longer have the means to afford travel since I plan to spend my modest fortune on my new cause, helping needy women avoid a life of prostitution. In fact, I am thinking of starting a home for poor women and unwed mothers. I hope to better their lives if I can, and improve their sad conditions so they won’t be trapped in lives they abhor. Even if our boarders no longer need my help now, there are many destitute and desperate women who do.”
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