by S. A. Lusher
They all sat down across from each other on a pair of couches, Greg's parents on one couch, him and Eve on the other.
“So...” he said, a bit hesitantly. “I'm afraid I won't be able to give you entirely the right picture, because of what happened. But, ah, well, I was out on Dis, and I got a transfer to another planet called Hesh. Nice place. I was going to be promoted, given more responsibilities, living in an actual colony rather than a mining complex...anyway, while we were landing, there was an accident. The ship got caught in some very bad weather and the engines failed. We crash landed. Everyone ended up being all right, but I hit my head...”
He hesitated.
This was the part of the story that he wasn't sure he wanted to tell his parents. Would he want to know? Would they?
“I was in a coma for a little while. Then I was in recovery for quite a while after that. I didn't call because I didn't want to worry you. There was some brain damage, and some memory loss, long-term and short-term.”
“Are you okay now?” his father asked.
“Yes. The short-term memory loss has stopped and I've gotten back most of my long-term memories...though there's still some gaps, sometimes big ones, so if I seem a little off, that's why,” Greg replied.
He felt Eve shift beside him, but she kept her peace.
He couldn't tell them. Because...well, it wasn't like he was going to be living with them. At most, he'd get to see them once a year, given the work he was doing. His parents asked him a few more questions, growing slowly more comfortable.
“So...who are you, to our son, Eve?” his mother asked.
“His girlfriend,” she replied.
“We met at the hospital while I was recovering,” Greg said. “She's in SI, too. A technician in the colony where I ended up. She'd gotten shot while off duty and was recovering in the next room. We started talking...one thing led to another.”
“What are you going to do now?” his mother asked.
“Well, the job offer on Hesh is still open and I've accepted it. They cleared me for duty. Eve and I are moving in together.”
He could tell that his parents wanted to ask more, to at least suggest that maybe he consider moving back home, maybe it was something in their relationship or something in his demeanor, but they didn't ask him to. Instead, they offered to take him out to lunch and spend the day together. He couldn't say no to that.
* * * * *
The day seemed to take forever.
And that only made Greg feel even guiltier.
He and his parents had eaten lunch at a diner down the road that he had apparently loved growing up. He'd awkwardly made his way through the meal, mostly letting Eve tell stories about herself. After that, Greg had tried to get away but his parents insisted they go for a walk through the colony. They'd done so, seen the sights, stopped a few local places to hang out at. That had stretched into dinner, then they'd gone back to the house and talked for a little while longer. Greg finally made excuses about having to catch a flight and his parents had finally either taken the hint or given in. He and Eve had beat a hasty retreat.
Now they were sitting in a café on the opposite side of the colony, in a somewhat seedier part of the settlement.
“So...why'd you lie to them?” Eve asked.
Greg sighed, staring at his drink. They'd just ordered a couple of glasses of Vex, as Greg had more been looking for a place to sit down and regroup than an actual meal. “I...hedged,” he said. “I didn't want them to know. I mean...I managed to bullshit them pretty good, right? As far as they know, their son is happy and healthy, his memories intact.”
But that wasn't even the biggest part of what was bothering him. His hopes of recovering his lost memories had been dwindling slowly over the past few months and this had really been sort of his last big prospect at recovering them.
He hadn't remembered a single thing.
None of it looked familiar, not even the two people who had raised him. Not his home colony or his house even.
His memories were gone. Really gone.
He was stuck with this.
“I guess I can't blame you for the decision you made, but...can you really expect to keep it up for...ever? For the rest of your life?” Eve replied.
“I don't know. We'll see. I don't plan on seeing them much and hey, there's always a chance that I'll die in this line of work. Provided we get to keep going in this line of work.”
“They won't hinder us. They'll decide that we did the right thing and give us medals and jobs or something,” Eve replied. “But are you okay? I mean, really okay?”
“Not really. I'm...sad,” Greg said. It was an understatement. A big one, but it was fundamentally true.
Eve reached out and took his hand in hers. “Okay. I want to make you happy. How would you feel about a threesome?”
Greg blinked and looked up at her. “W...what?” he replied.
“A threesome. We could go out, hit a bar or a club or something, find a hot chick down to fuck. Or if you're not feeling up to the possibility of rejection, which shouldn't be too much of a problem given how hot with both are, we can just hit a brothel.”
“You're...actually serious about this?”
“Yeah.”
“You'd really be okay with bring another woman into our bed? I mean, you'd be okay with me having sex with another woman?”
“So long as I'm there or I give you permission...look, I've done the whole monogamous thing and wasn't too impressed. I'm bisexual, I'm confident and you obviously aren't going to leave me for some prostitute in a brothel or a one-night stand. I'm okay with this. I've done it before. Now, if this isn't something you're okay with...”
“No, it's, uh, fine. I'm just...surprised.”
Eve smiled. “You shouldn't be surprised that I'm awesome at this point.” She stood up. “Come on, let's go get laid.”
Greg laughed and stood up as well. They walked out of the café. As they headed into the night, he couldn't shake some cold, distant feeling. Some voice, whispering to him that he was seeking a surface solution for a deeper problem.
He tried to ignore that voice.
LAID TO REST
A companion short set during the epilogue of Countdown.
In the wake of taking down Rogue Operations once and for all, the survivors find themselves with some time to kill. Allan Gray wants to feel better, to be better. He's been working on making adjustments to his life, to his mental state.
Before he can truly lay the past to rest, he feels that he must get some closure on the single most traumatic event in his life, and that means going to a distant world and facing down a problem unlike any other he has ever confronted...a personal problem.
Allan Gray sat in a booth at a diner on a planet he hadn't ever been to before and tried hard to keep the butterflies in his stomach from getting the best of him. A burger and some fries lay half-eaten on a plate in front of him. He knew that he couldn't just come in and sit down. Unfortunately, he was so freaking nervous that he'd hardly been able to do little more than pick at his meal. At least it didn't really feel like a waste of money: Hawkins had given him a credit chip and told him to go crazy. Allan chuckled at that memory.
It led to other memories and, while he waited, he let himself get lost in the past, if only to distract him from the present and possible future.
They'd killed Rogue Operations. Put them down once and for all. After he'd woken up onboard the speedship from the bullets Enzo had put into him, Callie had been there, telling him that he was going to be okay, that they were heading back to link up with Hawkins. By the time they'd actually arrived, Hawkins gave them the good news: Greg and his crew had also succeeded and largely survived. He spent the next three days recovering and filling in a bunch of nosy investigators on all the crap he'd done and had to put up with since Lindholm.
When it was over, at least the part that actually involved his personal attention, Hawkins had come through on his promise and sent them all to Mezzan
ine. That had been great. Two solid weeks of not having to worry about ungodly horrors and isolated locations and guys with guns coming for him. Not that he'd actually been able to stop looking over his shoulder. He didn't think he'd ever really get rid of the notion that he was living on borrowed time and that death was hunting him with ill intent. But he enjoyed his vacation.
He and Callie had spent most of the time either poolside, lying on a beach or in their room. They'd decided to get serious. Callie said that they had done it, they had survived, and they'd spent the first night on vacation talking about a real relationship. They weren't exactly getting married, but now they had fully committed to each other and had agreed to become a paired unit, relying on each other, consulting each other, trusting each other.
A real couple.
How long had it been since Allan had dated a woman he really, genuinely felt he could trust? Too long, honestly. Allan turned away from that thought. He didn't want to come back to reality, not just yet. He smiled as he remembered Mezzanine. He'd had some fun times with Greg and the others, but honestly, he'd just wanted to hole up, to hide from the world, to rest and recover, emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally. Callie had helped with that, and he had helped her, too. They'd helped each other.
It seemed like it was over in a flash, though, and their two weeks were up. They all got onto a transport with slightly heavy hearts and started coming back to see Hawkins. Nobody knew what was going to happen. It was all still up in the air. They could get cut loose, or given a job offer, or thrown in prison or...hell, they could all be killed in an 'accident'. It was more than possible. They knew too much. They knew a lot.
But they'd gone to see Hawkins and he had basically shrugged and said that the government was still trying to figure out what to do with them, so he'd given them another two weeks leave. Greg and Eve, and Drake had all left immediately, off on some personal business. Allan guessed that Greg might be going to meet his parents. He'd brought it up once or twice during their stay on Mezzanine. In fact, that's what got Allan thinking about...
This.
Where he was, here and now.
Allan was feeling a lot better after having gone into his own mind to face down his insanity. He could get out of his armor without any problem and he was having less nightmares. He still had mood swings and insomnia from time to time, but with the cocktail of psych meds he was taking helped keep his symptoms manageable. Which was pretty nice. Having an understanding girlfriend helped a lot, too. Unfortunately, Allan couldn't quite get passed his uncovered memory. He had tried to kill himself and forgotten about it.
Because his first true love had cheated on him.
Allan couldn't really get over the idea that until he settled this problem, until he laid it to rest, he would never truly be able to heal. And, unfortunately, the only way to deal with the issue would be to confront the person responsible.
So he'd had Hawkins track down his original girlfriend. Amy Westmore. It seemed like a bit of a waste of taxpayer resources, but Hawkins had the information inside of half an hour. As Allan accepted it, he felt slightly uncomfortable. He worried that he might come off as a stalker and he briefly considered sending her a message beforehand, but ultimately he decided that he just needed to do this. He would give it one shot, he would try to get a straight answer out of her about why she did it. If that shot failed then...he guessed he would just have to live it. She didn't have an obligation to him. Maybe he'd driven her to cheating.
Allan still didn't find that acceptable, he thought that if you were at the point where you felt you could or would cheat on your partner then you should either have a serious conversation with them or break up with them. Possibly both. But he just had to know. And he remembered Amy being a reasonable individual. Of course that was fourteen years ago and so much could have changed between now and then.
Part of the information Hawkins had turned up indicated that Amy came in to eat at this diner in particular for lunch almost every day. Another bit of information was that she had moved far away from Frontier five years ago to a peaceful, tranquil lunar colony. The place was called Danse. The colony she lived in was a small one that tended towards tourist trade. It was built on an island with a beautiful mountain and forest that provided all kinds of opportunities for natural trails, hiking, camping sites, parks and isolated cabin retreats.
So here he was. At a little diner on a sunny day on an island, waiting for his ex-girlfriend to show up while his current girlfriend waited back at the hotel. Originally, he'd tried to go alone, and he thought Callie would understand. She trusted him and it wasn't like he was going to leave her for his ex, but he also wanted her to be a part of his life, and this was important to him. Plus, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't very relieved when she asked to go with him. This was not something he wanted to face entirely alone.
And yet, here he was, alone.
He figured it probably wouldn't be a good idea if Callie was actually present during the real conversation. Speaking of which...
Allan swallowed nervously as the door dinged open. He glanced up and immediately locked eyes with the person walking in through the door, almost as if their gazes were drawn to each other like magnetic opposites.
She looked pretty similar to his memory of her. She'd filled out a little more, and it looked good on her. Allan had always been a little concerned with how thin she was through high school. Her blonde hair was darker and shoulder-length. It was down, framing her face. Her skin was a lot more tan, too. She still had those amazingly sharp brown eyes. She was wearing white shorts and a comfortable looking t-shirt. She stood in the doorway, simply staring at him.
He gave her an awkward smile.
She hesitated a bit longer, then she started walking into the diner. Nothing tripped Amy up for very long. Allan had always been attracted to strong-willed, competent women. Amy stood beside his booth and for a long moment, neither said anything.
“Allan,” she said, finally. It was strange hearing her voice again in the flesh after so long, after almost a decade and a half.
“Hello Amy,” he replied quietly.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. It sounded more like a genuine question, thankfully not an accusation, no warning tone in her voice.
“You want to sit down? It'll take a minute,” he replied.
She nodded and slipped into the booth across from him. For a moment, he gathered his thoughts. She seemed so...similar, and yet, somehow so different. When they'd been dating, she'd always been so restless, so full of energy, she could hardly ever sit still. She appeared...calmer, now. More composed. Island life had probably mellowed her out a bit.
“Well?” she asked.
“I, uh...heh, man, this is weird. Sorry. Um, I came to talk to you...how have you been?” he asked, feeling all at once nervous and stupid and tongue-tied.
She laughed. “You show up, out of the blue, after almost fifteen years and want to know how I've been?” she asked. “Well, I'm in a good mood today. I've been great...” A dark cloud of unease, (guilt?), seemed to pass over her at-ease features. “...what about you? How have you been? I mean, you cut off all contact after...well, after we broke up.”
“That's actually why I'm here. I, uh, I wanted to talk to you about...that day.”
She sighed. “Yeah, I kind of figured. We never really got closure, huh?” She looked around suddenly. “This place isn't really the place to be having this kind of talk. Come on,” she said, standing up. “I know a place not far from here.”
“Okay,” Allan replied.
He stood as well and followed her out of the diner. Outside, it was very comfortable. Some clouds had rolled in since his arrival and a cool breeze was whispering across the area. Allan had to admit, this place was a paradise. Although he wasn't sure it was a place he could settle down in...or could he? There was a part of him that knew that he was addicted to the dangerous lifestyle he'd been living most of his life, especially lately. But there wa
s another part of him that thought that someday, maybe he'd just...have enough of it.
Could he settle down in a place like this?
Could Callie?
They walked down the sidewalk together, him and Amy, and he was briefly taken back to the walks they used to take together back when they were dating. Frontier wasn't always gray and gloomy and dangerous, sometimes it was sunny and happy, like he imagined every day on this island probably was. The memories hurt, but not as much as he thought they might. It felt like less like probing an open wound and more like looking at an old battle scar that still hurt sometimes when it was going to rain. It was a pleasant surprise.
They passed a couple more open-faced eateries, a gift shop, an outdoors supply store and a bed and breakfast, coming to a neat little park with a jogging track, a couple of gazebos and some benches and picnic tables. Amy led him silently into the park and they sat together in the shade of the nearest gazebo, across from each other, like they had in the diner.
“So, what exactly did you want to talk about?” she asked.
As always, she still liked to cut to the meat of the matter. Something they had in common.
Allan cleared his throat uncomfortably. “I'll be honest with you,” he said. “I had a psychotic break not too long ago. I was...well, I was under some pretty severe conditions and I hallucinated. Ultimately, I got treatment and that treatment made me realize that I blocked out most of what happened that fateful day when I walked in on you cheating on me.” He said it without malice, stating it as pure fact, but still she winced and looked away.
“I've since gotten help. I'm doing a lot better now. But, ultimately, I came here because...I had to ask why. I obviously have a screwed up memory about that day, and maybe the weeks leading up to it and following it. So, I just have to know, why did you do it?”
Amy laughed uncomfortably, looking down at her hands, clasped together on the table before her. “You're really putting me on the spot here, Allan, but that isn't an unfair question. You have a right to know...I fucked up,” she said, looking up and staring him in the eye. “I fucked up and you fucked up. We both did. The relationship...wasn't working. You were angry...all the time. With everything. Well, except for me. I mean, you would get mad at me but hey, who doesn't get mad at their significant other from time to time? The thing was, it was toxic. You hated...everything. I commiserated with you often enough, but that was the thing. I began to realize that you were changing me...for the worse. I was getting angrier with things, I was hating things, my temper was getting shorter. Like I said, it was really toxic.”
