“You may sit,” said Snitch, finally reaching the end of the huge list of rules. Alfie sank gratefully on to the bench then leapt up with a yell, rubbing the seat of his trousers. He turned to see a spiky conker casing on his chair and looked sharply at Edward who was staring straight ahead, a sly smirk playing around the edges of his mouth.
“You, boy!” Miss Snitch screamed at Alfie with the accuracy of a sniper. “What are you doing with your backside?” Some of the first years began to laugh. Edward and Hugo laughed particularly hard. Only a couple of nervous coughs were heard from the pupils who had been at the school long enough to know better. They needn’t have worried: today Snitch was saving all her venom for Alfie.
“So, the king of the castle is also a jester, is he?”
“No, miss,” said Alfie, his cheeks burning white hot with embarrassment. “There was a conker case on my—”
“Silence, funny boy! Your mother thought she was funny too, with all her little jokes. She stopped laughing after a year of detention!”
The whole hall gasped. A year of detention with Murkle and Snitch? Alfie couldn’t believe that his mum had got into trouble at the school and was furious at the thought of the headmistresses picking on her. He hated Murkle and Snitch.
“Are you a bad seed like your mother?”
Alfie glared back at her.
“Have you lost your tongue?”
He shook his head, biting his lip.
“Then answer my question, boy. Are you a bad seed too?”
Alfie felt his cheeks burning as Snitch barked at him.
“WELL?”
“No, Miss Snitch,” he burst out at last. “And neither was my mum!”
Snitch’s face went purple with rage. The buttons on her jacket nearly popped right off as she took a huge breath to blast her wrath down upon Alfie.
“Look out, she’s about to blow!” whispered Jimmy.
Just before she could let rip, Murkle scurried over and whispered in her ear. Snitch’s chest slowly deflated like a punctured balloon. She straightened her jacket and smiled malevolently down at Alfie. “As this is the first day of term, and I have a forgiving nature, the punishment for your insolence will be mild.”
Alfie began to breathe a sigh of relief, but saw the frozen expressions of everyone else in the room and realized he had relaxed too soon.
“Before you leave tonight, Mr Wexford in the woodwork department will provide you with a square piece of board. You are to collect one hundred conkers. On each of these conkers you will neatly carve the words, ‘I shall not play the court jester while I am a student at Wyrmwald House’. You are to attach each of these reminders of your behaviour neatly to the board and present it to us in the morning.”
“How am I going to find a hundred conkers and do all that in—” began Alfie.
“Silence! Do you want me to make it one thousand?”
Alfie pressed his lips together.
“Very good. Then we will see you tomorrow at nine a.m. sharp.”
“You suicidal or summat?” breathed Jimmy as the headmistresses marched from the stage. “I can’t believe you got a Hall of Penitence punishment on your first day! Sounds like she had it in for your ma, so I’d be careful if I were you. Don’t bawl them out in public again. Still, good on yer,” he grinned.
Mr Ramdhay the music teacher began to play the piano and led the whole school in singing “Getting to Know You” from The King and I. Alfie scowled at Edward who was still too busy sniggering at his conker trick to sing along. Three enemies in one day, Alfie thought. That had to be some kind of record.
“I’m never going to find a hundred conkers!” sighed Alfie during afternoon break. He flopped to the ground under the horse-chestnut trees and counted out the eleven he had managed to collect with the help of Robin and Jimmy.
“Yeah, you might be right there,” said Jimmy unhelpfully.
“Me and Maddie will help you look for more on the way home,” said Robin, more encouragingly. But Alfie knew it was unlikely; the kids of the village had pretty much picked the ground under the trees clean. Maybe he could climb up to pick and peel the unripe ones? He didn’t like to think about what would happen if he failed in his punishment.
“Hey, Alfie,” called Madeleine, rushing over with Holly. “I found these this morning. Thought they might come in handy.” She tipped six conkers into Alfie’s lap.
“You can have mine too,” said Holly with a smile, offering up eighteen. “We’ve got a tree in our garden.”
“Thanks, Holly!” said Alfie. “Well that’s just over a third of them.”
“That’s the spirit,” said Jimmy as the bell sounded and they headed to their classes. “If youmake it to fifty maybe they’ll only half kill you tomorrow.”
Alfie was highly relieved when the school bell finally marked the end of his first day at Wyrmwald House. The twins helped him scour the ground for conkers on the way home.
“Hey, new kid!” someone shouted. Alfie turned to see a group of older students led by a dark-haired boy. “Billy Reynolds,” he introduced himself. “Way to wind up M and S on your first day!”
“Good of you to keep them off everyone else’s backs,” said the tall, mousy girl behind him.
“Glad you got something positive out of my pain,” said Alfie.
“Yeah, well, thought you might like these.” Billy handed over a paper bag full of conkers. “There’s forty-one in there. We’ve been collecting all afternoon. Loads of people donated.”
“That’s brilliant, thanks!” said Alfie, touched by the gesture.
“No worries,” said Billy. “Maybe your masterpiece will hang next to my old football. Immortalized in the Hall of Penitence!”
“You’re quiet tonight,” said his dad as they ate together in the Great Hall. “After dinner, how about helping me work out why water swirls the wrong way down the plugholes here?”
“Sorry, Dad,” said Alfie. “I’ve got a lot of homework and a test tomorrow. I’d better revise.” He had decided not to tell his dad that he had got into trouble on the first day of school.
“A test, already? Good, I’m glad they’re keeping you on your toes. Anything I can help with?”
Alfie pulled the school handbook out of his bag and handed it over. His dad’s face dropped as he flicked through it.
“It’s OK, you’re excused,” he laughed.
“Right, well I’m going to check out those plugholes,” said his dad, clapping his hands then rubbing them together. “Give me a shout if there’s anything on maths or science.”
At half past nine, Alfie finally took a break, putting down the compass he had been using to painstakingly scratch his lines into each conker. He tried to stretch the cramp out of his hands, which felt as though they were turning into claws. “Fifty-nine,” he counted as he glued the one he had just finished to the board, almost completing the fifth row of ten. He hoped Amy was having a better time at Hillston High than he was at Wyrmwald House.
A gust of wind blew the shavings from his desk as Artan swept in through the window and landed on Alfie’s bed.
“Mmph gu loh,” he mumbled before coughing something out on to the bed.
“What was that?” asked Alfie.
“I said, that’s the lot,” said Artan, proudly nudging the little pile of conkers in front of him with his nose. “I could find you another hundred if you like?”
“No thanks,” said Alfie. “That’s all I need. Besides,” he gave the bear a weary grin, “I’m almost conked out.” He nearly jumped out of his skin as Artan roared with laughter. The bear seemed to appreciate hearing puns just as much as making his own.
“Alfie?” called his dad’s voice from the hallway.
“Quick, on the floor!” whispered Alfie. Artan slid on to the floor near the fireplace and assumed a frozen open-mouthed expression
just as Alfie’s dad entered the room.
“Were you laughing at something?”
“Just thinking about something funny that happened at school,” said Alfie quickly. He knew his dad would be thrilled by Artan, but would ban him outright from something as dangerous as going on flights with the bear.
“Glad you’re enjoying it there,” smiled his dad. “But I’m surprised that they gave you so much homework on your first day. What is this anyway?” he started across the room towards the conker-covered board.
“Just an art project,” said Alfie quickly, snatching the board away before his dad saw the lines carved into the conkers. “I don’t want anyone to see until it’s finished.”
“Ah, I can understand that,” said his dad, tapping the side of his nose. “Top-secret stuff. Well, ready for bed and lights out in ten minutes. You don’t want to be late and get into trouble in your first week.”
“Who, me? I’m planning on being a model student,” said Alfie, wearing his best innocent face.
“Hmm, you can start at home by keeping your room tidy,” said his dad, ruffling his hair. “Well, goodnight…” He stopped on his way out of the door, a puzzled expression crossing his face as Artan caught his eye. “I don’t remember seeing him before.”
“Oh, yeah, I found him in one of the towers,” said Alfie. “Just seeing what he looked like in my room.”
“I didn’t think that would be your kind of thing,” said his dad. “A fine beast though. Must have been a king among bears.”
“A wise man,” said Artan, rippling proudly as soon as the bedroom door clicked closed. “Knows what’s what. A king among bears, that’s me!”
It was two in the morning by the time Alfie glued the last conker to the board and began his second task, revising the school handbook for the test. He finally fell asleep around four, rules, regulations and conkers swimming through his mind.
The next morning, as he wearily dragged himself through the school gates nervously clutching his punishment, Alfie was very surprised to see that the other students were lining the route to the school doors. A rhythmic clap began when he appeared. Madeleine and Holly raced up to meet him as he entered the schoolyard.
“They’ve been waiting for you,” said Holly, as the clapping grew faster and louder. “Go on then, hold it up.” She pushed his arms up so that he was holding the conker-covered board high in the air. The playground rang with resounding applause and whistles. It seemed that getting the first punishment of the year had given him a legendary status at his new school. Alfie held his punishment proudly to his chest like a badge of honour and the students began to chant as he walked down the line towards the school doors.
“AL-FIE, AL-FIE, AL-FIE.”
Students patted him on the back and wished him luck as he passed – all except Edward, who didn’t look at all happy that his trick to embarrass Alfie had backfired.
Alfie marched up the schools steps and into the cool halls. The jubilation he felt at his warm reception slowly turned to fear as he saw Murkle and Snitch waiting for him outside the Hall of Penitence.
“Quite the welcoming committee,” sneered Murkle as Alfie stopped in front of them.
“One might think you were enjoying your punishment,” said Snitch, glaring down at Alfie who shook his head hurriedly. “Well then, hand it over.”
Alfie held out the board and waited anxiously while Murkle and Snitch carefully examined his work.
“Shoddy workmanship,” sniffed Snitch.
“And the writing, awful,” said Murkle.
“Appalling,” agreed Snitch. “I have a good mind to ask you to do it again.”
Alfie stared dolefully at Murkle and Snitch as it dawned on him that they would never be satisfied with his work. He imagined a whole school year of punishments every single night, each one rejected the next morning by the two crazy headmistresses.
“However,” Snitch continued. “As we are in rather a good mood, we will accept this feeble attempt. Although it is hardly worth gracing the spot we have reserved for it.”
Alfie looked up in surprise. “Thank you, miss,” he stammered, starting to inch away from them. “Can I go now?”
“You may go,” said Murkle.
“But remember,” hissed Snitch as she glared down at him. “We will be watching you.”
Alfie dashed off to his first class, slightly disappointed that he didn’t get to see the Hall of Penitence first-hand, but relieved that his punishment was over. If that was Murkle and Snitch in a good mood, he never wanted to see them furious.
The following weeks passed rather quietly compared to Alfie’s first day at Wyrmwald House. He had been very busy with homework but had still managed to share a few more flights with Artan since the trip to London. Fortunately, they hadn’t seen any trace of the creatures that had attacked them during the summer holidays. Alfie was starting to believe Robin could be right – maybe they had flown too close to an eagle’s nest.
October was a hectic time. Lessons and rehearsals for the school play were in full swing, preparations for winter were underway at the Merryweather farm and the twins’ birthday was drawing close. Alfie had to make excuses to avoid them for a few days so that he could finish working on their present. On the morning of their birthday, he presented each of them with his handmade gift over breakfast in the farmhouse kitchen. A first edition of The Terrific Trio, a comic he had drawn featuring their recent adventures – or rather the adventures of the Boy Genius, Dynamo Girl and the Timeslip Kid.
“Look at this, Herb, they’re flying over London on a bearskin rug!” laughed Aunt Grace, reading the comics over Robin and Madeleine’s shoulders. “You certainly have your dad’s imagination, Alfie.”
“And your Mum’s talent,” added his dad, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “This artwork is brilliant!”
“Why don’t you give them your presents, Dad?” said Alfie.
His dad looked a little embarrassed as he handed two clumsily wrapped packages to the twins.
“I hope you like them. I put them together myself.”
Alfie beamed proudly to see the twins’ faces light up as they opened their presents. Robin had a pair of brass goggles that looked like a cross between a microscope and binoculars with lots of adjustable lenses. His eyes suddenly appeared far too large for his head as he tried them on and began carefully examining his bacon and eggs.
Alfie helped Madeleine buckle her present around her waist. It was a belt with lots of little pouches containing string, fishing hooks, glow sticks, a first-aid kit, water-purification tablets, a small torch and a pocket-sized survival manual.
“It’s an adventurer’s utility belt. I, er, thought you might find it useful?”
“I love it, Uncle Will!” said Madeleine, happily investigating the pockets.
“Now you both look just like you’ve fallen straight out of Alfie’s comic,” laughed Granny as the twins admired their unique presents.
“OK, Mum, now what did you and Dad get us?” Madeleine asked cheekily.
“Follow me!” said Uncle Herb. Alfie followed the twins as they raced out of the kitchen after their father, stopping when they reached the oak trees that supported their tree house. Alfie had been kept so busy on the farm over the last few weeks that he hadn’t noticed a large tarpaulin draped over the tree house. By the puzzled looks on the twins’ faces they hadn’t noticed either. Two ropes hung down from it and Uncle Herb instructed Robin and Madeleine to take one each.
“OK, now on the count of three… One, two, three, pull!”
The twins pulled on the ropes and the tarpaulin fell away to reveal a completely renovated tree house sitting high among the bird nests in the entwined branches of the two oak trees. There were now two structures linked by rope ladders. The original one had been given a fresh coat of paint and all of the rotten boards and broken windowpanes had been
replaced.
Uncle Herb had even built a lookout tower near the top of the trees and fitted solar panels to power a socket and small heater in each room. The rope bridges in-between were strung with outdoor lanterns to light the way in the dark. The twins yelled in delight and scrambled up through the branches to explore their new hideaway. Alfie followed hot on their heels. Even though he had his own castle, he couldn’t help but feel a little envious of the tree house.
That afternoon, Alfie was pleased to see that nearly everyone in their class had turned up for Madeleine and Robin’s party in the barn. The tree house was the subject of much envy. All of the twins’ friends demanded to be invited for a sleepover. Alfie was glad that he was automatically top of the list. Holly and Jimmy were the first of the others to receive an invitation to stay at what Madeleine had named Oaktree Lodge.
“It’ll have to be next weekend though,” announced Robin as Holly and Jimmy groaned with disappointment. “There are few things we have to do first.” He winked at Alfie and Madeleine. “Tell you later,” he whispered.
Granny had set up targets on hay bales and gave the children archery lessons with Madeleine and Robin’s old longbows. Alfie was in awe of her skills; she had even competed professionally for a while. She had been training the twins for a few years and they had already won several competitions. At the end of the lesson, the twins put on a demonstration. Their favourite trick was to shoot arrows through apples balanced on the head of their dad’s favourite scarecrow.
“Remind us never to upset your cousins,” whispered Jimmy as the proud twins rejoined the group with their skewered apples. “Or your gran.”
“Why didn’t you want Holly and Jimmy to stay tonight?” Alfie asked as the twins finally waved goodbye to the last of the party guests. “It would have been fun to have a sleepover.”
“Don’t you know what tonight is?” asked Robin. “It’s a new moon.”
Alfie Bloom and the Secrets of Hexbridge Castle Page 9
