She blushed slightly, “Sorry.”
“It’s alright. I can tell you’re tired.”
Honor gave her a little smile of understanding. She held a beautifully bound book out to Astrid, who carefully took it. “I wanted to lend Time’s Grudge to you.”
“Thank you. So you finished it?”
“Yes.”
“What did you think?”
She smiled, “I don’t want to spoil it for you, but it was wonderful. It tore me apart and then mended me back together. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the history of Atoa, but it’s interesting how accurate the details are. It makes it feel so real. It’s beautifully simple, but profound.”
“In other words, it just became your favorite book.”
“Exactly.” Honor actually grinned. That was the first time Astrid had seen her sadness fall away. She sobered, “I guess I also related to the main character because of the setting of civil war.”
Astrid remained quiet. She could tell from Honor’s expression that she was about to share her personal experience. Honor obviously didn’t do that with many people, if any at all.
She sighed, then started to speak. “Fillerra. It was a glorious tribe, full of life. Vibrant. We were great lovers of history, music, and the future. Time was our main area of study. We had libraries filled with millions of books. The older generation was fading into the background and letting the younger ones lead. As it should be. We were happy...until.” She sighed. “There always seems to be an “until,” doesn’t there?”
She pulled her tail up under her on the big fluffy chair, then continued. “Unrest had
apparently been boiling under the surface for some time. A growing faction of people were unhappy. They insisted we’d departed from the goals and form of government our ancestors had broken away from Atoa to gain. They called themselves the Truists. More and more people joined their cause.” Bitterness filled her voice. “We were happy. Everyone was prospering and our government was operating fine for us. Then, like I said, the Truists persuaded many people to side with them. We lost sight of the fact that, though we may not have been following our ancestors’ vision for the perfect government, our government was working fine for us.
“The leaders on both sides rose up and argued. Eventually the protests turned violent. The Truists put together a military. That was it. Things only went downhill from there. Fighting began in the city. The blood of innocent people flooded the streets. It ripped families apart like they were made of palare. Some members would side with the Truists, others with the government. When faced with that decision in battle, they ended up literally fighting and killing each other. Hate filled everything, everything, Astrid. Infrastructure was destroyed and the city fell apart. It went on for three years, and by that point we were in ruins.
“Then came the day when the Fillerran tribe finally fell. I call it The Final Extinguishment. I apparently get to name it since I’m the only one left to write the history books,” she said bitterly. “Anyway, it was a day of many battles. Then there was the fire.”
Astrid gasped, “Fire?” She’d only read about it in books. The subject had always fascinated her. She’d read several scientific theories about the possibility of sustained fire. An area so high in temperature a visual phenomenon appeared. A blaze could start if there was a big enough explosion to generate a flame, and if it was continually fed magnesium to keep it burning. But she’d never heard of a fire raging through a city.
“It was horrible. It was bright white and spread through the city quickly, devastating everything in its path. Of course the people had no idea how to stop it— and before they even thought of that, they had to figure out what it was. We’d never experienced anything like it. I’m still not sure how it started, but I think some explosives must’ve malfunctioned. I heard several large bangs right before I saw the fire. It began burning the magnesium in the indigo sand of the tribe—the very thing that made Fillerra unique, killed it. I was just outside the city, writing at the time, so I swam for my life. A ring of talena rock surrounds Fillerra, which kept the fire, the destruction, from spreading any farther.
When I got further away, I turned and watched my home ablaze in white flames. Screams rang out into the sky. And that was the day Fillera died.”
Tears flowed from her eyes, even though she grimaced trying to stop them. One of her hands went up to her face and she began to sob brokenly.
The horror of what Honor had experienced settled over Astrid. She reached over and touched her shoulder. “Fillerra isn’t dead, its culture and story live in you.”
Honor shook her head violently, “I try to forget it, but I can’t. My entire family died. My way of life died. I try to forget the horrors of those last few years, but they seem to occupy my thoughts night and day. I want to remember my family, Astrid! I want to remember my friends and the good times, but it’s all overshadowed by the war and fire. And through it all, I’m constantly afraid that somehow I will forget, and Fillerra will be totally forgotten.”
“That’s horrible. I’m sorry. I’m not going to pretend to understand how much you struggle, but you can know that I’ll be here for you. If you ever need to talk about it more, I’m here.”
“You are a true friend,” said Honor.
Astrid just smiled sadly. “Maybe if you wrote your experiences down, the good and bad, it would help you feel better. You wouldn’t feel like you were in danger of forgetting.”
Honor’s face brightened, “That’s a good idea. I think I’ll do that.” She sighed and got up, “I’ll let you get some sleep now.”
Astrid smiled and rose, then showed her to the door. “Goodbye, Honor.”
“Bye, Astrid. And thank you.”
As Astrid brushed her hair out and got ready for bed, she felt lucky. She had been oppressed, yes. She had been hurt emotionally, yes. She had lost family, yes. But she hadn’t had to watch an entire society be destroyed. She hadn’t had to see total, complete bloodshed and decimation.
After brushing the salt buildup off of her tail, she got into bed and turned off the light. She lay there for several hours, her mind refusing to slow down. The day had been exhausting. So much had happened. The fact that Rune had been ready to let the Star die still bothered her. How could he do that? He was cowering in the safety of his bunker while his people died. She quickly fell to sleep and entered a dream.
Chapter Twelve
They sat on a strip of sparkling, crystalline blue sand.
Astrid put down the history book she’d been reading out loud. “What do you think Sign’s feelings were when he was a double agent?”
Rune crossed his arms. “I think he was scared. I think he was trying to learn which side he should really be on. In that position, he essentially had the power to bring down one side or the other. I doubt that he planned on ending up in a position of such power. It just happened as he was trying to find his way.”
“This book paints it as though he was a terrible traitor to Akayta— but I think it’s interesting that he didn’t use that power to bring down either side. Instead he used the information he learned to lead another group of people away to form Fillerra,” replied Astrid thoughtfully.
“He probably wasn’t as bad as this paints him to be. He did what he thought was right and tried to avoid bloodshed.”
“What would you do if you were in his position?” she asked.
“That’s hard. If I saw that neither side had a moral viewpoint, I think I would’ve started a new group also.”
“I’m sure he had many struggles because of the factions his friends and families aligned themselves with.”
“Everyone in the Atoan Civil War did.”
“How would you even begin to get out of something like that? If you believe in something and are fighting for one side, but someone very close to you firmly believes in and is fighting for the other side, then you are in essence working towards the goal of killing them.”
“That’s why I�
�m glad I’m not in the middle of a civil war,” he replied with sincerity and a touch of relief.
“True. But the people who are faced with it have to make a decision.”
They were both quiet for a second. Astrid stared down at the shifting blue sand. A slight, refreshing wave of cold water wafted over her.
“What do you think Fillerra and Velee are like?” asked Rune, looking longingly across the uninterrupted sandy plain.
“I can’t even begin to imagine. Hmm. To start with, maybe they don’t mark you based upon your birth.”
“Maybe they have tall, colorful buildings.”
“Maybe they have music houses that are open to everyone.”
Astrid smiled as she imagined all of the things that her version of a perfect society would have.
A low, echoey sound plunged through the atmosphere, interrupting her train of thought. A coldness pervaded the water and crept over Astrid. She could see from Rune’s face that he felt it too. They turned around.
The sight before them took her breath away. Great billows of dirty water swirled through the atmosphere. It filled the entire visible plain behind them, obscuring Akayta from view. The cloud was on them before they had time to react. It whisked over them with force. Dirt spewed into her eyes as the storm began to move her.
“Rune! We need to stay together! Where are you?” she shouted with all of her might, despite the sand flying into her mouth. She looked for any sign of him, shielding her eyes and holding out her hand. Within the storm, all things were blurred from sight. She couldn’t see very far in front of her.
Then, through the blur, his hand reached out and caught hers. They pulled together, and huddled, keeping their eyes closed. The storm was harsh, but as Astrid held Rune’s hand, she had the assurance that she was not alone. Just the fact that he was present brought her comfort.
Finally the storm passed, leaving dust and dirt floating in tiny circles throughout the water. Astrid took a deep breath and opened her eyes. She laughed as she took her hand out of Rune’s and studied him. He was covered in sand and dirt, which struck her as utterly comedic.
He grinned. “We are a sight.”
She looked down at herself and laughed harder, realizing she was in the same state. He glanced toward Akayta. Though the storm had passed them by, it still obscured the city-state. They would have to wait for it to pass there, too, before heading home.
In those minutes while the storm was passing, Astrid felt exhilaration and fear, but she also felt support in the knowledge that she and Rune had gone through it together. There was no doubt either of them would do anything and everything to help the other. And that would always be the case.
Astrid pulled her hair back into her usual side ponytail as she swam towards the central building. Sleep hadn’t helped to calm her nerves. The feelings of the dream still ran through her. Most dreams were exact memories. A rare condition that she had made it unusual to have the normal topsy-turvy dreams everyone else experienced. They did happen occasionally, but only when she was extremely disturbed. Most were merely memories. Effie had figured that out for her. Effie. Oh, Effie. Soon Rune came into view.
“Come on,” he said immediately.
He led her for about fifteen minutes, until they finally arrived at an open space. It looked completely empty. What’s my assignment? What will I be trained in here? Rune bent down and roughly brushed some sand away from a particular spot on the ground. Astrid saw that he was digging up a metal box. Yanking it up, he opened it, revealing all kinds of weapons and objects.
He finally faced her, his eyes growing softer and his stern expression lifting slightly.
“You’re going to learn how to fight. You’ll be going on missions, and you need to be able to defend yourself and inflict harm if it’s necessary...which it very well might be. Now, take this.”
He tossed her an oddly shaped piece of metal. It looked like it had been torn off a random machine. Astrid barely caught it.
Her stomach turned, she didn’t like the sound of this. “Rune, I don’t mind learning how to defend myself, but...I don’t want to hurt anyone. Not on purpose.
He calmly ignored her. “I’ll teach you, but first I must see what you already know. Let’s begin.”
“Alright,” she replied hesitantly.
He plunged toward her with a glinting knife.
“Aaa!” she screeched, holding up the strange piece of metal as a barrier in panic. Her heart raced at the shock of being attacked. A metal-on-metal sound painfully filled her ears, and Rune was knocking the metal piece out of her hands before she knew it, bending her wrists the wrong way in the process. “Ow!” she gritted out as the dust settled around her on the ground. Rune stood over her.
“You have to be quicker. Much quicker.”
She got up, her heart rising into her throat in confusion. “What job would require me to fight, Rune? To really fight. To kill.”
“Like I said, you’ll be going on missions. You must learn to fight. You may be kind to the world, but the world won’t be kind to you. You’re too soft. You need to learn that not everyone will love and help you. An instinct for self-preservation has to rule you when you are faced with the choice of your own survival or that of someone else. That’s the way the world works. You need to shield your emotions. Everybody can tell exactly what’s going on in your head and that would be dangerous if you were captured. It’s dangerous, period,” he spouted.
Astrid backed up. Tears spilled out of her eyes as she tried to hold her sobs back. “You’re not just talking about fighting. You think I don’t know that? You really think you have the right to tell me something like that? And what happened to the person you used to be? The Rune I knew would never accept the view that a person’s heart must be cold in order to avoid being hurt. That’s what you’re really saying.”
A spark of anger flashed in his eyes once again. “No matter how much you would like to believe in a world with a good heart, it doesn’t exist. This is for your benefit, you have to learn to hurt them, or the people of this world will crush you under their weight and grind you into dust,” he replied with a stinging bitterness.
“I’ve already been crushed by society. Despite what you may think, I know what I believe. You think I’m too nice? Too soft?” Pain filled her eyes. “I know what it’s like to be looked down upon, but I don’t let that make me hard. I believe there are good, true people in this world like Honor, Delta, and Ris. Like my friends. I used to think you were one of them. TI must have been wrong about that.” She turned and stormed away. Honor was right. Talking is not going to make Rune change his ways. Maybe he is different. I’m not sure I like it.
No, I know I don’t.
Chapter thirteen
Anger and tears mixed together in a formula for despair. Her feelings felt so jumbled. She was beginning to think she couldn’t trust Rune. Her soul felt like it was being torn apart by confusion as she sank down against a building and let her sobs take her. Will I ever be able to sort things out? And what about the core? Has Rune even thought about it since that day?
But Rune was her friend. Two years ago she would have trusted him with her life, so why was she having trouble with this now?
Astrid took a deep breath. I have to trust him. I can only do so much by myself and he can help orchestrate how I help by sending me on this mission. I have to go back and train. Maybe I don’t think I can fight, but he certainly does. Besides, I do have to know how to defend myself. I said I was going to try, and so I will.
She got up, taking a deep breath of fresh water. Astrid slowly made her way back to the training ground, wondering if he would still be there, and indeed he was. He was facing away from her, his fists clenched so hard that they were white, his back tense.
“If you are not willing to complete your training, you are not welcome here. Every member must offer some benefit to the tribe.”
She choked down her tears and managed to s
ay, “I’m ready to train.”
He turned, his eyes sad. “Alright, then. We’ll forget what just happened. Now, let’s try again.”
He plunged toward her with a knife in hand. She lunged out of the way. They sparred for hours. Finally, Rune dismissed her.
Astrid couldn’t remember the last time she’d had so much exercise. Her bones were already starting to ache. She desperately needed something to distract her from her fatigue...and from Rune. Slowly she made her way to the Avocation Hall.
It surprised her to see that it was an exact duplicate of the other Avocation Hall. It even had the machine.
There were only a few people there. The musicians played a slow song which she would normally enjoy, but her mind was restless. She felt herself drawn towards the machine. Part of her wanted to plunge back into that imaginary world, but another part implored her to avoid it. She sat down on a nearby chair and watched the glistening beast of a machine and the people using it.
Faces lit up with silly grins as they immersed themselves in the fake world the machine created. Astrid watched with growing interest and a small inkling of horror. The machine changed the most solemn expressions into ridiculous grins. Astrid had no problem with people smiling, but this incredible joy on their faces wasn’t natural. The simulation was beautiful, but not that beautiful or...astonishing.
Astrid’s heart quickened as she, again, felt a powerful urge to immerse herself in the simulation. She bolted up from her chair as the urge became so strong that her face began to heat up and gritty salt fell from it.
She took one more glance at the machine and then swam out of the Avocation Hall as quickly as she could. Finally the feeling started to dull. She stopped swimming and found herself in front of her housing hall. Terror filled her mind and heart. When had the machine gained so much power over her? Astrid found herself still trying to steady her breathing from the frightening experience.
It was dinner time and mermaids were making their way to the cafeteria. Astrid grasped her head in her hands. She didn’t feel like eating. The only thing that might relieve her tense emotional state was sleep. So she entered the building and made her way through the vacant halls. Everyone was at dinner, and most of the doors were closed. This hall was a stark white, free of the decorations that had colored the original Star Tribe quarters.
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