Frightened now, she didn’t think he heard as his grip tightened on her wrists and his free hand grabbed her hip.
“Please, Josh. Stop! Don’t want to hurt!” A cry of pain and despair left her.
One minute he was on top of her, and the next, he had pushed himself violently off her. Alexandria sat up, scooting across the bed until she was up against the headboard, grabbing the blanket and pulling it over her nudity. She was breathing so hard and shaking so bad but the heat was gone and all she felt now was cold as ice from the close call of hurting Joshua.
Looking up through her lashes, she saw Joshua by the foot of the bed. He was sitting there with part of the blankets pulled up on his lap covering the evidence of his arousal. Alexandria was worried by the expression on his face. He looked like he was somewhere between shock, remorse, guilt, and anger. He was running his hand through his hair, and he was pale as a ghost. She thought he was shaking just as badly as she was.
He reached out to her and she panicked scooting farther away from him.
“Lexi, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean…” he swallowed and took a deep breath. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. This is all my fault. I should have never let it go this far. I’ll leave and Warren can take over your care. Fuck!”
Joshua moved to get up and Alexandria freaked even more.
“No! Please don’t go Joshua. Damn, it. It wasn’t you. It was me. Or whatever the hell is wrong with me. You did nothing wrong but everything right. I wanted to be with you, to have you inside me on all of the levels.”
She slid across the bed towards him hoping he wouldn’t run. Once she was next to him, she reached out and touched his cheek.
“I felt you within me. Heard your thoughts. Please don’t leave me, Josh.”
Taking her hand, Joshua kissed her palm and held it over his heart. She was beyond relieved when he said, “I will never leave you, Lexi. I felt you too. Saw your very Life Force. It was incredible and all I wanted was to touch your living energy. To touch you.” He pulled her into his embrace and settled her onto his lap. She noticed he was careful to keep the blanket between their bare skin and suspected, like her, he was still fired up. “And I don’t believe you would have hurt me but I could have hurt you.”
“You could have never hurt me, Joshua. You always protect me, but…” she bit at her lip. How to voice her desires and not chase him away.
“I want more. I want you but not before I figure out a way to fix what Turin did to me. I can’t take the risk of hurting someone I…love.”
She was afraid to look up at him, to see his rejection, but he wouldn’t let her avoid him. He gently pushed her chin up so she was meeting his eyes. Alexandria wanted to cry out with joy when she saw not rejection but love reflected back at her. If it was the last thing she did, she would make everything right and Join with him, if he would have her.
“Lexi, I’m an idiot and should have told you long ago that I lo…” Alexandria kissed him hard stopping the words she had wanted to hear for so long from his lips. Really, she did want to hear them, but she wanted him to say he loved her when he wanted so she was sure he meant it and not just because she had forced the situation upon him.
Slowly, she drew her lips away from his. “You don’t have to say the words, Josh.”
He smiled at her, the dimple she loved making an appearance. “I want to try something if you will let me and show you what you mean to me. If you think the Wraith is suppressed enough so you won’t be frightened.”
Giving him a look letting him know any fear was strictly to protect him from her dark side, she wrapped her arms around him leaning in close.
“The Wraith appears to have gone back to sleep. All’s quiet.” She was curious as to what he wanted to show her.
Joshua pulled her head to his shoulder and brushed his hand over her hair. Alexandria closed her eyes letting the sensation soothe her frazzled emotions. His deep voice vibrated up through his chest as he spoke.
“I’m not sure of what all you did with my Life Power while I was making love to you, but in the intensity I’m pretty sure we formed a partial Link. Will you open for me so I can check?”
Alexandria was nervous but she nodded. “Okay.” Concerned, she sat up looking at him. “Okay, but if we feel any type of interest from the Wraith, we have to stop.”
“Agreed.” He smoothed a lose strand of her hair behind her ear and caressed her cheek. He leaned forward and gave her the gentlest of kisses. “Ready?”
Taking a deep breath, she sighed, “Yeah.”
Concentrating, she dropped the subconscious shields all Sphinx could hold in place to protect their Life Power and Force. Just like that, she felt Joshua slide down the Link they shared. He was right. They had formed a partial Link. She squealed giving him a hug.
“Josh, I feel you.”
He kissed behind her ear. “And I feel you. See what you mean to me, Lexi.”
His words pulled her in and she moved with his energy. She felt all the emotions and desires he held back from the outside world. Absolutely enthralled, she felt his powerful protectiveness for her, the desperation and loneliness when she was taken by the Wraith, the helplessness when she was hurting, and the fury when she was in danger. Woven in powerfully with all of those churning emotions was the passion of how much he wanted her and the incredible love he had kept even away from himself for years.
“Josh you’re incredible.” She couldn’t resist and ran her fingertips over the contours of his face as if she was just learning him. He in turn cupped her face with his hands and just looked at her with love in his expression. Could it be true she could have happiness within her reach? She wasn’t sure and she closed the Link.
“What is it?” Joshua smoothed his hands over her hair again. She noticed he did that when she became upset. His form of soothing her she suspected.
“This is all so incredible and I do want you. But how can we make it work? I’m so screwed up and I need to find out how to fix myself. Michael gave me permission to start working on some genetics research in the lab. And if anything happens, Warren can always zap me.”
Joshua growled darkly. He ran his fingers over the Collar she wore. The thing agitated her neck, but if it prevented her from hurting anyone, she was willing to take the discomfort.
“No one is going to zap you with that thing and it’s coming off as soon as I can convince the Elders. I would rip it off now if I didn’t think the damn thing might injure you. And as far as this genetic testing, well, don’t do anything which might risk your pretty neck. I love you just the way you are. Wraith or not.”
Alexandria hugged him again. He had said the words aloud and she knew he had meant it. But would his love last with all of her issues and when she revealed his condition to himbeing dionic and needing her ability to keep him healthy. By the Ancients, she didn’t want to tell him, but if they were linked, then he would find out eventually. And if he did truly love her and was not just caught up in the moment, then he would get over it. Wouldn’t he?
She bit at her lip, indecision agitating her. Knowing she had no choice really, Alexandria brushed her fingertips down his cheek one more time and then pushed away from him. As she stood and moved away, she felt his hands trail over her as if he was trying to keep her near him.
“Alexandria, talk to me. I can tell there’s more bothering you. We’ve touched each other’s Life Power and deeper. We can’t hide from each other anymore and I don’t want to go back to just being your protector.”
Joshua rearranged his sweats so he was covered again. He stood and she noticed he started following her limited wandering around his room.
Grabbing the bottom hem of the t-shirt she had borrowed from him, she pulled down making sure her bottom was covered. Now that the heat from her over-stimulated body had settled down, she began to feel a bit self-conscious. Enjoying herself was an understatement, but still she couldn’t believe the way she had basically attacked Joshua. Now that her mind wasn’t consume
d by thoughts of sex, the serious need for discussing his condition was weighing heavily on her. She realized there was no escape from the subject this time.
Sighing and halting in her pacing, she softly asked, “Joshua, how do you feel?”
Joshua stopped behind her so close she could feel his heat. He encircled her with his strong arms and pulled her up against him. His deep voice vibrated through her when he answered, “I feel incredible now that I’m with you. Lexi, you’ve always made me feel better, no matter what the circumstances. Must be the magical doctor’s touch you have.”
Alexandria twisted her hands together. This was so much more difficult than she thought it would be. She wanted to lean back into his body, but she stood stiff in his arms. Afraid of his anger and her deception all these years. She had exactly what she wanted in his love, but she couldn’t be selfish and had to take the plunge into the awful truth. “About that. Don’t you think it’s odd that whenever you’ve felt out of sorts or when I was gone how much worse you felt, but once I touched you, you feel so much better?” Her voice squeaked on the last. Great, now he would know she had been hiding something big. Her voice always betrayed her.
A huge sigh escaped him and he turned her around in his arms so he could look at her. She bit at her lip again, another tell he would pick up on. “Alright, Alexandria, the last time you acted this way, it was because you were in trouble. Woman, how can there be anything worse than what you have gone through the past few weeks? Tell me, let me help you.”
He brushed a kiss across her forehead and ran his hands across her hair. She realized she wasn’t going to be able to put what she wanted to tell him strictly into words so she opened herself up to their shared connection. Joshua detected it instantly and reached out to her through his. The contact with his energy took her breath away. No wonder Stormy and Eleina had such an intense look when they were linked to their Mates.
Now that she had his complete attention, she took a deep breath and dove in rushing the words out before he could interrupt. “Joshua, I’ve loved you since we were kids. You were always there for me. Always. And when I found out about your condition I couldn’t let you go. Even then, I was old enough to realize how serious it was. I refused to tell anyone and searched for a way to help you. I went into the old Gardens in Egypt and prayed to the Ancients. I would give up anything for you and somehow they must have heard me. I found I could pull the Life Power before full adolescence but didn’t tell anyone because I knew they would forbid me. I practiced, and when you became sicker, I found every reason to be near you. I was frantic one day when you took a turn for the worst. No one could tell but I did. That’s when I realized I could capture your energy and adjust the Power so it wouldn’t hurt you from time to time. Surely you noticed how often I’ve always touched you. Not that I needed the excuse. I always wanted to be near you and touch you.”
Alexandria watched his expression closely feeling him deep within her processing the memories she was giving him, the emotions she was showing him. His mind was sharp but being a strong Warrior, he couldn’t quite allow himself make the connection of his unknown infirmity.
Touching his face gently, she leaned forward and kissed him. Pulling back, she felt the tears running down her face now. She prayed he wouldn’t hate her for what she had done.
“Josh,” she whispered. “When your Life Power has always become unstable, almost violent, and…and blue, then I always came to you. Touched you. And your Power turned back to gold…it turned back to gold.”
Not being able to go on, she could do nothing but stand in his arms while she watched the knowledge come to him. “No…it can’t be. I can’t be…” He swallowed hard and then the dreaded word escaped him, “…dionic?”
Suddenly such hopelessness ripped through their connection as everything he believed about himself cracked at the core. She felt him process the rest of what she had told him so quickly and she felt him trying to deny the truth at the same time and then the understanding of what she had given for him. Fury exploded over their connection and Alexandria flinched at the snap. As soon as it touched her, he slammed their Link down and let go of her, turning away and staggering over to the bed.
“Joshua, I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me. I couldn’t bear to be without you. I didn’t want to live without you.” She begged with everything in her not expecting him even to want to speak to her again.
Sitting on the bed among the different shades of brown blankets, he covered his face for a moment and then ran his hands through his hair. Alexandria couldn’t move and only watched him with trepidation for several minutes while he looked lost, angry, and then accepting. He looked at his hands now in his lap, they were shaking slightly.
He slowly looked up at her, heartbreak in his eyes.
“How could I hate you Alexandria? You should hate me. You’ve given everything up for me, your childhood, your Life Power, your health. You should have chosen someone stronger, healthier, but instead you chose a broken man like me.”
If Alexandria thought her Sphinx was still within her, this would have been the time that part of her would have hissed in anger at him. Instead, all was silent, but she still had her human voice. She marched right up in front of him and got good and up in his face.
“Warrior Joshua, how dare you tell me you’re anything but worthy? You’re good, you’re strong, you’re incredible. You have the gift of the Power Burst, the gift of weaponry including your skills with the young Sefu Elements, you’ve kept my ass out of trouble forever quite literally, and you save the world from the Wraith. How in the hell does that make you broken and unworthy of my love? If anything, I’m unworthy of your love. I can’t even Join with you as a Power Mate because I am…part Wraith.” She choked on the last. The thought of never being able to Join with him especially since they both knew they had deep love for each other was almost unthinkable.
Joshua’s arm suddenly shot out and he pulled her to him. He held her close rubbing his hand up under the t-shirt along her hip.
“There has to be hope for us, Lexi,” he croaked. “We love each other too much. We’ll work it out. I’ll protect you and you can make me whole.” He laughed roughly. “It seems like a fair deal.”
In her heart, she prayed there was hope for them. There had to be in all the chaos. Others had been Joined to their Power Mate and she had been lucky enough to have always had him by her side. Joshua’s sudden indrawn breath had her looking down into his handsome bluish silver eyes.
“What is it?”
Leaning over to the hip he had been rubbing, Joshua lifted the hem of the t-shirt so he could look directly at her skin. Alexandria followed his gaze best she could since it was her hip and what she saw did give her hope. There on her hip in all its glory was her Power Keeper mark. Most of her long life the mark had been faded from her overuse of her abilities as a young woman, the tiny crystalline pyramid now stood out in stark relief against her tan skin glittering in the dim nightlights.
Leaning down, Joshua placed a gentle kiss over the mark and then pulled her back down on his lap. He cupped her face and Alexandria’s heart picked up in pace at the look of passion and love in his eyes.
“By the Ancients, Alexandria, there is hope. We’ll find a way one way or another to make all of this right.”
He opened their Link and kissed her with all the powerful emotions that burned in him. Even with the heat burning in him again, she felt him grab control of his needs and stamp them down. He pulled her back into the bed with him embracing her in his arms.
She relaxed when he brushed his hands through her hair again and before she slipped into a semi-restful sleep she heard him whisper, “You’re worthy of all my love, Lexi. We’ll find a way and I will make you my Power Mate.”
Chapter Eight
“Son of a…” Joshua doubled over from the overtaxing of his abilities. He had been at it non-stop for three days now using his skills as a master Power Forger. The newly formed blade he had just compl
eted still glowed bright white from the unique energies he had impregnated in the steel.
“Man, you gotta slow down and take a breather. You’re gonna short circuit your Powers.” Hunter took the sword from Joshua’s grip and placed it into one of the partially empty weapon racks. “I’m glad you accepted my help in the forging, but not all the swords need strength re-enforcement.”
“Damn it, Hunter. I appreciate your help and I sure as hell would like a break, but whatever Turin’s doing on the other side of the Gate is giving the Wraith an edge. Somehow he’s developed a new metallurgy giving their weapons more strength. The Guardians Elite are going through more swords than I can keep up with. I need to enhance the metal to put them on equal footing, otherwise we’re going to get our asses handed to us even more than it’s already occurring.”
Joshua took a deep breath and slowly stood taller stretching out his back and arms. He was starting to feel fatigue creeping in, but not like it was before Alexandria had adjusted his dionic Power. How long the balance would last before she had to adjust his Power again, he didn’t know.
“Yeah. It hasn’t been a good couple of days all the way around. Khenti Michael’s going out of his mind with the fact the Gate is opening up faster again and suspects more of Turin’s meddling there too. Plus Stormy isn’t doing very good.”
Joshua ran a hand over his face. “Our Power Keeper is trying to Transfer Power to us too quickly. She’s keeping up but it’s slowly overwhelming her. We’re going to end up burning her out and then we’ll be royally fucked.” Inside he cringed thinking of the discovery of Alexandria’s Power Keeper mark having come back and the implication she would be in the same spot as Stormy if she managed to find a genetic fix for her condition.
Alexandria would want to help Stormy, and knowing her, she would end up burning herself out again like she had when she was young. She had already done that for him to keep him alive all these years and exchanged a normal life for his life. Damn the Gate and the battles. He needed to spend time with her and work all this out. He just wanted to be with her and touch her, not just feel her from time to time through their Link.
Sphinx Transformed (The Sphinx Warriors Series Book 3) Page 13
