by Milly Taiden
“I know. I’ve been working up the courage to see you for two weeks now. Two, long sleepless weeks.”
That was when I noticed the darker shadows under his eyes, barely visible in the night’s natural light.
“Are you here permanently?” I asked, afraid to hear what he’d say.
“It depends. I’d like to be. If the stars align, I’ll stay.”
What did that mean? Did I have any say in it? Did his decision depend on my opinion?
“I have an opportunity to sell my business and start up a new one here.”
“Oh.” I didn’t dare ask how solid that opportunity was because I wasn’t ready for his answer. Could I even hope he’d stay longer – like forever? What would happen if he did? It wasn’t just me who would be affected, it was my kids – and my ex-husband, who still held onto hope we’d get back together. I needed time to think. There was no space in my life to recklessly throw myself at him, the way I’d imagined since the moment he showed up. My instinct told me to tie myself to Adrian with thick chains. Instead, I decided to move onto a safer topic.
“How is your son?”
Both his brows rose in that sexy way. The one with that barbell piercing lifted a bit higher. Adrian’s expressions hadn’t changed a bit... and neither had the way his gaze, the dimple in his chin, and that crooked smile made time slow down for me. I could stare at him all night.
“It works both ways with my cousins.” I shrugged.
Of course I knew his boy was a teen and that Adrian had never married. But as far as the relationship he had with his son’s mother, I had no clue what was going on. Plenty of couples lived happily without marriage. How important was she in his life?
“Matt is in college now, studying automotive design. He loves sports cars and astronomy. He’s taller than me already. This kid grows like bread on yeast. That’s what happens when you play around when you’re young. Your kids grow up and remind you of youth through their lives.”
The pride in Adrian’s voice beamed. And I clearly remembered what we’d done when we were young—only that it felt good and right. It was a wonder I hadn’t ended up with a bun in the oven myself. We’d been like two little rabbits in springtime.
“You’re quiet,” Adrian said. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“How it could have been us.”
“Yeah, it could have, couldn’t it? How old are yours now?”
“Ten and twelve. Jonathan loves skateboarding; Christa’s more creative. She does gymnastics and karate. They’re absolutely in love with their Xbox, and I can’t believe I’m about to be a mother of a teenager.”
“I’m sure you’re a great mother. And it’s not as bad as it sounds. Just be honest with them.”
“Sounds like you’ve had a few chats with Matt.”
“If I hadn’t, I’d be a grandfather.”
I chuckled. “You sure don’t look like one.”
He took a deep breath before exhaling. This was it. Whatever he wanted to say to me, it would be now. “I want us to have another chance. Do you think it’s possible?”
As much as I needed to think, I’d known my decision the moment I saw him at that bar. Deep inside, I’d hoped he was here for me—for us. And the truth of the matter was that there was no way I could let him go now. He had to know that. If he went back on that plane, I’d crumble. No matter what, I had to give us the chance he was asking for.
“Are you asking me out?” I teased.
Chuckling, he rubbed his palm along my bare arm. “Yes, T. I’m asking you out.”
“It would be complicated,” I said.
“I can do complicated as long as you’re willing.”
“Okay.”
It was so easy to give in and agree to anything Adrian would say. I’d never considered seeing anyone after my divorce. It had only been a year. I wasn’t ready, and didn’t want to; but Adrian wasn’t just anyone. And if I said no to him, I’d regret it until death. Saying no wasn’t an option, and we both knew it. This decision was made in my heart before I even spoke.
A stampede of everything passed through me from the head down. And I mean everything. Shivers, excitement, nerves, possibilities. What if it worked out? What if it didn’t? What would I tell Dan, my ex-husband? We still had a close relationship, which had its own bag of emotions tied to it. We’d been working well with the schedule and the kids. How would they react? Should I even tell them? When?
“C’mere.” Adrian tightened his arm around me, pulling me to his side, and kissed the top of my head. The comfort was too perfect: as if we hadn’t been apart for more than a day. I breathed him in, losing myself to the paralyzing scent I’d missed so much. I could stay like this forever. “Don’t over think it. We’ll take it slow, one step at a time.”
He still knows me so well.
Except as much as I hated to admit it, my body wanted it all—now. I wanted to talk to him until dawn, and then some more the next day. I needed to touch his lips with my fingers and admire the dimple in his chin when he grinned. The desire to explore his skin with my hands to feel how his body had changed tingled in my palms. The need to be close to him, as close as possible, was almost too much to stand. Yet the reality that it could actually happen and what it meant scared me. I hadn’t been with a man other than Dan for years. And even before then, I could count my partners on one hand. Besides, I was no longer a silly teen who could explore the sexual world. At this age, I should know what I was doing, shouldn’t I? What if he was disappointed? What if I couldn’t live up to his expectations?
“Are you busy tomorrow?” Adrian brought me back to the present.
“It’s Dan’s weekend with the kids. They’re going to a water park.”
“So if I pick you up at nine in the morning, will that be okay?”
“Yes, sounds good. I assume you know where I live.” I wondered how in the world my mother had held onto a secret this big, but she’d probably just kept herself busy with the next item on the bucket list she’d vowed to fulfill. And now that she knew Adrian was back in my life, I wondered how long it would be before she grilled me.
“Your mother gave me the address,” he confirmed. “You’ll need to wear something comfortable.”
How was it so easy to talk to him and to be sitting beside him? I’d often imagined what it would be like seeing him again, and my flamboyant imagination had drifted to beach settings where we ran toward each other along the shoreline and I threw myself into his arms. OK, so perhaps I’d inherited some of my mother’s romantic personality. But this was real, he was here in the flesh, and I couldn’t have been happier.
“Are you gonna tell me where we’re going?”
“No, but you’ll love it.” Adrian squeezed my hand, and then leaned in even closer. For a moment I thought he would kiss me, but he only brushed his lips against the tip of my nose, his warm breath curling around my face. And thank God that was all. I wasn’t ready to feel his lips, because I thought I’d never let them go.
He hadn’t seen me or talked to me in twenty years, yet he was so confident. I knew I would love no matter where we went, because I would be with him. Finally, with the man who had once held the key to my heart.
CHAPTER 3
Dan’s car was parked in the driveway. When Adrian pulled away in his Jeep into the darkness, I stared after the tail lights until they disappeared. Wishing I could have that spunk from my youth to say take me with you, I let go of a long-held breath. The reality of it was that Adrian had stepped into my life at a time when I’d only just begun to feel comfortable as a single mother. The expectations and new responsibilities that came with a divorce had had my head spinning for months, as I’d doubted whether divorcing Dan was the right choice. My failed marriage haunted me for months. I barely ate or slept, struggling to accept it was all over. Was I making the right decision for my family? Should I have put my own feelings aside, and for the sake of our children, stay with a man whom I could no longer trust?
My gaze drifted to the red Miata in front of my house. I hated everything about that car: its color, sleek curves, and speed – especially the speed. A tight knot twisted in my stomach. I opened the side gate and crossed along the path into my back yard.
Sitting in a lounge chair, I stretched my feet out. Crickets chirped in the distance, somewhat camouflaging the croaking frogs in the nearby pond. Here, the peaceful neighborhood covered the turmoil inside me. My heart rate had surged since the moment I saw him. The hormones I thought had died after my divorce were waking up. An odd rush of anticipation for the unknown filled my veins, but was that what I really wanted? I was so used to my predictable and calm lifestyle. Adrian had just turned my entire world upside down—or perhaps it would finally be the right side up?
I took a deep breath in, and country air filled my lungs. I crept inside through the back door. The house smelled of pizza and popcorn, which meant a fun movie night for my kids and their father. I lowered my purse to the kitchen counter, nearly knocking an empty beer bottle to the floor.
Shit!
I stashed it in the recycling bin where four other bottles had been thrown out.
Frowning, I tiptoed upstairs and headed for the kids’ bedrooms. The crisp sheets I’d set this morning were still made the same way as when I’d left. Light snoring drew me to my bedroom. The nightlight illuminated two replicas of my ex-husband, and their father right in the middle. They slept with their mouths open. I neared one end of the bed and kissed my daughter, whispering, “You’re my everything,” and then walked around the bed to the other side to kiss my son. “I love you, monkey,” I said in a low voice. As I lifted my head, a warm grasp around my wrist startled me.
“No kiss for me?” The low growl from Dan couldn’t be mistaken. We’d hooked up a few times after the divorce, before I’d discovered the world of self-pleasure and wonderful adult toys. But tonight Dan’s swooning wouldn’t work. He’d always had a way of weaseling right back into my heart, but with my emotions riding on a roller coaster, I had to ensure I was buckled in tight. Tonight, having been exposed to lust from the past, I was as horny as could be. Seeing Dan in my bed, which we both used to occupy, sent a familiar heat between my legs. There were too many memories in this bedroom, of him and me and us when things were good. Actually, things had always been good in the sex department, and I couldn’t deny my body still reacted the same way to his touch as it had years ago. But sex wasn’t enough to keep us together.
“I’m exhausted, Dan,” I replied.
“Did something happen?” he asked, lifting his head.
“Shh, you’ll wake the kids.”
I pulled the duvet over my daughter, who had a habit of kicking it off during the night, and went downstairs. Usually Dan would go back to his home at this time, but since they had a day at the water park tomorrow, he was supposed to be staying in the guest bedroom overnight.
I made a cup of chamomile tea and plopped down on the window seat in my family room. Looking out the bay window into the darkness, I watched the lightning bugs dance in the night. How had my life become so confusing in the span of a couple of hours?
“Are you okay?”
I jumped up at Dan’s whisper. My ex was never this quiet and respectful when others were sleeping. It was one of my pet peeves. What was up with him sneaking up on me like that?
“I don’t know. I ran into someone today.”
“Oh-oh. Sounds like I have some competition.” He plopped down on the other side of the window.
“How did you know?”
“You get that crease on your forehead when you’re thinking about someone special.”
I took another sip. “And since when are you competition?”
“I still feel like you’re mine.”
“Don’t do this to me, Dan. You know I’m not.”
“I know. But it hurts to know there may be another man in your life.”
How in the world was he so perceptive?
“I don’t want to hurt you, but we both knew that was a possibility when we divorced. You must have been with other women.” Before, I’d never wanted to know; but now, perhaps knowing he had would justify my seeing Adrian. Perhaps I wouldn’t feel guilty for allowing my heart to go into overdrive for a man who was not my children’s father.
“I’ve been on dates, but nothing serious. Somehow they never measure up to you.”
My cheeks heated. “There is no me, Dan. You know we can’t go through this. The only things we did well are the two sleeping bugs upstairs.”
“Not the only thing, as I recall. Making them was a blast too.” He leaned forward and took a sip of my tea.
And here we were, back to sex again.
I exhaled loudly. Perhaps this was a mistake, and I wasn’t as ready to move on as I thought I was. Divorcing was one thing, but actually having someone else other than Dan in my and the kids’ lives was another.
“What was it like when you went on a date after we… you know, separated?”
“You’re asking the wrong person, Mia. I was an asshole who cheated on you, so going out on a date after that wasn’t that big of a deal. Wait… are you saying you haven’t been out on a date with anyone else?”
“You know I haven’t. Between work and kids and life, there’s never been time to meet anyone.”
“So, what do you do to relieve yourself?” That grin on his face didn’t go unnoticed. No wonder women turned their heads all the time—they had even when we were married and he wore that wedding band around his finger.
I rolled my eyes. “Seriously?”
“It will make my night better.”
“Dan, I’m serious. How did you know you were ready?”
“I didn’t. You take a chance and follow your gut. I don’t expect you or me to be alone for the rest of our lives. I mean, we’ll always have a connection because of Christa and Jonathan, but a parental connection is much different than a relationship. You know that.”
“When did you get all smart?” I chuckled.
“When it was too late and I’d made too many mistakes.”
His words were meant to comfort me, I knew that, but I couldn’t help that clenching feeling around my heart. It was on nights like these, when we were not only parents but also friends, that I doubted whether I’d made the right decision. I lowered my head between my knees. And of course he knew immediately what that meant.
“Hey, don’t cry. I hate it when you cry.” He took me into his arms. The hold was comfortable and so familiar. This was the only embrace I’d ever wanted on our good days; perhaps because I’d made myself forget about the other pair of soothing arms for so long, ones that before now had been too far away.
“I’m just confused.” I pulled a sniffle through my nose.
“Do you want to join us at the water park tomorrow? The kids would love that.”
And now I felt like he was using my weakness against me. The kids. How could I say no to spending a day with them together as a family? Except we weren’t the kind of family we used to be. After a few days, arguments would ensue, and I hated fighting, especially in front of the children. But Dan didn’t know I had plans tomorrow. The offer was genuine, not intended to hurt me.
“I have a date tomorrow.” Shit! Couldn’t I have said plans?
His face twisted as if I’d just stabbed him in the heart with a rusted knife.
“So that’s why you’re all emotional. I was beginning to think it was that time of the month again.”
I slapped him lightly on his thigh. “Don’t be a jerk. I’ve never had a mental breakdown because of PMS.” Which of course was a big fat lie. I’d thrown Dan out of the house once for no reason—at least I couldn’t recall the reason now.
“Oh, well. I guess we’ll catch you in the evening then.”
I wondered if he was probing whether it was an overnight date. I didn’t owe him an explanation. On my weekends, I could have left the house altogether and not come back until Sunday night, but I wanted to
ensure the kids had as close to a normal life as possible, with both parents, and I had always stuck around. Especially on Sundays when we made an effort to go to church together no matter whose weekend it was. Sometimes it seemed we were still the loving family we had been in the beginning, but what went on when the doors closed was nothing close to the Brady Bunch. For that reason alone, I was glad we’d separated; with as much respect as I could muster after the public humiliation of Dan’s cheating.
“Yeah, I’ll see you in the evening, but don’t wait up.” Was I twisting the knife now? I couldn’t help gloating.
“No problem.” He put his hands under his head, leaning back against the window. And if I had to bet, I’d say he did that on purpose. He knew damn well what that vulnerable position did to me. Right now, with his arms stretched up lifting the triangle of his pelvis above his pajama bottoms, I remembered why I’d fallen for him in the first place. His hardness still hadn’t gone down since I’d woken him up, and he wasn’t ashamed of it at all. Nights like these, when we were together, made everything at home seem perfect.
Unexpected warmth pooled in my panties and I shot off the seat. If I didn’t get some ‘me time,’ I’d be in trouble.
“Stay with the kids tonight. I’ll use the guest room,” I said.
“Want me to show you where it is?” Both his brows rose up and down at the same time.
I wanted to say yes, just to get rid of the brewing want inside me. Adrian had rekindled all those primitive desires I’d forced into nonexistence, and all I wanted was sex. Dirty and reckless fucking sex. And if I didn’t get any soon, I was afraid I’d settle for the first human with a dick; which at the moment would only complicate and destroy my life.
I shook my head, trying to get rid of the stupid thoughts, thankful that Dan was no Professor Xavier.
While Dan was a hot ex-husband who would always remain in my life, I couldn’t lead him on. I wouldn’t allow my physical needs to guide me. I knew what I needed, but until I figured out what I wanted, the only sex I was going to have was with my vibrator or the pulsing showerhead in my tub.
