by Milly Taiden
“On a first date? I’m not that easy.”
“Except this is not our first date,” he reminded me.
“Well, then, maybe if you play your cards right I’ll teach you a thing or two.” I pushed his arms off and ran toward the house.
Adrian caught up to me in seconds and tackled me from behind onto the soft grass footing. We rolled around until his weight restrained my motion and he lay on top of me, hovering, just like that night. His thigh rested between mine, slightly spreading my legs. His hands slid over my hips, up along my silhouette, brushing the curve of my breast, and up to my face. As he lifted my chin with his finger, my breath stilled as I saw that boy who wanted to kiss me again.
My body became glued to his in more places every second, molding itself into his curves, his muscles filling my valleys. Adrian’s other hand swept a loose strand of my hair away from my eyes and lingered at the side of my face. His thumb smoothed over my cheek.
I drew my hands up his arms, holding on for my life, fearing this moment would slip away the way he had twenty years ago.
The tips of our noses connected. Our breaths mingled. He hesitated, and I parted my lips invitingly, closing my eyes, breathing him in, waiting. The touch was gentle at first, our lips barely moving. The delicate skim of his mouth on my bottom lip became more defined and deliberate. It was just as warm and much more demanding. I let his tongue dip in and explore my mouth, reaching deeper into his as well, wanting to remember how natural it felt to kiss him. Not too wide, but deep. He pressed harder into me: his lips, his body, his everything, and I melted like butter in the middle of a hot muffin. And I was his, and only his. Lost in his bear arms, I floated away from Earth to explore those constellations that had always connected us. The world spun beneath us, taking me to that euphoric state where nothing except for the warmth of his lips and the feel of his skin mattered. A rush of pure need coursed to my breasts, and desire swelled in my core. My fingers pulled through his soft hair, and when he drew his tongue along my gums before gently biting my upper lip, I moaned into him, wanting to laugh and cry at the same time. No one had ever kissed me with the same raw passion that Adrian had. I couldn’t quite remember how long this lasted, because it simply didn’t matter.
Stinky dog breath near our faces forced us apart.
“Rocky, go hump your duck,” Adrian scolded.
I narrowed my brows.
“He has a rubber duck,” he explained. Adrian drew his finger along my bottom lip. “I’ve been wanting to do that since…”
“…since you saw me?”
“No, since the moment I let you leave, twenty years ago.”
Wow.
“And I’d wait another hundred if I had to,” he whispered against my mouth, swiping a stray drop from the corner of my eye. I hadn’t realized my emotions were consuming me beyond my ability to control a few tears.
“You’re a patient man.”
He shook his head. “Only when it comes to you, T. Believe me, sometimes I wish I’d moved faster.”
“Don’t. This is good.”
“It is, isn’t it?”
My cheeks heated. I wasn’t sure what was going on inside my body, but I was glad my panties weren’t made out of paper. They’d either disintegrate from the wetness there or burn from the heat between my legs. How could one small kiss make a woman feel so much?
CHAPTER 5
Inside the farmhouse, the meticulous decorations took me aback; the interior didn’t match the country setting of the outside. Even the empty boxes stacked to the side stood like fresh soldier recruits in a line-up. As Adrian used the washroom I strolled into the kitchen. A straight row of potted grass along the middle of a granite counter brought the outdoors in. The entire house had been revamped with an eclectic look of modern and country, tying together the past, present, and future.
“Does your friend have OCD or something?” I asked.
“Actually, everything is mine. Chris said I can make myself feel completely at home, so with his permission I had the house renovated.”
“You did all this? In two weeks?” Who the heck renovated a house they were renting?
“I’m planning to stay a while.” His arms drew around me from behind.
“And if I hadn’t agreed to see you again last night?” I asked.
“Then Chris would have been a lucky friend who just had his house redone for free.” His cheek lowered to mine, smoothing against my skin. The smell of his morning aftershave still lingered there.
The renovation must have cost him a fortune. I would never spend that much money on a house I wasn’t sure I would be staying in forever.
“You knew I wouldn’t say no last night, didn’t you?” I looked down and blushed.
“I prayed you wouldn’t.” He nibbled on my ear.
My breasts were beginning to fill my tank top. “Liar.”
He chuckled. “I knew if you felt only a fraction of what I did when I saw you, the chances were pretty good you’d say yes.”
A photograph propped on a desk hidden in a nook caught my attention.
“What’s this?” I uncoiled his hands from around me and strolled over, gasping when I recognized it. “You kept it?”
“Of course.”
In the frame was a photo of the two of us, identical to one in a box full of Adrian’s letters in my closet. In the picture, we were wrapped in each other’s arms at a bonfire near my aunt’s house. I’d worn his sweatshirt that night. His exposed arms had been like toothpicks back then. My gaze was drawn to his wrist in the picture, and I saw the bracelet I’d weaved for him that summer. “I forgot about that.” I pointed.
“I haven’t.”
I swiveled at the sound of an opening drawer as Adrian pulled out the blue and green fabric from within.
My breath caught halfway into my lungs as I gasped, covering my mouth with my hand.
“The night you gave it to me, you told me you wished for enough string to make a bridge over the ocean.”
The tightening in my throat and pressure under my eyelids was unbearable. “And you said you would find your way back to me one day because that bracelet was like a wedding band for you. We joked we were married for the rest of the summer.”
“You have no idea how many times I wished for that to be true.”
I sighed, suddenly feeling an odd tightness in my chest.
“Maybe you’re better off this way. I mean, my track record with marriage isn’t something to brag about.”
“You think we’d fail?” he asked seriously, turning me to face him.
I looked up into his eyes. The hope sparkled within them. “I wouldn’t want to take that chance. I lost you as a boyfriend. Losing you as a husband would break me.”
“Hhm.” Adrian regarded me. The distance between his brows narrowed, and I wondered what he was thinking. Whatever it was, it didn’t appear like he was ready to share it with me.
“Does it feel weird to you, T? I mean, that we’re here, together after so many years?”
“Not weird.” I shook my head. “But amazing and unbelievable.” And more right than anything I’d felt in a long time.
“Good.” He smiled. “Now stop stepping from one foot to another and use that bathroom, will ya? We have a full day ahead of us.”
“Okay.” I laughed thinking how easy it was to talk to Adrian, even about matters that still pinched my heart.
After a quick bathroom break and splashing a lot of water on my face, we left for our hike. Didn’t normal couples usually go out to dinner first time? Instead I was holding hands like a silly girl with the man who had so unexpectedly come back to my life. And it felt so perfect I was beginning to fear I’d wake up. Nothing else mattered except for the two of us, and I hadn’t felt that kind of a rush in a long time.
We walked along the trail through a forest. Thankfully, Adrian had left Rocky at home where I was sure the pup was more than happy to nap. Here, the smell of pine, moss, and old leaves on the ground ble
nded together. Once in a while a fresh breeze flew by. A drizzle of flowing water echoed in the distance. Adrian carried a backpack and a fishing rod, which definitely meant we’d be fishing. Well, he’d be the one fishing, because I had no clue how to do so. Past the forest, a squared-off area had been mown. To the side, a set of patio furniture under a wooden gazebo surprised me. A fire pit full of ash was set up a few feet away.
When my gaze finally lifted higher, my breath was taken away. A stream of clear water glistened in the sun, but beyond the flowing creek, a field of golden crowns swayed in the wind. I’d never seen a sunflower field other than in pictures, and I’d have to pick up my jaw off the ground if I stared any longer.
“You like it?”
“Love it. Does your friend own this too?” I sat down on one of the loungers, stretching out my legs.
“Yes. There’s just over two hundred acres of land. He leases most of it to farmers. Wait here.”
Adrian dropped the backpack on a chair, swooped in to kiss me, removed his shoes, and stepped into the water.
“What are you doing?” I laughed as he carefully treaded the slippery rocks. “Don’t you need your rods to catch fish?”
“I’m not catching fish…” Adrian lost his balance for a moment and I thought he’d end up in the water.
“Careful!” I shot off my chair and hurried closer to the edge of the stream. It wasn’t too wide, and looked like it came up just above the knees at its deepest, but if he fell in, there wouldn’t be a dry thread on him. Adrian made it to the other side, cut off a sunflower with his pocket knife, put its stem between his teeth, and slowly treaded back, arms splayed out to the sides, balancing the slippery footing as if he were walking on a tight rope. Three feet from the shore his body weaved from side to side. His foot slipped, and he splashed butt first into the creek. I jumped toward him, but it was too late. He sat on his behind, the water flowing around his chest, holding up the single sunflower he’d rescued in the fall.
“Are you okay, Casanova?” I extended my hand, laughing.
“As I recall, Casanova exploited all the women in town, whereas I just want you.”
Didn’t he know he didn’t need to impress me at all? I was already his—I thought I always would be. Adrian shuffled his feet one step and slipped again. I laughed until my belly hurt.
“Let me help you.” I offered my hand.
“I planned this a bit differently.” He reached up but before he touched me, I lost my footing and tumbled into the water face first.
Normally, I’d cry. Then I’d cry some more. Being a mother, I usually had no luxury for incidents like these because we were always on the run, rushing to get to wherever we were going. Accidents were not an option. They still happened, but since I’d had my kids I liked to live on the more cautious side of life. But now, feeling freer than I had ever been, sitting beside Adrian in water up to my neck, I simply laughed. My bellow echoed, flowing down the stream.
Adrian tried to force composure to his face, but I just couldn’t stop laughing, and in the end he gave up and joined my delight.
“T, I’m so sorry. I really shouldn’t have done this. This is all my fault.” After a few moments Adrian stood and then helped me up. Drenched, I gripped his hand and we wobbled out of the water, soaked. Shivers covered my body the moment a soft breeze swept past us. I shook as if I’d been standing naked in the middle of winter. The stream wasn’t the warmest, especially in the shade.
“You still act before you think, don’t you?” The sound of my clattering teeth vibrated in my ears.
“When it comes to you, yeah. You’re my weakness. This is for you.” He placed the sunflower between us.
“Thank you.” I felt my chin shake all on its own.
“We should undress.” Adrian lifted his shirt over his head and wrung it with his hands. The water dripped to the grass.
And I just stood there, staring with my mouth open at the marvel of a half-naked man in front of me. That beautiful thorn tattoo I’d seen from underneath his sleeve extended up to his shoulder and onto his back. The thorns changed into smooth lines as they reached the higher muscles. The artwork was so unique I doubted anyone could ever replicate it. As he tightened and twisted the fabric his arms and chest flexed, and drops of water slid down his pecs in slow motion. I didn’t think a man this fit existed in my age category. Dan was lean and looked after himself, but Adrian was so buffed and perfectly sculpted I couldn’t believe muscles could form such nice curves and ripples and valleys. Uneasy excitement swept through me as my mouth watered and my gaze traveled from his toned thighs to his soaked shorts clinging to his every curve and up to his chest.
A tattoo under his breast caught my eye: Ich liebe dich über alles. I remembered seeing the writing before, but couldn’t quite place where. Since he had lived in Austria for years, I knew Adrian was fluent in German, even if it wasn’t his mother tongue.
Adrian ran his hand through his hair, and then flung his shirt. Drops of water flew outward. He spread the fabric on a brush beside him in a patch of filtered sun. I reached out toward his chest and he froze. His skin contracted at my touch, and he took in a sharp breath. I traced the letters along his rib with the tip of my finger. The letters under his heart were beautifully inked, with soft curves.
“What’s it say?” I focused on each letter, trying to remember where I’d seen it before.
“I love you more than anything,” he said. His neck tensed and his gaze completely focused on me.
“Oh, my…” My voice was barely a whisper. I took my finger away, covering my mouth, and looked up into his green eyes. And in that moment, he knew I remembered. These were the words he’d written to me in one of his letters. The one I’d torn up because it hurt too much to read it over and over—about how much he would always love me and cherish me. He’d said I could always count on his friendship no matter where we were or how much time had passed because what he felt for me held no expiry date. Apparently he’d written it in one of his weaker moments after being drafted to the military for two years.
A lump formed in my throat.
After rereading that letter, I’d wake up in the middle of the night and imagine his voice saying those words to me as if he was there. His scent would flourish out of thin air. I’d look around the room and realize Adrian was thousands of miles away. Yet I’d feel as if we were still together and had never separated. I’d curl up in a fetal position and sob under my covers until the morning sun would force me to keep going. Nights were always the worst. They kept reminding me of us as one.
“I’m sorry, this is just too much. It hurts too much.” I turned around, my eyes welling.
“Hey.” He came from behind me. “T, what’s passed has passed. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He put his hands on my shoulders and turned me back toward him, pulling me in to lean against his bare chest.
I didn’t know what came over me, but I wrapped my arms around his waist, saying, “Please don’t leave. I couldn’t stand it.”
“I promise I’ll be here for as long as you want me to be. I don’t repeat my mistakes. I’m so sorry, T.” He kissed the top of my head.
“Why are you sorry?” I forced my eyes to hold back the tension and tilted my head to look up at him, pulling in a sniffle. The beauty lines under his eyes creased with worry, like he feared for my well being.
Adrian drew his finger across my brow, smoothing it. “For letting you go. You hurt because of me. I should have never let you go. I should have dragged you to church and married you that summer for real, without telling anyone. And even if you had to leave, you’d be mine forever and when I could afford to, I would come to get my wife.”
Wow!
“You’ve really thought this through, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, and I wish I’d known then what I know now, but we can’t change the past. I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere. There’s no point looking back.” His hand brushed my cheek and I lowered mine on top of his.
<
br /> “We had no choice. It wasn’t our fault. And later when I shouldn’t have, I stopped writing to you. I shouldn’t have. I should have been a better friend to you.”
In a time before computers and Skype, that was the way to connect. It was not unusual for me to get a letter from Adrian every couple of months.
The warmth of his body enveloped me. He held me in his arms as I said into his chest, “I’m sorry I stopped writing, but if I didn’t I couldn’t move on.”
I recalled the day I met my husband as if it were yesterday. Dan had been the first boy I’d dated who hadn’t reminded me of Adrian in any way. Perhaps that was why I’d married him. Imagine the constant reminder of your true love, every day, when you couldn’t have him. Try to make that relationship work, and you’ll know why none of my previous ones survived for more than a few months.
Six months after meeting Dan, I received another letter from overseas, but as I replied that day, scribbling words on paper about life and dating, school, and work, something snapped inside me. I realized I could no longer write back. My feelings would never disappear if I did. I was dating Dan, but still loved Adrian – which I thought stupid at the time because we hadn’t seen each other for two years. But that didn’t matter. Time and distance couldn’t erase what was in my heart. The only way to forget him was to stop writing. I had to let go.
With tears in my eyes, I’d scrunched up the paper and promised myself to fly back to Europe if things didn’t work out with Dan. Years later, I came to understand it was one of the biggest decisions I’d made in my life. That single moment changed who I was. I’d chosen not to listen to my heart.
My body trembled more and more as the wind cooled my wet clothes.
“You wanted to give love another chance. There’s nothing wrong with that, T. You followed your heart the way you should have. Who knows what would have happened if we’d stayed together at such a fragile age? Even though I don’t doubt we would have made it, I believe destiny tore us apart for a reason. This way I could come back to you and appreciate you that much more.” He wiggled his brows up and down and I couldn’t help but smile. “Besides, you wouldn’t have your beautiful children, and I wouldn’t have Matt. I think our past shaped us to be who we are so that we could be there for each other, right now, in the right way, without hesitation.”
