by Milly Taiden
***
Feeling grimy after a long day under hot lights and way too much makeup, Cooper and I head back to the hotel for showers and make a plan to meet in the lobby to go out for pizza. The elevator bell chimes and the doors open to a large area decorated in natural tones. My boots are silent walking across the forest-green carpet as I wander toward the couches.
Cooper notices me first, and is standing when I see him. His hair is damp and combed neatly. Instead of his usual loose tee, he has on something a bit tighter, and I have no doubt it’s to show off his pumped-up physique.
I know I should, but I don’t hide my perusal of his body. “Dang, those Vail girls won’t know what hit them this winter.”
Cooper slides his hand lightly down the side of my arm and catches my hand. “Tonight I’m all yours; now let’s eat before we both die of carb deprivation.”
Burlington is home to the University of Vermont where I went to college, and my favorite pizza place is a short walk from our hotel. Cooper doesn’t let go of my hand as ice cold wind cuts through us. Tired and hungry, the physical contact is nice, but I shouldn’t lead him on. I pull away, and Cooper takes it back and says, “Just as friends, okay?” I smile back and give him a squeeze.
Garlic and oregano permeate the air of the noisy restaurant. Walking by the ping of pinball machines, we head to the bar. I spot the taps, and my thoughts immediately flash to Derrick when I discover they have Stella.
The bartender is quick to take our order and hand us menus. I don’t even open mine. “I want something deep dish with meat. You decide, and make it a large.”
Cooper grins at me and closes his menu. “We’re on the same page.”
Two draft beers are set before us with a thud, and I grab mine. Breaking through the foam, I take a large mouthful of the amber liquid and let it sit on my tongue for a moment before I swallow. “Oh man, that’s heaven.”
Cooper’s eyes are closed as he savors his too. “Oh God, this does taste good.”
The bartender smiles in amusement. His blue eyes catch my attention, and they make me think he’s probably a hit with the college girls. He asks, “Long day?”
Cooper answers, “More like a long few weeks. We’ll have a large deep-dish pepperoni pizza please.”
The bartender nods and turns to place our order on his touch screen. I say, “Casey and I used to eat here at least once a week when we were at UVM.”
“This seems like a fun college town. I went to Tufts, and Boston was pretty awesome too. Only I was kind of a nerd and didn’t get out much.”
While I knew Cooper was smart, I had no idea he was genius level. Tufts’ acceptance rate is low, and even my brilliant brother didn’t get in. “Tufts? What did you major in?”
“Chemistry. I was going to be a doctor.” Well now, I seem to be attracted to that type.
“And now you’re shooting for the Olympics instead. Who knew there was a brain under that tattooed exterior?” I trace the lines of the tribal pattern on his arm.
Just as I realize how bold I’m being for someone who doesn’t want to hook up, he grabs my hand. “There’s a lot about me you don’t know.” He gazes at me for a second and breaks into a grin. Pressing my hand over his tattoo he asks, “Feel that bump? That’s where I shattered my arm when I was twelve.”
A hard section of bone is raised, and I’m amazed at how large it is. “Ouch, how’d you do that?”
“Skateboarding down the railing at school. Concrete isn’t forgiving.”
“I know.” I lift up my leg and press his hand against my shin. “Broken leg, skateboard park. I was with my brother and his friends. I didn’t dare cry and have them call me a baby, so I stood up to skateboard more until my brother saw my leg.”
Cooper smirks and takes my hand to press it against his scalp and my fingers touch smooth skin. “This bald spot is from a baseball. I had a concussion and some stitches, and the hair never grew back.”
I take his finger and trace a scar under my chin. “This is when my brother convinced me I could fly if I wore his Batman cape.”
Cooper and I chuckle. He sobers and places my hand over his heart. “This is where some girl opened up my heart. She’s still welcome in it, if she wants to try again.”
I melt in his eyes. He’s sweet and funny, and for a moment I think if we did more than sleep together we could work. But then Derrick’s deep voice plays in my mind, and I know it would be a mistake.
I pull my hand back gently. “Cooper.” The effects of the beer make me want to take him back to my room and finish what our bodies started earlier today. But this guy doesn’t want a no-strings-attached relationship. And I’m not sure I want one either. “I’m sorry. I’m still kind of hung up on my last boyfriend.”
He nods, and pain flickers in his eyes. “Got it. I know how that feels.” He winks at me. “Maybe I’ll call Xander. He made some pretty sexy promises.”
Grateful he’s not mad, I laugh along with him while my lust pouts in the corner.
CHAPTER 29
I’m almost embarrassed to arrive in Breckenridge in my new-to-me car. Christian found me a late model Land Rover with just under one-hundred thousand miles. I almost died when he brought it home. But how could I refuse? Not only is it a pleasure to drive, but it’s also pretty slick, with a black leather interior, and shimmery silver paint.
My phone rings, and I grin when I see it’s Casey. I can’t wait to share this with her.
“How’s I-90? Are you watching your speed?”
I lift my foot off the gas and slow down from eighty. “Yes, Mom. Wait until you see what Christian helped me buy.”
“Oh, is it something sexy?”
“Kind of. It’s a Land Rover.” The blinker clicks as I move over to a slower lane.
Casey squeals. “No way! Omigod, that’s too funny. Send me a picture at your next stop.”
“Okay. It’s a great car but…”
“I see Derrick sometimes. Did I tell you that?” I picture her biting her lip, hoping I’m not mad.
“You do?” I’m dying to ask how he is, and I rip off a piece of fingernail with my teeth.
“He’s still very single. He always asks about you, just in case you care.”
I snort at Casey’s not-so-subtle hint that I should talk to him. “I know I need to deal with what happened, and I will.”
“You could call him on your trip. You’ve got like twenty hours on I-80.”
“I deleted his number.” The words are barely out of my mouth when my phone buzzes with a text. I glance quickly, and it’s from Casey with Derrick’s contact info. She knows me way too well.
I sigh. “How do you have his number?”
“Oh, please, I have the UPS guy’s number. I’m the freaking phone book for Breckenridge.”
“Well, that I understand. The UPS guy is so hot he wears shorts in January.” Casey chuckles along with me.
She says, “Derrick’s been hanging out with Jason. He’s a good guy, Gretch.”
I take a deep breath and change the subject. “How’s Nika? Excited about teaching this winter?” The wheel is smooth in my hand as I move my fingers down to a lower position.
“She is, and I’m going to be a little catty right now, so brace yourself.”
I snort, “Bring it.”
“That girl can eat. I’ve never seen anything like it. Nothing on your plate is safe from her.” Casey quickly adds, “Not that she’s getting fat, but she’s curvier these days. It’s so not fair, because she’s even more gorgeous now. And I hate her for being able to eat anything she wants.”
I chuckle. “Yeah, I’ll bet she does look great with some meat on her bones.” A long, straight expanse of highway seems to suck my foot toward the floor and I pull it back to slow down again.
Casey’s voice makes me grin from ear to ear. It will be so good to see her again. She says, “Nika’s happy about gaining weight too. We had a blast buying new jeans in Silverthorne.” I check my mirrors for the unde
rcover cops known to hang out on this road, but only see a vast expanse of green.
“Did you share our sandwich?” The moment I say it, my stomach clenches, and I remember eating sweet potato fries with Derrick.
“Oh no. She got her own and then scarfed down what I couldn’t eat. You’ll see.”
“I might need that sandwich soon. I’ve missed you, Case.” I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and remember Derrick telling me he thought it was pretty.
“I’ve missed you too. I’ve got to get going, but don’t forget to send me that picture.”
“Will do. Bye!”
I turn up the radio and let my thoughts drift back to Derrick. Of course I go right to memories of his hands and the things they do. I turn up the AC, and cold air blasts on my bare feet. Damn it, why can’t I get over him treating me like a prostitute? I know I can’t believe what Paul said, but what the hell is the explanation?
I recall the pain in Derrick’s eyes that night when he brought me home. Did I run because he cares?
A blue rest area sign catches my attention. In six miles I should stop and take a break. I’ll get Casey her picture, pee, and find a snack. And, maybe, I’ll text Derrick.
***
Vinegar stings my tongue as I lick seasoned almond residue from my fingers. Sealing the can with a snap of the plastic lid, I throw it on my passenger seat and pick up my phone.
Just do it. I take a deep breath and air rushes out of my mouth. I can do this. Unblock him, text, and then turn off my phone until the next stop.
“Hey, Derrick, it’s Gretchen.” Okay, he probably knows that, but maybe he deleted me too. “I’m on my way back to Breckenridge and would like to talk.” I’m sure Nika has told him I’m coming. I suck at this, big time, but I keep typing. “I’ll get in Thursday night. Would you have coffee with me Friday morning?”
I hit send and quickly turn off my phone. Sweet baby in a manger. I get out of my car and go to the luggage in the back. A Velcro pocket rips open on my backpack, and I store my phone. I can live without it for the next couple of hours, right?
Gulping down iced coffee, my throat screams at the temperature while my body embraces the caffeine. It’s going to be a long way to my next stop.
Merging into traffic, I marvel at the smoothness of the engine under me. Its graceful power makes me send a telepathic thank you to Christian for the hundredth time. I suppose letting the people who love you help isn’t such a bad thing after all.
CHAPTER 30
My third and last day in the car, and the urge to text or call Derrick is so great I’ve almost resorted to keeping my phone in my backpack while I drive. He texted back the other day within minutes saying he would meet me at nine at the Baked Bean. My first reaction was to wonder why he didn’t invite me to his house. But upon reflection, I think he may be trying to make me feel comfortable.
I can’t put my phone in the back, though. I need my music. That’s what I tell myself as I pick up my phone with the intention to call him, again. It’s warm, and I turn the smooth plastic in my hand.
I don’t, and the wait is making me crazy. I like to think I could control my body’s sexual attraction to Derrick, but we both know better. Physical electricity sparks from us when we’re in the same room. I’m not sure I could resist, and I guess he feels the same way. No, meeting in a public place is a much better idea.
Under two hours from Breck, I open the windows to let some of the thin air in. I inhale the cool dryness. I’m going to be right back to sucking wind when it comes to running here. It takes weeks for red blood cells to acclimate to the altitude and mere hours to lose it when returning to sea level.
The Rockies jut into the deep blue sky, and my pulse quickens. It wasn’t that long ago I was seeing them for the first time. They’re just as awesome today, and my blood hums with excitement thinking about another winter here. And my stomach flutters when I think about seeing Derrick tomorrow morning.
When I arrive at our simple ranch-house rental, Casey flies out the door and starts talking.
“I’ve missed you so much! Oh, my God, you got thinner. Is that a new shirt? Whoa, what a cool car. I’ll help you carry stuff.”
I chuckle as she talks a mile a minute. I answer, “Me too, no, yes, I know, thanks.”
Casey shakes her head at me. “Sorry, it’s just great to see you.”
I hug her tight. “It’s great to be back.”
“Did you talk to your dad?
“I did. His first day back as part time went well.” My dad gave up his career as a physician a few years ago to work in administration at a hospital. “His speech is almost back to normal.”
“I think it’s great he decided not to retire yet. Being around people will really help him get back to one hundred percent.”
“That and keep him out of my mother’s hair for a few more years.”
Casey blows a curl out of her face, and her feet crunch over the gravel as she carries a big box of canned and packaged goods. “Your mother snuck this in the car, didn’t she?”
“Yup, along with her sugar cookies for you.”
“What? And you’re just telling me now?” Casey drops the box at the front door and jogs back to my car.
I bring my backpack to my room, and when I return to my car Casey is sitting on the tailgate with the cookie container open and in her lap. Crumbs are around her mouth. “I’ve died and gone to heaven. Your mom is the best.”
I think about the card full of cash I discovered my dad had slipped in my backpack. All this time I let my parents’ disappointment with my decision to snowboard instead of going to graduate school keep me at arm’s length from letting them in, and these gestures drive home how foolish I was. They may not have agreed, but they’ve never stopped loving me.
“Yeah, my parents rock.”
“And so does your brother.” Casey walks around my Land Rover, inspecting it. “Is he still drop-dead gorgeous?”
“Funny you should ask that. He mentioned he thinks you’re hot.”
“Really?” Casey gets a faraway look in her eyes, and I remember how Christian was her first crush. It’s cute now, but at the time I was so mad.
“Um, Earth to Casey. Jason?”
She snorts. “I know. But if anything ever happens with us, I’m so calling Christian now that I know he thinks I’m pretty.” She winks at me, but I’m not sure she’s really teasing.
The trunk door shuts with a solid thunk, and we make our way in with the last load. I glance out at the mountains. There are a couple trails with man-made snow, and I long to hop on my board and ride. In two weeks I’ll begin training.
The scent of cinnamon is coming from the kitchen. I ask, “Are you baking apple pie?”
“Yes, I’m making us dinner. We have so much to catch up on, and I thought it would be nice to drink wine and hang out tonight.”
“That sounds wonderful.” I plop down on the sofa with a whoosh. Being here seems so right. I only hope I feel the same way after coffee tomorrow.
***
I wake well before the sun. Nervous about seeing Derrick, and still operating on East Coast time, I bolt out of bed. Not much exercise in the last three days has me on edge and my body full of excess energy. The light flips on and bathes my room in pale yellow. I really need to run before meeting him, and I find my workout clothes.
Pacing the living room isn’t really the best option, so I drop to the floor and do a series of exercises until dawn breaks and I’m damp with sweat. Donning my hat and gloves, I slip out of the house to avoid waking Casey.
My breath is frosty and I start with a slow jog. It doesn’t take long before my lungs are burning from lack of oxygen. I keep a slow pace and focus on long strides. The stretch of my muscles and the rhythm of my feet tapping on the dirt shoulder of the road soothe my nerves, and I fall into the zone that lets me think.
Derrick. He’s going to explain to me what Paul meant, and curiosity is killing me. While I’m not sure we didn’t start
off like Paul described, I know we didn’t end that way. I’ve had enough time to remember all the little things Derrick said. The one that keeps coming back to me is him saying I wasn’t like other girls.
So the question is—Can I forgive him for objectifying me in the beginning? Is that something that should be forgiven, or does it speak volumes about the kind of man Derrick is? Although I did the same thing, didn’t I?
Somehow as things heated up, they also changed between us. Maybe giving in a little was because he was doing the same thing for me? I’m not one to let anyone tell me what to do. I do things because I want to. I wanted to do things for Derrick, and I think he wanted to do things for me.
A car is coming, and I move to the snowy section of land further from the road. It’s harder to run, and I lift my steps higher to keep from twisting an ankle. I shake my head and clear the thought. I need to let him tell me the whole story the way he wanted to before I left. Then I can make decisions about us.
But before I chase Derrick out of my mind, my body tempts me to replay an intimate scene, and my skin tingles with the memory. I push myself a little harder and finish my run with my lungs screaming in pain and my core begging for release.
I placate myself with the thought that at least I’ve burned enough calories to splurge on a bagel. I smile at my inner justifications and strip for a long, hot shower.
CHAPTER 31
At eight forty-five, I can’t wait any longer. I flip off the TV and say, “I’m out of here.” Casey comes out of the kitchen and gives me a hug. Her light floral scent wraps around me and tamps down my anxiety.
“Listen and give yourself time to process what he says.” She steps back and surveys my low-rise jeans and shirt that just meets the hem. “You look great.”
