by Milly Taiden
“You okay?” he says when he does come looking for me.
Devon comes down the stairs and sits down next to me. He reaches over and brushes a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I flinch, pulling away from him.
“I’m fine.”
“Good.” He leans over and kisses me, but I push him away.
“Dammit, Devon. Obviously I’m not fine.” My heart pounds as I try to control how angry I’m feeling. “What the hell was all that?”
“What? The guys? They exaggerate.” He runs his hand up my thigh and under my skirt. He reeks of whiskey, and I can’t help but wonder if he’ll even remember all this tomorrow.
“So make me feel better. Tell me which parts of all that weren’t true?”
Devon rolls his eyes and gets up. “Olivia,” he says, drawing out each syllable. “You’ve got to relax.”
“What part of that story wasn’t true, Devon?”
He sighs and leans against the arm of a couch. His gaze shifts up as he goes back through each detail.
“Tell me,” I say again. This time I’m almost pleading. He can’t be that person. An addict. A criminal.
“It doesn’t matter. It was so long ago.”
It was all true. No matter how much I don’t want to believe it.
“I can’t do this.”
“Do what? We were having fun.”
“I’m your employee. You’re practically my boss. And besides that, I can’t be involved with someone who spends his time breaking the law and doesn’t seem bothered by it.”
“My past, Olivia.” Devon stands up and walks to the bar. Great, keep drinking. More points against you. I shake my head just as he turns around and sits on a bar stool instead of going to the other side to play barkeep. “You’re telling me you’ve never fucked up before?”
There’s anger in his voice. Just like that first day we met when he was mad at his father. I stare at him with no other response.
“Sorry. Listen, Mac? Lucas? They’re assholes.”
“They’re your friends.”
“Sure, but they’re assholes I’ve known all my life. Guys who I’ve been hanging out with long before people gave a damn about who I was. People like that—who have known you longer than your money and fame—they’re hard to come by. I’m sorry for the crap they say. They’ve never had a filter before. I mean, Kennedy never cared, so...”
“Great. Well, I’m not Kennedy. Maybe you should get back with her.”
Devon doesn’t bother to keep his voice quiet. “Maybe you’re right. You can’t do this. And by this, I mean act like a grown woman and lighten up.”
“Lighten up? Devon, you’ve got me on some roller coaster, and last I checked, I couldn’t handle being spun around without crumbling into a mess. If you actually knew me, you’d know that.”
“So everything is perfect in your world?” He yells at me as he crosses his arms in front of him. “You’re happy with where you are and who you are? It’s all sunshine for you? I’m so glad you’ve got it all figured out. That makes one of us.”
Now I’m livid. He doesn’t know the first thing about what my life’s been like for me—what I go through on a daily basis. “That’s not fair. It’s not that easy for me. And whatever you’re wanting from me—expecting from me, I can’t be that person.” I won’t be. And who’s he to think he’s such a victim here? “And what about you? Huh? Am I supposed to just accept it all? Stealing cars? Drugs? Luring in new girls and claiming them as your own?”
He slowly shakes his head. “Wow. Yeah. That’s me. Because there’s no way I could be genuinely interested in you. No, you’re just something I felt like conquering. Please, keep making these assumptions. The double standard here is fucking poetic.”
“You haven’t giving me much else to work with this week.”
“Apparently not.” He gets up and heads back toward the stairs to leave. “And I’m not starting now.”
***
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“So you dumped him?”
It’s Friday afternoon, and Maddie and I are walking down Rodeo Drive eyeing stores I’ve always avoided in the past. “We were never dating, so no...I didn’t exactly dump him. But I’m pretty sure things are done for good.”
Maddie pulls me into a tiny boutique called LuxRy. If it weren’t for the credit card Celia gave me, one $700 price tag in here would have had me turning and running. Still, I can’t help but be shocked by how expensive everything is.
“You’ve got to look the part, Liv. Embrace it. Be grateful you get to dress cute. I’m stuck in a uniform that makes me feel like a penguin.”
She sifts through the assortment of gowns with the focus and haste of a professional. “An open door to a guy that spectacular, and you slam it shut.” She shakes her head and pulls a green dress off a rack near the back of the store.
“I’d only intended to, I don’t know, prop the door open with a shoe—put things on hold to make sense of it all.”
She puts the green one back and grabs a second dress—a vivid, dark purple one and holds the gown high to show me. The silky fabric falls like a waterfall down her arm. “Ooh!” She squeals and thrusts the dress toward me. “It’s even on sale. Must be a sign. Go try it on.”
I check the tag. Goody, a bargain at $350. Rolling my eyes at Maddie, I take the dress into a fitting room while she returns to the racks to drool over the gowns she won’t be buying. Trying this thing on is terrifying. It feels too delicate, like I’m going to rip it apart as I squeeze into it. But it’s stronger than it looks, and when I see the result in the mirrors...well, Maddie picked a great dress. Maybe too great. The last thing I want to do is stand out at the party. I’m just there to work, and when it’s over, I never have to go back to that house.
I take a breath and prepare for Maddie’s overreaction. She’s already out there waiting for me, wearing a little black dress that makes her golden hair angelic.
I cross my arms in front of me. “What are you doing?”
“What? I can dream.” She reaches over to me, grabbing my hands and stretching my arms out wide. “But you. You look smokin’.”
“You think so? I feel like...like I’m not wearing anything.” The fabric is cool and thin. Blindfolded, I could almost believe I’m naked. This’ll make for an interesting night surrounded by Hollywood’s finest.
We change back into our commoner’s clothing and check out. I hand my dress to the woman at the register, but instead of taking it, she’s just frozen and staring.
Yeah, I know. I don’t look like someone who can afford this thing, and the truth is I can’t. But hello? I’m right here. Ready to pay.
“I’d like to buy this.” I push the dress even closer to her.
She blinks and steps back, taking the dress like she’s just stepped out of a trance. Maddie and I finish paying and leave the store.
“That was weird. Are we not a high enough status to be shopping in there? Did you see the way she stared at us?”
“She wasn’t eyeing you like you were some second class citizen. She recognized you.” She stops and pulls her phone out. “You saw today’s headline, right?”
“I’m avoiding that stuff.”
Maddie hands me the phone, and I’m staring at a photo of myself. In it, Devon’s holding my hand and leading me onto the yacht. A bright yellow headline screams: “If the Boat’s A’Rockin’ Don’t Come A’Knockin’—Devon Stone Sets Sail with His Newest Love Interest!”
I thrust the phone back at Maddie. “Are they kidding me? As if I didn’t already feel awful about this whole thing, they make it seem like something it definitely is not?”
She laughs and we start walking again. “It’s what they do. They’ve outed you as Devon’s girlfriend. It’s no secret now.”
Click.
That familiar sound of the camera shutter comes from behind us, and I whip my head around to see a man following with a fat, gaudy lens concealing most of his face.
“Dammit. How did
I get myself into this?” I shield myself and walk faster.
“By getting involved with Devon Freakin’ Stone, of all people. You need to accept it.”
Click, click.
“No. After last night, I’m not accepting anything.”
She puts an arm around my shoulders. “You don’t really think things are over, do you? You even said yourself that you didn’t break up.”
“Because we were never dating. There was nothing to break up. He’s just...not what I’d thought he’d be.”
“Oh sweetie, this guy’s always been trouble. He’s even got sexy mugshots and—”
Click.
I glare at the paparazzi vulture. Click. “I don’t want to talk about it. After the party, I don’t have to see him again, so we’ll just forget about it all.”
She nods and changes the subject. Maddie’s good at knowing when I’m serious about something. And don’t think I haven’t considered what to do about Devon. He haunted me the entire night after we went our separate ways. I had been so pissed, yet I couldn’t stop thinking about him. The way he kissed me. The way he made me feel like I fit right into his world. The way his mouth felt on my thighs. The dreams that came from that alone were enough to drive me mad.
But it was all a joke. With Bryce...we broke up because I couldn’t handle his constant trips to Vegas. He loved gambling. Not that he was addicted or anything, but I felt like it was only a matter of time. I’d calculated the risks of staying with him—thought of all the possible ways it could end terribly—and I knew I’d have to leave him.
The threat I felt back then was purely hypothetical. Devon...it’s all too real. He’d already passed the point of being a deal breaker for me. Now he was just a gorgeous man waving around tons of red flags featuring bold, black print: Stay away!
“Let’s eat here.” Maddie grabs my hand and pulls me into a deli with no warning. I almost tumble to the ground. “Sorry, I noticed that camera guy was looking down for a second. This was our quick escape.”
“Thanks. I appreciate that. Can you imagine the people who have to deal with that every day of their lives?”
“Yeah,” Maddie says, a dreamy sound in her voice. “It could be fun.”
Of course she’d find the fun in that.
We order food and find a quiet table in a corner, and Maddie picks up where she left off as though the conversation hadn’t ended. “You’re telling me you wouldn’t love the attention from people who think you’re amazing?”
“But I’m not amazing.” I laugh. “If they only knew.”
“Oh, but you are. You’re Devon Stone’s girlfriend.”
I kick her under the table. “I am not—”
“You are her.”
A random girl and her friend appear at our table. She pulls out a chair and sits down as if to join us. I don’t even know what to say. Is she serious?
She continues, “I thought it was you. But it wasn’t until she just said it that I realized, like, wow, you are her. So what’s he really like? God, he’s so hot. You have no idea how lucky you are.”
“I’m...um...” Just then our food shows up. I have no way out of this.
Maddie stops the server before he places anything down. “Actually, we need that to go. Sorry.”
Thank you. I owe you. I try to push all my grateful thoughts into her mind. I’m sure she gets it anyway. I still don’t know what to tell these gawking girls, and then—
Click.
The damn photographer’s found us too.
Crawling under the table probably wouldn’t save me, so I’m left with either running away or blocking myself from his view. At least I’ve got Maddie. But she can’t possibly understand why I’m beginning to tremble and can’t seem to catch my breath. No, this is my nightmare, and mine alone.
One of the girls squeals and beams at her friend standing behind her. “Yes! We’ll be in the picture, Zoe. Oh my god. We’ll be in a magazine.” Her friend seems just as excited. They take turns checking each other’s makeup and taking care of stray strands of hair while I duck down in my seat, angling away from the noise of the camera shutter.
Click. Now when these dimwits speak, they do it with huge, exaggerated smiles. “Ok, now what we really want to know. Like, we’ve seen what he looks like without a shirt. There was even that picture of him in his underwear. But, like...” She lowers her voice but is still grinning like a lunatic. “How altered were those photos, if you know what I mean?”
“You know what?” Maddie speaks up for me again. I owe her my life. Seriously, best friend ever. “Her and Devon’s private life is none of your business. So keep using your imagination rather than confronting his girlfriend about personal information.”
No Maddie. You’re supposed to clarify I’m not with him! Set things straight before things grow out of control.
Maddie stands up as the server brings our food in to-go bags. She leans over the sitting girl in an attempt to be more intimidating. “So scurry along now. You two should be happy enough you met her.” I could hug Maddie for being so badass right now, never mind her inaccurate information.
The quieter girl, Zoe, huffs and rolls her eyes. “Whatever. It’s not like they’ll last.”
“Yeah,” the other one says. “Besides, he might see the pictures that guy’s taking, see me, and realize he can do much better.”
Maddie steps even closer to the girl, unafraid of getting right in her face. “Actually, they’re very much in love. They’re perfect together. So trust me, there’s nothing...” She dramatically scans the girl up and down. “...Nothing you could give him that would come close to how great Olivia is for him.”
Dammit, Maddie.
***
CHAPTER TWENTY
My alarm goes off for the second time. 5:10. We should have left for the party ten minutes ago, so naturally I’m about to have an aneurysm.
“What the hell’s taking you so long?” Unsteady in heels, I march to Maddie’s room and bang on her door. It swings open, and I find her in front of a mirror adding smoky makeup to her eyes while music blares from her computer. “You’re making us late. I’m about to leave without you.”
“Relax. I’m stuck in this stupid uniform. I have to find some way to stand out.”
She straightens up and turns toward me. She’s sporting the same white blouse and black skirt as the other female staff, but she’s added a thin, silky red scarf and has her hair curled and pulled to one side.
“Adorable,” I say. “Now get in the car before I regret ever getting you the job.”
She snatches a small clutch from her bed. “Somebody’s a bit touchy tonight.”
I ignore her and leave the apartment, impatiently holding the door for her so I don’t have to wait for her to lock up.
Once we’re on the road, she’s checking her red lips in the rearview mirror. “Who do you think we’ll see tonight?”
“Hungry and thirsty people.” My backup alarm for my backup alarm begins to buzz. “Get that for me, please.”
I hear a huff as she reaches over to my bag to find my phone. “Dr. Shannon said—”
“Leave it for Dr. Shannon to say. This has been a weird week, okay?”
“Yes. It’s been a strange and unpredictable few days for you, and yet look, you’re still alive. Still breathing.” She silences the alarm and leans back in her seat.
“That doesn’t mean it’s been easy.” I shouldn’t have to defend myself. My habits don’t affect anybody except myself. Sure, they’ve affected my jobs and relationships and my tendency to lock myself in my room for days at a time, but it’s not hurting anyone else.
“Life isn’t always easy, Liv.” She tangles her hair around her fingers as she starts lecturing me. “We all have our battles, and we all deal with them in different ways. We don’t avoid excitement and life experiences just because of unexpected bumps in the road.”
“Right. And what’s your battle exactly?” Maddie gleefully left home at seventeen, eager to l
ive on her own. She’s beautiful and has a carefree dating life. Her job allows her to have fun and make enough money. I rarely see her in a bad mood, so I can hardly believe she’s dealing with too many demons.
But she lets out a choke of a laugh. “Do you seriously think I grew up daydreaming about mixing cocktails for drunk people? Getting hit on by pushy men? Damn Olivia, we live in the same apartment, so you know I’m not exactly living in luxury. I moved a thousand miles away from my family to make it big like every other failed actress in this place. I’ve spent plenty of time second-guessing my choices and putting myself down for thinking I could amount to anything. I should have been like you. I should’ve gone to college, stayed closer to home, been more grateful for the life I had. But now it’s too late to go back because then they’d all know my high hopes were a disaster. So I’m Happy Maddie. Things are just peachy. No battles here.”
We drive in silence for the next few minutes. Now I feel bad. How many times this week have I made assumptions that have come back to bite me in the ass? First with Devon—more than once. Now with my own best friend. I’m on a roll.
“I’m sorry,” I finally say. “I’ve always admired you and how easy you make it all seem. It never even occurred to me that...”
“It’s okay,” she says. “It’s why I want more for you. I know you can break your old habits. If you let go of your obsessions and try new things, maybe you’ll feel more comfortable with yourself. And more fulfilled with your life.”
It sounds nice, but...
Maddie keeps going, “You have to start small though. Stop with the incessant alarms that dictate what you do and when. Then stop overanalyzing every detail. No stringent routine or cell phone reminder can tell you who to be. Take control. It’s your life to live. Try being impulsive. Some spontaneity can go a long way.”
She says it like I avoid all those things, but I don’t. I mean, look at this week with Devon. Everything I’ve done with him has been over-the-top and mostly unplanned. And look where it got you. I basically accused him of being a criminal and a man-whore. Not that he didn’t supply plenty of evidence to back those claims, but even when I tried to let go the other night on the yacht, it backfired. Now I don’t know where we stand.
