by Milly Taiden
The man unlocked hidden inhibitions. The freedom emanating from her soul allowed her to crave things she’d waved off until the perfect someday rolled around. Her imagination ran wild, making a list of places she planned to take him and things she wanted to do with him.
Priorities that kept her focused, shifted, and for the first time in her life education took a back seat to her personal life. On the first day home she changed her class schedule, freeing up long weekends. She even went as far as dropping two classes to alleviate a little stress from her crammed calendar.
The essence of liberation brimming from her spirit had less to do with Giovanni, and more to do with her newfound sensual awakening. He set fire to an entirely new magnitude of inner confidence.
Tracy let herself step back from personal boundaries and simply listen to her heart. She shopped for a fine bottle of cabernet and a skimpy royal blue negligée that pushed beyond her comfort levels. She even purchased a set of new sheets, grey sateen cotton that would wrap up nicely next to his gorgeous eyes. The mere thought of having him in her bed made her blush and break out into a sweat right in the middle of the bedding section.
Tracy checked her phone regularly waiting to hear Giovanni’s voice. However, after days of still no phone call, regularity turned to obsession. Every time it rang, her heart spurred into frantic beats, hoping it would be him. She persistently tapped it, shook it and began waking up in the middle of the night to check it for missed calls. Her phone began to feel like a leech, sucking the life out of her.
“Hey. Would you mind calling me to make sure my cell works.”
Tracy hadn’t talked to JC since she got home. Her sister flew straight to Malibu from Greece for her first big modeling gig. Their stepdad, Tom hooked her up with an agent and she immediately landed a multi ad contract with a top athletic corporation.
“Well, you just called me, so it seems to be working just fine.” JC snickered sarcastically through a painful groan.
“I can call out just fine, but I’m not sure if I’m getting incoming calls.”
“Okay. I’ll call you right back.” There was a long silence followed by a guttural exhale. “Have you heard from the Italian?”
“Not yet.” Tracy tucked the phone in between her jaw and shoulder. “What are you grunting for?”
“I’m working out. I only have a few weeks before the shoot and apparently my trainer hates me.” She grumbled humorously at her trainer’s complaints.
Tracy smiled, impressed with her little sister’s devotion to her new job, but couldn’t hide the melancholy in her tone. “I’m sure you’ll need to spend countless hours burning off calories. Just teasing, good luck with the shoot.”
“He’ll call.” Empathy cut through a small sigh, dimming her conviction a bit.
The memories of the night spent with Giovanni hid in her soul, lurking like a dark shadow cast over her heart. His hands skimmed over her skin when she closed her eyes at night. Tracy found the dreams of his warm caress comforting at first, but hurt and humiliation always followed. Shame soon turned to anger. She was furious at herself for falling for a man she barely knew and at Giovanni for hurting her so deeply.
Pathetically, rage manipulated its way into worry, and she wondered if something happened to him that night. Was he in an accident? Did he fall and hit his head? Is he even alive? Tears soaked her pillowcase as she prayed nothing horrific happened to him, but five minutes later she wanted to scream. Tracy tossed and turned, flopping from one side to the other, fluffing her pillow. The more excuses she allowed her mind to conjure up, the angrier she got. Before she realized it, she pounded her fist into the pillow. Unleashing emotions on the dense material gave new meaning to the term memory foam.
JC called several times over the next few weeks to check on her, but seeing the familiar name on the screen only darkened Tracy’s mood. Painful longing wedged a spike inside her heart. She should’ve been thankful for her sister’s advice, but strangely she wished she’d never listened to her sister and had stayed with Giovanni.
Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. Her world tipped off kilter and she lost the desire to do anything, barely crawling out of bed to attend classes. Even her job at the library annoyed her. People, happy couples, dug deep under her skin souring her attitude about everything.
The fact that she had to pass by the observatory every day in order to get to work didn’t help matters either. All the stars in the night sky seemed to fall from the heavens, dimming the luster of life going on all around her. Tracy knew it was stupid and silly to be so miserable, but no matter what she did, the hurt remained.
*
The only ray of happiness that shined over Tracy the next few months was the birth of her nephews, Richard and Thomas. An early winter snowstorm prevented her from making it to Las Vegas for the delivery of her brother’s twins, but she couldn’t wait to meet them over Christmas.
Everyone gathered at Tom and Tess’s cabin slope-side in Colorado for the holidays. This marked the second year they spent together as a new family. Tracy’s brother, John, greeted her at the front door with a baby cocooned in a plush blanket.
The familiar scents of pine and burning firewood escaped through the open door into the cool mountain air. Her lashes drifted shut drawing a deep breath through her nose. A grin dusted across the cold pinch on her cheeks and her shoulders lifted in a small shrug. “Man it smells good.”
“You look like you’re making an air freshener commercial.” John chuckled, wrapping his brawny free arm around her shoulder.
Tracy hugged her brother, cautious not to squish the baby. Making their way inside the resort-like cabin, she kicked out of her boots, ditched her luggage and took off her jacket. Rising to her tiptoes, she peeked beneath the cozy blanket so not to disturb. “Oh my gosh. I can’t believe how big they’re getting already.”
“This is Richard.” A proud, familiar smile lit up her brother’s face. John’s grin bore the same relaxed pleasing characteristics their father was known for.
Memories tugged at her heart. “You looked just like dad there for a minute.”
John grinned. “The boys look like him too.”
“He’s so cute.” Taking a closer examination, she nodded with a chortle. “And so chubby.”
“They’ve already gained a few pounds.”
“Really?”
“Umm hmm. That’s because their mommy takes such good care of them.” John winked at his wife Shayla as she approached.
Shayla showed off Thomas with a prideful grin. She reached for Tracy’s hand dangling at her side, giving a quick squeeze. “Glad you’re finally here. Merry Christmas,” she said softly.
The women’s gaze caught between them in a tender remembrance, bringing an instant tingling sensation to Tracy’s nose. She nodded clearing the sentiment forming in her throat. “It is a very Merry Christmas this year.”
None of them needed to say another word in order to remember the value of life brought with every new day. John and Shayla met and fell in love at Tess and Tom’s wedding. Shayla also happened to be Tom’s niece and personal assistant. Last year, a few days after Christmas, John and Shayla were washed down the mountain in an avalanche while snowboarding. They almost died. The threads now bonding their family would be forever stronger.
Tracy lifted her palms to the fire, taking off the chill. “Now, give me a baby,” she demanded playfully.
Babies have a way of filling even the emptiest hearts with love. Tracy eased into the rich brown leather rocking chair, coddling Richard in her arms. Tucking her feet beneath her, she glided back and forth, curiously inspecting his tiny features. John hovered over them, coasting his palm over the baby’s delicate head and silky dark hair.
“It’s so quiet. Where is everybody?”
“We’re the only ones home. Everyone is skiing and snowboarding. Benny, Lisa and their kids should be here soon.”
Shayla joined her, sitting in the matching rocking chair. Tom
insisted on buying two of everything, tricking out the cabin and his house in Malibu with the best of the best in baby merchandise. Tom never had children of his own, and he thought of Shayla more like a daughter than his niece. She endured a horrible upbringing at the hands of Tom’s brother. Tom took Shayla in right after she graduated high school, put her through college and gave her a great job.
“I’m surprised mom let go of the boys long enough to go skiing.”
Shayla and John glanced at each other and laughed. Her brother shook his head. “It’s not mom who never wants to put them down, it’s Tom.”
“No it’s not Tom. It’s Papa, remember,” Shayla corrected in a sweet laugh making bright faces at Thomas.
Tracy’s excessive and prolonged state of gloominess left her exhausted. Fatigue hit like a tsunami battering the shore after an earthquake. She let out a lion sized yawn and snuggled closer to her new little buddy. She pressed her lips to the thin pale skin near his forehead, letting her finger follow his arm and slip into the small grip of his hand. She examined Richards’ precious features, nuzzling her nose into the sweet smell of lilac and baby powder.
“It’s unbelievable how much they look like you and Dad.” She touched the back of her finger to his cherub pink cheek. “It’s hard to believe Dad’s been gone almost three years.”
“Your mom brought out pictures of John and your dad when they were babies. The resemblance is uncanny.”
John retrieved two cream colored throws, draping them over Tracy and Shayla. “It’s nap time. You wanna rock him to sleep?”
Richard’s lip quivered opening his mouth wide and stretching his little fists above his head triggering a reflexive yawn from Tracy. She nodded, talking to the baby in a syrupy voice, “I think Aunt Tracy needs a nap too.”
People always consider babies to be gifts, but Richard and Thomas conveyed countless blessings to their family. They brought immeasurable amount of joy, but also something so much deeper. Something infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression in their smiling eyes. Each boy carried on the name of their grandpas. Richard bore Tracy’s father name, a man who loved his family and was the best man she’d ever known. And Thomas was named after Tom, Tracy’s stepfather and Shayla’s uncle who raised her like his own.
Tracy was not a fan of Tom when they first met. She wasn’t impressed or fascinated by his good looks, charm or Oscar on the mantel. Saying that he’d never married and led a scandalous love life would be an understatement. Not a very good first impression for three very protective children, especially since his love life made headlines around the world. Trust, the kind you could depend on with your life, didn’t come easy in their family. Tracy made him earn every ounce of respect she held for him. It didn’t take long. After witnessing the happiness Tom brought back to their mother, they couldn’t deny the fact that their mom was crazy about Tom. And so were John, Tracy and JC.
The next time Tracy opened her eyes, Tess stood in front of her wearing a rapt smile.
Tom peered over her shoulder, a distinct glower of disapproval puckered between his brows. “Rule number one. There will be no baby hogging in this house.”
Tracy rolled her eyes and stretched one arm to the ceiling. Her gaze flickered around the room, assembling her bearings. Richard lay wide awake in her arm, happily sucking on his fist. “One little baby, I mean, two little babies, and all of a sudden we have rules? You must be a grandpa now.”
Tess nestled into Tom’s arms wrapped at her waist, tossing Tracy a wink. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”
“Merry Christmas, Momma.” Tracy pretended to scowl at Tom. “You too, Scrooge.”
“Bah humbug,” he countered, kissing Tracy’s cheek and coming in for the steal before Tess could get to the baby.
“He’s impossible, I tell you.” Tess’ blue eyes gleamed, leaning down, welcoming Tracy in a motherly embrace.
The hiss of the fire and popping of wood, echoed through the expansive family room. Laughter and sounds of family spilled from the kitchen. Tracy glimpsed Benny’s broad shoulders. She waved to Lisa standing at the counter chatting with JC.
“Well,” Lisa purred, flashing a gorgeous smile. “Did we wake you, princess?”
White twinkle lights cast a glimmer on Lisa’s smooth long blonde hair as she sauntered past the Christmas tree. Benny gave a quick wave, hollering, “Merry Christmas” and returned to his conversation with JC. Her sister smiled and held up a finger gesturing she’d be there in a minute.
“I was out like a light.” She scrubbed her face and raked her fingers through her hair,
“I’d say. You were snoring so loud I’m surprised you didn’t scare Richard.” John snickered.
“They’re used to it,” Shayla countered. “You snore much louder than her.”
Everyone began to slowly filter into the living room, sinking into the rich leather sofas surrounding the twenty-foot tall rock fireplace. The slumbering winter woods seeped in through the expansive windows. Tracy unleashed another loud yawn. “Oh my gosh, I can’t stop yawning. I think this cabin casts a spell of hibernation on me as soon as I walk through the door. I could go back to sleep.”
“Working too hard in the archive department?” John teased. He made fun of her, in a lovingly brother way, every chance he could, stating she’d landed her dream job when she got hired at the library.
“I’m not. I quit my job at the library.”
His brow lifted in surprise. “Did you get a new job?”
Conversations halted, putting her center stage.
Tracy squirmed a bit under the speculative stares of her entire family. How could she explain she quit her job due to being consumed in a constant dull ache, one she equaled to a root canal, since leaving Greece?
After her mom and Tom married, Tess split the hefty inheritance left behind by their dad, between the three kids. That, compiled with the ridiculous amount of money Tess and Tom made and gifted to each of them, including Shayla, after selling their wedding photos to People magazine, Tracy didn’t need to work. She considered studying abroad, but ultimately decided to wait and take a year after graduating to travel. It would give her the opportunity to truly submerse herself further, engaging into the language and lives of other cultures.
“No, I’m not looking for a job.” She pinched the lobe of her ear between her thumb and finger, giving it a firm rub. “I just don’t have any extra time to give right now. I have a lot on my plate this semester.”
Tess chimed in. “I didn’t know you quit your job.”
“I’ve just been burnt out, zapped of energy.”
JC sneered under her breath. “You’re suffering from BHS.”
“BHS?” Tracy questioned out the side of her mouth.
“Broken Heart Syndrome.”
Tracy’s jaw pulled taut glaring at her sister, sending a clear warning to shut the hell up. The remark didn’t go entirely unnoticed. Lisa wriggled her brow. She pointed at Tracy and then to herself, indicating she expected full details later.
Due to JC’s new job, Tracy hadn’t seen her since they returned from Greece. They’d spoken on the phone several times, but she kept it short. Tracy knew it was wrong, but couldn’t deny the small amount of resentment she harbored. She didn’t know if she could ever forgive her little sister for stealing that night away from her.
Everyone enjoyed a casual evening catching up while devouring Tess’ famous chicken fajitas. Tracy felt more relaxed than she had in months. The good humor and laughter was well needed.
It took less than an hour for Lisa to corner her on the love size sofa.
“So…” Lisa offered a glass of wine. “Let’s hear it. What’s going on with you?”
“No thanks. I’m not a fan.” Tracy declined with a shake of the head.
“Not a fan? Oh, but you must! It’s my favorite and the best wine in Italy. It comes from a gorgeous little vineyard down the lane from our chateau in Italy.”
In typical Lisa Levi fashion, she insi
sted, in a slightly overbearing, loving, maternal, do it or I’m gonna kick your ass, kind of way. She spouted off high praises and a list of awards, pledging her devotion to the wine.
Tracy accepted, resting the oval stemless glass in her palm.
“Come on. Tell your favorite Aunt what’s going on with the BHS?”
“You’re my only Aunt.” A smile hooked on the corner of her mouth. Giving the deep red liquid a swirl, she lowered her nose, hoping to derail Lisa’s barrage of questions regarding the BHS.
“Why am I always the one in the dark?” Lisa guilted. “I didn’t even know you’d been dating. Who broke your heart?”
Lisa’s last few words droned into a hum as Tracy took a sip of wine. A distinctive bold flavor touched her tongue. Tracy’s mouth filled with saliva and her stomach wrenched. The memories of Greece screamed through her veins.
With each heartbeat slamming inside her chest, Tracy’s peripheral vision constricted. A film of perspiration instantaneously covered her body. She abruptly shot to her feet, mumbling excuse me and marching past Lisa toward the kitchen.
Her hands trembled so violently, the goblet slipped from her fingers as she dumped the wine into the sink. Shattered glass resonated above the soft Christmas music playing through the house. She wasn’t breathing right and her skin burned with a prickly sensation. Tracy anxiously wrung her hands as if she’d been holding a ball of fire.
The sound of Lisa’s voice garbled beneath the pounding in her eardrums. “Are you okay?”
JC peeked around the corner. Distress immediately etched across her face. She came to Tracy’s side, asking questions and inspecting her hands. She yelled toward the living room, “No I got it, Momma. Everything is fine, just a broken wine glass.”
Tracy felt a little dizzy and weak. “I think I’m gonna get sick.” Turning on her heel, she started for her bedroom.
She heard Lisa ask, “Maybe she ate something bad?”
JC followed, assuring Lisa, “I’ll take care of her.”
Tracy made a bee-line for her bathroom, choking back tears pouring down her face and neck. Tracy leaned over the sink, rinsing her mouth and splashing cold water on her face. Tension gathered in her bones. She blew out a long shaky breath through compressed lips. She gripped the faucet handle so tightly she felt like she could rip it from the granite.
