by Milly Taiden
I listened to my mother’s nervous ramblings with a small smile. I did not envy the duty of family in the time of grieving. My heart was suddenly full of love for her.
“I’ll stop by tonight, Mom. I need to take care of a few things, but I will come by afterward.”
“A few things? Oz, no one expects you to take care of anything right now! I want you to come over here right away. Oh, I cannot believe I even let you go home last night!” She was distraught and began to cry.
“Mama, please don’t be upset.” This term of endearment was one I seldom used as an adult. “There is something I need to do. I promise I will come by tonight.”
She sniffled on the other end of the phone, but calmed some. “Okay, baby. Please don’t be long.”
After I hung up the phone, I took a quick shower, grabbed an apple from the basket on the bar, and drove out to Ophélie.
Though I'd used Adrienne’s shoulder to vent, and even asked her to stay, the animosity I felt toward her did not disappear until I heard the familiar worrisome tones of my mother. She had a way of making me forget my own emotions.
Adrienne left no note when she departed that morning, but I knew she would be waiting for me at Ophélie. She would not have made an effort the previous day had she wanted nothing. I would go to her and find out what she was after, so I could remove her from my life for good. But I would give her nothing until she delivered the explanation she owed me. I was not the chump, the pushover, I had been when I had loved her.
Strategy decided, I allowed my mind to be free of thought for the remainder of the drive. I turned the radio on low and watched the cars around me, passing the slow ones and keeping pace with fast ones. When I pulled off the highway at the Gramercy exit, I hugged the curves of the windy road at eighty miles per hour. Not for the thrill of my youth, but because I was in a hurry to get this over with, to get back to my daughter.
I pulled into Ophélie less than an hour after leaving my house, and saw there were several new cars in the garage. I wondered if they all belonged to Nicolas. Then, I remembered Jesse. It was possible she had gone back to the bayou and married the guy, just as she intended to do.
I looked across the garden, up to the gallery, and saw the figure of Adrienne disappear into the double door of Nathalie’s room.
Condoleezza answered the front door. “Monsieur Colin!” she exclaimed, lifting her hands to her face. She turned abruptly, and yelled toward the stairs, “Monsieur Nicolas, come down! It is Monsieur Colin!”
Nicolas came not from the stairs, but the study. When he stepped into view, Condoleezza excused herself, still excited about the unexpected visitor.
“Ozzy,” he said and took my hand. He was excited to see me, but I saw the hurt caused by my own selfishness in his eyes. “It’s been too long, asshole. Come in.”
Nicolas had grown older, somewhat surlier, but surely more handsome since I had seen him last. He had a touch of facial hair on his chin and upper lip; his eyes were deep-set and serious. I was filled with shame at my defection of the friendship. My resolve to forget about Adrienne had cost me someone very dear to me.
Painful as it was, I would have to ignore him once more because of her.
As if sensing my intentions, Nicolas stopped suddenly without turning around and invited, “She’s upstairs, but I think you already knew that.”
“Nic-“
“I heard about your wife, Oz. I’m truly sorry.” He walked into the study and closed the door.
I wanted to go to him, but I couldn't. I would make everything up to Nicolas, soon even, but that would have to wait.
She was back on the gallery when I went upstairs, this time outside of her bedroom, facing away from me. There was a slight breeze, and her hair blew softly behind her. She turned around and smiled; her peacefulness only incensed me.
“I am not here to thank you for last night, Adrienne. I want some answers.”
Her smile faded. “What answers?”
She turned back around but I reached for her arm and spun her toward me. “Quit playing the victim! I want to know whatever it is you’re not telling me, and I want it right now!”
She pulled herself free and brushed my hand away. “Oz, you and I both know no matter how many answers you get, you’re never satisfied.”
My chin trembled as I looked at her with true rage. No sooner did this feeling consume me, then I realized how unnecessary it was. Why was I getting worked up over someone who no longer had any effect on my happiness? I had more important things to consider. My wife had died and my daughter needed me.
This was a waste of time.
I turned around and walked away.
“Oz, please wait!” she cried.
“Why?”
“I’ll tell you what it is you wanted to know.” Her voice was filled with sad resignation. She sat down on the lounge chair and began to cry. “I’ll tell you everything.”
I turned around and looked at her. “No more lies, Adrienne.”
***
31- Adrienne
“I practiced what I would say to you if we ever came face to face again. I’ve even imagined your reaction, and what would happen after this was all out in the open.
“This is very difficult. I don’t know if you can understand what it’s like to believe you’re the cause of everyone’s bad luck. None of the good times we had even matter anymore, for all the hurt I’ve caused you.”
At Oz’s cold resolve, Adrienne wiped her tears, took a deep breath, and forged ahead, determined to get it all out this time.
“I will confess to you now, I didn’t tell you everything that night in the rain. The worst of it was what came afterward, but there were things then I kept from you. Oh, I could give you many reasons which sounded good to me, but it is really nothing more than cowardice. If I had told you everything, you would have wanted to do the right thing and come to my rescue again. I couldn’t let that happen.
“You and I both know we were living in a fantasy when I came to see you two years ago. Let’s be honest with ourselves, Oz. Neither one of us was acting with good judgment. I came here to learn about who I was, and all I did was keep you from your life. And you, you could have stopped it at any time, but you were as caught up in the spell as I was. What fools we were!
“If it hadn’t been the phone calls, it would have been something else. Possibly even worse. I knew right away it was Angelique. This is why I appealed to you when we went to Ophélie; what caused my strange behavior. Like a child, I thought we could somehow hide from it, and from everything else, and it would all be okay.
“Please, don’t think I was, or am, upset with you for how you reacted. I knew it was unreasonable to think I could keep hiding, but do you understand that I had to at least give it a shot? I knew as soon as you plied your reason this was something I had to face, and probably alone.
“Could I have brought you into this mess? Of course, and we both know you would have jumped in with both feet, sword drawn, shield raised. I prayed nightly you somehow knew and understood what I had done, and would be waiting for me.
“But I couldn’t. So I did the only thing that seemed right at the time. Once again, I left you."
A curt nod from Oz was the only acknowledgement Adrienne received.
“Angelique acted as if I'd never left. I made it home in time for dinner, and she had already set a place for me. She said nothing about the fact I’d been missing for two weeks, and asked me to say grace.
“I wasn’t the only one who found this odd. Jesse watched me all throughout dinner. His eyes were so sad, and filled with many questions I knew he would never ask. He felt like second choice, discarded. I wanted to say something to make him feel better, but I was so exhausted I had nothing left over for anyone else.
“Two months after my return, Angelique surprised me by finally addressing the issue. Her voice was quiet, cold, authoritative, and a bit placating. It began with her asserting control again, scolding me for ‘abusing he
r trust.’ The conversation ended with the revelation of how she knew my father.
“Nothing is coincidence. My father used to own the fields her husband worked. I will spare you the details, but he took a liking to the younger Angelique and they carried on an affair, primarily behind the tool shed. When Angelique became pregnant, she ended the relationship, and seduced her long-neglected husband with the intent of passing the child, Anne, off as his.
"'You know what you did was wrong,' she said.
"I said nothing in reply.
"'You know you abused my trust when you left.'
"I still said nothing, but I nodded.
"'You also know this can never happen again. You had your chance to go play games, and now it is time to come back to reality. You are home now. This is your home.'
"I wept facing away from her, and nodded.
“'Jesse loves you. He will make you a better husband than you probably deserve after what you did. He is a good man, a forgiving man. You should thank God for that blessing.'
"Angelique put her hand on my shoulder; a tender caress, but I felt her power nonetheless. 'We won’t mention this ever again.'
"She turned to leave, but I decided impulsively to ask her the question that had been on my mind for several days.
“'How did you know my father?'
"Angelique's poise stiffened as she stopped in the doorway. I expected her to deny it completely, so she surprised me greatly when she said casually, 'Charles is Anne’s father.'
"Of all the things she could have said, Oz! I expected maybe there had been a mistake, that my father was talking about another Angelique. Or that the situation itself had been of a more innocent nature."
“'You're not serious,' I responded.
"She turned around, but now she seemed more resigned. 'Your father owned the sugar plantations Jesse’s father used to manage. That is how I met him.'
"She surprised me again by sitting down on my bed, motioning for me to do the same. 'Charles was a handsome man, Adrienne. He was also powerful, and not used to being told no. He would come around about once a month at first, then more frequently. Back then, I spent a lot of time with my husband at the plantation, because I enjoyed being outdoors and active. Charles took a liking to me, and one day he took me behind the tool shed.'
"I was shocked, Oz. Entirely floored.
“'This happened several times,' Angelique continued, 'and as time went on, less time passed between his visits. Oh, you can sit there and judge me all you want, but Frances and I had not made love in years. It wasn’t like that between us. Your father never courted me any illusions of a future, but he gave me something to look forward to.
“'It ended when I found out I was pregnant. I was the one who ended it, although that was just luck of timing. He would have ended it anyway. He said he had five children already, and I told him I couldn’t afford to have a child that was not my husband’s. So we settled on an amount we could both agree on, and that was the end of the brief affair I had with your father.'
"As you might imagine, I had trouble finding my voice. 'I don’t understand! You had an affair with my father?'
"Angelique ignored me and went on. 'That same night, I surprised Frances by seducing him as I hadn’t done in years. I’d forgotten it was me who first ceased interest in our sex life, so long ago it had been. By the time Anne was born, the timing was close enough not to raise any questions.'
“'Cordelia knew,' I whispered in reply. My mind could not slow down long enough to process this. Somehow, it was all connected. It could not be a coincidence that the family who raised me after my accident was the very same who secretly bred a child who was my own half-sister!
"Another very troubling realization hit me. 'So you knew all along who I was, then! You knew and let me believe all that time that no one was looking for me!'
"She was unfazed. 'I didn’t recognize you at first. We were so caught up in the mystery of how you came to us that I didn’t bother to look at you closely enough. But when I did, I recognized the little thirteen year old girl I had once kidnapped when your father stopped paying the bills.'
“'That was you?' I focused on the memory of that day, only remembering the figure in the mask with the long hair.
"I thought I might pass out at this point. I had accepted long ago what happened to me was unfortunate coincidence, but now this?
“'Yes,' Angelique responded. 'And yes, when I realized it was you who had come to us, I knew all of this was meant to be. It’s sad what happened to your family, but it happened for a reason.'
“'And Anne is my sister? Does she know this?'
“'Of course she knows! Why do you think she hates you so much? She was raised in poverty while you were brought up in lavish wealth. She should have had those same things, but your father couldn’t stomach more paternity scandals. But, he’s dead now so there is no need to hold a grudge.'
"She was completely unapologetic. I wanted to lash out at her! It was not her right to keep such information from me! Who did she think she was?
"But all I could do was drop my head and weep. Somehow, I deserved this; this was my fate. What she did was wrong and unfair, but so was everything I had done so far. I had no energy or will to fight her on this, and so I gave up.
“'Child,' she said gently, offering comfort I didn't ask for, 'it will be okay. Now that you are home, everything was worth it. We can’t dwell on any of the unpleasantness of the past.
“'And just as I seduced my husband all those years ago to protect my family, so you must also do with Jesse now.'
"I looked up, confused.
“'It is too early to say for sure, but yes, you are with child also. And like me, you have a responsibility to tend to.'
“The conversation in the car made sense now. Cordelia knew. As did Anne. She and Angelique conspired to keep my identity from me. Revenge, I suppose. It had been Angelique who kidnapped me before I was sent to boarding school."
Oz's eyes widened slightly at this solved mystery, but he remained stoic.
Adrienne went on, “At the end of our conversation, Angelique revealed she knew my predicament, and encouraged me to make the same choice she had. To ‘protect my family.’
“Oz, please forgive me now for what I am about to say. I was pregnant, with your child, and the next night I consummated my relationship with Jesse in order to pretend it was his.”
The silence in the room was heavy. Adrienne would have preferred Oz’s rage, or tears, to his pained, wordless stare.
“I see the pain in your eyes, but I must continue or I never will. My pregnancy brought me such heartbreak. This was something I wanted so much to share with you, but I knew I would never be allowed to. And Oz, it was something our love had produced twice now.
“It hurts so much to tell you this. I was pregnant with your child when I left for vacation with my family. It was the secret I dangled before you, like a child.
“I lost our first child when I drowned. It was deprived of oxygen for far too long, and was barely two months along.
“Oz, I am so sorry. I can say nothing else except that I am so sorry."
Oz's cold silence persisted, though his brows furrowed slightly. Adrienne bowed her head over her folded hands, and drew from her strength to continue.
"My pregnancy wore on, and life was smooth for the most part. Angelique seemed satisfied I’d given up on any thoughts of a future with you. She was partially right; my decision was more for you than for me. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore. I knew keeping this child from you was wrong, but I thought things would be better for all of us if I stayed away.
"Christian Austin was born exactly nine months after you last saw me, and no one but Angelique noticed he was born too soon to be Jesse’s. Oh Oz, he is so beautiful! When I first laid eyes on him, my heart broke all over again, but I knew, somehow, with him I would always be close to you."
This time, Adrienne forced herself not to look at Oz, fearing his reaction might
forestall her courage. She drew in another deep breath.
"Then, Angelique brought me in a copy of the Times Picayune with a satisfied smirk on her face. She had it folded neatly, the announcement of your engagement to Janie under her finger.
“'Your little lawyer is getting married. Should we send a gift?'
“'I couldn't care less,' I said disinterestedly, but inside I was burning with torment. I heard the door close and threw myself on to the bed, sobbing into my pillow. My heart was broken in pieces. I had left you with no explanation, no hope for my return, and you had gone on with your life. I couldn’t blame you, but I wanted to die. I had your child now, and if I had only told you sooner…
"It was obvious with one look at Christian's penetrating green eyes, and shocking black hair, who he belonged to. I even named him partly after you, though I kept the middle name a secret. No one ever said a word about him being yours. I think for Angelique, having to raise the boy with a man other than you was, torture enough for me.
"I heard Christian crying and I went to him. I looked at him and it was as if I was looking at you. God had given me a second chance at the motherhood taken from me before. I knew, even if I never saw you again, it would be okay because I had Christian, and being a mother surpassed any other joy I had ever experienced.
