She shut her eyes at the humiliating image. More like she’d given him every reason to run away as far as he could from an emotional train wreck. But instead of doing either, he’d stayed and held her until she’d fallen asleep. How could he still be here?
She gingerly rolled over to face him. Beneath his pullover, his chest rose and fell in an unconscious rhythm, muscles relaxed. The strain of yesterday no longer lined his forehead. Yet even this peaceful, every feature still emanated strength. The kind that was tempered with a level of gentleness she’d never experienced from a man.
At the end of the bed, Jax flexed his front paws over Ethan’s calves. Oh no. She swept a glance back at Ethan’s face to check for any signs of an allergic reaction.
Poor guy. He must’ve taken a Benadryl sometime last night. Not that he would’ve needed something to help him sleep. He was probably as exhausted as she was.
They’d faced so much together in such a short time. Things that would’ve driven others apart. But he never left, not even when she pushed him away. He gave of himself without expecting anything in return.
She ran a hand over his scruffy cheek. No one had ever taught her how to love.
Until now.
She lifted the covers, slid a pillow in her place, and eased off the mattress. The cool floorboard pressed into the bottom of her feet and sent a shiver up her legs.
She tugged her shirtsleeves down and curled her fingers around the cuffs as she studied him. He’d slept above the covers, still in his clothes from yesterday.
Jax stretched his back and burrowed tighter against the crook of Ethan’s legs. She held in a laugh while snapping a picture with her cell. At least maybe they’d kept each other warm all night. She snagged a throw blanket from the chair in the corner and draped it over him.
Running her hand down his hair as gently as she could, she pressed her lips to his forehead and breathed in the scent of the man who’d protected her heart over and over again. Would he give her the chance to return the same kind of love?
She slowed beside the bathroom door to study him one more time before heading toward the shower and the hope of starting over.
Steam fanned through the bathroom door twenty minutes later. While rubbing her hair with a towel, she stopped short at the sight of the empty room.
If it weren’t for Ethan’s lingering scent, no one would have known he’d been there. He, of all people, had even made the bed. She laughed as she traded her robe for a pair of jeans and a knit sweater.
The glorious aroma of Italian roasted coffee lured her down the hall to the kitchen. Ti peeked over her shoulder while opening a cabinet. “Morning, Sleeping Beauty.”
“Remind me never to guzzle over half a bottle of wine all at once.” Cass shuffled straight for the coffeemaker. “Where’s Ethan?”
Ti tilted her head. “Oh, you mean the-love-of-your-life-turned-psycho-conspirator?”
She cringed. “He told you?”
“I heard.” Ti filled her mug to the brim. “Along with all of Haven’s Creek.”
The scene Cass had made yesterday morning colored over the one from last night. She hunched against the fridge and dropped her head to her hands. “What’s wrong with me?”
“You sure you want me to answer that?”
Cass swatted her arm. But the truth was, they both could’ve filled in the blank with a list a mile long. She craned her neck toward the ceiling.
“You need me to sing?”
Cracking a grin, Cass shook her head. “Not sure it’ll help this time.”
“Psh, girl, singing always helps.” Ti backed beside her and leaned into her shoulder. “You guys love each other. It’s gonna work out.”
Just like Ti to oversimplify things. Cass stared at the tiles. “I’m scared.”
“I know.” Ti rested her head on Cass’s shoulder. “It’s okay to be scared. Just don’t hang on to the past so much that you let counterfeit versions of love keep you from experiencing the real thing.”
Words of wisdom from Trina Russo. She smiled at the reminder of Ethan’s comment from that day in the cabin. “She’s brighter than she lets on.” Funny how easy that truth was to believe for someone else instead of for yourself.
She rested her cheek against Ti’s hair. “Thanks.”
“I gotta have some purpose in being here.” Chuckling, she handed Cass a cup of coffee and prodded her toward the door. “Now, go tell the man how you feel already.”
Cass laced her fingers around the warm mug and ambled onto the deck. Steam rose from a coffee cup on one of the chair’s arms. He must be coming right back. His sketchbook caught her eye. That reminded her.
She scurried inside to Grandpa’s office and pulled up her email. The notification she’d been waiting for had finally come in. She couldn’t open it fast enough.
Her stomach did somersaults as she read over the recommendation. She printed off the pages, tucked them in a folder, and hustled outside while trying not to spill her coffee.
Ethan looked up from the Adirondack chair with a soft gaze that might as well have been a kiss. The somersaults intensified, turning her mouth dry.
He set the sketchpad aside and rose. “I was gonna make breakfast, but I wasn’t sure what you were up for?”
Breakfast? After all they’d just gone through, he was worried about what to make her for breakfast.
She curved her bottom lip under her teeth and raised her shoulders. “Got any humble pie recipes in your repertoire?”
He rubbed his stubbly cheek. “Pretty sure I’ve eaten that one enough times to know the recipe by heart.”
Not as much as she had. There couldn’t be a recipe large enough for the pie she needed right now.
She set her mug on the chair arm and looked at him with every ounce of honesty she could offer. “I’m sorry, Ethan. For so much, I don’t know where to start. I never should’ve doubted you.”
“With the lineup you gave yesterday, I don’t blame you.” He laughed softly. “I almost started to doubt myself.” His fingers found hers, face sobering. “I don’t know who’s sabotaging this place, Cass. And maybe we’re on our own in finding out, but I’m not gonna leave until we do.”
Protecting the camp should’ve been her top concern, but the fear of not selling it didn’t scare her anymore. Through everything, Ethan had taught her what it meant to be brave.
Still holding the folder, she crossed her arms over her sides and walked toward the front of the deck. Ethan followed and settled beside her against the rail.
She took in the massive tree line and the realization of how much had changed since she’d arrived. “When I first came, it was out of respect for my grandpa mixed with a sense of obligation. It almost became a challenge, another notch on my belt to prove my worth.”
Despite the damage from the fire, the quiet field still held a misty tranquility. She folded her arms beside the planter and breathed it in. “But then I remembered how much of a home the camp’s been for me. I keep thinking of all the ways it’s shaped my life. How can I risk not offering those same experiences to other kids?”
The smell of smoldering ash clung to the air and drew her focus toward the heap of burnt wood. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m crazy for thinking about staying. I mean, obviously someone doesn’t want me here. And I still have no idea if we can pass inspection, but I’m tired of being afraid.”
She pushed up from the railing. “I don’t know what or who I’m fighting against, but I’ve finally realized what’s worth fighting for. Even if I fail.”
Beside her, blue eyes held on to every word.
Her cheeks warmed. “What?” Was she rambling?
“Nothing.” His dimples said otherwise. He faced the field and exhaled. “I was just thinking I’m not sure I want to leave, either.”
“Are you kidding? After how long you’ve been trying to get away from this town?”
His gaze drifted back to her, deep and earnest. “Maybe I was just waiting for a reason to stay
.”
Would he stay if she asked him? Her pulse drummed, her lips barely holding back the words. He’d cared for her so selflessly. It was time she did the same for him. As much as she wanted to be with him, she wanted his happiness more. “You deserve to live your dreams, Ethan.”
“I think I already am.” He moved in, and she almost dropped the folder.
She clasped it and forced her eyes to pull away from his before she caved. “You have another place to be.”
He looked from her to the folder she extended to him and took it slowly. “What’s this?”
“New beginnings.” The very thing he’d shown her how to believe in.
His focus trailed down the first page and returned to her. “An application to Cornell?” He shut the folder. “This is sweet, but they’re not going to accept me.”
“Actually, they pretty much already have. The application is just a formality.”
His face went blank. “What? How?”
“You’d be surprised what a glowing recommendation can do.”
“Recommendation? From who?”
She opened the folder and slid the last page over the first. “A well-known, highly respected New York architect, who happens to be an alumnus.”
He scoured the page and froze. “Your dad’s Connall McAdams?” The pieces visibly fused together. He turned, forked his fingers through his hair, and shook his head. “I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I didn’t realize . . .”
His arms slid to his sides. Back straight, he whisked around again. “Wait a sec. You contacted your dad for me?”
She shrugged. “It was important.”
He lowered his chin and closed his eyes. “I don’t know what to say.”
“People usually say thank you when someone helps them out.”
He laughed. “How did I know you were gonna make me eat those words one day?”
She sauntered to him, unable to shake her smile. She picked strands of Jax’s and her hair off his shirt. “I might not be able to make a mean lasagna, but I have a few recipes of my own.”
He flaunted a sideways grin. “You should have your own theme song.” He swept her curls off her shoulder, slid his fingers behind her ear, and pressed in until her breath hitched at his touch. Slow and tender, his kiss said everything he didn’t have to.
She’d never felt more safe and cherished. Never knew she could feel this way. In his arms, she returned his affection and breathed in the truth she was no longer afraid to embrace. “I love you, Ethan.”
Regardless of where life led either of them, that assurance would always anchor her.
He rested his chin over her head and held her so long the air felt ten times cooler when he let go. He grabbed her hand. “C’mon. We’re gonna be late.”
Late? “For what?”
“Our date in the city.”
chapter twenty
Undone
Steamy, tantalizing aromas rose from the two plates the waitress set in front of them.
When Cass had first led him to this sketchy, hole-in-the-wall Colombian restaurant in the middle of Queens, Ethan thought for sure she was playing him. The cramped inside didn’t do much to counter the drug cartel image it had going on, either, but the fragrance . . . Wow.
Cass stopped the young woman before she turned. “Can you bring some habanero sauce, please?”
Ethan grabbed his knife, but the rotisserie chicken fell apart at the slightest touch of his fork.
Cass pulled the utensils from his hand. “Use your fingers. Trust me.”
Happy to oblige, he smeared a piece of chicken in the beans. She caught his hand before it reached his mouth. “Wait, you’re missing the best part.” She sprinkled a shredded green herb over his food. “Your taste buds are about to be in heaven. Cilantro makes the world go ‘round.”
Her almost-intoxicated expression made it hard to doubt her. And after the first bite, he understood why. Now he was the one fluttering his lashes.
She doused her plate in a green sauce the waitress had brought by and held the bottle out. “Want some?”
He read over the ingredients. “I put fires out for a living. Why would I purposely set one in my mouth?”
“Wuss.” She slid a bite off her fork and faced the ceiling as if she just entered another stratosphere. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into coming, but I gotta admit. I’m sort of glad.” She took another bite and waved a hand over the dish. “’Cause this, right here—totally worth it.”
Who knew food was the way to her heart?
“I still feel bad about leaving Ti at home, though.” She smashed a slice of avocado into a tortilla with her fork. “What if something happens while we’re gone?”
He licked the juice running down his thumb. “Sanders is a sharp guy. He’ll look after things.”
“Thanks for asking him to spend the day there, by the way. Ti hates to be alone.” She wiped her nose with a napkin while sweat beaded over her forehead.
He laughed. “How can that be enjoyable?”
“It’s not something wimps would understand.” Grinning, she ran the napkin up her temple.
“Wow.”
“Mi Cassidy.” A short, round woman approached the table and intercepted her laughter. “¡Qué bueno verte! Hace mucho que no te vemos por aquí. Te extrañamos.”
Cass rose to kiss her cheek. “I’ve missed you, too, Mrs. Moreño.”
The grandmotherly woman squeezed her hands, about to say something else, but a crash from the kitchen drew her around. “Aye,” she said with hands in the air.
Cass returned to eating, smiling to herself until she looked up from her plate. “What?”
“You speak Spanish?”
“Hey, when you grow up in the city, you—”
“Learn how to speak Spanish.” Of course you did. He added more cilantro to his rice. “Is there anything you don’t learn on the streets?”
A sad gaze wandered out the window toward the rundown neighborhood. “Hope.”
And yet she’d still managed to find enough to share with him. He couldn’t imagine coming back here with anyone else.
After they finished their meal, she rose from her seat. “Ready?”
To spend the rest of the evening with her? Absolutely. To face whatever the night might stir up? Nowhere close. Seeing the Broadway show earlier hadn’t been as bad as he’d expected. But now that night was falling, memories from the last time he was in city started creeping in.
Outside on the dark street, she looped her arm through his. “Mmm. Smell that?”
“Exhaust?”
She laughed. “Better than skunk.”
“I think we have to call it even on that one.”
She leaned into him. “Deal.”
Deep voices sailed around the corner right before two oversized Hispanic guys did. Ethan instinctively tightened his hold around Cass and backed up.
The guys exchanged a glance and headed straight for him, their forward strides equaling each of Ethan’s backward ones. The guy wearing a black ball cap smacked his friend in the chest while their digs in Spanish rebounded off each other.
Cass moved out from Ethan’s hold and perched her hands on her hips. “Stop messin’ with him before he decks you.”
Eyeing Ethan’s bicep, they both sneered like she’d just made the joke of the year. “You kiddin’ me, Cassidy?”
Ethan released his tight muscles and his nerves. “You know these guys?” Why did he all of a sudden feel emasculated?
“Who, these two thugs?” She tugged on the one’s hat and gave the other a shove.
“Ooh.” The first one straightened his cap. “As cold as ever.”
The taller one swept her in the air. “But still just as hot.” He set her back to her feet. “Jesse wasn’t happy when you bounced again. He know you’re back?”
“I’m not back.” Her face twitched, but she kept her shoulders level and her voice even. “Either of you seen my mom lately?”
“Na
w. Her shop’s been closed all week.”
Her brows rumpled together. What was she not saying?
“Do me a favor and keep an eye out for her, ‘kay?”
“You got it.” The dude apparently had no problem letting his eyes roam wherever he wanted.
Ethan dug his fingers into his palms to keep from saying anything.
“Sorry, guys, but we gotta roll.” She slipped her soft hand into Ethan’s stiff one and ushered him forward, probably sensing his protectiveness more than he wanted her to. “Stay out of trouble,” she called behind them.
Around the corner, she pressed her shoulder into his. “You have no reason to be jealous.”
“Who said I’m jealous?”
She didn’t miss a beat. “Your fingers.”
Cracking a laugh, he relaxed his tense hands. “Old habits die hard.”
“Tell me about it.”
After a minute of walking in silence, he slid her a sideways glance. “Thought Jesse was an ex from high school.”
“He is.” She let go of his hand and looked from one side of the narrow street to the other. “But this is Queens. It’s kind of hard to get away from people when your life’s confined to a four-block radius.”
He stopped. “You’re saying he’s been in the picture this whole time?”
“Other than when I was at NYU? Yeah, he’s been around.” A long exhale steered her focus to the asphalt. “Look, my mom lives here. I can’t stay away just ‘cause my ex-boyfriend runs these streets. The guy’s a loser. He’s never gonna leave.”
His jaw ticked. “Does he bother you?”
She pulled her shirt cuffs under her fingers, still dodging his eye contact.
“Cass?”
“I can handle it.” She strode forward again.
“That’s not what I asked.”
She turned and shuffled backward. “He’s delusional, okay? Acts like he owns this neighborhood. Including me.” She stopped and waited for Ethan to catch up to her. “We have our share of arguments, but it’s usually when he’s wasted. He sleeps it off and doesn’t bother me again for weeks.” She shrugged. “It’s the way it is.”
Write Me Home Page 19
