Jace stepped away from me. I could hear him doing up his pants behind me. "In case you still didn't get the hint, Luna, this was me showing you that we're done. I didn't want to hurt you. I told you from the beginning how things would be. I'm a nomad, darlin', and always will be. You need to move on with your life, and look for someone who can give you a good life." He paused, and after a few moments I began to wonder if he'd left, until I heard in my ear, so low that I had to strain to hear it, "Someone who can love you."
I closed my eyes, letting the hot tears roll down my face, biting my bottom lip to keep from sobbing. When I finally heard Jace walk away, I sank to my knees and wept, confused and hurt, and wondering how I could have been so wrong about him. I'd been so sure that we were heading somewhere, in spite of the warnings he’d given me all along. His actions toward me had certainly given me hope.
I'd been a fool.
Chapter 34
Jace
Walking away from Luna was the hardest fucking thing I'd ever done. I hated myself for hurting her. I hated that I could hear her sobbing behind me where I'd left her. I was worse than the coward she'd called me. I was a fucking monster. If I’d had the guts, I would have taken my gun and blown my fucking brains out for the way that I'd destroyed her. She hadn't deserved that.
Christ, she loved me.
She. Loved. Me.
I'd stayed away from her on purpose, hoping that as time had gone by that she would come to realize on her own that what we had was over. I’d prayed that she would just accept it and quietly walk away. I'd been a fucking fool to think that it would be that easy. Nothing ever was, especially when your emotions were involved. Fuck. I couldn't recall the last fucking time that I'd cared enough about someone that I'd had to make a decision to cut them from my life. I'd waited too late, too late for both of us.
I'd realized that right after I'd made love to her the last time.
I'd realized that I was never going to get enough of her, or forget her.
I reached the door, but instead of opening it and going inside I punched the wall next to it. Thank God it was fucking wood or I would have broken my hand. I swore viciously and shook it, but it did nothing to ease the pain. I deserved it, and more. The door opened and Fury walked out. He glanced at my bleeding knuckles and the expression on my face, but remained silent. He'd seen me drag Luna outside, he knew what had occurred, and he was silently condemning me for it. He didn't agree with my tactics, even if he did understand them.
His gaze moved around the yard, and I knew that he was looking for Luna. I clenched my jaw. "She's out behind the maintenance shop." He stepped away from me, but I grabbed his arm before he got too far. His muscles strained against my grip, and I knew it was taking a lot for him not to hit me. His angry eyes met mine reluctantly. "Take care of her, brother."
A look of surprise flashed on his face, which was closely followed by resignation. He gave me a chin lift and I released him and watched him walk off. When he was out of sight, I went inside. My gaze instantly locked on Moody's in the mirror over the bar. He was nursing a drink, and suddenly that seemed like a fucking good idea. I walked to the bar and took up the stool next to him.
"Whiskey," I called out to Rex.
"You look like you've been run over by a fucking truck, brother."
I glared at Moody. "Since when have you been able to put a fucking sentence together?"
He shrugged. Rex set a glass down in front of me and poured some whiskey into it. "Leave the bottle," I growled when he started to walk off with it. I threw back the shot that he'd poured and then grabbed the bottle and took a healthy drink from it. "When are we leaving for New Mexico?" I took another drink, hoping to dull my senses from the shit I'd just done.
"Just waiting on you." He turned my way. "Depends on how much of that you intend to drink."
"Truck's loaded?"
Moody nodded.
"Guess we should head out then." I continued drinking from the bottle. Moody snorted, but remained quiet.
I looked into the mirror across from me to see CC and Toya sashaying their way in our direction. Both club whores wore looks of determination on their faces, and the invitation came in the way of bright, ruby red lips and a glint of seductress in their heavily made up eyes. Neither woman had much on, which was the norm for them. As soon as CC had realized that I wasn't with Luna anymore, she'd tried doubly hard to get into my bed. I hadn't even come close to accepting her advances.
"We heard you two are getting ready for a road trip." CC moved up close to me and put her arm over my back, toying with the ends of my hair behind my ear.
"Reaper asked us to make sure you didn't need anything before you left." Toya moved next to Moody, but she didn't touch him. "Said to give you a happy send off."
I snorted. "I've already had my happy send off." I was ready to tell them to fuck off, because it didn't appear that Moody was any more interested in what they were offering than I was, when the door opened and Luna and Fury walked in together.
Fury reached for Luna's hand, glancing at me as if to say, she's with me now. But I knew better. Her red, swollen eyes were evidence of the damage I'd done, her beautiful face was pale and blotchy. I had to steel myself from feeling anything, because otherwise I would have stomped over there, punched Fury's teeth out, pulled Luna into my arms, and told her that it had all been a mistake and beg her for forgiveness.
When her eyes met mine, remorse over everything that I'd callously thrown away hit me like a fucking tidal wave. But there could be no going back. Luna deserved so much better than the life that I could offer her. She'd get over me and move on, that was a fact. She would get over me, but I'd never get over her. I loved her.
I…loved…her.
I waited for her to leave the room before muttering, "I'm fucking ready to go, brother."
****
Luna
As soon as Fury dropped me off at my room, I rushed to the bathroom and threw up. By the time Jace had finished breaking my heart, my stomach had been a jumbled mass of churning emotions. I hugged the toilet for a good five minutes, until there was nothing left except a splitting headache. After that I dragged my ass into the shower, but it did nothing to wash away the way I felt inside. I was numb, empty, totally broken by his rejection.
I should have seen it coming.
He'd warned me, hadn't he?
I brushed my teeth, swallowed two Tylenol, and crawled into bed, hoping that a nap would make it all go away and that when I woke up again I would find that it had all just been a nightmare.
But like a lot of things in life, wishful thinking didn't solve the problem or make it better. Surprisingly, I managed to sleep straight through until the next morning. At least my headache had dulled into something that I could manage.
As I dressed for the day, I decided that I would go back to my little home at the camp. I was sure that I could find someone to give me a ride. I stuffed the few pieces of clothing that Jace had brought me from my trailer into the same grocery tote he'd used, and then made my way out to the bar. It was early still, and few people were out and about yet. I was just thankful that CC wasn't there. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to stomach her smugness so early in the morning. The image of her cozying up to Jace the day before had cemented the fact that we were over.
I continued through the room to the kitchen, a slight smile spreading across my face at the sight of Jim and Casey locked in a passionate embrace next to the stove, where something was sizzling in a fry pan. They didn't seem to mind that they weren't alone. Puck was at the coffee maker, which is where I was heading, and Rex was making some concoction in a blender. The way he looked, I imagined that it had to be something for a hangover. I didn't make a sound, but I forced a smile on my face when Puck welcomed me with a wink.
I opened the cupboard where the cups were kept, pulled one out, and then poured myself some coffee. Puck lifted his cup in a silent toast, I tapped his cup with mine, and we both took a sip.
&nbs
p; "You okay, sweetheart?" he asked with concern in his voice, his gaze holding mine.
Had he been present the day before when Jace and I had had words? I couldn't remember. I supposed word of our not being together anymore had traveled like wildfire through the MC. I suddenly felt self-conscious, aware of the heat traveling up my neck to my cheeks.
I decided to answer Puck honestly. "I will be." In time, I didn't add. It was going to take a long time before I would be able to get over Jace. I found myself grinding my teeth to keep from tearing up.
"Luna," Casey said, noticing me as she and Jim broke apart. She rushed across the room to me. "Honey, I heard." That was all she had to say. The next thing I knew, I was in her arms and she was giving me a hearty hug. "I'm so sorry."
"Hey, lover boy, your breakfast is burning," Rex warned Jim, who'd been watching the exchange between me and Casey. He quickly swung around to the pan on the stovetop.
Casey pulled back, her eyes glossy with emotion. "He's gone, you know."
I nodded, a silent affirmation that I already knew.
"They left yesterday afternoon. Oh, honey, I don't know what to say."
"There's nothing you can say," I began, biting my bottom lip.
"Let it out," she encouraged, seeing the tenuous grip that I had on my control.
I shook my head and took a sip of coffee. "Been there, done that. I knew it would end eventually, Casey." I was getting so tired of saying that. It didn't make me feel any better.
"But you fell in love." There was no use denying it. "What can we do?"
"Take me back to camp?"
"Of course. We'd decided to go back today, too. Right after breakfast, okay?"
"Perfect. I'm already packed. I'll wait for you at the bar."
"You want some breakfast with us?"
"No thanks honey. Coffee is enough for now. Maybe once I get home I'll be hungry."
"Omelet is ready, baby," Jim said as he removed the pan and turned off the burner. "I hope you like it dark." He gave Casey a toothy grin.
"You mean burnt," Rex corrected, drinking straight from the blender.
Jim shot him the bird and dumped the omelet onto a plate with two pieces of toast. Puck eyeballed the contents on the plate when Jim walked past him toward us. "Now that is a dark omelet," he laughed.
"Burnt," insisted Rex.
"Shut the fuck up," Jim growled.
"What burned?" Fury asked, entering the kitchen.
I found myself laughing at the groan of pain Jim released, and the laughter of the others that followed. He walked directly to me and gave me a brotherly hug. "Morning."
"Hi," I greeted.
"That your bag out on the bar?"
I nodded.
"Going back to camp?"
"Yeah, with Casey and Jim."
His brows lifted. "I can take you back."
Warning flags shot up in response to eagerness, but before I could think of a way to let him down without jeopardizing our friendship, Casey jumped in and saved the day. "It's all set up, she's going with us." She opened her mouth and accepted a bite of the semi-ruined omelet from Jim. "It's a good thing I love you," she told him, making a face as she chewed. "Because this is disgusting."
Jim promptly went over to the trash can and scraped the contents of his plate into the trash. "You ladies get ready, I'll take you to breakfast in the village."
"That sounds good to me," Casey quipped, grabbing me by the hand that wasn't holding a cup of coffee. "Come help me pack so we can leave. I'm starving!"
I decided not to argue with her, and let her tug me along to the room that she shared with Jim.
"This won't take long, honey, I have about as much stuff to toss into a bag as you had." She opened her door and pulled me inside, shutting it behind us. Samson rushed over to greet us--first Casey, and then me.
"Then you don't need me to help you pack." I leaned against the door, patting Samson's head while she began gathering up her clothes.
She tossed me a sad little smile, and paused from what she'd been doing. "I know that, honey. But truthfully? I wanted to get you out of there. You looked like you were about to fall apart."
She was right. It had been hard to keep a smile pasted on my face, watching everyone go about their normal morning activities as if everything was okay, while I was screaming inside. It just went to show that life went on, regardless. I crossed my arms. "I thought I was doing a pretty good job of keeping it together."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not right now. I'm still processing it."
"Well, for what it's worth, I didn't see it coming. The way Jace looked at you, and you him, I could have sworn he was into you for the long haul."
"Yeah, me too," I admitted in a low tone, still trying to make sense out of the whole thing.
I'd about given up on the premise that I'd done something wrong. I knew that something had happened to bring about the sudden change in him, but what? Had his attraction for me just run its course? I thought back to the last night of sex that we'd shared, and the tender, loving way that he'd made love to me that last time. What was I missing? Everything up until then had seemed good between us.
Had Jace sensed that I'd fallen in love with him and been scared?
Or had he realized that he loved me, too?
Chapter 35
Jace
We'd driven all night. Thirty-one fucking hours to reach New Mexico, and we'd just delivered the guns to Ortega Gonzalez. He'd closed up his store so he and his employee could unload the truck at the back door. It had been an easy trip, easy money, worth the shitty fast food and the exhaustion, because now we could stop and rest.
It had also been cathartic. I didn't care if that made me sound like a pussy.
About eight hours into the boring ride, I had unloaded about Luna, and Moody had shocked the shit out of me with his insightful observations and input. I'd always known that he was an intelligent son of a bitch, but he'd never been one for putting his thoughts into words, and when he did it was usually done with a grunt or in short, abrupt phrases. But when I’d talked to him about Luna he'd been brutally honest, telling me exactly what he thought about the way I'd ended things with her.
I hadn't expected him to understand, much less give a shit, that turning Luna loose was killing me. I'd convinced myself that it was for the best, her best, but Moody had been able to play devil's advocate by helping me understand what I'd done to her from her perspective. The more that I’d understood, the bigger asshole I'd begun to feel I was. My intentions had been to drive Luna away, but Moody had been able to make me see how futile that had been, because she already loved me.
And I loved her.
He'd made me realize the error of my ways, and threatened to beat the shit out of me if I didn't do something to undo the damage I'd done.
"She didn't deserve that, man," he'd said after I'd spent an hour trying to convince him that what I'd done was for the right reasons. "Luna is a sweet, caring, beautiful woman, brother, and she accepts your way of life. If I'd known you were going to throw her ass away, I would have stepped in and made her mine."
"The hell you would have," I growled, his confidence in his ability to have her pissing me off.
He'd shrugged, not taking his eyes off the road. "Women like her don't come along every day." Then he’d given me a sharp look. "You plan to die alone?"
I'd never given it much consideration before, but I'd thought long and hard about what Moody had asked, along with the other shit that he'd said. I’d thought about the house I had in Florida, the money I had in the bank, my security business, which was lucrative enough without me taking on dangerous solo jobs. I’d thought about my fucking age, the aches that I had in places that had been weakened from broken bones, and the pain associated with the damage caused from wounds that hadn't been treated properly. I’d thought about the risks that I'd taken that had put other men in the ground or in prison.
All reminders of a nomad life.
And then I’d thought about what a life with Luna would look like, and any thoughts with her in it were fucking good. She was the light to my darkness, the pureness to my evil, the calm to my storm, a fucking beautiful angel inside and out, and she loved me. Life with her would be a place to call home. It would bring warmth and babies, and a reason to be a good man.
To die a good man.
"Think about what your life could be like with Luna in it."
The man was a fucking mind reader. I grumbled beneath my breath as we exited the truck and went to the back to unload our bikes.
"I'll take care of the truck."
Moody walked away toward the door to the rental place. I got on my bike and sat back to wait for him. My head was about to explode with all of the shit that was crammed into it. What I needed was a good night’s sleep and a smoke. Moody could help me with that. Five minutes later, he exited the building.
"I need a smoke, brother."
He snorted and reached for his pack, withdrawing two. I practically sucked the cigarette down my throat with the first deep puff. Moody climbed onto his bike and we sat there quietly smoking, in our own thoughts. The nicotine wasn't doing its thing for me this time. I was too revved up inside with thoughts of Luna and how royally I'd fucked up with her.
My cell buzzed, and I flicked what was left of my smoke away and reached for it. Rebel's name came up, and I frowned at the instant feeling in my gut that warned me of trouble.
"Yeah?"
"Heads up, brother. Your woman's ex is down that way."
He thought that I was still in New York. "What the fuck?"
"Took me a while to find out what was going on after he disappeared. His people are loyal as fuck."
He'd probably paid them for their loyalty.
Dangerous (Nomad Outlaws Trilogy Book 2) Page 27
