by Lily Herne
I scanned the list: insulin, condoms, gentian violet, morphine, bandages, micropore film, burn salve, sulphur and several items I’d never heard of.
‘What’s potassium chlorate for?’ I asked.
He dodged the question. ‘Listen, Lele, if you help me, I’ll help you.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’ll arrange transport for you and your brother.’
I stared at him in shock. ‘How?’
‘Don’t worry about that now. Bring this back for me and I’ll make sure you and Jobe get safely to the Agriculturals.’
30
I threw myself into my training that week, doing my best not to obsess about what Thabo had asked me to do.
I was having trouble sleeping, torn as I was between two loyalties: the safety of the Mall Rats and Thabo’s promise to help Jobe and me escape to the Agriculturals. The Mall Rats had become my friends, and I practically thought of Hester and Ginger as family. Could I really go against the rules and put them in danger? I knew I couldn’t allow my brother to be carted off to an institution, but was there another way? Could I find a place for him to hide out in New Arrivals? Or would that bring even more trouble down on our heads?
In the end something else made up my mind. Hester was getting worse by the day; she’d lost weight – her skin seemed stretched over her bones – and some mornings she didn’t even have the strength to get out of bed. On more than one occasion, Ash had insisted that he would bribe a doctor from the posh enclaves to help her, but she refused to take the risk. The Resurrectionists may have been turning a blind eye to the stuff we were bringing into the enclave, but as Saint had said when I’d first joined them, who knew what they’d do if they brought one or all of us in for questioning and found out about the existence of the mall?
The night before the next mall trip I didn’t sleep a wink. I spent the hours tossing and turning and sketching compulsively, the drawings morphing into terrible nightmarish images: raggedy Rotter bodies, spirals of that creepy spaghetti stuff and faces with dead staring eyes.
I was up and dressed before any of the others. I made the porridge for everyone while they showered, although I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat any of it. My stomach was a hard knot.
‘So, Lele,’ Ash said, ‘no prizes for guessing what you want to shop for today.’
I knew he was expecting me to say that I’d go for the book list again, but if I remembered correctly, the shop I’d slipped into on my first solo excursion (the shop where I’d seen the wheelchairs and herbal medicine) was next to the Woolworths store where the Mall Rats sourced the underwear – at the other end of the mall.
‘I’ll do the underwear run,’ I said.
A flicker of disappointment flashed over Ash’s face and I wondered if he had been planning on offering to accompany me again.
The walk to the mall seemed to take no time at all. Fortunately no one seemed to notice that I didn’t say a word during the trek through the Deadlands. Ash, Saint and even Ginger seemed to be lost in their own thoughts, Hester’s worsening condition on everyone’s minds. Plus, with the increase in relocations, we were all on edge, expecting to be attacked by Hatchlings at any moment.
We paused to check out a group of Rotters milling around outside Ratanga Junction. ‘You’ve been dead quiet, Lele,’ Ginger said, nudging me. ‘You all right, mate?’
‘I was just thinking that I never got the chance to ride the roller coaster before the War.’ I hated to lie to him, but there was no way I could tell him what I was actually thinking.
‘I did,’ he said.
‘You did? What was it like?’
‘Awesome, Lele,’ he replied. ‘It’s like your tummy flips inside out.’
That was a feeling I could relate to. My stomach had been roller-coastering for hours. I knew what I was about to do could put the Mall Rats at risk, but how could I say no? Thabo was right. I’d be helping people. Doing something worthwhile for once instead of just bringing back luxuries for spoilt rich bitches like Zyed and Summer.
‘Okay,’ Ash said. ‘Let’s make it quick. Meet back here in an hour. I don’t want to leave Hester alone any longer than we have to. Everyone got their walkie-talkies switched on?’
‘Yeah,’ I said. I couldn’t swallow; the saliva had dried in my mouth.
‘Want me to tag along with you, Lele?’ Ginger asked.
‘Nah, I’ll be okay,’ I said too quickly.
Saint gave me a sharp glance. ‘You sure?’
‘Yeah,’ I said.
I headed off, moving as fast as I could without giving the game away. As soon as I was out of sight, I broke into a run, praying that I was going in the right direction. Thankfully, as I headed down the escalators, I saw the familiar signage. I slipped into Woolworths and grabbed as many bras and socks as I could. I didn’t even check the sizes or bother to take from different racks to mask the amount I was shoving in my bag. My hands were shaking. It was now or never.
Checking both ways to make sure the Mall Rats were nowhere to be seen, I headed towards the shop I remembered from my first time in the mall (it was actually opposite, rather than next to Woolworths). I walked straight to the far end, heading for a counter above which hung a Prescriptions sign.
The shelves behind the counter were packed full of a confusing array of medicines, pills and tubes. I paused briefly at the condom display, grabbing a handful and shoving them into the bottom of my bag, before I finally spied a section that was helpfully labelled Pain Relief. Leaping over the counter, I scanned the shelves, comparing the items with the list. I randomly selected several co-proximal packets, and threw a bunch of aspirin and paracetamol bottles on top of the underwear.
This was going to take me forever. The names on the list didn’t match the bottles on display.
Barely keeping the panic at bay (I knew I was fast running out of time), I scanned the packaging on the shelves once more. Nothing. And no sign of the other stuff on the list. Then I saw a door leading into the back of the store – presumably where the hard-core medication was kept. I tried the handle, but it was locked.
Refusing to give up now that I was so close, I started searching the drawers under the counter, scattering their contents everywhere, desperate to find the key.
I should have been more careful, more vigilant, kept the noise down, at least. The first I knew of the dire trouble I was in was when I heard the words: ‘Just what in the hell do you think you’re doing?’
31
I stood up so fast that I banged the top of my head on the shelf overhanging the drawers. Saint was peering at me from the other side of the counter, her eyes wide with shock. ‘Tell me you’re not doing what I think you’re doing, Lele,’ she hissed, her voice laced with fury.
In one fluid leap she jumped over the counter, and before I could react she’d grabbed my right arm and bent it sharply behind my back. The pain was immense. ‘Do you have any idea what you’ve done?’ she asked.
I struggled against her, but she wasn’t going to let me wriggle away. ‘I can explain!’ I said.
‘Save it, Zombie Bait,’ she hissed in my ear. ‘I knew you were planning something. How could you be so stupid?’
She yanked my arm up behind me even higher and I yelped in pain. With her free hand I heard her fumbling in her pocket as she pulled out the walkie-talkie.
‘Ash, Ginger,’ she said. ‘Come in, guys. Emergency. Meet me outside Woolworths, now! Over.’
‘Saint! Listen!’ I said.
‘No, you listen! You might have killed us all. We have to get out of here fast!’
She practically threw me over the counter and frogmarched me out of the shop.
Ash jogged towards us, looking from me to Saint in confusion. ‘What’s going on?’
‘You won’t believe what this . . . this . . . idiot has just done, Ash!’ Saint said, grabbing my bag and throwing it towards him.
‘It’s not what you think!’ I said. ‘I was just getting some painkiller
s for Hester!’
Ash rooted through the bag, pulling out the underwear and chucking it onto the tiles. The condoms and painkillers spilled around us.
‘Oh, yeah?’ he said, picking up a condom box and raising an eyebrow. ‘What sort of painkillers are these?’
Saint dropped my arm and snorted. ‘Lele, Lele, Lele . . . You got a boyfriend? Is that it?’
I shook my head and tried to meet Ash’s eyes. I’d never felt so mortified. ‘No!’ I said. ‘I was just –’
‘Where’s Ginger?’ Saint said to Ash.
‘On his way.’
‘Good. We’d better get moving, if they’ve –’
But it was then that the lights went out.
I’d never experienced darkness like it – a flat, impenetrable blackness. There were no windows in the lower levels, no source of natural light, and I couldn’t even see my hand in front of my face.
Seconds later the muzak cut out. The silence was almost as terrifying as the darkness. ‘Oh, shit,’ Ash whispered. ‘We’re done for.’
The sound of roaring – the same sound that I’d heard the first time I was in the mall – floated towards us from another level, sounding louder by the second.
‘Guardians!’ Ash said. ‘Saint, you got a torch?’
‘Somewhere,’ she said. I heard her swearing under her breath as she searched through her bag.
‘Look!’ I said. Ahead of us there was a light bobbing our way – the beam of a torch.
‘Guys!’ It was Ginger. ‘Um . . .’ he said. ‘You might want to run right about NOW!’
From behind us came a series of ear-splitting bangs and pops, followed by a long drawn-out whistle that made my ears ring. Showers of colour and blasts of shimmering light blazed around us, punctuated by the rat-a-tat-tat of what I later found out were cherry bombs. We were right in the centre of a huge indoor fireworks display.
‘Ruuuun!’ Ginger yelled.
We didn’t need telling twice.
32
We didn’t stop running until we reached the clearing where we’d shared the braai on the previous mall run. All of us were completely out of breath, and we threw our rucksacks down on the ground and slumped down next to them.
Ash lit a cigarette, and Ginger cracked a can of Coke. Behind her sunglasses, Saint’s face was impassive, but I knew she was still seething. Not even Ginger would meet my eyes.
No one spoke, and the silence hung heavy. I knew it was up to me to break it. ‘I’m sorry, guys,’ I said, knowing that this was woefully inadequate.
‘Just don’t talk,’ Saint snapped. ‘We’ll let Hester decide what to do with you.’
‘I was only trying to help,’ I mumbled.
‘Help who? Yourself? If it wasn’t for Ginger’s quick thinking we would all be dead!’
‘How cool was that, though?’ Ginger said. ‘I’ve always wanted to do that. And, like, I was at the Game store, getting the paraffin, and I thought –’
Saint cut across Ginger, jabbing a finger in my direction. ‘Stupid, selfish bitch.’
For the first time in weeks I was hit by a familiar jolt of anger. I didn’t plan my next words. They shot out by themselves. ‘You’re pathetic,’ I spat. ‘All of you.’
Saint yanked off her glasses. ‘What did you just say?’
The look of surprised hurt on Ginger’s face was awful to see, but I hardened my heart.
‘I said, you’re pathetic. Hester is dying and you do nothing!’
Saint stood up and strode towards me, and I sprang to my feet to meet her. She grabbed the front of my jacket and pushed me backwards. I let her think she had the upper hand and then I grabbed her wrist and twisted it around, forcing her to let go.
‘You know the rules, Lele!’ Saint snapped. ‘What you did was unbelievably stupid and selfish!’
‘You’re the selfish ones!’ I kicked at a rucksack. ‘You bring back all this kak that people don’t really need. There are people dying! Hester’s dying! We need to do more! We need to help!’
‘Help who?’ Saint spat. ‘And why? The people chose to be ruled over by the Resurrectionists, Zombie Bait. They voted them into power, not us.’
‘I know . . . but look what’s happening! First the relocations, now the Lottery. What’s next? We have to do something.’ The anger had fizzled out as fast as it had come upon me.
Saint shook her head. ‘Yeah, right, Lele. But what have they ever done for us?’
33
We gathered around Hester’s bed and Saint wasted no time filling her in on what I’d done, punctuating her tirade with vicious glances in my direction.
Hester listened carefully, her expression steady, her eyes never leaving Saint’s face.
When it looked as if Saint had run out of steam, Hester nodded and turned to me. To my surprise she smiled and reached over to take my hand. ‘Lele’s heart was in the right place,’ she said.
‘But she put us all in danger!’ Saint said.
Hester nodded. ‘Yes, she did. But maybe she has a point. You would do well to listen to her, Saint.’
‘Why? The people are stupid! Why should we do anything for them? If they want to believe that the Guardians are their saviours, then let them. We know better.’
‘Yes. But things are different in the enclave now, Saint. It is no longer a case of a small minority of believers supporting the Guardians and Resurrectionists. Now they are impinging on everyone’s rights.’
‘I don’t believe this!’ Saint said, standing up and throwing her arms out in exasperation. ‘I don’t believe you’re taking her side!’
‘There are no sides here, Saint,’ Hester said. ‘Lele was trying to help me. She says she wanted to help the sick, of which there are many among us. That she wanted people to be able to be together without being forced to have children. Things have changed very quickly. You know this. Now the Resurrectionists are making the people’s choices for them. Remember, I have seen this happen before in the past. It does not bode well for the city, or for the people in it.’ She paused to smother a cough.
‘What if the Guardians ambush us when we go back to the mall?’ Saint asked.
‘That is a chance you have to take,’ Hester said. ‘But I think it is time that we began to think of a way in which we can help.’
‘We can’t!’ Saint said. ‘You know what happened to Ripley. You know.’ And suddenly I understood. It wasn’t Ash who had been in love with Ripley. It was Saint.
‘Oh, Saint,’ I said. ‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.’
She looked at me, and then something happened that I never thought I’d see in a million years. Tears started to fall down her cheeks. ‘You don’t understand!’ she said. ‘None of you do.’
I walked up to her and gave her a hug. She stiffened and tried to pull back, then finally relaxed. ‘I do,’ I said. ‘I really do.’
I looked at all of them in turn. ‘I’m sorry, guys,’ I said. ‘If you want me out, that’s fine. But I had to do it, and I can’t promise I won’t try and help in the future. I’m sorry.’
Ginger nodded and gave me a thumbs-up. ‘’S’cool, Lele,’ he said. ‘You’re all right with me.’
Ash nodded, but his mask was still in place.
‘Saint?’ I said.
She stepped away from me, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. ‘Next time,’ she said, ‘at least tell us so that we know, okay?’
I nodded.
Ginger clapped his hands, clearly relieved that the tension had passed for now. ‘So, guys,’ he said, ‘who’s in the mood for a bromance?’
34
After three days of slightly frosty treatment, the Mall Rats – even Ash – seemed to forgive me. Of course they didn’t know that I’d put them in danger because of Thabo – as far as they were concerned I’d acted mainly for Hester’s sake – but eventually things returned to something approaching normality. Ginger joshed and joked and tried to get me to watch Diary of the Dead with him, Saint went rigidly on with my tr
aining, and Ash was his usual quiet self, though occasionally I was sure I caught him looking in my direction.
But I knew I’d screwed up. I couldn’t risk putting them in danger again, even for Jobe’s sake, even if I was helping other people.
Hours would speed by as I sketched in my room, lost in my thoughts, desperate to figure out what to do next. I really didn’t want to face Thabo and break the news to him that I’d failed miserably, that it didn’t look hopeful that I could ever get him what he wanted. And there was something else. The same intense thoughts whirred and whirled around my mind. I’d betrayed the Mall Rats, yes, but the Resurrectionists had betrayed the people they were supposed to serve, and if Thabo was right, it was only going to get worse. I thought back to the funeral, to Rickety Legs and his followers. Back when I’d thought the Resurrectionists were just some crazy harmless cult. Before I knew how dangerous they actually were.
My thoughts turned more and more often to Jobe. I wondered what he was doing, what he was feeling. I needed to get some perspective in my life. I needed to see my brother.
So, one night I waited until I was sure that Saint was fast asleep, pulled on my clothes as quietly as I could and tiptoed through the training room and into the lounge. The generator was still humming in the background, and Ginger was snoring in front of the flickering television. He didn’t stir as I grabbed a Resurrectionist robe and scuttled past him and out into the tunnel.
The night air was fresh and faintly chilly, and for once I was glad of the robe. The New Arrivals’ area was deathly quiet – the market shut down, the streets oddly naked without their bustling hawkers, hollow-eyed street kids and musicians – but I didn’t allow myself to feel even slightly scared. One thing about the Deadlands: Once you’ve been out there, surrounded by the dead, the living aren’t anywhere near as scary.
Or so I thought then.
35
It took me well over an hour to reach Sector 6. The streets were lit only by moonlight, the houses blank-faced and dark, and I lost my way several times. I’d encountered only a handful of people on my trek: a few Resurrectionist guards who I’d avoided by slipping into the less-used thoroughfares; a couple of drunks, high on home-brewed pineapple beer and dagga; and a small group of teenagers, out on a night-time adventure.
