by Myra Johnson
Only this didn’t feel like the typical panic attack she’d dealt with so often since the accident. This felt like loss, like being forced to choose between something she wanted desperately and someone who’d come to mean more to her than she’d ever planned on or imagined possible.
* * *
Eva latched on to Seth’s leg the minute he stepped into the kitchen. “Daddy, will you play with me?”
He scooped her into his arms and kissed her temple. Nothing like holding his little girl to take his mind off all his other problems. “What is it, sweetie? Missing Joseph?”
“I don’t want him to go to the real school anymore. Why can’t you and Omi teach him again?”
“Joseph likes going to school with his friends.” Seth tapped the end of her nose. “Just like you will someday when you get bigger.”
Eva gave her head a firm shake. “No. I’m always, always, always going to stay home with you.”
Good to know somebody still wanted to keep him close. His throat shifted at the memory of what Christina had laid on him a few minutes ago. He also knew he wasn’t being fair. Christina, Joseph, Eva—they each deserved the chance to discover their inner strength and find their own way in the world, and he wouldn’t be the one to hold them back.
Not like he’d tried to do with Georgia.
“So will you play with me, Daddy?” Eva tugged on his shirt collar. “Omi got me a new puzzle and I need you to help me make the picture.”
“Sure, hon. Let’s do it.” He hefted her a little higher on his hip and strode to the family room, where Eva had left puzzle pieces scattered across the coffee table.
Omi looked up from her Bible and journal. “Thought you were working Tango.”
“Other things to do.” Ignoring his grandmother’s doubtful frown, Seth plopped onto the sofa and picked up a couple of puzzle pieces. “Look here, Eva, I think this is the princess’s crown.”
Omi cleared her throat meaningfully. “You aren’t about to do something stupid, are you?”
“What, this isn’t a princess crown?” Seth pretended to examine the piece.
“You know good and well that’s not what I’m talking about.” Leaning toward him, Omi lowered her voice. “I know you too well, young man. You can be mighty stubborn when you set your mind on something.”
Eva held up a puzzle piece with a red corner. “Is this part of the castle flag, Daddy?”
“Could be. See if it fits.”
It did, and when Eva pumped a fist the way she’d seen Joseph do, Seth chuckled and gave her a high five.
“You’re doing great, honey. You keep working on it while I talk to Omi for a minute.” Seth slid to the end of the sofa nearest his grandmother’s chair. “Where’s Opi?”
“Came in from fishing and said he needed to pick up something in town. I gave him the grocery list, so he’ll be awhile.” Omi set her Bible and journal aside. “Might as well spill it, ’cause you know I won’t stop pestering you till you do.”
Seth chewed the inside of his lip. Should he start with his intention to sell Tango, or let his grandmother know Christina was about to quit? Omi wasn’t going to be happy in either case. It took him less than a second to decide Christina should be the one to give notice if and when she was ready.
As for selling Tango, Seth’s grandparents would find out soon enough when potential buyers started inquiring. Checking briefly on Eva’s progress, he leaned closer to his grandmother to confess what he’d decided. “And don’t try to talk me out of it. I’ve already put the word out online.”
“Seth Austin, you insufferable fool!” Omi spat the words. “That horse is your pride and joy. You can’t do this, honey. You just can’t!”
Before Seth could reply, Eva worked her way beneath his arm and peered up at him with a worried frown. “Daddy, why is Omi so mad at you?”
“Aw, honey, I’m not mad.” Omi stroked Eva’s cheek. “It’s just grown-up stuff we gotta work out between us.”
“That’s right, honey.” Giving his daughter a reassuring hug, Seth directed her back to the puzzle. With Eva’s attention diverted, he shot his grandmother a stern glance. “Actually, there’s nothing more to say on the subject. So let’s drop it.”
She didn’t look like she intended to leave it alone for long, though, and Seth knew he’d eventually have to deal with both her reaction and Opi’s. In the meantime, all he wanted was to spend this time with his little girl and try to get his mind off the bombshells he’d been hit with this morning.
Why, God, why? Things had been going so well, his life on a path toward the healing he’d all but given up hope for. Now he was on the verge of losing both the home he loved and the woman he cherished more every day.
His grandmother quietly rose from her chair. As she passed by the coffee table, she laid her open Bible on the corner, then continued out of the room.
She’d marked a passage from the Psalms in yellow highlighter: Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
Seth read it once, and then again, while the words burrowed deep into his soul. He’d done it again—thinking he knew better how to protect his family and taking the reins away from God.
Head bowed, arms resting on his knees, he loosened his clenched fists and spread his hands, palms facing upward. It was both a gesture of release and of openness to receive whatever God offered. I’m sorry, Lord. Sorry for fighting You for control. Sorry for trying to do things my way instead of trusting in Your perfect plan.
“Daddy, are you sad?” Eva climbed into his lap and patted his cheek. “Omi said she wasn’t mad at you.”
“I know, sweetie. Daddy’s just got a lot to think about right now.” He snuggled his little girl close. “But don’t you worry. Everything’s going to be okay.”
And it would be. Somehow, with God’s help, it would be.
* * *
Christina sat for a long time in the shade of the oak tree while she tried to make sense of her emotions. Reason said she’d accomplished her purpose in coming to Juniper Bluff, which had always been to reestablish her independence. And God had used her here in other ways, too, not the least of which was helping a bright little boy and a precious little girl begin to move beyond the trauma of their past. She’d like to think she’d helped their dad, too, as Seth learned to laugh again while letting go of his own pain and guilt.
So it was time to move on...wasn’t it? Lindsey Silva needed her back in Little Rock, where she could finally return to the work she’d trained for instead of cleaning bathrooms, making beds and sweeping floors.
Then why was it so hard? All she had to do was walk inside, find Marie and explain about Lindsey’s call. She’d give two weeks’ notice, plenty of time for the Petersons to find another housekeeper, and then pack her bags for Little Rock.
She stood, ready to do exactly that, but her legs wouldn’t cooperate. Halfway to the porch steps, she veered toward her cabin and didn’t stop until she’d slammed the door behind her. Two steps ahead, Gracie halted and turned, head cocked and staring at Christina as if she’d lost her mind.
“Don’t try to talk me out of this, Miss Know-It-All.” Christina shook her finger at the dog. “You know it’s the right thing to do.”
If dogs could roll their eyes, Gracie just did. She gave Christina her backside, sauntered over to her doggy bed and plopped down.
“Fine, be that way.” Christina crossed to the kitchenette and pulled sandwich fixings from the fridge. “And don’t come begging for scraps from my lunch, either.”
Her threat carried little weight, though, since her appetite dissipated before she’d taken three bites. With a resigned groan, she tore off pieces of bread crust and fed them to the dog.
Maybe she could clear her head by getting away from the ranch for a while. Armed wi
th her grocery list, a chilled bottle of water and the novel she’d been reading, she loaded Gracie into the car and drove to town. After parking on a side street, she walked over to the square. The gazebo was deserted, so she climbed the steps and settled herself onto one of the benches lining the perimeter.
It was a warm afternoon, but the breeze felt good, carrying a sweet scent from the climbing roses adorning the gazebo, with a hint of fresh-mown grass mixed in. Gracie jumped up beside Christina and promptly fell asleep. One hand absently stroking the dog’s head, Christina pulled out her paperback and prepared to lose herself in the adventures of a spunky heroine.
Far away in imaginary Paradise, Colorado, she took little notice when someone joined her in the gazebo. A soft ahem made her look up, and she found Diana Matthews standing in front of her.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Diana said, “but I was taking a break and saw you out here, so I thought I’d come over and say hi.”
Christina laid the book aside. “Nice day, isn’t it?”
“Not bad for the end of August.” Sitting down next to Christina, Diana rested an elbow on the railing. “Slow week at the ranch?”
“Yes, but we should be full up for Labor Day weekend.” Christina grazed her fingertips across the cover of her novel, wishing Diana would take the hint. Chatting with the woman who flirted so openly with Seth wasn’t exactly comfortable.
Like you have any claim on him. You’re planning to leave, remember?
“It’s too bad about Seth, isn’t it? Selling Tango—it breaks my heart.” When Christina’s shocked gaze met hers, Diana flinched. Her brows slanted in genuine concern. “You didn’t know?”
Christina’s throat closed. “He never said a word.” Maybe because she’d blindsided him with her own news?
“I only found out because I was browsing equine message boards over lunch and his ad popped up. Looks like he just posted it this morning.”
As if anticipating Christina’s sudden eagerness to leave, Gracie jumped down and sat by the steps. Christina rose and stuffed her book into her purse. “Sorry, I have to go.”
“Wait.” Diana captured Christina’s wrist. “If I’ve upset you, I apologize. It’s just that I know what that horse means to Seth, and he would never sell her without good reason.”
“Exactly, and that’s what scares me.” Staring hard at Diana, Christina wondered how much she dared confide in the woman. But she’d go crazy if she didn’t talk this out with someone. “I’m afraid he’s trying to cut ranch expenses. I’ve wondered for a while now how they can afford to keep paying me when they go for days at a time with no guest reservations.”
Diana heaved a weary sigh. “The Petersons are good people, but sometimes their business sense isn’t the sharpest. Serenity Hills has hardly changed in all the years they’ve been in operation. My dad has tried to convince them they need to modernize, but they’re set on keeping things plain and simple, and that just won’t cut it in the twenty-first century.”
“But the regulars I’ve met this summer have told me the simplicity is exactly what brings them back.” Christina shook her head, her voice falling to a reverent murmur. “I’d never want Serenity Hills to change. My time there has blessed me in ways I can’t even describe.”
Chapter Twelve
Inquiries about Tango began within hours of Seth’s placing the online ads. To avoid Omi’s stink-eye every time he answered the phone, he went looking for odd jobs to keep him occupied in and around the barn. Except there he had to keep out of his grandfather’s way, because once Opi got wind of Seth’s intentions, he’d lit into him like a bull on the rampage.
Like his grandparents had anything to worry about. Seth had set his asking price so high that after confirming, most callers politely hung up without requesting further details. Only two so far had expressed interest in coming out to see the horse, but Seth put them off until after the busy Labor Day weekend.
And maybe by then he could come up with some other idea that would make selling his prize mare unnecessary.
With all the cabins reserved for the holiday weekend, by Thursday morning preparations were in high gear. Omi enlisted Christina’s help preparing menus, then sent Opi into Fredericksburg, where he could buy in bulk at one of the larger supermarket chains. Seth drove the riding lawnmower around the grounds, then spruced up the riding trails and picnic area. He preferred staying busy, especially these days, when every time he saw Christina, his chest ached like Tango had planted her hoof smack in the center of it.
He didn’t think Christina had said anything to his grandparents yet about her plans to quit. Maybe she was holding off till after the holiday, too.
He was beginning to wish Labor Day weekend would last forever.
It almost felt like it did.
When Seth’s clock radio blasted Alan Jackson in his ear at 5:45 a.m. Tuesday, he nearly pulverized it. The ranch was full up so seldom that he’d forgotten how much work it took to keep all those guests fed and entertained and out of trouble for three long days. Only an act of will propelled him out of bed for early-morning chores. Then a quick breakfast and off to school with Joseph. Even with the extra commitment involved, Seth was glad his son still got excited every morning about attending school with his friends.
Returning from town, Seth glimpsed Christina wrestling her maid’s cart up the ramp to cabin three. She’d worked as relentlessly as any of them over the weekend, and no matter how hard he tried to stay angry at her for wanting to leave, he still cared.
It took him about two seconds to decide to swallow his pride and give her a hand. He slammed the pickup door, tossed his Stetson over the tailgate and marched down the hill to the cabins.
When he stepped inside, Christina looked up with a start. Dark circles shadowed her drooping eyes, and the smile she offered held no welcome. She flicked a strand of hair off her forehead. “Need something?”
“Thought you could use some help.” He strode into the adjoining bathroom, where he started gathering up damp towels.
She stopped him in the doorway. “This is my job, not yours. Anyway, you must have a million other things to do.”
“Nothing that can’t—” The chirp of his cell phone interrupted him. With an apologetic shrug, he handed the towels to Christina and took the call. “Seth Austin.”
“We spoke the other day,” the male voice drawled. “If you haven’t sold your horse yet, I’d still like to come out for a look-see.”
A gust of air whistled between Seth’s teeth. “Uh, sure. When did you have in mind?”
“I’m in San Antonio. Can’t get there until later this afternoon, say around four?”
“Sounds good. I’ll text you the directions.” Ending the call, Seth grimaced as he thumb-typed the ranch’s location into a text message.
A gentle touch to his arm made him look up. “Seth,” Christina said, her gaze pleading, “don’t do this. There has to be some other way.”
Guess she found out he was selling Tango. “I’ll do whatever it takes to keep Serenity Hills going. I owe it to my grandparents. I owe it to my kids.”
“But what about you? What do you want, Seth?”
He faced her squarely, his throat aching with the words he longed to say: I want you, Christina. I want you to stay right here with me and the kids for the rest of our lives.
Instead, he hiked his chin and said, “The only thing I’ve ever wanted is what’s best for my family. Like I said, I’ll do whatever it takes.” Sidling past her, he continued toward the door. “You’re right, I’ve got some other stuff I need to do. Sorry to have bothered you.”
He found his way blocked by a big yellow dog. Gracie sat between him and the porch steps, a funny kind of doggy-sneer baring her teeth. Seth never realized dogs were capable of so many facial expressions.
Christina came up beside
him. “I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want you to leave yet.”
“I’m getting that message.”
“So come sit down and let’s talk, okay?” Taking his hand, Christina drew him over to the matching metal porch chairs. She tugged on his arm until he sat down next to her. “I’ve been wanting to say something ever since I ran into Diana in town—”
“Diana. Should have known.” Staring up the hill, Seth tapped his boot heel.
“She’s worried about you, too. And about Serenity Hills. Seth, she got me to thinking. This place has so much to offer, but it might be time to make some compromises.”
Seth firmed his jaw. Compromise—wasn’t that exactly what selling Tango would be? “I appreciate your concern, but you shouldn’t worry about us.” Forcing himself to meet her gaze, he offered his most convincing smile. “You’ve got your own life to live, Christina, and I’m happy you’re getting another chance at the career you love and are clearly very good at.” He stood abruptly. “Just don’t wait too long to tell my grandparents you’re leaving. They’ll need time to make other arrangements.”
And I’ll need time to get you out of my heart.
This time, he didn’t let Gracie stop him. Sidestepping the dog, he marched down the porch steps and straight for the barn. This might be his last day to spend with Tango, and he wanted to get one more good ride in.
* * *
As Christina watched Seth walk away, Gracie plodded over and rested her chin on Christina’s lap. “I know, girl. But what can I do? He’s got his mind made up.”
And so do I.
Returning to Little Rock was the right thing to do, and not just because of Christina’s career goals but for the sake of her hard-fought self-confidence. The weeks she’d spent at Serenity Hills had strengthened her both physically and emotionally. Yes, the work was still exhausting, but she no longer experienced such bone-deep fatigue or the debilitating muscle cramps that had plagued her when she first started pushing the heavy maid’s cart up and down the hill.
