“How was your day?” Ronan broke the silence.
“Busy but good.” Sara smiled. “I received a beautiful bouquet of roses today.”
“Did you?”
“Mhmm. They caused quite a ruckus in the office.”
“Really,” Ronan’s voice laced with amusement. “Care to share?”
“Oh you know,” Sara aimed to play it cool. “The typical questions. ‘Who are they from?’ ‘Do you have a secret admirer?’ ‘Are they from a stalker?’”
Ronan laughed loudly. “Stalker? Why would anyone think you have a stalker?”
Sara shrugged. “Well… hardly anyone ever sees you. So they don’t know I have… I’m involved with someone.” Sara nearly jumped the gun and called him her boyfriend. She needed to talk to him first.
“I agree people might now know of me, but a stalker seems quite a leap from a simple admirer.”
Sara smiled and playfully batted her eyelashes. “Are you saying you are my admirer?”
Ronan met her eyes and with all sincerity said, “Of course I admire you.”
Unable to hold his intense gaze, Sara ducked her head but not before Ronan could see her happy smile.
“We’re here.”
Ronan pulled into Gloria’s, the restaurant they went to on their first date.
“Gloria’s?” Sara questioned, surprised with his restaurant of choice.
Ronan nodded. “You said it was one of your favorites. Is it okay?” He looked unsure of himself.
Sara quickly reassured him. “Absolutely. Let’s go.” Sara looked down to retrieve her purse from the floorboard and jumped back at the sound of her door opening. Ronan stood there, grinning ear to ear.
“How–” Sara closed her mouth and decided to refrain from sharing her surprise. Ronan must have jumped out and ran to her side of the car. She took his outstretched hand and the pair entered the restaurant.
Once they were escorted to their table, Sara felt warm enough to take off her coat. They were far enough away from the door where she doubted she would feel any drafts enter the building.
Ronan stood at her shoulder, observing her. “You do not enjoy the cold, do you?”
Sara shook her head, emphatically. “No. Not at all.”
Was it just Sara, or did she see a pang of disappointment cross Ronan’s eyes? Before she could think on it further, Ronan pulled out her chair for her to have a seat. Once she was settled, he moved to his side of the table and took up a drink menu.
“Would you like anything to drink?” He asked, looking towards the wine list.
“Whatever you are in the mood for will work for me.”
The couple ordered waters for the table, and Ronan requested a bottle of Pinot Grigio to accompany the meal.
“How was your day?” Sara returned Ronan’s original question with hope of dissolving the odd tension she suddenly sensed between them.
“My day was relatively uneventful. Until now, that is.” Ronan’s eyes lightened, and the unease in Sara’s stomach settled. “I must admit, I have been waiting for dinner all day.”
Sara’s heart fluttered. “Me too.”
“Have you spoken to Kate recently?”
“Yes, a little bit yesterday.”
“How is she liking her work?”
Sara smiled, remembering how Kate fawned over the staff and equipment at her new hospital. “She seems to be enjoying it. I think she is getting along with everyone, which is great for a social butterfly like her.”
Ronan nodded. “I am glad to hear it. How are you holding up?”
“Good.” After taking a second to think if she should say what she thought, Sara went for it, “I believe you have a large part in that.”
Ronan lowered his head. “I have barely done anything.”
“That’s not true and you know it.”
The waiter returned with wine, causing a pause in their conversation. When he left, Sara picked it back up.
“Honestly, Ronan,” Sara continued, needing him to hear how much she valued everything he did for her. “You have done so much when you had no obligation. I really do appreciate it.”
“I would do practically anything to help you, to ease any stress or discomfort for you.” He said the words so matter-of-factly, with no hint of motive. Clearly, he meant the words.
It was Sara’s turn to avert her eyes.
“Why?” Despite her nervousness, she knew she wanted to use this opening to discuss their relationship.
“Why?” He repeated, confused.
“Yes,” Sara straightened. “Why? Why me? Don’t get me wrong. You know I appreciate everything you do and the time we spend together. Sometimes, though, I wonder what we are…”
“What we are?” He wasn’t going to make this easy.
Sara swallowed the lump which threatened to choke her. “Yes. What we are.”
Ronan returned her gaze, looking completely lost. “I am not sure what you mean.”
If he didn’t look so sincere, Sara would have been irritated. “It’s just… people have been asking questions. For instance, today, when I received flowers, I had at least three tenants ask me if I was seeing someone.”
“And…?”
Sara sighed and shrugged. “And I didn’t know what to tell them.”
“But are you not seeing me?”
“I mean… I guess,” Sara fidgeted in her seat while Ronan looked the picture of calm.
“You guess?”
“Will you please say something besides repeating my words?”
“I’m sorry. I am confused, is all. Are you trying to tell me you do not want to see me?”
“What?” Sara’s eyes jumped to his. “No. Of course not.”
Despite already looking calm, Ronan’s countenance seemed to relax. “Then, I do not understand what is happening.” He gave an awkward chuckle.
Sara tucked her hair behind her ears. “I know. I’m doing this wrong.”
“Perhaps it will help if you tell me what it is you are trying to do.”
Sara couldn’t think of a more eloquent way to handle the situation. She simply stated facts. “Are we a couple? Like… are we only seeing each other? I think we are, but Kate encouraged me to be clear. If we are clear, there is less likely a chance one of us gets hurt.”
Namely me.
Ronan visibly balked. “I-” For the first time in knowing him, Ronan appeared speechless. “Of course I am only pursuing you, Sara. I thought that was clear.”
Sara’s heart soared despite her embarrassment. “I didn’t know. We have never discussed anything like this.”
“But don’t you know how much you mean to me? I spend all my free time with you.”
Sara thought back and had to admit the two had been spending most of their time together the past few weeks. She supposed it wasn’t crazy to realize it might be all of Ronan’s free time.
“I… I didn’t know. I didn’t want to assume.”
“Why not?”
It was Sara’s turn to repeat words. “Why not?”
“Why did you not want to assume?”
Sara blushed, feeling pitiful by what she was about to admit. “Ronan… come on. You’re gorgeous. You can have anyone you want. I didn’t know for sure if you weren’t seeing other people too.”
Ronan looked angry but not at her. It was more like he was angry at the situation.
“Sara, you have to see how much you mean to me. There is no one I would rather spend my time with. I lov– ” Ronan froze, as did Sara.
Did he just almost say he loves me?
Judging by the expression on Ronan’s face, he was as surprised by his almost-admission as Sara. He cleared his throat. “Just… know I care about you.”
Sara nodded, taking a large sip of her wine. She needed a bigger glass.
“I am only seeing you,” Ronan clarified.
Sara offered a small smile. “Noted. How about we talk about something else?”
The remainder of the evening went
okay. Things remained a little awkward between them, but the conversation continued and Sara ended up having a nice time.
When it was time to leave, Sara withheld the offer of grabbing a cup of coffee. She figured both of them could use some time apart to digest their conversation from earlier in the evening.
Ronan walked Sara to her door and gave her a light kiss on the cheek before disappearing down the stairwell and into the night.
Even though the evening did not end as well as she would have liked, Sara felt lighter after confirming she was the only woman Ronan was dating.
She suspected the information almost from the beginning, but it was nice to hear nevertheless.
Realizing she stood staring into the night outside of her apartment, Sara went inside and prepared for bed.
Later that night, Sara went to sleep. As she slept, she dreamed of ice-blue eyes never letting her out of their sight.
Chapter 12
“I think I have made a mistake.” Ronan’s statement grabbed Kalan’s attention from his seat on the sofa.
The prince raised a dark eyebrow. “What in Fate are you talking about?”
“With Sara,” Ronan’s voice was gruff. He avoided making eye contact. “I believe I have made a mistake.”
Hearing the name of his wife’s closest friend, Kalan straightened. “Ronan. You need to elaborate. Sit down. Tell me what is going on.”
Ronan paced back a forth a few times before listening to the prince. He sat on the edge of the couch, looking ready to bolt.
“Now,” Kalan began after Ronan remained seated. “Tell me what has happened.”
“I–.” Ronan stopped himself, running a shaky hand through his hair. “Nothing happened… per say.”
“What has you so agitated?” Kalan clarified.
“I think I made a mistake pursuing Sara.”
The prince frowned. “What caused this change of heart? I thought things were going well.”
“They are– they were,” the normally stoic guard corrected himself. “But I need to stop the relationship. Nothing can come of it.”
“Where is this coming from?” Something must have happened to make Ronan change his mind so drastically.
Kalan could see from the pain in his friend’s eyes that he was right. Something transpired to motivate the change in Ronan’s heart. The question was, what could make such a besotted male willing to end the relationship with a woman he cared so much for?
Kalan waited in silence, observing his friend’s internal struggle.
After a few moments, Ronan finally met the prince’s gaze. “I love her.”
Kalan couldn’t help it; he let out a laugh. “Well, of course you do, Ronan. I could have told you that weeks ago.” His friend seemed to be experiencing a case of cold feet.
Kalan remembered how changed Ronan appeared since seeing Gwen’s friend, Sara. The normally detached and aloof Winter Guard rarely stopped smiling the past few weeks.
The prince continued to smile as he remembered hearing Ronan hum at various points in recent days. His actions were those of a man in love. Kalan couldn’t believe the guard hadn’t realized his state before their conversation.
While Kalan relived amusing memories, Ronan sat on the couch frowning. He stared down at his leather boots.
Kalan noticed his friend’s demeanor and stopped chuckling. “You are not happy with the realization. You do not want to love her?”
Ronan closed his eyes. “It’s not that.”
Kalan waited for Ronan to reply. The guard remained silent.
“I am sorry, Ronan,” Kalan offered. “Honestly, I am not understanding what the problem is. Why are you upset about being in love with Sara?”
Ronan stood and walked towards the farthest wall. He gazed at a picture from Gwen and Kalan’s wedding. It displayed the couple’s entire wedding party. Kalan did not have to guess which face drew Ronan’s attention.
“She’s human,” Ronan finally muttered toward the wall.
“Yes,” Kalan nodded. “You knew that when this whole thing started.”
Ronan sighed. It was a tired sigh. “I know.”
“What has changed?”
Ronan lifted a hand to the picture. It quickly fell back to his side.
The guard took a steadying breath. “When I started seeking out Sara’s company, it was because I felt something, something I do not believe I have ever felt before. Knowing of her existence these past years but not interacting with her felt nearly impossible to bear. After seeing her at your wedding, I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. Something… I thought it could be Fate… pulled me to her.
“Then, as I spent more time with her,” Ronan turned to face the prince, looking torn and elated at the same time. “My fascination with her slowly turned into something more. I can scarcely blink when her image is not behind my eyes.”
Ronan’s tortured expression pleaded with his friend to understand him. Ronan repeated his words from earlier. “I love her. I am in love with a human.”
Kalan did not want sound insensitive, but his friend needed some push back. “Well, what did you think was going to happen?”
Ronan blinked, surprised by the prince’s tone. “What?”
Kalan rose from the couch and took a regal stance. “What did you think was going to happen, Ronan? You were infatuated with her and sought out her company. Did you think your feelings wouldn’t grow? That they would slip away with time?”
“I don’t know…” Ronan trailed off, looking lost.
“Sara is a wonderful woman, Ronan,” Kalan grew irritated with his friend’s carelessness. “You should have known feelings would grow the more time you spent with her. It was irresponsible of you to not take that into account.
“And to think,” Kalan continued his lecture. “Gwen even voiced her concern and I defended your actions. I believed you too honorable to play with the girl’s heart like this.”
“I didn’t play with her heart.”
“You pursued her to the point of falling in love, only to realize you made a mistake.” Kalan paused, shaking his head in disapproval. “Poor girl. I can only hope she isn’t as far gone with you. Perhaps she will have an easy time getting over you.”
***
Ronan stood in the prince’s living room, his mind and emotions exhausted from the conversation with Kalan.
The thought of Sara moving on made Ronan’s heart ache with a pain he never felt before. He rubbed his chest, as if that would sooth the pain he felt.
He looked at his friend and saw Kalan’s anger. He should be angry. Kalan defended Ronan’s intentions to his wife, only for her worries to be proven true.
“So what do you plan to do to remedy this situation?” The prince asked, beginning to sound drained from the conversation as well.
“I don’t know.”
“Are you going to glamour her to forget you?” Kalan offered the logical solution.
The thought of using his Fae abilities to erase Sara’s memory of him kicked Ronan in the gut. He stood there, aching heart and painful stomach, unsure of what to do or say.
Kalan scowled. “Have you given this no thought at all?”
Ronan remembered his actions since almost professing his love to Sara. After dropping her off at her apartment, the guard went to Winter Court. He hoped he could gain clarity of thought a realm away from Sara, but his tactic proved unsuccessful.
Every brown-eyed, common Fae reminded Ronan of Sara. Every feminine laugh made him turn around to see what Sara found funny, only to feel foolish once he realized she couldn’t possibly be there.
A week passed where Ronan split his time between the human and Fae realm. Kalan probably assumed Ronan’s absences were spent with Sara, as they had been the past weeks. In reality, the guard was busy trying to come up with a way for his infatuation with the human girl to not end poorly. After seven long and miserable days, Ronan knew the relationship could not work.
Ronan cleared his throat. “I do not know how
I am going to do it yet,” he began, donning a confident posture. He needed Kalan to believe he was sure of himself. Any crack would reveal just how torn Ronan was over his decision, and he couldn’t withstand doubt. It would make him change his mind. “But I plan to end my relationship with Sara. It is the right thing to do.”
“The right thing for who?” A feminine voice asked from the hallway. Gwen glided into the room. She looked the picture of grace, except for the frown marring her expression.
“Your Highness?” Ronan asked, noticing Gwen seemed to be awaiting a response.
“Ending the relationship. Who is it right for? Her? You? Both of you?”
Ronan allowed himself to contemplate her question. Without a doubt, Ronan did not believe ending the relationship was the best thing for him. He doubted he would ever feel for another the way he felt about Sara, but that was his burden to bear. Sara deserved better than a paranormal being who could not provide the life she desired – the life she deserved.
“Well?” Gwen asked, crossing her arms. “What do you have to say?”
Ronan did not hesitate. “Ending the relationship will be better for Sara. The alternative was selfish and thoughtless for me to even consider.”
Gwen’s eyes widened in surprise. “Says who?”
“Says me,” Ronan answered honestly. “I can’t provide her the life she wants.”
“How on Earth do you know that?” Gwen asked, looking between the two men in front of her, seeking clarity. “I’m sure you could give Sara a wonderful life.”
“But… it won’t be forever,” Kalan pointed out to his wife.
The blonde shook her head, disagreeing with her husband. “It could be Sara’s forever.”
Ronan stilled, fascinated with the idea he could ever deserve to be Sara’s forever. Almost as soon as the image appeared in his mind, he shook it away. “That is impossible,” Ronan replied. “I won’t deny her a normal life.”
Gwen sighed. “Look, I’m not going to argue with you to be with my friend. All I am saying is if your reasons for not being with her hinge on what you think she wants or deserves, it might be good of you to actually hear those things from her. Don’t just assume you know her desires if you haven’t even had a conversation with her.”
Waiting for Fate (Dual Court Kiss Book 3) Page 8
