by Loki Renard
I start to sob, crying tears of regret that don’t make me seem any more sane.
“You have to stop this, ma’am. Doctor Knight isn’t based here. Hasn’t been from the beginning.”
A kind, but gruff voice interrupts my tears. I look up to see that they’ve gone and gotten the boss again.
The commanding officer of this place is actually a decent guy. Silver-haired and more calm than most soldiers, he’s dealt with these meltdowns every day since they took Daniel. We’re starting to have a relationship of sorts.
“He’s serving his country, ma’am. Maybe you can let him do that.”
“Against his will!”
“I reckon he made his choices best way he could. Just like we all do. Just like you need to do. You’re too pretty to waste your life yelling at a fence.”
It’s all so simple for him. I should just give up and go home. I should just stop fighting.
“If someone took your wife away from you, would you just accept it? Or would you yell at every fence you had to until you got her back?”
“Well,” he admits. “I don’t know about that, but you and the doctor weren’t married.”
“We’re closer than most married couples are.”
“That’s what women who aren’t married tell themselves.”
I take it back. He’s an asshole.
“And what do fuckwits who steal people tell themselves?”
He smirks. Nothing I say bothers him, because he doesn’t take me seriously. “Ma’am, Doctor Knight is doing good and valuable work here. Maybe he wasn’t keen to volunteer, but we need him. He’s a good man.”
“I know he is! And he’s my man! Not yours!”
It’s hopeless. Militaries have been capturing scientists since the dawn of time. I know they’re never going to let him go. He’s too brilliant not to be on their team. Maybe he can find some way to negotiate some better conditions. Or maybe… I feel my throat close up at the very thought… maybe he’s just done with me. I made his escape impossible. I caused a huge scene at the base. Every misfortune in his life has been due to me. So maybe I should let him go. Maybe he wasn’t telling me to go and have a good life. Maybe he was telling me to fuck off so he could have a life of his own.
“I’m going to let you go,” he says, that horrible look of pity on his face. “But on one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“You take a day off from this. You go home and you think about things. And then you come up with a more constructive use of your time.”
“Yeah. Okay.”
That’s enough for him. He lets me out of the cell. I go back to the little yellow car all this trouble really started in, and I pull out. Go home, huh? Think about more constructive ways to be a total victim to these assholes? Fuck that. I swing the wheel around. Plant my foot flat and head the vehicle toward the gates of the base.
They’ll call me crazy, I think as the front of the car hits the center of the gates and sends one crashing entirely off its mounts, the panel clinging to the front of my car as I proceed across the neat green turf beyond. They’ll call me a terrorist, I consider as steam cascades from the smashed-up radiator. Maybe they’ll even kill me. Is it weird that I don’t care?
Chapter Fourteen
Daniel
“You’ve been a bad girl.”
I murmur the words softly as Briarlee opens her eyes.
“Are you mad at me?” The first words out of her mouth are soft and small. I’m not mad at her. I’m glad she’s alive. I’m glad she’s with me. It’s no thanks to the people who told me she’d be safe. They were supposed to look after her. They didn’t.
They turned her loose. They left her to her own devices. Her downward spiral was a swift and chaotic one. The massive dose of Regenermax followed by total abandonment caused her to break down. I’ve seen the footage of her final act of rebellion several times. I don’t know how she survived it, but I know she’s never, ever going to do a thing like that again. I won’t allow it.
I thought she might do better without me. I thought she might find the freedom she’d wanted. I thought so many things. All of them wrong, all of them informed by the fear that I ruined her. In the end, it wasn’t what I did that ruined her. It’s what I didn’t do and couldn’t do.
“No, sweetheart,” I say softly. “I’m not mad.”
“I think I did something stupid.”
She did, but she was out of her mind. It wasn’t her fault. It was mine. From the beginning, Briarlee has been mine to look after.
“It’s okay now.”
“It hurts.”
“It won’t for long,” I say, pushing the button on her medical drip to send another dose of painkillers into her system.
One month. That’s all it took for her to be seriously hurt again. She wasn’t functional without me, and I think I know why. None of this was her fault. She might be broken in a way even I can’t fix. If that’s the case, I will never forgive myself.
“Doctor.”
It’s Spencer. That’s how I know him anyway. God knows what his real name is. He’s been my handler since I agreed to work with them. He’s actually a reasonable guy, a sharp contrast to the men who took me and tried to beat me into submission. I’ve been able to continue my regime of Regenermax.
“We can’t keep her here. You know we can’t. Not long term.”
Here is a facility in the mountains. It’s biologically remote, and a repository of the most dangerous substances known to man. Viruses that are supposed to be extinct are kept here, mutated and tested. Chemical compounds banned by every right-thinking government in the world are routinely synthesized and though it’s never spoken of, they must be administered. Everything from Black Plague to Novichok is housed in several feet of concrete and steel.
Having Briarlee brought here wasn’t easy. They told me she’d be better off on the outside. They told me that her protests would die down, that she’d lose interest. Instead she lost her mind.
“You want me to work for you. Fine. I accept that I can do my work here. But I don’t accept that I can’t have Briarlee with me. She needs me.”
“She’s a liability.”
“She’s a woman your people wounded. She wasn’t like this before I dosed her. She was the calmest, sweetest girl in the world.” Not strictly entirely true, but it’s not as if they know any better.
Spencer’s expression shows his disbelief at my claim.
“She’s recovering from the last time you shot her, she was left on her own without monitoring, which was not in the agreement, and she was allowed to become so destructive she could have killed herself or somebody else. You can’t keep her safe. I can. She stays with me.”
“One condition…”
“No conditions.”
I’ve been learning how to deal with the military. They’re not really interested in imprisoning anyone. They’re a bureaucracy, same as everything else. They have rules for the sake of having rules, rules that are followed only because following rules is what they do.
That’s why they need people like me. People who look past the rules to see what is possible. It was possible to make Regenermax work. And it’s possible to have Briarlee here too.
“She doesn’t have clearance. This is a top secret facility. No families. If we allow you, we have to make an exception for…”
“I’m sorry, has anyone else’s family been the second human test subject of Regenermax? Is anyone else potentially useful as an object of study?”
I have a point, and he knows it. It took time for me to accept that I wasn’t going to get away from the military without destroying myself and everything I loved. I have bowed to one great tyranny so I can be of use. But I won’t give up Briarlee ever again.
“Alright,” he sighs. “But I expect notes. Studies.”
“I could have done that a lot more effectively if she hadn’t been separated from me in the first place.”
“We don’t take civilians…” He
trails off. “Yes, I know you’re civilian, but you know the difference. You’re an accomplished scientist. She isn’t. If you want her here, it has to be under strictly monitored conditions. She stays in the lab. She doesn’t leave it. Ever.”
We’ll see about that. For the moment, just having Briarlee here is enough. She’s too sick to leave a medical bed anyway. That crash caused a mass of contusions, on top of the trauma she sustained earlier. She needs a lot of care, and I’m going to give it to her.
* * *
Briarlee
When I open my eyes again, he’s there again. I thought I was dreaming until he touched me and I felt the warmth of his hand gently brushing my forehead.
“Did I die? Am I dead?”
“You didn’t die, sweetheart,” he says gently. “You’re with me. In… a hospital.”
The little hesitation tells me he’s lying. This isn’t a hospital. This is a prison. Maybe they don’t call it that. Maybe they call it a base or a lab, but it’s a place he can’t leave, and I wasn’t supposed to get into. A prison by any other name. I don’t mind. I’d go to hell to be with him.
“You’re pretty badly hurt,” he says. “Don’t move too much or too quick. These IVs are doing important things.”
“You don’t need to talk to me like a child,” I say. “I know you’re mad.”
“I’m not mad. Why would I be mad?”
We both know why he should be angry. I can’t work out why he isn’t.
“Regenermax has two well-known side effects: enhanced lust response and aggression. They both hit you much harder than I expected. Could be smaller body mass. Could be it’s not suitable for women at the moment.”
“Because a horny aggressive man is fine, but a woman is a problem.”
“You’re a problem,” he says fondly. “My problem. And I don’t mind you horny, but I do mind you declaring war on the US Military.”
“They started it,” I say sulkily.
“And they finished it. They’ve classified you with the same status I am. You’re no longer free to go. You’re stuck here. With me.”
“Good,” I smile. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“It’s not all you’ve ever wanted,” he smiles. “You wanted a pony once.”
“I was fourteen. And I still want a pony, but I don’t think it would fit in this hospital bed.”
He chuckles, and I feel so much better. His absence was pure pain. I felt more alone than I have ever felt. It was as if the sun went out, and my heart went out with it.
“I want you to know,” he says. “Some of your reactions could have been down to the Regenermax. We’re going to run some noninvasive tests as you recover to see where you’re at.”
“It’s not the Regenerwhatever. I feel in love with you, you idiot.”
“If it’s not the Regenermax, then you’re being rude for the sake of it—and you know how I feel about that.”
A little thrill of excitement runs through me. His gentle, but stern warning makes me feel more normal, and more cared for than anything could.
“You’re in the army now, brat,” he winks. “Better start getting some discipline.”
“Am I? In the army?”
“Well, technically no, but you know what I mean. Behave yourself, Briarlee. I’ll be dealing with you soon.”
“Dealing with me, huh?”
He smiles and I feel that flutter in my tummy again. I’m sore. I’m contained in what I’m sure is a much more secure room than the one I broke out of the first time I woke up in one of these military bases, but none of that matters right now. I’m safe. I’m with him. What else could I possibly need?
Chapter Fifteen
It turns out, I need quite a lot else.
My recovery is slow. I wasn’t seriously hurt in the crash, but a crash is a crash. The high Regenermax dose I’d been given the month before helped, Daniel says. Maybe it did. I don’t know. I’m just glad to be back with him, to be able to see his face every day.
But there is a big, black cloud attached to this silver lining. And that is the fact that we are both prisoners now. As much as Daniel works to look after me, there is only so much he can do for me, and only so much time he can spend with me. I am not allowed to leave the room. Ever. It contains a bed, a television that only plays old VHS tapes, a treadmill to simulate walking, and fluorescent lighting. The floor is heavy gray linoleum. The walls are white tile. This is not a room to live in. This is a room where things are butchered.
At first, that doesn’t matter. My relief at having him makes up for the Spartan decor. Within a week, I’m on my feet. In another week, I’ve thoroughly explored the boundaries of this room, which is nine feet by ten, and I’m bored. Those tiles seem to be shuffling ever inward, closing in on me. I start to feel claustrophobic, as if I might die here.
“Please, Daniel, just one little walk.”
“You can’t leave the room,” he explains for the umpteenth time. “But I can get you a VR headset on and you can walk on the treadmill. It simulates outside conditions quite well.”
“I don’t want a VR headset. I want to go outside. I need sunlight. “
“Have you been using your Vitamin D lamp?”
“Ugh! That’s Soviet technology. What is this, a gulag?”
His expression is a mixture of sympathy and grim discipline.
“You can’t always get what you want,” he replies. “You had all the freedom you could use out there, and you used it to breach a military facility. So now you’re locked down. Consequences, Briarlee.”
I don’t like the way he’s talking to me. I don’t like the way he has become as much my captor as anyone else. My entire world has shrunk to being him and him alone. Maybe that should be enough. It’s what I was willing to die for.
I synthesize all these complex thoughts into a simple phrase.
“You’re being a dick.”
“Briarlee…” he growls a warning.
“No. I mean it! What happened to you? You fled into the woods to avoid being taken by the military. I got shot in the process! And now all you care about is following their rules and making them happy? I guess the Regenermax can’t stop you from being a pussy.”
The last words make him go absolutely still. I’ve lashed out and I’ve hurt him in a way I never could physically. But he needed to hear it. We shouldn’t be here, in this horrible facility where they do god knows what. He hasn’t told me, but every room in this place seems to be soundproof, and I can only imagine that’s because the building would echo with the screams of the damned if it wasn’t.
“You got hurt when I ran,” he growls. “You would be hurt again if I ran again. They know what and who I love in this world, and they will use it to get my compliance. I won’t risk that. No matter what you think. Your safety is worth more to me than your opinion of me.”
And now I feel like shit. Maybe I should.
“I’m sorry.”
“It is what it is, Briarlee. I’m going to do what keeps you safe. That’s what a man does. I should never have run. I should have surrendered myself in the beginning. You’d have missed me, but it wouldn’t have destroyed you. The shooting and the Regenermax did that.”
“So you think I’m ruined.”
“I think you were hurt by my choices. I think I’m too late to save everything you once were.”
It’s my turn to be hurt.
“Fuck you,” I blaze. “We should run. We should let them come for us if they want. We should load up on as much Regenermax as won’t kill us and we should go live in the wild.”
“You want to live in the woods?”
“I was thinking Canada.”
He snorts. “Briarlee…”
I get close to him, lower my voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “You could do it. You could develop a dose for both of us that would make us almost invincible.”
“We’d risk losing our minds. We’d be nothing more than animals.”
“Is that risk worse th
an the risk of living here forever, me in this cell? You in a slightly bigger one?”
* * *
Daniel
She looks at me with her beautiful eyes and I feel the siren’s call to rebellion.
Her idea is sinking into my mind. It’s wrong on so many levels. But it’s also right in many other ways. We need to be free. We will lose our minds in here. Our spirits will be broken. Maybe one day, a long time from now, our handlers will let us go. Or maybe they won’t. Maybe we’ll die in here if we don’t take our fate into our own hands.
Since arriving at the facility, I’ve weaned myself off Regenermax. The healing is done. My injuries have not returned. The physical gains I made during treatment have eased considerably. I can’t think on the Regenermax. Not as well as I need to in order to develop and refine it. I’ve been clean for three weeks.
What she doesn’t know—what nobody knows—is that I’ve been developing a super version of the drug. A potential one hit that would have cataclysmic effects on the body. It’s dangerous. Very dangerous. Either the subject withstands the onslaught of regenerative growth, or they die. It could likely lead to tumors. There’s no way to test that, but anything that speeds up cell replication has that possible effect.
I could dose us both with it. It would turn us into the human equivalent of monsters. But then what? This place isn’t one that you can simply leave by brute force.
“We’re going to do this, aren’t we?”
“What do you mean?”
She smiles at me a little too broadly. “That’s your thinking face. You’re thinking about how to do this.”
She’s right. I have an idea.
“What would you give up for freedom?” Her answer to this question matters more than she can imagine, because my idea is nearly unthinkable. I suppose, on some level, I have been planning this all along, but it is as it was the first time I took Regenermax. I have to be pushed to my limits to take this out. Seeing Briarlee so angry and miserable in her confinement makes me consider an almost unspeakable option.
