Table of Contents
Here I’ll Stay
Dedication
Prologue
Reason One
Reason Two
Reason Three
Reason Four
Reason Five
Reason Six
Reason Seven
Reason Eight
Reason Nine
Reason Ten
Reason Eleven
Reason Twelve
Reason Thirteen
Reason Fourteen
Reason Fifteen
Reason Sixteen
Reason Seventeen
Reason Eighteen
Reason Nineteen
Reason Twenty
Reason Twenty-One
Reason Twenty-Two
Reason Twenty-Three
Reason Twenty-Four
Reason Twenty-Five
Reason Twenty-Six
Reason Twenty-Seven
Reason Twenty-Eight
Reason Twenty-Nine
Reason Thirty
Epilogue
Author's Note
Readers Reasons to Stay
Acknowledgements
Other Books by Dominique Laura
Connect With Dominique Laura
Here I’ll Stay
Copyright © 2017 Dominique Laura
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, or by any other means, without written permission from the author. The only time passages may be used is for a teaser, blog post, article, or review, so long as the work isn’t being wrongfully used.
This book is a work of fiction. Characters, names, places, events, and incidents portrayed are solely from the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual places, people, events, or other incidents is coincidental or are used fictitiously.
Cover Design: Liv Moore
Formatting: Formatting Done Wright
This book is for you. You are worthy. You are enough. You are one of a kind, and no one else, as hard as they try, will ever be you. I hope you stay, always.
Dedication
Prologue
Reason One Ice cream
Reason Two Coffee
Reason Three Running
Reason Four Hopscotch
Reason Five Hanging out
Reason Six Bonfires
Reason Seven Hiking
Reason Eight Pasta
Reason Nine Crushes
Reason Ten Memories
Reason Eleven Feels
Reason Twelve Time
Reason Thirteen All kinds of laughter
Reason Fourteen Camping
Reason Fifteen Dinner Parties
Reason Sixteen Truth
Reason Seventeen Hugs
Reason Eighteen Sweet kisses
Reason Nineteen Strength
Reason Twenty The unexpected
Reason Twenty-One Girl time
Reason Twenty-Two Hope
Reason Twenty-Three Nothing
Reason Twenty-Four Me
Reason Twenty-Five Promises
Reason Twenty-Six Fresh starts
Reason Twenty-Seven Smell of books
Reason Twenty-Eight Poetry
Reason Twenty-Nine Home
Reason Thirty Life
Epilogue
Readers Reasons to Stay
Acknowledgements
Author’s Note
Other books by Dominique Laura
Connect with Dominique Laura
Boys were cruel.
Scratch that.
I wasn’t one to discriminate. People were cruel. In general. Always, constantly hurting others for their own twisted pleasure and gain. I hated it. I never understood it. Mostly because I was on the receiving end of that hurt but also because it made no sense to me. We were all created equal, with no choice but to live the lives we were given. I was a firm believer in that. It’s why I chose kindness over anything else. But that kindness was tested whenever someone made fun of me, someone like Jason, who had been my number one bully since kindergarten.
Right now was one of those times.
“Oink, oink.” He mocked from beside me.
We were seated beside one another in class. Every day of the school year I was forced to sit next to the person who liked me least in this world, well second to my own father, anyway. I resisted the urge to elbow him in the rib cage.
Kindness, always, I silently reminded myself.
“Oh, come on, little piggy, you aren’t going to oink for me?” He continued to taunt. Everyone else laughed, while I seethed. I narrowed my eyes at the group of people watching our interaction.
“You aren’t worth the time or effort, Jason. You and I both know that,” I said softly but firmly, focusing my attention on anything but his heated stare.
“Just because you lost all that weight, it doesn’t make you any less disgusting, don’t forget that.”
“What is your problem with me?” I clenched my hands against my thighs, still facing away from him. “You’ve been a jerk since we were kids, and I don’t understand why.”
“Simple,” he said, leaning in closer. His breath fanned against the side of my neck, and I stiffened in response. “You’re an easy target. Always have been, always will be.”
Saved by the bell, I grabbed my things and booked it out of there without looking back. Senior year was almost over and then I would be done with him—or so I thought.
I had been sitting alone, eating a sandwich in the mall food court, waiting for my two best friends to show up, when a group of guys walked by.
I heard laughing, then a few snickers, followed by, “It doesn’t look like you need to eat anymore.”
I turned, ignored the burning sensation behind my eyes, and prepared to face the boy who had been taunting me since grade school. And considering we had just started winter break, it was a wonder he even had the strength to continue with this—this being whatever it was he had been doing. It was a cross between bullying and torture.
“Jason, always a pleasure.” I kept my eyes trained on him and my voice level, hoping to muster up enough courage to get rid of them before Maci and Sarah showed up. They had no problem telling Jason and his group of friends where to shove it. I, on the other hand, had nothing but problems when it came to him and his group of friends. Especially when it came to defending myself.
“But really, do you need to eat anymore? You’re looking a little chunky these days.” His friends didn’t suppress their laughter.
The burn behind my eyes grew stronger but I resisted the urge to cry. I wouldn’t do that anymore. I couldn’t. I didn’t have the strength to. “You’ve been saying that for years. Don’t you have any new material to use?”
“Oh, I do.” He leaned his face toward my own, his nose inches away from mine. “I just know you’d end up eating your feelings out after and since you’re already fat, I wouldn’t want to do that to you.”
I sucked in a breath. He had always been cruel, but somehow his cruelty only seemed to get worse the older we got.
His new comment had stung. It stung a lot.
And that’s another reason why you shouldn’t stay, I thought to myself.
I blinked back tears, or tried to. Judging by the wetness I felt strolling down my cheeks, I’d say I didn’t succeed.
My eyes drifted past the smug pair in front of me and landed on a sea of crystal blue ones not far behind. I recognized the boy they belonged to from around school but I had never really looked at him before, especially since he was friends with Jason. Anyone associated with him was sure to be trouble. That, or the devil’s spawn. Either option could be true, honestly. Point was, I knew better than to acknowledge anyone in Jason’s g
roup.
I turned my eyes back to Jason’s cold, hard ones. “Are you finished now?” My voice cracked but I hoped it was strong enough to get him to leave. Luckily it was.
He pushed himself off from the table. “For now. See ya around, stuffed cow.”
What does that even mean? I thought, scrunching my brows in confusion. He was an idiot.
He left and his friends followed quickly behind. However, I couldn’t help but notice that the boy with the crystal blue gaze stayed behind. The look of remorse he wore on his face made me think that maybe he wasn’t such a bad guy after all. Maybe.
“Don’t tell me that troll and his friends were just here,” Maci said, taking the seat across from me while Sarah sat in the one beside me.
“He’s such an ass, I swear.” Sarah interjected. “When are we going to key his car or something?”
“Right now? I’m sure he’ll still be in the mall for another couple of hours at least.” Maci glared at his disappearing form.
“He isn’t worth our time.” I shook my head. “But I love you guys for trying, I really do.”
“Crap. He made you cry again, didn’t he?” Sarah squeezed me against her side. “I’m so sorry we couldn’t get here sooner.”
“It’s okay.” I patted her arm. “I got through it, just like I always do.”
“Well, don’t worry,” Maci said. “In a few short months, we’ll be soaking in summer and then we’ll be off to college and far away from the butt fart jerk.”
“Butt fart?” I scrunched my face. “Really?”
“Well, if the name fits.” She shrugged.
We all laughed and a lightness broke through the tension that Jason had left behind.
As Maci told us about her latest boy toy and Sarah listened intently, my mind kept drifting to the thoughts floating around in my head.
And that’s another reason why you shouldn’t stay, my inner voice said on repeat.
As many times as that one sentence floated around, I knew I needed to change it. I needed to escape it. And so, I made sure that a new phrase took its place. It was the same phrase with one less word and a whole lot of meaning—one stronger than the one before it.
And there’s another reason why you should stay.
With that, following quickly behind, came the list of my reasons I needed to stay and fight—a list of reasons that would serve as my survival kit from that day on.
“Can you believe that we get two glorious weeks off from school?” Sarah squeezed my arm excitedly as her eyes nearly bugged out. “We’ll be adulting before we know it!”
“Can you believe that we’ll be doing absolutely nothing in that time?” I mimicked her excitement, which caused hers to fade and a tongue to stick out at me.
We were so mature.
“Well, shopping and tanning definitely count as something.” She let go of my arm, skipping along the edge of the sidewalk.
She wasn’t wrong. One of the perks of living in Southern California was that the weather was always warm, even when it wasn’t.
“You’ve got a point, but I just don’t feel like I’m doing anything,” I said, trying to keep up with her.
“Well, why not go on a few dates?”
I froze at her comment.
I had never been on a date before nor did I ever plan on going on one. Boys were too much drama, and it was easier to avoid that drama while I was still ahead.
“No, I think I’m good,” I told her.
“Oh, come on, Daysie.” She glanced back at me, her face all business-like. “You definitely need to get out more.”
“I’m out right now with you, aren’t I?” I gave her a pointed look, our paces finally matching up since she had stopped skipping. “Besides, I’m happy with the way things are right now.”
“You mean random one night kisses and unanswered phone calls the next day?”
“Exactly. Besides, tell me this.” I made sure to look her straight in the eyes. That was the only way she would know that I was serious. “What’s the point in trying if I already know the outcome? Random kisses are so much easier than kisses you know you’ll become addicted to and once you grow dependent, they’ll disappear a few months later. I don’t need that.”
“Aside from the kisses disappearing, what other outcome is there?” She asked.
“The outcome where I get half a heart in return for the full heart that I started off with,” I answered.
“Day...” Her voice softened, using my nickname.
I shook my head, preventing her from saying any more. Relationships were a sore subject. I was fine on my own. I had been fine on my own for a while, and I would continue to be fine. Besides, I had enough problems at home without adding a boy into the mix.
“Sarah, I have no room in my life for some boy who probably won’t last the semester, yet alone winter break. Especially since we start college soon. Well, soon-ish.”
“Well, I think you should make room.” Her hands went to her hips, making her look intimidating. But she wasn’t. Not with her light, delicate features or short profile. Although, it was entertaining to watch her try.
“Why don’t you let me set you up with one of Corey’s friends?”
I scrunched my nose. Corey had been Sarah’s boyfriend since sophomore year. They had the most stable relationship out of anyone I had ever known. They were the one-in-a-million couple. The couple that was strong enough to survive anything, the couple that would float through hell and back together without giving up on the other person. They had the type of relationship I had always dreamt of having. But I wasn’t naive enough to think that I could ever have it too, which is why I needed to nip the idea in the bud before it even started.
“Corey’s friends are nothing like Corey. Besides, half of them don’t know their fingers from their toes,” I said, pointedly.
She barked out a laugh. “Ya know, that’s actually sort of true.”
“But if you really want to set me up with someone,” I said, considering the idea for a moment. “Why don’t we ask Maci to hook us up with one of her friends?”
Maci was the third girl in our threesome friendship. And since meeting in Honors English freshman year, the three of us had become inseparable.
“Oh, please. There isn’t a guy friend Maci has that she hasn’t already slept with.” She shook her head as we walked into the ice cream shop together. “You would have better luck with the online circuit.”
At the extra spark in her eyes, I cut her off before she could continue. “Don’t get any ideas.”
“I make no promises.”
“What can I get for you ladies today?” An older woman wearing a green apron asked with a smile plastered on her face. I wondered if it was genuine or just well-practiced from having to do her job all day.
“I’ll have a double chocolate chip cone please.” Sarah was all smiles, and I knew I would never have to wonder if hers were real or not because she was just a happy person. It was almost refreshing. I think that’s why we got along so well.
The lady turned to me, her eyes crinkling on the sides, and I decided she was genuine after all.
“I’ll have a vanilla bean, double scoop in a cone. Thanks.”
As the lady turned to prepare our cones, I turned to Sarah. “Do you really think I need to get out more?”
“Yes.”
“Really? No hesitation? Nothing?”
“Nope. In fact,” her eyes glanced to the side. “I think you should get out more starting now.”
“Now?”
“Well, as soon as we get to the register to pay.”
“Why do you say that?”
“You’ll see?”
“Seriously, Sarah?”
“Uh huh.” She grabbed her ice cream, and I did the same. “You’ll see.”
“Doubtful. But judging by the stupid gleam in your eyes right now, I’m kind of wishing that I had more time to prepare.”
Once we reached the register and I heard the total, I ha
nded my card to the outstretched hand in front of me. I was too engrossed in my vanilla bean to notice anything else, which is why I didn’t notice Sarah, or the figure, trying to get my attention.
“Ahem, Daysie.”
I turned my head toward hers, taking a giant lick of my ice cream. “What?”
“Remember what I said about the register?”
“Not really.”
“Well, I think you need to remember. Like, now.”
I gave a dramatic sigh as I moved to stand directly in front of the cash register. My eyes trailed up the outstretched arm, still holding my credit card. As soon as my eyes found the face in front of me, my eyes widened in surprise. It was the same guy, the one with the sea-like blue eyes, that had been hanging around Jason. He was just as handsome as the first time I stared at him like this. His hair was cut shorter, his face a little brighter, and his smile almost blinding, especially with the small hole sinking into his right cheek. He had a dimple. I was a sucker for dimples. In my opinion, there was nothing cuter on a guy.
“Ahem.” Someone bumped my shoulder from the side. Knowing it was Sarah, I kept my eyes trained on the handsomeness in front of me. It was like looking at a shooting star for the first time. Staring was natural. I couldn’t stop.
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