After years of dealing with their hate, you’d think it wouldn't’ hurt so much, but it does. It hurts like it’s the first time. My heart is breaking. It’s been broken and those already broken pieces are cracking in half and crumbling into nothing.
Nothing.
That’s what I am. It’s all I’ve ever been.
I have friends, yes.
I now have Bren, sure.
But I don’t have what most kids get without a second thought—the unconditional love from a mom and dad.
I hated to admit it but their love and affection was something I would always long for. How could I not? They’ve been in my life since before I took my first breath. Hating them would almost be too easy, but I wasn’t sure I loved them either. I was indifferent at this point.
I ran harder, pushing myself, tingling in my body from how fast and far I was going a welcome distraction from the pain threatening to bleed from my heart.
I was broken. I was bruised. I was lost.
I had no clue who I was.
I was bullied, I was abused, both physically and mentally. I never thought that would be me, that I would be the girl you see in television movies. You know the one, the one whose life is messed up and whose social life is even crappier.
That was me. I was that girl.
I didn’t even know who the heck I was. I rarely stood up for myself and I let their words affect me more than they deserved to.
It was crap. The whole situation was bull.
I groaned. What was I even doing?
I stopped mid run and put my hands on my thighs, breathing in and out deep and unsteady. My body was liquid and I was grateful for the temporary relief it brought.
Time was supposed to heal, but for me it just prolonged the hurt and hatred I felt every day of my life.
When would it get better? That’s what I’d like to know.
I released a deep breath, willing the ache in my limbs to disappear. That had been one of my longest runs ever and I felt lighter, which is probably why I ended up in front of the ice cream shop without even realizing it. I smiled. Somewhere deep in my heart where Bren had magically ingrained himself, I knew that seeing him would make everything better.
He didn’t know the truth behind my random periods of absence from school or why I had so many bruises and marks on my body. Some were visible, but thankfully the worst of them were easily hidden beneath my clothes or jewelry.
No one asked questions, except for my best friends, but they were the exception because they had witnessed firsthand the abuse my father was capable of. I wasn’t proud of it but the first time they had seen what he did to me, I was relieved; it meant I didn’t have to lie to the two most important people in my life anymore, and it meant I finally had people to turn to without having to sugarcoat the truth.
I shook off the nerves that had suddenly twisted my stomach and walked inside the shop. It wasn’t busy, but there were a few tables occupied by people.
I self-consciously wiped back my sweaty bangs and wiped my clam-like palms against my running shorts. A smile lifted my cheeks when I spotted Bren. He was standing behind the cash register in a colorful apron, smiling at a customer. My stomach flipped at the sight of his dimple. He was always doing that, smiling. I hadn’t seen many frowns on his face since we started hanging out a month ago.
Had it already been a month? It felt like more time had passed than that.
His coworker, someone I had seen working behind the counter with him before, gave him a little nudge and gestured to where I awkwardly stood. Bren looked up, shifting his focus from the customer in front of him to me. His smile widened and his dimple deepened.
I gave him a quick wave, walking over to the counter. “Hey.”
“Hey,” he said, his blue eyes twinkling with an emotion I didn’t want to touch yet. “I’m going to take my break now.”
He directed that last part to his coworker before slipping around the counter to stand in front of me. His hands gave mine a gentle squeeze.
“I was hoping I’d get to see you soon. You haven’t been around much lately, but Maci said that you’ve been dealing with some stuff at home. Is everything alright?”
I sighed, relieved that Maci had given him sort of explanation and that it was as close to the truth as she could get without revealing my secret.
“Yeah, there was sort of a lot going on.” That was an understatement, but I wasn’t ready for him to see the other messed up parts of my life. The cruelness from our classmates was hard enough for me to let him see, though I really didn’t have much control over when, where, and how they decided to mistreat me.
He moved us over to a booth tucked away in a corner of the room. I sat down and he surprised me by sitting beside me. I crinkled my nose. I always thought it was strange how some couples sat beside one another instead of across. Not that we were a couple, but still. I mean, how did they expect to have a conversation when they couldn’t see the other person’s face?
“Why the face?” Bren asked with a light laugh.
“I just expected you to sit across from me, I guess,” I said with a shrug.
“Nah.” He shook his head and gripped my hands in his gently. “It’s been awhile since I’ve had any sort of closeness with you and I’m not going to miss the opportunity now by sitting away from you. I need to be near. I want to be near.”
My heart exploded.
He was sweet and honest and unafraid of expressing his feelings. It made my heart open wide for me and it made me more vulnerable, but I didn’t care. He was one of the few bright spots in my life, and I would have been a fool to welcome him with anything but open arms.
“Thank you,” I said, adjusting my body so that my front faced his. I gripped either side of his face and pressed a deep kiss against his lips. “Seriously. Thank you, Bren.”
“For what?” He asked, almost shyly.
I smiled against his lips and pressed my forehead against his. “For being open and honest with me, for not judging and just being there. You make being your feel so easy.”
He chuckled and reached a hand up to brush the tears misting my vision. “Well, that’s what feels are for, Daysie.”
I laughed. And I mean really laughed. Loud.
He pulled away from me and laughed along with me, but I knew he was laughing at me and not with me since he had no idea why I was laughing in the first place.
The day’s events played out in my mind like an old movie and I had no choice but to watch it. From my mother blaming me to my father basically saying I was the one who would ruin his life, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. That run hadn’t been as effective as I thought it had. I was feeling too much and I needed to release that pent-up emotion, and that was by laughing apparently.
My laughter faded into gut-wrenching sobs and I moved to cover my face with my hands but before I could, Bren’s armed wrapped around my body and pulled me tightly against him, holding my head against his shoulder.
I sobbed into the crook of his neck and tried to catch my breath.
I was more than broken. I was falling apart, and I didn’t know how to stop it.
When did my life get so screwed up? How could I have so much good and still be blanketed by darkness ninety-nine percent of the time? I didn’t understand; I wasn’t sure I ever would.
I had love, but I also had hate. I had friendship, but I also had loneliness. My shoulders were heavy with the secrets I carried, and the weight was becoming too much. I didn’t know how much longer I could hide, how much longer I could hide the truth from the people around me. Not even my best friends, Maci or Sarah, knew the full extent of the burden I lived with, and now I had Bren, who knew nothing. I knew he was suspicious but that was as far as it went. He didn’t push, and I knew it was because he hoped I would tell him when I was ready. Shoot, I hoped so, too. I had no idea how he would react, or how anyone would. It scared me because they pitied me enough and fought enough of my battles for me. I didn’t want to add t
o that. They had their own lives and their own issues to deal with; it would have been selfish of me to do that. But eventually I would have to and that day was coming sooner than I wanted it to.
“Daysie,” he whispered against the side of my face, pressing feather light kisses against my skin. I leaned deeper into his touch.
He was secure. He was home.
My eyes flew open at that thought.
It was too soon, right?
Home was more than a physical place, I knew that better than anyone, and it was way too soon for Bren to be that for me. We were barely a month in, and we had only been on a handful of dates. We were in the getting-to-know-you phase, there was still a lot of ground to cover. I swallowed back the fear and focused on his touch.
“Daysie,” he said softly, shifting his position so that his blue eyes stared into my green ones. “Want to go on a date later?”
I laughed softly at his ability to look past my blubbering, tear-streaked face and switch gears so quickly. He really didn’t care that I was the actual definition of a hot mess, he only cared about spending time with me.
“I would love to,” I said through a post-cry hiccup.
“Good, because I’ve got plans for us.”
“Oh, do you now?” I raised a curious brow.
“Yep. You just wait and see.”
“If you say so, Bren.”
“Oh, say so I do, Day,” he said in a serious tone.
I threw my head back and laughed, and my body buzzed with the promise of what would happen later.
In the short amount of time we had been hanging out, I knew that if there was one thing Brenton Connors didn’t do, it was doing things half-assed. Whatever he did, he did with all of him. It was admirable, and I swooned whenever I witnessed him in action.
Laughter was good—not the hysterical kind I just went through—but the good kind.
“This is the last thing I thought you had in mind,” I laughed, staring at the setup he had put together in his backyard.
“Oh, come on, I’ve always dreamed of being a boy scout,” he said, looking almost wounded. “It’s my ultimate dream.”
“Yeah, well, my ultimate dream is to not get attacked by a million tiny bugs while I sleep.” I shivered at the thought.
Bugs were on my list of things I could live without. Sure, they were good for the environment or whatever, but those suckers were, well, suckers. Most of them anyway. I mean, did people really think they bit you and ran? No. I was almost sure they were stacking up on our blood for whatever reason they need it for.
“Feel, I promise that you will not get attacked by a million bugs tonight,” he said, holding out his hand to me. “Now come on, I want you to see the inside of this thing.”
I sighed and grabbed his outstretched hand, knowing that anything else would have been useless. I was going to give in no matter what. He would have suggested we jump off moving cars and I probably would have done it.
Besides, camping wasn’t so bad, right? I mean, we were in his backyard in the middle of a crowded, overpopulated city, not in the middle of nowhere.
I looked at the tent he had set up. It was big enough to fit five or six people and as far as I knew we were the only ones sleeping in it tonight. I tried not to shudder at that reminder.
I could do this. I would do this. Maybe.
“Day, get out of your head, alright?” He laughed, gently pulling me closer toward the tent.
“Wait.” I half-heartedly fought him. “Promise me we won’t get attacked.”
“Cross my heart, gorgeous.”
His dimple made its umpteenth appearance and I relaxed. Slightly.
Fear of bugs was a real thing and if I could remember the proper term for it right about now then I’d use it.
He unzipped the door to the tent and as my eyes moved from his cheek indention to the inside, my soul melted to a puddle beneath my feet.
“How you manage to out sweet yourself every single time we’re together, I’ll never know,” I whispered in awe.
“It’s all part of my charm.” He winked, walking into the tent and gently pulling me in behind him.
He had decorated the inside of the tent as if it was the inside of a romantic hotel room and not a thin tarp, plastic miniature house. There were lanterns spread out across the space and a ton of pillows and blankets.
My eyes roamed his set up and when I noticed another detail my heart nearly stopped.
“Bren,” I said softly, my voice cracking on his name. “You didn’t.”
“Daisies for my Daysie,” he said with a cheeky smile. “Of course, I did. How could I not?”
There were tiny daisies thrown around the blankets, while some were strung together, creating a beautiful halo among the blankets they covered.
“As soon as you close that makeshift door, I’m going to jump your bones Brenton Connors.” I promised.
His eyes darkened and he zipped the door, securing us in the safety of the tent.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and threw my body completely over his. He fell back and his fingers gently gripped my waist, holding me close against him.
I pressed sloppy kisses along his neck and jawline, my heart beating a mile a minute as I silently let him all the way in, breaking down the small defenses I instinctively kept up to protect me from unknown heartache. I was letting him completely in, which meant my truth was about to be shared with him a lot sooner than I thought it would. I would worry about that later though, for now I was going to get lost in his touch and let myself feel something other than the uncertainty and despair I had clutched since for as long as I could remember.
He moved his hands to cup my face and his thumbs gently caressed my skin.
“You’re beautiful, Daysie Flores.” He cursed. “So damn beautiful.”
My breath hitched at his compliment. He had been the first person to say it, aside from my best friends of course, but it meant something else hearing those words come from his lips. I was usually used to hearing words a lot less sweet from the opposite sex. Sure, I had shared a few kisses but those were with guys who knew nothing about me, but as soon as they were brought into the rumor mill, well, their feelings changed like the drop of a hat.
“Say it again.” I almost begged. “Please.”
“So.” He kisses my jaw line. “Damn. Beautiful.”
“Thank you,” I said before not-so-gently capturing his lips with mine. I kissed him hard and honestly, pouring everything I could into him and hoping like hell that he wouldn’t hurt me like almost everyone else I had ever met did.
I ignored that last part. He didn’t deserve it. I trusted him. Completely, wholly, open-heartedly. I let myself get lost in that moment and the moments that followed. I gave him every part of me that night and he gave himself back.
It was more than I hoped it’d ever be.
Breton Connors had climbed inside my heart and he wasn’t leaving anytime soon.
My head rested against his shoulder and my hand pressed against his chest with one of my legs thrown over his. His arms held me close and he pressed a kiss to my forehead, a sigh of contentment slipping from his lips.
His fingers trailed light patterns on my naked back and I shivered in response.
“Daysie,” he said slowly. “I want to ask you something and I don’t want you to get upset with me.”
“I’m not sure that’s possible,” I said quietly, pressing a kiss against his peck and snuggling closer.
He released a deep breath. “Why are there bruises all over your body?”
My body froze while my mind played catch up with his question. I had forgotten about the visible bruises that marred my body from a short week ago. Sure, some of them were fading but the larger ones were taking longer to heal.
I released my own deep breath, trying to think of a way to answer without starting something I wasn’t sure I’d want to finish.
It’s a little too late for that, don’t you think? I chided myself.
<
br /> “My father,” I said gently, so gently I wasn’t sure he had even heard me.
But that was wishful thinking. I knew he had. He had been waiting for my answer. His eyes widened and anger filled his features.
“What about him?” He asked through his teeth.
His muscles had tensed beneath me, and I knew he was holding himself back from reacting.
“He’s an addict, and most of the time his addiction gets the best of him,” I explained slowly. “And he takes it out on me.”
“What do you mean he takes it out on you?” He lifted my head toward his. His brows were drawn together and concern lessened the anger on his face.
“He,” I paused, closing my eyes and swallowing over a hot lump in my throat. “He hits me.”
“He hits you?” He asked slowly, breathing out through his nose.
“Yes,” I said simply.
“Why?” He asked, disgusted.
“I wish I knew.” I shrugged. “It’s the drugs and alcohol, I think. It’s worse when he’s starting a high or coming off one. The in between is usually when I worry the least, but it’s hard to tell where he’s at because he’s angry all the time, over one thing of another, or nothing at all.”
His fingers gentled their touch and that’s when I realized he hadn’t been tracing random shapes, he had been tracing my bruises.
“You don’t deserve that, Daysie,” he said, seething. “What does your mom say about it?”
I looked away, ashamed, knowing he wasn’t going to like the answer to that question. I almost didn’t want to tell him, but I needed to. Secrets drove people apart and that’s the last thing I wanted to happen with him.
He stayed quiet, staring at me and silently urging me to tell him the truth.
“She tells me to stop giving him a reason,” I said, but then quickly backtracked. “Not in those exact terms, but basically she thinks I don’t help the situation. Apparently, my existence is enough of a trigger to set him off.”
Here I'll Stay Page 9
