Up until that point, I had been at a war, but the dust had settled and I was fighting harder than I ever had to live.
Living was such a simple concept. For most people, it was natural and automatic, but it wasn’t something I had ever been able to do without looking over my shoulder in fear.
For the first time, living was as easy as breathing, and though my heart ached at the life I had left behind and pressed pause on, I was happy. So happy, it was strange to admit. But I was loving every moment of it.
This little bookstore with a makeshift café attached? It was the first building I had ever associated with as being a home.
I breathed in the scent around me, the combination of coffee, dust, books, and some sort of floral scent filling my being.
My purpose here had been fulfilled but was I ready to leave it all behind? This comfort and sense of direction I had finally obtained hadn’t come easy.
I shook my head.
When the time was right, I would know, and I would go back.
I would. I had to. I made a promise, and I had never broken one before, so why would I start now?
Words aren’t something I’d ever been good with. Eloquent speaking wasn’t my strong suit. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I spend my childhood and most of my teenage years living in fear, which meant that I was quiet most of the time. When I did speak up, I was usually disciplined for it. Safe for this past year, I had never really stood up for myself. But at some point, I had grown tired of Jason, his followers, and my parent’s abuse. I deserved better than what they were giving, so I spoke up. But that got my nowhere, either. So, I was stuck. If speaking up and staying silent gave me the same results than what was the point? I didn’t know it then, but I do now. The point was that my voice mattered, it mattered a lot, whether they heard me a lot. Because when I spoke up, whether it had an effect or not, I made myself feel better. It was like a pressure being relieved from my heart, so I started to speak up more even though it scared me like hell.
Words weren’t my strong suit, but they were powerful no matter how you used them. So, why not use them for healing?
Within my first week working with Mel, I suggested weekly poetry nights. She jumped for literal joy at that idea and that same week we were hosting our first one.
It was liberating and all-consuming. I was addicted. Whenever someone shared their words out loud, it was like I went into a sort of trance. It was magical, and I looked forward to these nights. I had just never shared any of my own.
Writing had become therapeutic for me. Was I any good at it? Not really, but I loved it anyway.
It was a typical Tuesday night and Mel was acting stranger than usual.
“Are you okay?” I finally asked when we were a couple of hours into the night. “You seem a little on edge or something.”
“Oh yeah, I’m great,” she said distractedly.
“Are you sure? Is there anything I can help you with?”
“Nope. Just keep doing you.”
“Okay.” I laughed. “I’ll keep doing me.”
A few more people shared their personal poetry and like always I was transfixed. Words were incredible and their power, when used for good and positivity, was inspiring.
As soon as the person behind the podium finished their poem, I clapped my hands and watched as Mel ran to the front, ready to present the next reader. She had never looked so eager before and that made me nervous.
If she called me up to share, I would either faint from embarrassment before I took a step or I would turn and run out of the building. Either option worked for me. So, I prepared myself, slowly edging back as she smiled at the crowd, nervousness radiating off her. She wasn’t one to be bothered by much, so I was more off put when she lingered and seemed to catch her thoughts.
“Okay, so, our next guest has been on my list for a long time.” She announced with a nervous smile, avoiding eye contact with me. “They’re selfless and kind, which aren’t common traits these days. Anyway, I really hope you forgive me for this Daysie, but I promise it’s for your own good. I don’t usually meddle.”
I glared at her from across the room, searching my mind for something to say when she inevitably said my name again.
She didn’t.
“Brenton Connors, from Los Angeles, California, ladies and gentlemen,” she said, clapping her hands together and moving from behind the podium.
My heart paused in my chest before beating twice as fast as it had been before I heard his name, the name of the person who gave my heart another reason to beat.
I swallowed back a lump in my throat and blinked rapidly, fighting back tears.
Mel must have been mistaken. She knew nothing about Brenton. I wasn’t even sure I had ever shared his name with her. Or maybe I had. I really didn’t know. I was too awestruck by the scene unfolding in front of me.
Brenton stepped behind the podium and it felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I tried to catch my head, shaking my head and staring across the room at the person I had left behind.
“Hi, I’m Brenton Connors,” he said shyly. “But, thanks to Mel, you all already know that.”
I laughed softly. Even shy and uncomfortable, he was charming.
“I’ve known Mel a long time,” he said to the crowd. “She’s the type of person who believes in happily ever after and second chances. She’s also my favorite cousin, since as Daysie knows, isn’t the greatest person.”
“Get on with it, Brenton,” Mel pushed from somewhere on the floor. “She’s probably freaking out.”
I blushed, knowing that she was referring to me.
Confusion bubbled in my brain, but I pushed it aside, focusing only on Bren, who looked across at me, his blue eyes shining with love and unspoken apologies.
“Daysie Flores, I’ve missed you,” he said into the small microphone. His words blanketed my body, warming my heart in a way that I had started to miss. “You left me, and I gave you your time, but I couldn’t stay away anymore. You once told me that I had given you a reason to live, but you’ve done the same for me. My heart is yours and my you’ve marked my soul.”
I started to cry. He was baring his all to me, and they were words I’d replay forever.
“I’m being sappy right now, but I’ve gone too long keeping these words to myself, so I’m going to chance you laughing at me and continue, if that’s alright with you.”
I could only nod. His eyes never left mine, even though we were separated by fifty some people.
“I wrote you something,” he said with a shy, but confident, smile. “It is poetry night after all.”
He cleared his throat, and nothing in the world would have ever been enough to prepare me for the words he shared next.
You once said I saved you,
but you saved me first.
You bring out the best in me,
Loving you is proof.
You have your demons, I do too.
Daysie, fighting on your own
is something you’ll never have to do.
Because you have me, and I have you.
His words echoed on repeat in my mind, and I stood there, staring at him from across the room, unable to move. It’s a miracle I was breathing correctly because I was too transfixed by his honesty and the rawness in his voice to do anything else but stand there and soak it all in. We were young and we were still getting to know one another, but I truly had fallen for Brenton Connors. He was everything I never knew I needed, but everything I always wanted.
“Daysie?” He asked, worry etching his hopeful features.
I shook my head, bringing myself out of my trance, and walked through the crowd to get to where he stood. I stared up at him, tears falling from my eyes, and smiled. It was all I could do. He had just officially claimed my heart and I wanted to do the same with his. But I knew by the way his blue eyes were shining that I already had.
“I don’t regret that one bit,” he said with a small smile.
“Thank you for coming,” I said softly.
“Thank you for not running out the door when you saw me. I wasn’t planning on an ambush, but when Mel told me about her new employee, I had to come.”
“I’m done running from you, Bren. I mean, what’s the point when you’re just going to catch up to me eventually?”
His dimple made an appearance and I about melted. “I’m so freaking happy to hear you say that, Daysie, you have no idea.”
I hopped onto the stage, gripped his face between my hands, and kissed him, channeling weeks of unspoken wishes from my lips to his.
Bren was my light, and I loved him for it, I really did.
“So, you two are related?” I asked Mel while Bren wrapped his arm around my waist. “How did I not know about this?”
“Honestly?” She asked, holding back a laugh. “I didn’t even know about it until very recently. My cousin here only calls when he needs something, and considering he called asking if I had seen a girl with your description, not much has changed.”
“Hey,” he half-heartedly objected. “I stop by from time to time.”
“If that’s code for never, then you’d be correct.”
“So, wait, you’re Jason’s sister?” I asked, trying to connect the bits of conversation they I had caught within thirty minutes we had been standing here. “How is that even possible?”
“Well, if you hadn’t noticed, he’s the opposite of the rest of us in the family. I’m not sure why he’s always been so cruel, but he has, and it sucks, but he’ll get over it eventually. I hope.”
“Yeah, you and me both.” I looked up at Bren. “Are Sarah and Mace super upset with me?”
“No. Well, maybe at first, but they get it. You’ve been through some unimaginable stuff, Day, and no one can judge you for handling it the way you did. You did what was best for you, and I’m so glad because you look lighter and happy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy or relaxed in the time I’ve known you. It makes the time we spent apart worth it.”
“How are you even real? I mean, seriously. You’re so understanding and patient, what did I ever do to deserve someone like you?”
“I ask myself the same question about you, Daysie, trust me on that.”
He leaned down to brush his lips gently against mine.
“You two are obnoxiously cute, and I’m oddly not grossed out by that,” Mel said before gulping down the rest of her wine. “Now, there’s still enough time tonight for one more poem, and I know just the person for the spot.”
“No,” I said, widening my eyes.
Bren laughed, giving my side a gentle squeeze to show his encouragement. I narrowed my eyes at him.
“I’m in no way prepared for this.” I objected meekly.
“Please, you’ve had weeks of watching other people to prepare, you’ll be fine,” Mel said, lightly extracting me from Bren’s side. “I’ve snuck a few peeks at some of your work, and I think you should share them, if even this once.”
“You’ve read my poetry?” I gasped, horrified.
Writing was a great escape, but I had never planned on sharing my pieces with anyone, let alone a room full of people and the person I loved most.
Loved.
I loved him.
My chest swelled and I blinked back more tears of joy.
“Not on purpose,” she said, before stopping herself. “Fine. I totally did. But it looked so pretty, I needed to read a few lines. But that’s all, I promise.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I waved her off. “Fine. I’ll read one poem. One. And then we never talk about it again, got it?”
“You got it.”
“You’ve got this, Daysie.” Bren pressed a kiss to my temple and I slowly made my way to the podium.
Some people had left, but there were still a good amount hanging around, mingling. Mel introduced me, and I took a few deep, slow breaths, preparing to bare my soul to a room filled with mostly strangers.
I focused on only one person though. My brown eyes locked onto Bren’s sky blue ones and I recited the poem by heart.
I don’t think I’ve ever told you
just how much you mean to me.
You saved my life and showed me
what it means to breathe.
Before you, I wished for no tomorrows,
hoping life would end,
waiting for a reason to disappear instead.
I didn’t want to live,
but you talked me off that ledge.
I never knew you’d stay and love me,
but oh man you did.
I couldn’t voice the pain inside of me,
couldn’t say what needed to be said.
You didn’t need to hear it though,
you felt it all the same.
You gave me a reason to stay.
I close my eyes and thank the universe
for bringing me to you.
I don’t think I’ve ever told you
just what you mean to me.
You saved my life and showed me
what it means to breathe.
By the time I finished reciting those words, my cheeks were wet with tears that mirrored the ones staining Bren’s.
I looked around the room and smiled shakily before walking toward my reason. After a few moments, people started clapping, and as I looked around, I noticed that many others had tears in their eyes as well.
I smiled apologetically at each person I passed, feeling equal parts embarrassed and guilty. Of all the poems I had, I chose the one with the most meaning to me. But it was for Bren. I needed him to hear those words, the ones I was too scared of sharing before.
By the look in his eyes as I stood in front of him, it had been worth it.
“You did the same for me Daysie,” he whispered against the side of my neck, pressing a light kiss there.
“What’s that?” I asked quietly.
“You showed me what it means to breathe, too.”
My heart skipped multiple beats in my chest before filling with hope, happiness, and all things love. I was loved. This was what it felt like.
I was unapologetically, unconditionally in love with my bully’s cousin, and I had never been happier.
“Day, I really think you should talk to them now,” Bren pleaded with me while packing his things together.
A couple of weeks had passed since the night he and I reunited, and things were blissfully good. I was happy where we were in our relationship, both emotionally and physically.
“I can’t just abandon Mel.” I tried to explain for the umpteenth time that day. “She needs me. I’m her favorite employee. Can you imagine what will happen if I ever decide to leave?”
“Daysie, did you really plan on staying here forever?” He shook his head, visibly irritated with me. I didn’t really blame him. “You always knew you were going to have to go back home at some point.”
I huffed, annoyed. “That place isn’t home, Bren. It never has been, and you know it.”
“Fine,” he amended. “Did you really think you could leave and never go back?”
“Well, yeah, that was sort of the plan.”
“So, you were just going to continue on with your life like I never mattered? Like Sarah and Maci never mattered? If that’s the case, then why did I even come up here for you?”
“You’re making me out to be some horrible person,” I said, wiping away angry tears. “That place, that town, makes me soul ache at even the thought of it. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to face it. It almost broke me before, what if this time it completely destroys me? What then? I don’t know how many times a soul can break before it stops healing.”
“Daysie,” he said softly, pulling me against his chest. “You’re a survivor, it’s what you do. I’m here for you, we all are, always. If it’s too much, I understand, but I think you should at least give
it a chance. We all start school soon, and if you want to come back to your life up here, do it, but you should at least talk to them first.”
“What if they hate me? I left and didn’t say anything. I depended on you to do that for me, which is so much worse. We’ve been through too much together, and they deserved better than that.” I pressed my forehead against his and gently squeezed his shoulders. “I feel horrible about the way I left, but I don’t regret it. I’m better, stronger, and I love the person I am now.”
He pressed a kiss to the side of my face. “Then show that to them. Just try, okay?”
He was making it sound like a freaking cake walk, but it was much harder than that. If the situation were reversed would I be able to forgive them? Probably, but it would take some time. Would it be worth it? Without a doubt. They were my family, and they deserved more than the silent treatment I had been giving them these last few months. They deserved better. They had seen me at my worst and stuck with me through it all, so what was I so afraid of?
I knew. Deep down I knew, I just didn’t want to acknowledge it. But if I planned on them forgiving me, I’d need to be upfront about it.
I breathed a shaky sigh, nodding my head. “Fine. We can go. But if they throw eggs and tomatoes at me, I’m blaming you.”
He chuckled, playfully shaking his head at me. “I doubt they’d do that to you.”
I narrowed my eyes, pulling back to stick my tongue out at him.
He threw his head back and laughed. “Fine, I take full responsibility for what goes down when they throw food at you, okay?”
“Okay,” I said, nodding my head. I looked at the backpack lying on the floor of the room I had been renting. “I haven’t turned my phone on since the I walked on the train. I’m nervous about what’s on it.”
“It doesn’t matter,” he said softly. “Whatever messages you have on there, they aren’t important anymore. What matters now is that you’re going to face them in person and do whatever it is you girls do.”
I swallowed back a lump. “Yeah, okay. I guess we should get going.”
Here I'll Stay Page 17
