by Alexa Davis
He kept staring at me with those deep blue eyes, which matched mine exactly, giving me the smile that showed off his sweet dimples. That, combined with his oversized t-shirt and messy dark hair, made it hard for me to turn him down.
“Okay.” I sighed deeply. “I’ll see what I can come up with. You’ll have to play the melody to me all day, though.”
I didn’t want to admit that I had committed it to memory and that lyrics were starting to manifest in my mind already. I didn’t want him to get too excited about this idea in case I failed. There was every chance that I just couldn’t do it, and I wanted him to be prepared for that fact. “I won’t make any promises, but I’ll give it my best shot.”
“You’re a legend.” Kyle’s face lit up, regardless of my attempt to keep things calm. “This will be awesome. If you’re by my side, I just know I can do this.”
“I’m going to make breakfast.” I jumped up quickly, wanting to change the subject for a moment. “What do you want? Not that there’s much choice.”
“Let me help you.” Kyle stood up, but there was no way in hell I was going to allow him to stop playing. I needed to hear the song now, to practice the possible words floating around in my mind.
I wanted to give off a hopeful message, to show the world that Kyle and I were trying, despite our less-than-stellar start in life. I wanted people to know that investing in foster kids was the right thing to do because they could achieve something.
“No, you stay there. Play the song; I need to get used to it,” I commanded in my fiercest voice. “Like I said, you need to play this all day. I wasn’t exaggerating.”
He sat back down and played with the keys, warming my chest with his music. It was a miracle he had managed to hone this skill, considering he hadn’t always had a chance to play while we were growing up.
I didn’t like the idea of singing in public – it made me knees knock together in fear at the mere idea of it – but if people were listening to Kyle, then it’d be worth it. I hoped that they wouldn’t even notice me, that his talent would simply drown me out. That was the only way I’d work up the bravery to actually do it.
Plus, much as I didn’t want to admit it, I hoped that he’d get more recognition and get booked for more gigs. We did need the money that came from his public playing.
Of course, the main priority was the foster children, but if we could benefit off it, too, that could only be a good thing. A lot of people attending the event would be ex-foster children themselves, but there would also be some important, rich people there, trying to do their philanthropy bit. It wouldn’t be high profile enough to attract celebrities, but that didn’t matter.
It would only take one person to notice Kyle’s playing, someone important, with connections. Then maybe we could make it. We could finally prove everyone wrong. We could beat the statistics and assumptions of the world, and we could finally live happily.
It was unlikely to happen – we’d probably already used up all our luck – but I could dream. I had to hope for a better future or I’d never have anything to work toward. This positivity was about the only thing keeping me pushing forward. If I lost that, I wasn’t sure where we’d end up. I didn’t even want to think about it.
No, we had to make this work. It was the only option we had.
Chapter 3 – Xander (Wednesday)
Aiden was back in recording. Of course, he was. But this time, he wasn’t managing to bother Michael or me. This time, we were letting him just get on with it, sensing that freedom was what he needed, while we talked about our new plans.
“So, we need to search local talent,” I told Michael excitedly. “I know you think YouTube is the right place to hunt, but I honestly think that we’ll just end up with the same problem. There’s nothing like a small following online to lead to an overinflated ego. Those people already assume they’re famous, they’ll think they’re owed more, and that’s what we want to get away from.”
“Okay,” he conceded, finally coming around to my point of view. “That sounds right. So now we just need to decide where to go. I mean, are we prepared to go to one of those open mic nights on the off chance we might find someone?”
I shrugged, not feeling too enthused on that idea myself. “I guess we have to start somewhere. Why not? Find some dive bar and give it a shot. At least it’ll give us a clue as to what direction we want to go in.”
We usually spent our time out at high-class bars, not the sort of place where they’d ever dream of handing the microphone over to someone. “Any ideas?”
“I dunno, maybe somewhere in Brooklyn? I’ll look online, see what events are on tonight, and we’ll go from there. Maybe someone raw and totally unpolished is exactly what we need to drive this.”
“You do that; I’ll wrap this up.” I gestured toward Aiden. “Then, we can get going. The sooner we get out, the better.”
“All right, old man, wouldn’t want to keep you up past your bedtime.” Michael shot me a wink, and I narrowed my eyes back at him. Just because I didn’t like staying out all night at wild parties didn’t make me boring. It just meant I’d grown up like I was supposed to. “Let’s do this.”
I sat back and watched Aiden in action, only giving him instructions when I thought he needed them. The whole time, my mind twisted and turned, trying to work out just how to make something new happen. Holding open auditions wasn’t the way, and I didn’t feel like the Internet was, either. To find the real magic, we were going to have to just stumble across someone. It would have to be organic and exciting. I needed to sense the special quality in the person to know it was going to work.
Maybe that would happen in some dive bar in Brooklyn, maybe not. But like I said to Michael, we needed to start somewhere.
***
“Sticky floor, check,” I told Michael sarcastically. “Dirty glasses? Yep, got those, too. A clientele that looks as if they haven’t washed in forever, done.”
“Oh, don’t be such a whiner.” He grinned. “This is going to be fun!”
His eyes were lit up, but that was only because there were women in the room. It didn’t take any more than that for him to be satisfied. Michael loved the side effects of having money, mostly that women threw themselves at him.
He’d confided in me once that he’d had terrible acne when he was a teenager, lasting into his early twenties, so women hadn’t even glanced his way. He justified the constant stream of women in his life, most of whom he didn’t even know the names of, as making up for lost time.
I didn’t judge him. But that life wasn’t for me. Maybe I was more mature than that. I certainly liked to believe it was that, but the more likely option was that I’d been hurt when I was younger.
I had never trusted easily; it was one of my main qualities growing up. I didn’t like to let anyone in for fear of getting hurt, but when I did, it meant I expected them to be in my life forever. Maybe that came from growing up in a foster home, I wasn’t too sure.
I didn’t know much about my family history because I’d never cared to know, but the basic outline was that my mom picked drugs over me, and no one knew who my dad was. I was a helpless baby who needed looking after, and my mom had given me away.
I never would’ve even learned that part, if it hadn’t been for my inheritance. When I got the call suggesting that my grandmother was leaving me a small fortune, I’d assumed it was a hoax, but it wasn’t.
This woman didn’t even know I existed at first. She’d had no contact with my mother, and by the time she’d found out about me, I was impossible to find. I don’t know how hard she tried, considering I grew up in the same foster home the entire time, but that didn’t matter too much. I did my best not to be too bitter about it, at any rate. She’d left me the money because she didn’t want my mom to kill herself with it, and that had given me the life I had today.
Anyway, I’d never searched for a relationship because I was so scared of letting anyone in. Despite that, one found me.
J
ulia had been in my class at school – not that I ever attended very much – and had pursued me relentlessly, even though fear caused me to push her away more than once. Julia was gorgeous, a cheerleader with long blond hair, warm brown eyes, and the body of every teenage boy’s fantasy. I adored her from afar, but I couldn’t let her in, in case it was all a joke.
After all, I was one of the foster kids, not someone worth knowing. Maybe I wasn’t teased as badly as the others, but I was ignored because of that status. It was like a neon sign above my head, pointing me out as different.
Yet, Julia did seem to want me. My status didn’t seem to bother her; she acted like she liked me anyway. Eventually, on the last day of school, I couldn’t see any reason why she’d continue with the joke, especially after such a long time, so I agreed to go on a date with her.
We fell in love, hard and fast… Or I did, at least. I would have done absolutely anything for her – and I did. I hadn’t yet received my inheritance, I didn’t even know about it, so I’d worked day and night in a fast food joint just trying to get by. I would have done literally anything to keep that woman by my side.
What I didn’t realize was that the novelty of being with me had worn off. I guess Julia grew up a little and recognized that what she wanted in school wasn’t for her anymore. She had dreams and ambitions. She wanted to be with a very rich man, and as soon as she found one, she’d left me coldly in the middle of the night with only a note to keep me company.
I’d let her in, I’d shared the secrets of my life with her, and she didn’t care enough to tell me her feelings to my face. That part hurt most of all.
Of course, she did try to get me back at one point, once she’d learned about my money, but by then I was far too scarred by what she’d done, so I couldn’t let her back even if I’d wanted to… not that I ever would. There was no chance of her burning me twice. I’d smartened up by then. I was wiser.
I’d had flings since then, but I always kept people at a distance. I never wanted to fully let them in, which meant my relationships had a shelf life of six months or less. It didn’t make me happy, but neither would a selection of one-night stands. I guessed I was just waiting for the right one to finally come along.
“Let’s sit here.” Michael dragged me to a table right at the front. “That way we can get the best view.”
I settled in my seat, secretly harboring the hope that we’d find someone right away. I needed this. Now that the idea was in my mind, I was chomping at the bit to get started. I just couldn’t wait for it.
Which made it even more disappointing as act after act got up on stage and none of them held any magic. The more people who stood on the stage to sing, the more despondent I became. It was silly to feel that way. I wasn’t sure why I’d expected to find someone on the very first night. If it was that easy, everyone would be doing it. But I couldn’t control my disappointment.
“This is a bust, isn’t it?” Michael hissed into my ear. “I think I’m gonna get out of here if you don’t mind?”
I glanced over to where he was looking and noticed a very busty waitress winking at him. Of course, while I was growing increasingly annoyed, he was looking for another way to spend the night. Always looking on the bright side, never wasting an opportunity. I had to admire him for that. “No, you go for it. I’m just going to finish my drink, then I’ll be heading off myself, anyway.”
As he sidled over to the bar, totally forgetting all about me, I grabbed my phone out of my pocket to look for some other ideas. I didn’t want to totally get thrown off kilter by the disappointment.
The first thing I noticed was an email that made me smile: a thank you note from the foster care charity that I always paid a hefty donation to each year. Knowing that I was doing some good in the world cheered me up.
Again, we are very grateful. We are holding our annual event to raise donations, and we’d love to have you on the VIP guest list. I have attached the program of events for you…
Now that was something I wanted to do, but I didn’t want it to be made all about me. I didn’t need to be put on any VIP guest list. I clicked open the attachment, just out of interest, and quickly noticed a lot of singers as part of the event.
It might not have been the sort of place to find my next big star, but at the same time, I was doing different things, expanding my horizons, trying to find someone different. The whole dive bar thing hadn’t worked, but maybe this could.
I had to give it a try, anyway. There was no point in turning this opportunity down, just in case.
I quickly typed an email back before I could change my mind, feeling hope rise through me again. I glanced over at Michael, wondering if I could try and persuade him to come with me, but there wasn’t any chance of that right now. He had his tongue down the waitress’ throat, and that was where it would stay. I didn’t want to get in the middle of that.
No, what I needed to do was gone home for now. This was getting me nowhere. I’d sort it out in the morning when I could talk to Michael properly.
Chapter 4 – Lila (Wednesday)
“Okay,” I muttered to myself as I glanced over what I’d written once more. My heart thundered in my chest as I considered showing these words to my brother because I had no idea how he would react. These were the lyrics I intended to sing at the fundraiser, so I needed them to be perfect.
I kept flickering from feeling like they were to being utterly convinced that they were awful. Only Kyle’s opinion would tell me wither way.
Although the main theme of my song was about hope, I’d also woven love into there, in an attempt to make the song more relatable. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a topic I had any real experience with, so I hoped what I’d done was all right.
Kyle would know more than me. He’d actually been in love once. It was just a shame that Sandra hadn’t felt the same way. At least, not long enough for their relationship to get past the one-year mark.
At ten and a half months in, she’d broken things off with him and moved halfway across the country to pursue her dream of becoming an actress. I wasn’t sure how things were working out for her in LA – I certainly hadn’t seen her in anything – but I hoped she never came back. I didn’t want to see my brother go through that heartache again.
My own love life had been more of a string of disasters. I’d dated a little bit as I hit my late teens, but nothing ever stuck, and that barely-there love life had stuck.
I wasn’t sure if that was my fault or not, but that was a road I didn’t want to go down. I had the horrible feeling that as soon as I started to examine myself, I wouldn’t like what I saw.
Instead it was much easier to blame Baz, Eric, and James. If I focused on their faults, rather than my own, it made me feel a whole lot better about myself. Baz was boring, Eric just seemed too forgetful for my liking, and James and I simply had no chemistry. That was all there was to it.
I walked toward the living room where Kyle was tinkling away on the piano, nerves bulldozing through my body. This whole singing thing was something that I’d never taken seriously before. Actually doing it was more than a little daunting.
Still, the fundraiser wasn’t far away. I had to snap into action; being unprepared was like a nightmare coming true. Being scared was better than having nothing.
“Kyle, do you think you could have a look through this?” My voice was shaking. I was never embarrassed in front my brother; this was weird. He’s seen all sides of me; why am I so afraid of this one?
“Yeah, sure. What is it?” He seemed completely oblivious to my inner turmoil as he took the paper from my hands. “Oh, the song lyrics, cool. You got that done quickly!” I watched his head bob as if he was hearing the lyrics in time with the music, which was great. Reading them straight out would probably make them sound odd. “Yeah, this is good.” He grinned brightly. “I’m impressed. Will you sing it with me?”
“Not yet.” I would sing it with him – I was desperate to see how it sounded to the music properly
rather than just in my mind – but there was something else we needed to discuss first.
I’d been trying to bury my head in the sand about it, but our money situation was only getting worse. If we didn’t do something soon, we would end up homeless. Considering not having a real home had been a big part of our lives, I didn’t want that to happen again. “I need to talk to you first.”
“Sure.” He cocked his head curiously at me. “Shoot.”
“Well, I’m just thinking that we need to use the fundraiser to mingle a bit, maybe to try and get you some new piano playing jobs.” I cringed as I said the words aloud because I knew how they made me sound. Still, Kyle had to know that I wouldn’t be saying it if things weren’t bad. “We just need the money. We’re struggling with bills again, and it’s getting a bit overwhelming.”
Panic flooded Kyle’s face, which was exactly what I didn’t want. Any minute now, he’d offer… “Well, why don’t we sell the piano?”
“Because the piano will get us through one month of bills, whereas if you keep playing and you get some more jobs, you can get us through lots of months.” Honestly, it was all I had not to roll my eyes at him. Why do I have to keep explaining this to him? Why can’t he just get it? “You just need to speak to people, try and get some more work.”
“Will you do it with me?” he asked curiously. “If someone wants to hire us both? Will you be willing to sing?”
Oh, God. That thought struck a cold fear into my heart. It was bad enough doing it once. For charity was one thing, but as a career… That was damn terrifying.
“Erm, we’ll see,” I shot back with a strained smile. I didn’t want to talk about this topic; it was already making me feel sick. But Kyle wasn’t about to let it drop anytime soon.
