I just stare at him, tears in my eyes, looking back and forth between his stormy grey eyes. He steps up and touches my temple with his fingertips.
“It's me, Phee. I was with you that day in the barn. I never left you. I was always keeping you safe.”
I start shaking my head, not believing him. “No, I killed him. I killed them all. You can't be him, he is dead.”
“Think, Phee, look at me. Your brother was a light chaser. Our parents died. Our mother, she was compelled to killed herself that night by our father. We packed our bags and ran away. Really look, it's me.”
I stare into those stormy grey eyes I've seen so many times in my dreams. My brother, the one who held me when I was hurt, how can this be?
I gasp. “Oh, my god. But why? Why did you leave me here all alone? Where have you been?”
I had so many questions. I just stare into my brother’s eyes, gripping his crisp suit. He's alive. He’s still while my mind reels.
“I will give you the answers you ask for, but please, I need more time. There are things I need to tell you, but it's just not safe yet. I will call you in one week. I promise. I will tell you everything, Phee.” He kisses my forehead and gets into his town car, which is waiting at the curb. “See you soon, little sister.”
I stare frozen in disbelief as the car winds down the road and disappears behind the gate. My brother is alive. A million questions and accusations run through my head. The most important one being, can I trust him?
Chapter Thirty-Two
I have nothing but time during the following week. I use the time to see where Marcus fits into the chaos that is my life. He called and said he would pick me up tomorrow to take me back to the start of everything. I am terrified to go back, but I need to fill in all the blackness from my past. Good or bad, I need to know.
Dr. Grey asked me to come for my last therapy appointment. Apparently, I'm all fixed. Funny, I don't feel fixed. I feel more confused than ever. I tell her all about everything that has been going on, including Marcus being my brother and giving me my memories back.
“Are you sure you are ready for this? This is a huge step. Don't get me wrong, I am happy you are taking this step. I just want to make sure you’re taking it for the right reasons.” Dr. Grey’s concern was obvious. She thinks going back to the barn could trigger a breakdown.
“I feel stronger today than I ever have.” I feel like I've left some part of myself behind at the barn, like somehow the answers will be there buried in the dirt and ashes.
“I need to do this.”
She nodded, agreeing. “Your recovery is in your own hands, Phoenyx. You are a grown woman now. So far from the terrified little girl they brought to me. I'm so very proud of everything you've become. What happened there that night was a mistake, simple as that.”
“I know,” I sigh. “But, I need more answers,” I plead looking to her for approval.
Dr. Grey sighs in response, removing her glasses and putting her pen down. Looking at me, there is something in her eyes, a sadness I have never noticed before. “No matter what anyone tells you, you know who you are, Phoenyx. Please remember you are a good person and no one can change that. Don't let anyone change who you know you are in your heart and soul. You don't need to search for answers.”
She stands and embraces me in a strong hug. I just stand there shocked. This is so out of character for my tough-love doctor.
I feel something hanging unsaid in the air. “Thank you for everything, Dr. Grey. I'll never forget you.”
She touches my cheek and I see her eyes fill with unshed tears. “If only,” she says with a sad smile.
With that cryptic comment, I walk out of her office. I shake off the tearful goodbye, but realizing I forgot my bag in her office, I doubled back. Once I turn the last corner, I can hear raised voices.
“You cannot be serious, Marcus. We all put ourselves on the line to help her, to help you. If found out—”
Marcus interrupts her. “Emilia, relax, I have everything under control. I have spent my whole life keeping her safe from him; I will not risk her safety now. It is time she knows; she's ready,” he states, full of confidence. He has faith in me. I smile at his confidence.
“You have no idea what she is ready for. You wave your hand and think you can take all her demons away. Demons you put there, I might add, and replace them with an even more traumatic past. She is just now in control of her life again. If you do this, it will break her, Marcus,” Dr. Grey says.
“She is ready. She is so much stronger than you realize.”
It is quiet for a few moments, so I assume the call has ended, I knock on her the door. Ignoring her worried expression, I grab my bag, give a quick goodbye, and leave. What could she be so worried about? What has Marcus been hiding from me? She should have more faith in me than that. He is right; I am stronger than I have ever been.
I should make peace with the fact that, for whatever reason, my brother has spent my whole life lying to me. But why? He insists it is to protect me, but from what? I try to think of my few memories of him, our time together as children. But how much can I trust? My past was erased, Marcus did that. Had we met before? Would I even remember if we had? There's only one other person who might have some answers.
“So, you have known all along,” I suggest to Mason and Silas when I find them in the gym working out. I need some answers and if Marcus has been in my life for as long as he says he was, only they would know. “With your powers, Marcus can’t compel you, can he? Did he ever come here? Have you ever seen him compel me?” I ask, my voice getting louder with every unanswered question.
“Yes,” Silas admits. I cast my eyes to Mason, he nods. Though the air of defeat in their eyes says they know a lot more.
I can't believe they knew about this and never told me. “So, is everyone I know keeping secrets from me? How do I know what is real anymore?” I yell.
Facing Mason now, “You have been here from day one, I have trusted you, and you were lying to me, standing back, watching Marcus control my life, and not saying anything.” I don't believe this. How can one person have so little control over their own life?
“Nyx, yes, we've seen him compel you,” Silas explains. “He sent Asher so you would leave me. He threatened to make you forget me altogether. I tried to protect you, many times, but he is a powerful man. I gave you a necklace to protect you from his compulsion. You were wearing it when you came to see me, but when you arrived for training, it wasn't on your neck anymore, so I assume he took it from you to get you to come back here,” he answers in a rush.
“He forced me to come back here? I didn’t want to join the Titans?” I can't even wrap my head around this. I want to be here, I feel it in my bones, this is where I belong. How can my own mind be my enemy? “I can't trust anything.”
Mason steps closer. “I think you always wanted to be here, you just felt trapped, by your circumstance and by Asher, so you ran away. I always believed you were coming back. I knew either he would make you or you would come back on your own. Compulsion or not, this is your home and we are your family. And, yes, he did come here and compel you, but for the most part, it was to snap you out of your downward spiral.”
“Marcus hates me because he can't control me,” Silas adds, “He could have snapped his fingers and made me disappear, but he didn't.”
“I think deep down, he always wanted you to be happy, that he realizes the mistakes he's made. If he is willing to remove whatever wall he has built in your mind, I say do it. Get the answers you've waited your whole life for, and come hell or high water, I’ll be by your side when the dust settles.” He gives me a quick hug before walking into the showers, leaving Silas and me alone.
“I did everything I could to keep you safe, I swear,” he pleads. Gazing into his grass green eyes, I see the truth. I wrap my arms around him. With him by my side, I can handle anything.
Marcus is pissed when I tell him I’ll meet him at the barn with Silas. I am
getting dizzy with all the questions running through my mind. I feel like he is the only person who even knows who I am. Who I was before becoming the fully-healed, broken mess I am today. My brother is alive, that should make me happy, but I feel an overwhelming sense of dread. Marcus Ryan doesn't do things for no reason. He is cool and calculated, and I can't help but think I am just a means to an end with him.
Silas insists on taking me to meet Marcus at the barn. Not trusting that I would have safe passage off the island, but we pass through security with no problems. Marcus has made all the calls to ensure we have a safe trip to the mainland. Silas remains quiet and brooding for most of the drive.
“I can handle this, you know,” I insist, holding his hand.
He smiles over at me, lifting my hand to his lips. “I know, you can do anything, you are unstoppable.”
I will be strong for him and for myself. I am so tired of being broken.
The barn comes into view, or at least what is left of it after I torched it. The scorched ground is still blackened, even though it feels like a lifetime ago. I can't believe the damage I caused. The explosion site is huge; it looks like a war zone. Marcus is here already, leaning against his car, arms crossed over his chest, and he does not look happy.
He removes his sun glasses, walks over to my side, and opens my door, pulling me out.
“Why does he need to be here?” he asks, irritated.
“He came to make sure she is safe,” Silas replies, getting out of the car. “You can't be trusted to watch out for her best interest.” He walks to my side and wraps a protective arm around my shoulder.
“Whatever, asshole. You ready for this?” Marcus nods toward me.
“I need answers, Marcus. I don't need you sheltering me from my own life,” I yell at him. The plan to keep calm is thrown out the window standing here in this place with the brother who wiped my mind and left me for dead.
“You don't need me?” He laughs at me. “I have done everything for you!” he yells right back at me; neither of us is standing down.
“You have done nothing but steal my life and lock me away. Give me my memories, you had no right to keep me in the dark,” I yell, pushing his chest, but he doesn't move an inch. His eyes turn ice cold, and in one step he is towering over me.
“You ungrateful cow, you have no idea the things I’ve gone through to keep you safe. You want it so bad! You think you can live without my constant protection? You think you can live under the weight of the memories? Take them, take it all!” He grabs my head between his hands, and instantly, I can feel the walls tumbling down, the walls that kept all my secrets from me.
The images bombard my mind relentlessly. Like venom working its poison into my blood, the truth invades every part of me. Changing everything I thought I knew. My mother looking so beautiful and sad. Father, so dangerous, standing over Marcus, hitting him, choking him, holding his head under water, drowning him. Seeing Marcus bleeding and hurt as a young boy sends a cold chill through my heart. I feel the pain across my jaw as I am slapped and kicked, then dragged by my hair into the closet. I feel every blow. So much anger and hatred, so much pain slicing through me. I watch helplessly as I see myself dragging a blade down my own arm, hoping to end my life. I see our mother’s death. Watching her slip away into oblivion in a pool of her own blood.
Then he shows me our last night in the barn through Marcus' eyes, feeling his heart ache for leaving me, knowing in his heart that the Academy is the safest place for me. But that’s not all I see. I see myself as a fire chaser, but then water, air and earth. I can feel the hidden powers rush through my body, the hum of them in my soul. So many images are colliding, unable to keep a grip on them anymore I drop to the ground and I throw up right there in the ash and dirt. Shaking with each wave of horrifying images haunting me. It’s all too much. Silas is at my side me instantly.
“What am I?” How was he able to block my other powers?
“I’m sorry, I blocked your powers to help you stay in control, and so father would never find you. He would’ve used you.”
I stare up at him completely in his mercy, tears streaming down my face. “Like you will use her?” Silas stands between Marcus and me, always my protector.
“Welcome to the Warren legacy, Phee,” he announces with a sigh. “There is no turning back now.” He just stands there, looking down at me with the shattered remains of my existence crushed into the dirt under his polished shoes.
And there, in a puddle of my own puke, I hear the words I thought would have change my life for the better, words I have fought and trained and begged to hear. They should make me the happiest girl alive, but they feel meaningless now.
“Congratulations, you're a Titan.”
I feel new foreign powers swirling around inside me, along with images of my childhood. Marcus was right, some secrets should stay hidden. Nothing would ever be the same.
To be continued in part two, Titan Elite.
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Phoenyx Rising (Demigods Duet Book 1) Page 20
