Defiant Destiny

by Madison Cumbee

  I jumped involuntarily when Uriel slammed his locker shut. In my peripheral, I noticed a few heads spinning in our direction and if I had turned to look at them directly, I knew I’d see at least half a dozen of my classmates practically drooling in anticipation of a good show between the school’s new “most talked about” couple. Uriel didn’t acknowledge anyone either, but with the sound of his locker slamming still reverberating throughout the hall he leaned in closer to me, too close for me to focus on him, and lowered his voice as he said, “Keira, don’t do this.”

  I couldn’t see his expression, but his words were etched with the smallest hint of desperation that hid behind the solid command. I stepped back and looked him straight in the eye. He had a firm but pleading look in his. “What happened?” I needed clarification, and I would not be swayed by an authoritative tone, no matter how out of place it was. Taking my mother’s crap for sixteen years had calloused me; any orders from others had little effect. And although Uriel had always led in our dance of a relationship, there had constantly been an undertone that he wasn’t pulling rank as the male. Now, apparently, for the first time, he was. I repeated, “What happened on Saturday?”

  Anger flashed across my angel’s face (Whoa! He really is an angel according to Amir). Then Uriel shifted back into the robot from earlier and asked me in an unbelievably unemotional voice, “Do you suffer from short term memory loss, Keira? We broke up. I know that you’re used to getting whatever you want, but accept it. There’s nothing you can do about this now.”

  As Uriel walked away, the anger that had seized me the day before blazed back to life, and this time with a vengeance. I stalked downstairs to the lab room in a blind rage. I didn’t notice anyone until Zev came into my line of sight.

  Zev, I thought with slowly weakening malice. Uriel’s relative.

  “Your cousin’s an ass!” I angrily stage whispered while we did our bellwork.

  Zev snorted. “Which one?” He didn’t bother with whispering but did keep to a low volume.

  “Uriel- the only one I know.”

  “Oh. Right.”

  “What is his problem?”

  “I don’t know.” He wouldn’t look up from his paper. Explaining the difference between neurons and neuroglia is not that interesting, trust me. My temper spiked again. “Do not play dumb with me, Zev. I am not in the mood.”

  He glanced around the room nervously. “Maybe this isn’t the best time or place to do this, Keira.”

  “I need answers. This is the perfect place and time.”

  He sighed and mumbled under his breath, “Uriel really knows how to pick ’em.”

  My eyes narrowed. “I heard that,” I spat.

  Zev straightened on his lab stool and looked at me for the first time. His features softened and that nice guy that I had instantly connected with the first day of school came back. “I apologize.”

  Any fury that had survived instantly cooled down and I was suddenly very tired. “It’s okay, sort of.”

  Zev gave me a sad smile. “I know you must be really confused right now, but we all have our reasons Keira, and it would really help if you didn’t ask any questions. If Uriel wants to talk to you, he will when he’s ready.”

  This time I sighed. “What if he doesn’t ever want to talk?” I was almost ashamed of how small and pitiful my voice came out, but I figured it didn’t even matter after Saturday. How much pride could I have left?

  “Just give him time.” Zev’s expression was meant to be reassuring but I didn’t know if I could trust it. He went on, “Uriel’s got your best interests at heart.”

  “Then why’d he break up with me? And why is he acting so strangely?” I couldn’t help but blurt out. “Come on Zev, I’m drowning here.”

  He scraped a hand over his face-fur and I knew that he was struggling with himself; it was a tale tell sign- one of the very few of his family’s. “I can’t answer your questions.”

  But I had to know. And I saw that the only way I would get anything out of the man was to make a bargain with him, or maybe blackmail would be more accurate. “You do understand that I know your secrets now.” He eyed me. “I could tell everyone.” I was bluffing, but hopefully he wouldn’t know that.

  Then Zev broke into a tired smile. “We aren’t worried about you exposing us, Keira.”

  “What? Why not?”

  “Well, for starters, if you could endanger us in any way, then you’d already be dead.” His wink was the only thing that kept my hands from shaking. “And besides, who would believe you if you did tell anybody? You’d just seem like some crazy person,” he echoed my thoughts from the previous day. Thinking that he’d ended the conversation, Zev resumed his bellwork, but I wasn’t ready to give up.

  “Then what’s the harm in telling me?”

  Eyes still on his paper, pencil never halting, “No.”

  “Please, Zev!” I begged pitifully.

  He laughed at me, but said, “No.”

  “If you don’t tell me your side of the story, then the only one I have to go on is Amir’s.”

  Zev tensed and his pencil stopped abruptly. He was contemplating on what to do next. I waited anxiously. He sighed once more and looked back at me. “You may ask one question.” He held up a single finger like I needed a visual reminder. “One. And only because I like you.”

  I smiled honestly for the first time that day. “I’ll take what I can get.”

  “But choose wisely,” he cautioned. “And take as much time as you need thinking of it.”

  I nodded. The teacher began her lesson.

  After spending all of lunch boring my eyes into Azra, Odeda, and Zev’s backs while weighing my most pressing questions and then debating which to pick all during the second half of anatomy, I was finally ready to ask it after class let out.

  “Are you sure?” Zev asked.

  “It’s the only one I can’t live without knowing the answer to.”

  He gave me a hard, studying look. “Okay.”

  I took a steadying breath. “Are you bad guys?”

  It was rude to ask, but I had to know. It was a simply and somewhat juvenile question, but I hoped Zev would understand the importance and reasons behind it, and again, I had to know. And while I did know that Amir was bad, I didn’t know exactly how Zev and the others came into play. As long as Uriel wasn’t evil, I thought I could accept anything else.

  Zev took forever to answer me and I started getting fidgety. “No, we are not evil.”

  I exhaled my unbeknownst held breath and whispered, “Okay then.”

  Zev put his hand on my arm in a small, comforting gesture and left without another word. I felt so exhausted and cowardly that I didn’t think I could face Spanish class and an hour and a half in the same classroom with Uriel. So instead of crossing over and suffering, I stopped in the middle of the parking lot and climbed into my Wrangler. I deserve some time off. I drove home and didn’t go to volleyball that night. Instead of telling myself that the next day would be better, I decided I couldn’t make anything worse if I just kept quiet, gave everyone some space, and let them come to me in their own time.

  Yeah, because I’m so patient.

  Unleashed

  Chapter 16

  Uriel

  “Please!” Zev gasped. “Stop!”

  “Five more minutes,” I insisted in a noticeably tight voice. I couldn’t seem to speak any other way lately. I wonder why, I thought bitterly.

  “No.” Gasp. “I can’t take it- any longer.”

  Zev was bent over supporting his upper body by keeping his hands bolted to his knees.

  “We haven’t even been going that long,” I pursued.

  He lifted his head to give me an incredulous look. “It’s been five hours!”

  I took another shot while he tried to catch his breath. The basketball sailed through the middle of the hoop, nothing but net. Swish. “This is good practice for you if we ever go to college. Your competition will be a step up from the
sad teams you play against now.”

  Finally breathing normally, he responded, “One- some of the opposing teams’ players are fairly talented for their age as mortals.” He stood up and I passed him the ball after retrieving it and crouched down in a defending position, ready for him to keep playing. Zev tucked the ball under his arm and shook his head. “And two- five hours of scrimmaging you with no break time is not basketball practice; it’s me being the best brother I can be to you while you’re in this mood.”

  “What mood?”I pretended.

  “This almost destructive, crazed, never-tiring funk that you’ve been in ever since last Saturday-”

  “Don’t talk about that day,” I warned him.

  Zev stopped talking and started memorizing each individual grip mark on the basketball. When he looked back up, his smile was forced, as were his words. “I haven’t been this sore since our last battle. Uriel, I can’t keep spending every free waking hour playing b-ball in the backyard against you.” He shifted uncertainly on his feet. “What if you just tried talking to Keira?”

  “Zev,” I cautioned.

  But he persisted. “It’s been over a week. Don’t you think she deserves to know?”

  “Zev,” I growled. “You know the rules.” Nephilim are not allowed to tell mortals our secrets. What didn’t he get about that? “Either start dribbling or I’m going for a drive.”

  “Uriel. She’s stronger than you give her credit for and she really misses you. I can tell. It’s been written across her face every day.”

  “Stop it.” That tight voice grew even tighter.

  “I’ve even heard her asking that boy, the one who plays the trombone in the school band, about you. She’s worried.”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  “No, it’s not. She’s trying to give you space, but it’s been long enough. Uriel, why don’t you go to her?”

  “That’s it!” My tolerance ran out, and I started for the side of the house so I could get to the garage. A drive was long overdue. But Zev stepped in front of me, leaving the ball where he had just stood. “Move,” I told him.

  “Just hear me out.”

  “Move!” I pushed him in the chest, but he grabbed my hand and twisted until I spun around and was brought to my knees. He angled my arm up higher on my back, making me involuntarily bend at the waist, and pressed his knee into my spine so I was pinned to the ground. Uncomfortably- I might add.

  No amount of soreness would make up for the greater amount of strength Zev had compared to me now that I was already beaten. I couldn’t break free.

  “Get off.”

  “No. You are going to listen to me.”

  Seeing as how he was on my back and I was practically eating gravel- he couldn’t have waited for me to take one step over, off the “court” and onto the grass?- I grudgingly kept silent.

  “I’ve come to care for Keira as one of our own. I won’t apologize for it and you shouldn’t feel like you have to.” I tried to get up then, but Zev pushed harder into my back. My lips pressed together and my mouth became an indignant line even though Zev couldn’t see. He went on firmly, “I don’t understand how you can go on ignoring her when you see her face every day.”

  He was momentarily at a loss for words so I grabbed at the chance. “You’re supposed to be my brother.”

  “I am.” Zev removed his knee and released my arm, standing to peer down on me. I rolled over onto the grass, not wanting to get up just to possibly be pinned down again, though the only reason he had been able to do so the first time was because I had been completely caught off guard. He’d never bested me before in all the years we had known each other. He was enjoying the one-time occurrence; the last signs of a smirk were still on his face. “And since I am your brother, it is my duty to tell you when you’re wrong.” He held out a hand for me. “Now, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go in and rest my tired muscles on the couch. Maybe I’ll even play one of Dagan’s little games with him.”

  He reached down further toward me. “I appreciate that you care,” I told him as I accepted his hand. But when I closed my fingers over his forearm, I pulled him down to the grass beside me and sprung up in his stead. “But stay out of this.” He gazed up at me bewildered by my stubbornness. “I mean it.” He let his head fall back, hopefully giving up on his argument.

  I finished my walk around the house and went into the garage. Which car? I asked myself. I knew I couldn’t go to my usual thinking spot- the mountain. It would just bring up memories I wanted to ignore. Besides, I didn’t want a thinking place; I wanted the opposite. I wanted a non-thinking place, somewhere new where I couldn’t reflect on the last few months.

  Somewhere far away.

  That answered which car. In order to go any great distance and not be gone too long the only logical choice was to take my car; the one I’d ordered specifically as a splurging and unneeded vehicle that was meant just for my enjoyment.

  And it is not the Escalade.

  ♂ ♂ ♂ ♂ ♂

  When I got back, it was around four in the morning. I parked my car in the garage and walked inside. I wasn’t expecting to run into anyone so I was surprised to see, through the window in the back door as I went by, Azra sitting at the glass table on the back patio. I considered walking on, by-passing him, and going straight to bed; I was spent. But I crossed the room and opened the door.

  Without turning to look at me, Azra commented in an indifferent tone, “It’s late.”

  I stepped out and closed the door. “Yes, it is.”

  In the same tone, “You took your car.”

  “Right again.” I went to stand in front of the chair next to him and looked down at the glass table. “Oh,” I sighed and sank into the seat. “If this table could talk…”

  “We’d have to destroy it because it knows too much,” he finished for me.

  I smiled to myself, but it only lasted a second.

  Then we sat in silence for a while. The night was peaceful, quiet. I took to staring at the moon which was about a week away from being full while Azra chose his clasped hands that lay on the table to study.

  He was the first to break the night’s silence. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Hmm…” I considered. “Maybe.”

  “I saw what happened between you and Zev earlier.”

  “Did Odeda and Dagan?”

  “No.”

  “Good.”

  He was still staring at his hands, and I hadn’t looked away from the moon. It was the first time we’d talked about anything that remotely had to do with my romantic relationship since our argument, which seemed so ridiculous now.

  “How are you doing?”

  I took my eyes off the moon and replaced it with my guild’s leader, my friend, the man I had always gone to for advice and had always respected above almost all others. “I’ll survive,” I stated.

  “The same way you did before this mission?” He met my gaze bluntly and his hazel eyes conveyed so much; at times I thought he knew too much. “Do you really want to go back to that?”

  Somehow, I held his stare and lied. “I was happy before.”

  Azra raised his eyebrows pointedly. “I know you were struggling prior to coming here.” His expression slowly turned to one of disgrace. “I knew for years that something was wrong with you, but I didn’t know how to help and hoped it was just a phase that would pass with time.”

  “I did too,” I granted, dropping my eyes from his. I never thought I would confide in anyone what I was about to unveil. “My old thoughts keep invading my mind, but now they’re more demanding and threatening.”

  “Old thoughts?”

  “Original thoughts, like the ones before I’d chosen the Light.”

  Azra nodded while attempting to contain a neutral countenance. He never slipped, never had tenebrous thoughts that, if acted upon, could destroy everything he had worked for. I thought I was past all of my sinful provocations, but apparently, they had never ful
ly been spade from my subconscious and now wanted to be revived from the deep more than ever.

  I knew what had silenced them and kept every single one down, but I couldn’t go to her any more. “Why can’t I be good enough for her?”

  Azra took all of one second to catch up with my meaning. Then he sounded irritated when he asked, “Why on God’s green earth don’t you think you’re good enough, Uriel?”

  “Because of my father! Because of the voices! Because of everything…” My thoughts wandered off. Why did that keep happening lately?

  Azra broke through my unpropitious thinking. “Are you looking for counsel?”

  “Honestly? Not really. Not this time.”

  “Then tell me: What are you planning on doing?”

  I stood up, unable to stay motionless. “After our mission here is complete, I’m leaving with you and the others. Everything will go back to the way it was before and I’ll deal with things as I always have.” I was suddenly overwhelmingly tired and started for the door. What more could be said?

  “Uriel,” Azra called. I stopped and faced him once more. He stood and came to stand directly in front of me so we were eye to eye. “I only ever wanted you to be happy. You do know that, right? You are my brother.”

  “I’ve always known that. You’ve never let me down, Azra.”

  “Then please understand that when I say this, I mean it out of love.” He fixed me with a powerful, unblinking stare. “After what’s happened here, you cannot ever go back to how it was before, believe me. I know that you have changed. So decide wisely, Brother.” He took a step inside and stopped. “I’m only going to say this once: You are good enough. And I never want to hear you say differently ever again.”

  He went inside and disappeared into the hallway that led to his and Odeda’s room. I followed and shut the outside door before making my way upstairs to my room where I knew I wouldn’t get any rest that night.

  ♂ ♂ ♂ ♂ ♂

  The next week went by in an ominous cloud enveloping me at all times. I was lost in my downward spiral with no idea of how to get out, not sure that I even could get out at this point.