Zadkiel walked over to Lucas. “It is our habit to hold nephilim to higher standards because of the angelic blood running through their veins. It is easy to forget you have a human half. Your physiology is one of the strongest on earth, and yet your mind remains limited by mortal weaknesses. Abuse—both mental and physical—such as your father meted out would have had their effect on you. Do you understand that this is what has influenced your behavior for so long?”
Lucas had done a lot of thinking after his talk with Eli in the black hole, and he’d come to some realizations. The archangels wanted a clear-cut answer, but he couldn’t give that to them. They’d have to settle for something a little more complicated.
“Would I have lived my life differently if not for my father?” Lucas shrugged. “It’s quite possible. But when a child becomes an adult and breaks free from their parent’s influence, they must take responsibility for their own actions. No matter what happened to them before. They make their own decision to become good, bad, or something in between.”
Lucas looked at Ariel. “You said before that I needed to stop redirecting the blame to others. I’m telling you now that every decision I’ve made—good or bad—is my own. I’ll not give him credit for the things I’ve done since his death. He isn’t worthy of such a tribute.”
The female archangel’s lips twitched, but she said nothing. Zadkiel moved in front of Lucas’ line of vision, his face strained.
“You are responsible for thousands of deaths in your lifetime. We aren’t just considering your failure to protect the sensor today, but also whether or not it is wise to allow you to return to human society at some point. We’d hoped if we could pinpoint a cause it would be enough to help you turn your behavior around. Without that revelation, your life will be forfeit. Do you understand that?” he asked.
Lucas stared into the archangel’s concerned eyes. “You continue to bring up all the death I’ve caused, but fail to look deeper. I admit to allowing others to see them as random killings because I don’t care what anyone thinks. But if you were to take a closer look, you’d find there were always reasons for them.”
“How so?” Zadkiel cocked his head.
“When a man rapes a woman because her clothing is suggestive, that is unjustified. When a woman kills her husband because they’re not rich enough and she wants the insurance money, that’s not justified. The people I’ve killed were either persecuting those weaker than themselves or seeking to harm myself or others under my protection. The murders might have appeared as ruthless acts fueled by my hatred, and I won’t deny those factors were often there. But I did not slay my victims indiscriminately. I challenge you to examine every one of my thousands of killings and see the truth for yourself.”
He’d never confessed his reasons before because it suited him to make people believe he was always one step away from slaughter. Often the threat of it was enough to save him from having to do something more severe. The archangels knew he couldn’t lie to them and that he believed what he said. They’d only have to figure out whether the justifications in his head matched with their beliefs.
Uriel pounded his fist on the table. “Perhaps this is true. That remains to be seen, but your feelings for Melena Sanders have driven you to act with extreme behavior. You killed a possessed human out of jealousy, rather than reacting to any threat the demon inside him posed. Crushing his heart and tearing his head off so you could stomp all over it is not encouraging for future conduct.”
“Oh, come now,” Ariel interjected. “The demon was threatening to rape the sensor to death. I would have been tempted to do the same as Lucas.”
The male archangel gave her an exasperated look. “The demon was in a weaker human body and chained to a wall. It couldn’t have carried out such a threat.”
“Perhaps, but it still needed to be sent back to Hell. Does it matter if Lucas was a little rough getting it there?” she asked, looking up from a scroll she studied. It had appeared out of thin air a few minutes before.
“It does to me,” Uriel replied, then turned to Lucas. “What if we allow you to return to earth someday and you discover Melena has moved on to another man. How will you handle that?”
Lucas’ blood turned cold. There was no way he could deny that he’d rip apart anyone who touched Melena. She was his. He’d never hurt her, but he couldn’t say he wouldn’t go after any man she allowed close to her.
Ariel sighed and put the scroll down. “Lucas has clear knowledge of every man Melena has been with before him, considering he’s been observing her for years. Yet from the time he claimed her, and until Remiel took him away, he didn’t seek out a single one of her former lovers. Let’s not persecute him for hypothetical crimes of passion we can’t be sure he’d even carry out.”
She winked at Lucas. He didn’t know why she’d chosen to champion him, but he appreciated the help. There was knowledge in her eyes, though, that she knew damn well he wouldn’t be able to control himself with any future lovers Melena might take. Perhaps Ariel hoped he’d reconsider his behavior if the archangels allowed him to live. That would be more faith than he had in himself.
It wasn’t that he thought Melena would betray him any time soon. Lucas’ concern was if his stay in Purgatory lasted for decades, Mel’s temptation to move on to someone else would increase with time. Their relationship had been years in the making, but they’d only fully committed to each other the day before he left. His mark might keep most supernaturals away from her, but humans wouldn’t recognize it.
She was a beautiful woman and she’d always preferred mortals before acknowledging her attraction to him. What if a human man came along and offered her all the things Lucas couldn’t? Could he blame her for wanting such a person? Despite his age, Lucas had little experience with committed relationships, but he’d seen enough over the centuries to know many failed under less difficult circumstances.
Uriel frowned at the female archangel. “While he may not have killed an innocent thus far because of his jealousy, we can’t disregard the possibility he would in the future. Lucas is not known for his restraint, despite his arguments otherwise.”
She lifted her dark brows. “Then we will deal with that if and when it happens. Anyway,” she waved a hand, “crimes of passion don’t carry the same weight as most other types of murder.”
“You can’t be serious,” Haniel scoffed, entering the argument. “Murder is murder. One should not be considered less severe than another.”
Ariel smiled sweetly at him. “You’re not seeing Lucas’ relationship with Melena for its full potential. I’ve carefully reviewed their interactions together and believe she will be a good influence on him. The potential for him to behave more kindly toward humans is much higher with her in his life. We may be looking at more people saved than lost. It could very well balance out—though I don’t think Melena will ever choose another man over him anyway.”
Haniel eyed the psychologist. “What is your take on this? Do you believe Melena Sanders has enough sway over Lucas that she is more of a benefit to him than a hindrance?”
Eli rubbed his chin. “Every time I’ve brought up the subject of Melena, Lucas has turned irrational. It doesn’t bode well for his ability to control his jealousy where she is concerned, but it isn’t conclusive. There is no way for me to be sure how much influence she has without meeting her.”
“Would that be possible?” Haniel looked to Remiel.
The archangel started to open his mouth, but Lucas jumped to his feet to interrupt him. “No, he’s not going anywhere near her!”
He’d managed to hold back until now, but he’d reached his limit of watching them discuss him as if he wasn’t there. No one would be going near Melena if he could help it.
Haniel sneered. “What are you so concerned about, nephilim. Are you afraid your sensor might favor Eli over you if she met him?”
“No.” Lucas glared at him. “Melena is more likely to shoot first and ask questions later if an unknown
nephilim shows up. She’s not the most trusting sort. I’m more concerned that his visit will drive her away from Fairbanks once she’s finished trying to kill him.”
“I’m sure Eli can handle one little sensor,” Haniel said, rolling his eyes.
“I think it’s a good idea for the psychologist to go,” Uriel spoke up.
“There are other factors to consider,” Lucas said, trying to keep his voice level. “As you must be aware, she doesn’t live alone. If she feels her home is being threatened she could resort to drastic measures Eli could not counter, including calling for every supernatural who supports her—some of whom are more powerful than him. He may not be able to die, but by the time they’re done with him he’ll wish he could. Not to mention the questions that will be raised as to the reason for his presence.”
“In this, I must agree with Lucas,” Remiel said, his voice carrying over the room. “It is doubtful Eli of Gao will be able to meet with the sensor without facing resistance. Melena Sanders has proven to be extremely protective of those she cares about and she’ll most likely view an unknown nephilim as a threat if he gets near the girl she cares for. I doubt even my presence would help.”
Eli’s dark brows knitted together. “What girl?”
“Melena Sanders recently took over guardianship of a fifteen-year-old sensor. The girl’s mother was turned into a vampire and wasn’t fit to care for her,” Uriel said.
Lucas’ hands shook as he glared at the outspoken archangel. “You will not speak of the girl. Her identity needs to be protected no matter how trustworthy you find this man.”
Eli’s gaze swung over to him. “Two sensors you care about? You’ve been holding out on me, Lucas.”
“The younger one is none of your business. Stay away from her,” Lucas warned.
Remiel raised his hands. “Enough! No one is going near Melena Sanders or the girl. We will have to judge Lucas of Pistiros based on the information we already have.”
“Good,” Ariel said, nodding. “We don’t need the psychologist to evaluate such a thing anyway.”
Lucas sat back down on his bench. At least some of the archangels had the sense to keep Melena out of this.
“Does anyone have any other questions before we adjourn?” Remiel asked, glancing in turn at everyone present in the courtroom. The look in his eyes said they’d better not.
Everyone shook their heads.
“Good. The panel will relocate to the antechamber to deliberate over the sentence.” He nodded at Lucas and Eli. “The two of you will remain here. It may take some time, but I want this finished today.”
Chapter Twelve
As soon as the archangels closed the chamber door behind them, Eli turned his head toward Lucas. “You should have told me about the other sensor. It might have raised my estimation of you.”
“We will not be discussing her now, either.” Lucas gave the psychologist a hard look.
Eli smiled. “You’re every bit as protective of her as you are of Melena. If you can care about a sensor you aren’t sleeping with, then perhaps there really is hope for you.”
Lucas bared his teeth. “Do not tempt me to find a way to break these chains.”
“Alright, alright.” Eli raised his palms. “I’ll drop the subject. I just wanted to test your level of commitment to her.”
They sat in silence after that. With no watch or clock on the wall, Lucas couldn’t be sure how much time passed, but it felt like hours. He knew they were in there debating whether he should live or die. Regardless of the outcome, he worried about finding a way to get protection for Melena. They wouldn’t have assigned him to her if they didn’t want her to live for some purpose. The question was whether she’d already fulfilled it or not. It only took one small act to affect the future in a world-changing way.
He couldn’t say he didn’t fear dying, either. There was a time when it might not have mattered as much to him, but now he had things in his life worth living for. In that moment he wanted to bury his head in his hands, but they were bound behind him—and Eli watched him too closely. The psychologist probably evaluated him even now, wondering what ran through Lucas’ head with the possibility of execution looming. Lucas wouldn’t let him see his apprehension.
They both jumped when the chamber door clicked open. Zadkiel came out and nodded at Eli. “We need to speak with you for a few more minutes.”
The psychologist got up and followed the archangel.
Lucas gazed around the empty courtroom. Now would be a good time to attempt escape, but it would be useless. If they could find him in the human realm with unerring accuracy, they could certainly find him on their own turf even faster. He’d also lose any negotiating power he might have gained by cooperating recently.
Eli returned a short while later. The psychologist said nothing as he took his seat and kept his eyes averted. Whatever they were talking about in there, it couldn’t be good. Lucas held himself stiffly and concentrated on his breathing. His breaths might be his last ones and he’d appreciate them while he could.
It seemed as if several more hours passed before the door clicked open again. All the archangels filed into the courtroom with their white robes billowing at their feet and their wings held tightly behind them. None of their expressions told Lucas what they’d decided. One by one they sat at the table, except Remiel, who remained standing with a scroll in his hands. Whatever was written on it most likely recorded his fate. He tried not to stare at it.
Remiel studied Lucas closely. “You left an important detail out of the story you relayed to Eli about your father’s death. Do you wish to explain why?”
Damn. Lucas had hoped they wouldn’t remember that. “I didn’t think it was relevant to our conversation.”
“You didn’t consider it important to tell him that the funeral pyre you created for Gadreel included the bodies of every young man who’d ever harmed you or your brother?” he asked in a tight voice.
Lucas kept his face blank. “He wanted to know about my father. Those young men were loose ends that needed tying up before leaving town. With my brother and me gone, they would have looked for another target to go after—men such as them don’t stop their behavior just because their favorite victims are gone.”
Remiel clasped his hands behind his back and paced for a moment. “You have no remorse over killing them?”
There was no avoiding the answer to this one. “No, I don’t.”
What did the archangel expect? That Lucas would feel bad for ridding the earth of those men after what they’d done to him and his brother? Hardly. He only wished he could kill them again.
Remiel paced some more before stopping to look up at the ceiling. Lucas wondered if he was communicating with someone, his concentration appeared so focused. A full minute went by before he came back to himself.
“Eli tells us you remember little of your mother. This did not surprise us. Unbeknownst to you, there was a reason for that—your father dulled your memories of her. He didn’t have the power to wipe them completely, but he did so just enough that you wouldn’t bring the topic of her up to him.”
Lucas felt as if he’d been punched in the gut. “You didn’t think for all this time that I might want to know that?”
Remiel’s ancient eyes bored into him. “It wasn’t for us to interfere. He’d been given free rein to raise you as he saw fit. For a long time, I didn’t believe it would help for you to know the truth, but recent events have made me reconsider.”
“How so?” Lucas asked.
None of this should have mattered. His mother had been gone so long that he shouldn’t have cared, but he felt slighted. Of all the questionable things Lucas had ever done in his life, he’d never taken someone’s memories of those they loved. There were lines one just didn’t cross.
“Did you ever wonder why you never met any of your mother’s family?”
Lucas shrugged. “I assumed she didn’t have any living relatives left.”
Now that he tho
ught about it, though, no one in the town where they lived had ever mentioned knowing his mother from before his birth. They weren’t all that friendly to Lucas and Micah, but they would have brought up something like that.
“She wasn’t from Pistiros,” Remiel said. “Your father moved her there after he fell from grace. He didn’t want her family having any influence over you and your brother. She didn’t get much of a choice in the matter, though we believe she loved him enough to agree to his wishes.”
“What is the importance of her family now?” Lucas asked. Clearly the archangel was working up to something.
“Your mother was a sensor, Lucas, and so was most of her family. If your father hadn’t taken you and your brother away, they would have taken part in your upbringing. They wouldn’t have judged you like the people of Pistiros did.”
If it felt like a punch in the gut before, it now felt as if he’d been hit by a wrecking ball. “You criticize me for holding back on the truth, archangel, but it appears I could learn a thing or two from you.”
Remiel glanced at the others before returning his attention to Lucas. “We felt it would do more harm than good. You didn’t start your crusade against sensors until a few centuries ago when Henrik Nielson appeared. It seemed a bit too late to broach the topic by then.”
“And now?”
“Before I make the final decision for your punishment, I wish to know your feelings on the matter. You’ve proven you can get past your prejudices for some sensors, but the real question is whether or not you can get past it for all of them. If that’s possible, perhaps there is hope for you with humans as well. Do you see where I’m leading with this?” Remiel lifted his brows.
Lucas just stared at him for a minute before bowing his head. Some of his blond locks fell across his face, but it gave him a shield against the prying eyes before him. He couldn’t comprehend how they could reveal information like this now. They expected him to answer a life and death question when his anger was bordering on rage. He didn’t think they’d lie about something like this, but he wished he had Melena here to verify it for him with her abilities.
Chained by Darkness (Sensor Series, Book 2.5) Page 9
