by M. S. Parker
He was mine, and I'd be damned if I let my father ruin him.
Mind made up, I walked up the stairs to the front of Tao's building and hit the buzzer. He didn’t answer right away, but that didn't surprise me. He'd most likely been out late last night and had probably only been in bed for a couple hours. It took two more attempts before he finally answered, mumbling something completely unintelligible.
Pushing the button again, I said, “It’s me. Let me up. I need your help. It’s important.”
“Good morning to you too, sweetheart,” Tao grumbled. He was so not a morning person. “Why yes, I did have a good night. You? Yeah, I’d love some coffee.”
I snorted. “Sure, I had a good night. Glad to hear you did too. That means you got laid. So did I. Let me in and we can compare notes while I make you that coffee.” I could use some myself.
That woke him up a little bit. “Really? You never want to talk about it.”
He buzzed me in, and by the time I got up to his apartment, he was standing at the door wearing a pair of low slung-jeans and rubbing tired eyes. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
He caught one look at my face and shook his head. “I should have known you were bullshitting me.” He sighed. “That look on your face is all business. You’re not here to compare notes on anything. What do you want? And you’re making the damn coffee.”
“Yes, I’m making the damn coffee.” I offered him a smile as I slid past him on my way into the kitchen. He followed along behind me and dropped down at the table, pillowing his head on his arm. “Don’t go back to sleep, Tao. I told you, I need your help. I have to go talk to my mom about something, and I need moral support.”
“Your mom is a doll. You don’t need moral support from me. Now if I was going to talk to my mom? I’d need moral support – an army of it.” He mumbled more into the table than anything else, but I didn’t let it concern me.
He was upright – mostly – and talking. Once I got some caffeine in him, he’d be good to go.
When I set his I'm so sexy mug in front of him, he lifted his head. After a few more seconds, he took a drink and then another. I watched the sleep leave his eyes.
“Moral support, huh?”
“Yeah.” I poured myself a cup in my usual leprechaun mug and settled into the seat across from him.
He finished the coffee and poured another cup. “Okay. Give me a few minutes to shower and change.” He paused and scrutinized me. “You did get laid. You also look like you’re about ready to kick some ass.”
“I already did that.” Blowing out a breath, I looked away. “Now I need to go tell my mom about it.”
“You didn’t go and put Paisley in the hospital did you?” He looked both interested and wary. He'd never actually met my half-sister, but he knew enough about her to understand why violence would've been a possibility. “I don't need to go sell my sweet ass to get you bail money, do I?”
“No.” A quick laugh escaped me, and I shook my head. “While she might've deserved it, she isn't the one I had a confrontation with.”
Tao's eyes widened, and I could see curiosity warring with his desire for a shower.
“Come on,” I said as I stood. “I'll tell you all about it while you're showering.”
He wiggled his eyebrows at me as he gave me a lecherous look. I smacked his arm.
“This is not a booty call. Let's go.”
It was strange, I thought as I followed Tao to his bathroom. The fact that Tao and I wouldn't be having sex again didn't bother me at all. We were back to a normal friendship, and if I had anything to say about it, that’s where we'd stay.
My nerves had me practically twitching in my seat during the twenty-minute bus ride from Tao's apartment to my house. Tao reached over and put his hand on top of mine. “You’re making me a little nuts, Allie. Calm down.”
That was easy for him to say. He wasn't contemplating a move that would most likely humiliate my mother.
Turning my head, I looked out the window as the bus took the corner. Our stop was coming up so I nudged him, but he was already moving. I followed after him, grabbing the handle to steady myself when the bus lurched and jerked.
Once we exited the bus, I took a deep breath. Public transportation was a lot cheaper than trying to manage a car, but sometimes the miasma of too many bodies packed in a small space, combined with those who didn’t quite understand basic hygiene made me wish I could afford to drive myself.
We started up the street, and I shoved my hands into my pockets to keep from fidgeting. Neither one of us spoke, and I was glad for that. I didn't need Tao to distract me. I just needed his solid, steadying presence. Sometimes he could come off as a bit flaky, but I knew he was a rock at his center.
We climbed the stairs to the front door, and I stopped for a second to take a breath, steadying myself.
“Hey, if she kills you, can I have dibs on whatever I want from your room?” he asked as I unlocked the door.
“Sure.” I rolled my eyes. “You get first crack at my wardrobe.”
“That's not fair,” he said. “You've got a better figure than I do.”
I stuck my tongue out at him, then took his hand and tugged him along with me as I started to search for my mother. She hadn't been scheduled to work today, so I knew she'd most likely be here.
She wasn’t anywhere in the house so I headed outside. It wasn’t a surprise to find her in the small garden in the backyard. This was her favorite spot to be, and now that the weather didn’t totally suck, she was happy to putter around on her days off.
In a hoodie and faded denim capris, she didn’t look that much older than me, and when she smiled, she looked even closer to my age. She was one of those women who'd never need cosmetic surgery to have people thinking she was a decade younger than she really was.
“Hey.” I sat down cross legged across from her while Tao took one of the nearby lawn chairs.
Mom stripped off her gloves and pushed her hair back from her face. “Did you two have breakfast?”
I ignored the question because I was far too nervous to eat. “I need to talk to you. It’s kind of important.” My heart skipped a few beats as her steady gaze raised from my hands to meet my eyes.
She laid the gloves in the garden basket at her side, cocking her head. “Judging by the look on your face, I would say it’s more than kind of important. Is everything okay?”
“I’m fine.” I licked my lips and fought the urge to look at Tao for support. I'd essentially practiced my speech on him, but… “It’s just…well, I went to see Kendrick today.”
Her lips thinned into a flat line. I knew she still had feelings, of a sort, for the man who’d fathered me. I doubted it was love, exactly. It sure as hell wasn’t anything founded on respect or admiration. But he was her first love, and for the longest time, he’d been the only man in her life.
Yet I knew as surely as I was sitting there, if Kendrick were to show up right now and promised to divorce Diamond and wanted my mom to go away with him, she’d shut the door in his face.
She’d found what she needed with Tyson. She truly loved him, of that I had no doubt. And yet, I knew, those feelings for Kendrick weren’t entirely gone.
“Why?”
It was a simple question, no malice or indignation or anger. Just a simple question.
It was too bad I didn’t have a simple answer. Taking a deep breath, I braced myself. “It’s about that guy, Mama. Remember the guy I told you about?”
She nodded. “The one who was engaged to Paisle?”
“It’s about him,” I said. “Kendrick is…he’s…”
Dammit.
“Just spill it, Allie,” Tao said from his spot on the chair.
I shot him a dark look then met Mom’s eyes. “Kendrick had Jal arrested, then said that he'd make the charges go away once Jal got back together with Paisley. He set Jal up, Mom.”
Tao muttered something under his breath that I was sure wasn't complimentary, but Mom'
s expression wasn't one of surprise. In fact, she looked resigned.
She didn’t ask a single question, didn’t say a damn thing. All she did was get to her feet and start to pace around the yard, rubbing at her neck. After a few moments, she turned to me, a grim look on her face.
“Tell me what he did this time.”
That was when it hit me. She’d seen him do this shit before.
So I told her all of it.
“Why aren’t you surprised?” I finally asked her.
Mom sat in a lawn chair, sipping on the lemonade TJ had brought out half-way through my explanation. Tao had saved Mom and me from having to shoo TJ away by immediately challenging my little brother to some sort of video game match. The two of them were inside now, and every so often, I heard Tao shouting at the game.
Mom was silent for so long, I almost thought she hadn’t seen me asking her, but finally, she looked over at me.
“I guess for the same reason you approached him to begin with. I’ve seen him pull this sort of thing before.” She took another drink, then put down her glass. “And so have you.”
She sounded so sure of it that I wondered if my father had told her what happened.
“Yes,” I admitted. “I found some stuff years ago. It was in some of the work he had me looking at. Some things didn’t add up back then, and I fought with him about it. Then when all of this went down…Jal has somebody working with him that used to work with Kendrick. I had a bad feeling. So I confronted him.”
I'd already told her what I threatened him with if he didn't fix things.
Mom nodded. Silence stretched out again, and I listened to the birds calling while she thought. Finally, she looked at me. “I’ll back you up, Allie. Whatever you do. But understand, if you talk, they won’t be kind. Are you ready for that?”
“Yes.” I nodded. “But I don't think it'll come to that. You know how they are. They'll want to save face too much to risk it.” I took a steadying breath. “Besides, I had to do this. For Jal. I love him.”
She reached up and cupped my cheek. “I already knew that.”
A noise caught my ears, and I looked up to see Tao studying me. He had a faint smile on his lips, and he nodded at me. I wondered if he'd already known too. Knowing Tao, he'd probably just been sitting around, waiting for me to figure it out myself.
Mom glanced at Tao and then back at me. “I'm going to make lunch. Are you two staying?”
I nodded as I stood. “What do you need me to do to help?”
“Nothing.”
I would've argued, but Mom was giving me that look, the one that said not to bother protesting. It wouldn't do any good. And I knew why she was doing it too. She was reminding me of what she'd told me before. That I needed to stop using the family as an excuse to hold back.
“Come on.” Tao reached out a hand and took me back through the house to the front steps. When the weather was nice, it was our favorite place to sit and talk. He waited until we settled in before asking, “Does he know?”
I didn't have to ask him to clarify. I shrugged. “I haven’t told him yet. He knows I’m serious about him. I think he feels the same way. But right now…” I grimaced. “I don't think this is the right time. We need to get this mess fixed before we can worry about anything else.”
“Or maybe you should let him know why you’re pushing so hard to fix it,” Tao suggested. He bumped my shoulder with his. “You know this isn’t your fault, right? You didn’t cause this. But you’re working your ass off to fix it, and maybe he should know why.”
“Maybe you're right,” I agreed.
“Maybe?” Tao threw his arm around my shoulders and kissed my cheek. “Come on, honey, you know I'm always right.”
I started to laugh, but the sound died in my throat as I happened to look across the street.
Jal was staring right at us, and the look on his face said he'd seen Tao kiss me.
“Dammit.”
Chapter Seven
Jal
Jal,
I went to go see my father. I'm not going to let him do this to you. I'll talk to you after.
Allie
After the first few words, they all blurred together, and I had to read it several times through before everything made sense. Then I crumpled the piece of paper into a ball and hurled it on the floor.
“Dammit, Allie! What the fuck.” I lifted my face and stared up the ceiling.
She couldn't think this was her fault. Maybe she hadn’t written that she blamed herself, but it still came through loud and clear. She felt like she had to fix it, but this wasn’t about her. It was about her dad and Paisley. Me and Paisley. Kendrick.
That stupid schmuck.
I should be the one driving over there and talking to him. I was tempted to do just that and then plant my fist in Kendrick’s smug face. I still might do it if Allie came back upset.
I checked my phone to see if maybe she had called or texted while I was still sleeping, but she hadn’t. I had no way of knowing when she left. It was almost eleven, and I had just climbed out of bed a few minutes ago. I'd left a message for Mrs. Beck, letting her know that I needed a couple days to try to get some personal matters taken care of, so I'd turned off my alarm, but I'd never expected to sleep so late.
I’d been dreaming about Allie, surrounded by blankets that smelled of her and me and what we’d done together, so it made sense that I would've wanted to stay there, in that dream. Except while I'd been thinking about her, she’d gone off to face that jackass.
I picked up the note and read it again. Then I carefully smoothed out the wrinkles and lines and left it on the counter while I forced myself to make breakfast. Maybe she’d be back soon. Then I could shake her and tell her to quit worrying about this. I’d handle it.
But she wasn’t back by the time I finished cooking. So I made myself eat to have something to do. But I didn't taste much of it.
And she still hadn't returned.
Okay, so I’d shower. Then if she wasn’t back…
“Stop,” I muttered out loud.
She’d be back.
But by the time I’d showered and changed, the apartment was still empty, quiet. Too empty. Too quiet.
How long could it take to talk to that arrogant asshole?
I checked my work email, sending off rote answers, filing what needed to be filed. That managed to kill another hour, but my mind wasn't where it needed to be to do anything truly productive. After a quick call to Adam to see where he thought things stood – it was too soon to tell – I couldn't wait any longer.
I almost headed straight for Kendrick and Diamond's estate, but at the last minute, I took a detour. I'd finally gotten her actual address, and something in my gut told me that she might have felt the need to see her mother after having talked to her father.
As soon as I turned the corner, I caught sight of her, and my heart leaped in my chest. I resisted the impulse to leave my car where it was and go to her. I couldn't completely lose my head. Ten minutes later, I finally nosed into a spot barely bigger than a tuna fish can.
Finally.
Feeling self-conscious, I tried not to think about the people eying me – and my car – as I walked up the block and rounded the corner to where I’d seen Allie. The self-consciousness faded quickly enough because I was already getting frustrated. Why hadn’t she called to tell me she was going to see her mom too?
In a split second, though, self-consciousness, the lingering worry, and even the frustration faded away, replaced by one simple emotion.
Jealousy.
Allie wasn’t alone.
She was with a guy, and after a moment, I realized that I knew him.
The man sitting with her was the same guy who’d come with her to the ball not that long ago. I remembered that his name was Tao, and he’d shook my hand with a smirk on his face.
How long have you been together? I’d asked.
And he’d all but laughed as he said, Forever.
Her
e I’d been worrying about her going to see her father, and she was getting all cozy with this asshole.
He leaned over to say something to her, the intimacy between them undeniable. He put his arm around her shoulder and kissed her cheek. It wasn't her mouth, but it was damn close.
Jealousy exploded into a blistery rage.
They’d been together forever alright.
Something twisted in me, and it took a few seconds to realize what it was. Hurt.
The anger and jealousy were easy to understand, but the hurt…I’d never felt that before.
I almost stormed over there, ripped her away from him, demanding to know what she was doing with him – doing to me. But one thing stopped me.
I had no right to demand anything of her.
We’d made no commitments to each other.
Not really.
Over the entire course of the time we'd known each other, I'd deceived her, seduced her into sleeping with me when I was engaged, and I couldn't even count the number of times I'd been cruel to her.
Maybe this was what I got for being a self-centered ass.
Maybe I should have walked away then. Maybe I should walk away now.
Before I could decide to do just that, Allie saw me. Her eyes widened, and I backed up, ready to just…disappear. I couldn't be humiliated a second time. Not by someone I actually cared about.
I heard her calling me, but I didn't care. I was opening my car door when she caught up to me.
“Dammit, Jal! Wait!”
Giving her a disinterested look over my shoulder, I asked, “Why?” I managed to shrug even. “It’s not like we owe each other anything.”
“On the contrary.” She stopped and crossed her arms over her chest. “You're about to owe me something. It’s called an apology. Tao and I are friends. He’s my best friend and has been since kindergarten.”
Some part of me wanted to take those words at face value and accept them, but I wasn't an idiot. I'd seen the way they were together.
“I wish I had friends that good,” I said sourly.
