The Tundra Trials

by Monica Tesler

  After finding some plain decals, Lucy hand-lettered them with our new pod mark, H2Os5. We refuse to tell anyone outside the pod what they mean. According to Lucy, psychological intimidation is a key strategy in our social game. Shockingly it seems to be working. Our pod is the clear front-runner in the Tundra Trials.

  Ever since Lucy negotiated terms for our alliance, we’ve been sharing cache stories and strategy with Ridders’s pod. We’ve even invited them to the Nest a few times, which is fun. It kind of reminds me of a miniversion of the Tunneler hangout Mira and I visited, just a chill place to relax, maybe play some Evolution, and not have to worry about the Tundra Trials.

  Of course, it’s not all fun and games in the Nest. The morning after Mira and I almost plunged to our deaths, we met as a pod in the bathhouse before breakfast. I shared what happened on the bridge, and how Grok brought us to the Den. Then I told them about our meeting with Waters. Despite my growing guilt, I didn’t tell them about the brain patches. But I did tell them about the critical meeting that Waters mentioned. My pod mates agreed he must have been talking about the same meeting that Ridders unintentionally revealed.

  We need to find out when that meeting is happening.

  And we need to be there.

  The only problem is we’ve got almost no time to snoop around, and our few attempts to score scoop have been complete dead ends.

  I haven’t even had a chance to press Waters for information. He’s been acting weird. Every day, as soon as the Trials end, he disappears. I haven’t seen him in the Earth Sector at all since that night in the Nest.

  Marco’s been acting almost as mysterious as Waters. This morning, he left the burrow before I got out of bed. When he finally arrives at breakfast, he’s panting and red in the face like he’s been out running a marathon. He slides into his seat with a huge grin on his face.

  “What?” Lucy says.

  “Not here,” Marco says, shooting a side glance at Regis’s table. “You know, inquiring minds.”

  “You finally have a payback plan, don’t you?” I ask.

  He glares at me, but then winks. “I said not here. The Nest. After breakfast.”

  “You mean you know how to get back at Regis?” Cole asks.

  “For the love of the ancient Tunneler gods, Wiki!” he whisper-yells. “What part of ‘not here’ don’t you understand?”

  “Sorry,” Cole says.

  We race through breakfast and blow off Ryan, who has some questions about the day’s cache plan. When we finally make it to the Nest, Marco gathers us around and unfurls his palm to reveal a small glass bottle filled with reddish-green powder. “This, my dear comrades, is our ticket to stick it to Regis.”

  “Ticket to Stick It,” Lucy says. “I like that.”

  “What is it?” Cole asks.

  “Foot-warmer powder.”

  “Huh?” I say.

  “It’s made from some kind of plant they grown in the greenhouses. I think it’s like the Tunneler equivalent of ghost peppers.”

  Mira lifts the vial from Marco’s hand and holds the powder to the light.

  “I traded some carob-coated fruit balls to an ancient Tunneler in the market this morning,” Marco continues.

  “How did you communicate with him?” Cole asks.

  “Where did you get the fruit balls?” I ask.

  Marco ignores me and answers Cole. “You don’t need words, Brainiac, when you speak the language of commerce. Plus, I had some help.”

  “Yeah, but foot-warmer powder?” Lucy says. “I think that sounds like a good thing. My toes have been freezing by the end of our cache runs.”

  “Well, a little is a good thing,” Marco says, taking the bottle back from Mira. “A lot . . . not so good. If you put more than a sprinkle in your shoes, your feet will be fried. And here’s the sinker: it’s only activated in the cold. So Regis and his crew won’t know there’s a problem until they’ve left the base. They’ll have to either take their boots off and freeze their feet, or endure the blistering heat until they make it back.”

  “How did you find all this out?” Cole asks.

  “Like I told you on day one,” Marco says. “Our furry friend likes to talk.”

  “Marco, you didn’t!” Lucy says. “I told you to leave poor Neeka alone.”

  “I think it sounds like a great idea,” I say, “but Regis will know it was us, and I bet we’d get in some hefty trouble if we burned their feet.”

  “That’s the best part,” Marco says. “Their skin won’t really be burned. According to Neeka, it works on the nerves to elevate body temperature in a targeted area. No surface injuries. And as soon as they’re out of the cold, the effect wears off.”

  “So no permanent injuries,” Lucy says. “That’s good. We probably won’t get in too much trouble for the prank. But if we do get busted, you have to promise to leave Neeka out of it.”

  “I will,” Marco says. “But listen to this. They apparently keep a stock of this powder behind the counter at the outfitter so if Tunnelers want to sprinkle a tiny amount in their shoes before heading to the surface, they can. I bet Regis and Company will have a hard time convincing anyone that they’re not to blame themselves. Used too much. Oh well.”

  “Excellent!” I say. “So what’s the plan?”

  “Wait until they request their boots, then run a distraction while I load the shoes up with powder,” Marco says.

  “When are we doing this?” Cole asks him.

  “No better time than the present. Let’s go!”

  “Now? But we’re not prepared!” Cole says.

  “Prepared equals scared. Who needs a plan?”

  “That logic sounds a little off,” Lucy says.

  “It’s worked for me so far, Miss Snoot.”

  Lucy puts her hands on her hips. “Stop calling me names for the rest of the day, Marco Romero, and I’ll run your distraction. I’m the master, after all. Don’t you remember my award-winning performance when we broke into the cell block to spy on the alien?”

  “Who could forget?” I say. “You snotted all over that poor guard crying about your tofu-faced boyfriend, Marco, and how he broke your heart.”

  “Oooh! That’s right! I’m changing my terms,” she says to Marco. “You can’t call me names, but I can call you Tofu Face as much as I want.”

  “That’s hardly fair, but fine. We’ve got to go!” He races out of the bathhouse, apparently assuming we’ll be following close behind.

  We jog to catch up and then chase him through the tunnels. When we get to the outfitter, we head in and request our gear. We’re one of the first pods to arrive.

  “Isn’t it going to look weird that we’re just hanging around waiting for them rather than passing into the first antechamber?” I whisper once we get our bins from the Tunnelers manning the counter.

  “I don’t know. Ask Lucy,” Marco replies. “She’s in charge of deception. I’m in charge of logistics.”

  “That is so not what we agreed.” Lucy shakes her head in a huff and then whispers, “I’ll take care of it. Just don’t rush to put on your gear.”

  As Cole, Mira, and I fasten each button and secure each strap in slow motion, Lucy strikes up a conversation with Meggi and Annette. I’m not sitting close enough to hear what they’re talking about.

  Meanwhile, Marco has positioned himself on the bench directly next to the counter where you pick up your bins. When I sneak a glance in his direction, he turns his hand. His sleeve is pulled low, covering most of his palm; the bottle peeks out the bottom.

  It feels like we’ve spent half the morning putting on our gear when Regis, Randall, and Hakim finally arrive at the outfitter. They act like they’re the only people on the planet. They march in, talking at full volume, knocking into anyone in their path. In their minds, they rule the EarthBound Academy, and they probably think they run things on Gulaga, too. They saunter up to the gear counter and bark their names at the poor Tunneler.

  “Hey, Regis!” Lucy calls.
“I need your expert advice.”

  This is the moment of truth. I hold my breath. For all of Marco’s wheeling and dealing, if Lucy can’t distract Regis, the prank’s a bust.

  Regis turns to Lucy with a skeptical look on his face. He probably can’t figure out why she’s talking to him, but her request for his expertise must have him intrigued. “Make it quick,” he says, waving his buddies over to the other side of the outfitter, where Lucy is standing with a perky smile on her face.

  She shifts into full drama mode. “Oh, great, thanks. See, Annette and Meggi and I were just chatting about the aeronaut calendars that Earth Force puts out every year. And you know how every month has its own aeronaut featured in the poster . . .”

  As she talks, the Tunneler places three bins filled with weather suits, face masks, and boots on the counter and then heads to the back. With his eyes perma-glued to Regis, Marco slowly withdraws the vial from his sleeve.

  Lucy’s mouth is moving a mile a minute. She’s talking at full volume with lots of gesturing and animation, so that basically everyone in the room is staring at her.

  “Of course, Sheek has had more posters than any of the other aeronauts, almost as many as all the other aeronauts combined, so we were just wondering if you think Earth Force is going to start featuring Bounders in the calendars. And, if they do, who do you think the most likely cadets are to be featured?”

  Regis laughs. “Do you really need to ask? I’ll be the first Bounder featured on the calendar. Obviously. As for girls, it definitely won’t be you. Not when you’re in the world’s worst pod. I’d say Annette has a shot, but not if she keeps hanging out with you.”

  Meanwhile, Marco pours powder into the boots as quickly as he can, which isn’t very quick, since he has to stop and act nonchalant every time someone turns their head.

  He’d better hurry. Any second, Regis is going to get bored, or worse, the Tunneler is going to come back to the counter.

  Lucy moves on to ask Regis where he’d want to be photographed (he says the quantum deck), what he’d want to be wearing (dress formals), and what month he’d prefer (February). I’m not sure why he chooses February. It’s the shortest month, which means his picture would be displayed for the least amount of time. Maybe he doesn’t think it through or maybe it has something to do with Valentine’s Day.

  “Jasper!” Marco whisper-shouts and punches me in the shoulder.

  “Huh? Oops. Sorry.”

  “Let’s go!” he says. He nods at Lucy across the room. Mira and Cole are already walking toward the door to the anteroom.

  “Thanks for all that input,” Lucy says to Regis, “but I just have to say that if you were the very last aeronaut in the entire galaxy, I still don’t think they’d choose you as their poster child.” She smiles at Regis. “Bye, now!”

  Lucy walks away, leaving Regis with a confused look on his face that slowly morphs into anger. She makes it to the door, and our pod steps through before he thinks up a comeback.

  As the door closes behind us, we burst out laughing.

  “We did it!” Cole says.

  “Shhh!” Lucy says. The room is filled with a few other pods and about a dozen Tunnelers preparing to go to the surface. “Let’s not announce it to the world!”

  “Play it cool,” Marco says. “All we have to do now is wait.”

  We make it to the next antechamber before Regis comes in. By the time their pod makes it up the ramp, almost all of the cadets are on the surface. Marco and I exchange glances. He pumps his fist.

  I’m excited and nervous and impatient all at the same time. “How long does it take to work?”

  Marco shakes his head. “Not sure. Just watch.”

  Waters walks over to our pod for the daily strategy check. I wish he would have waited a few minutes. I don’t know if I can keep cool when the prank goes live.

  “How are the Waters’s Five this lovely morning?” he asks when he reaches us. The spring is back in his step. I haven’t seen him this peppy since last tour, before the battle on the Paleo Planet.

  “Who told you what our pod mark meant?” Cole asks.

  “Don’t insult me, Mr. Thompson,” Waters says. “I was once an über-informed, science-loving kid just like you. Of course I know what H2Os5 means.”

  “You seem mighty happy, Mr. Waters,” Lucy says.

  “What’s not to be happy about?” he says. “It’s a gorgeous morning. I’m with my favorite pod. I have a—”

  “Look!” Marco says. “They seem mighty happy, too!”

  Across the tarmac, Regis hops from one foot to the next. “Ouch! Yowch! Yowowouch!” He screams and jumps and shakes his feet like he’s rolling out some really bad dance moves.

  Next to him, Randall runs in circles on his tiptoes, yelling and waving his arms. Hakim kicks his feet in the air, like he’s trying out for a chorus line.

  “Oh my god!” Lucy shouts.

  “It worked,” Cole says.

  I elbow him in the rib cage.

  “What’s happening?” Waters ask.

  Regis howls and prances like a lunatic horse.

  Randall is on the ground, pedaling his boots in the air.

  Hakim crouches over and cries for his mother.

  Marco roars with laughter. I can’t help but laugh, too.

  Waters levels his eyes at us. “What did you do?”

  Lucy suppresses a giggle. “Whatever are you talking about, Mr. Waters?”

  By now, a group of Tunneler officers surround Regis and the others. Waters jogs over to see if he can help. The air is filled with their hollers and cries.

  A sliver of concern creeps in. “You’re sure that powder won’t cause permanent damage, right?” I ask.

  Marco nods. “Neeka was pretty sure. And the old Tunneler who bartered with us was confident.”

  “Wait a second,” Cole says. “He had a voice box?”

  “Not exactly.”

  Of course that means no. “You don’t even know what he said, do you?” I ask.

  Lucy swats his arm. “You’re going to get us in so much trouble!”

  Meanwhile, Regis has escaped from the officers. He sits down on the tarmac and strips off his boots and socks. His feet are bright red. He leaps up and runs down the ramp. Seconds later, the officers escort Randall and Hakim inside, too.

  When Waters walks back to us, the spring in his step is gone. He crosses his arms against his chest and gives us the stern-teacher stare. “You have some explaining to do.”

  Lucy bows her head.

  Cole opens his mouth to speak.

  I put my hand in the air to stop him.

  “They’ve been after us all year, Mr. Waters,” I say. “They’re going to be fine. And there’s no way to prove we had anything to do with this.”

  “Well, I know you had something to do with this,” he says.

  When I’m sure I have Mr. Waters’s full attention, I rub my hand against the back of my neck, where he implanted the Youli patch. “There are some things best kept confidential, don’t you think, Mr. Waters?”

  When we head out of the burrow for dinner, Neeka practically tramples us. “Oh! Oh! We must discuss!”

  “Discuss what, Neeksters?” Marco asks.

  She turns her back on Marco and threads her furry arm with Lucy’s. “Please! Not here! The baths!”

  “It’s time for dinner,” Cole says.

  “Oh, hush,” Lucy says. “We certainly aren’t in any rush to choke down more forage.”

  She glares at me, Cole, and Marco. I don’t know why she has to lump me in with them. I didn’t do anything.

  Lucy grabs Mira’s hand and hurries with Neeka to the Nest. We follow, but at a distance.

  “Let me guess,” I whisper to Marco. “You weren’t entirely transparent about why you wanted the foot powder.”

  Marco shrugs. “She never asked.”

  Once we’re safely inside the Nest, Neeka starts chattering and the voice box starts flipping out, just like it did the day
we arrived. “Oh! Oh! Oh! No! No! No!”

  I bite down on my finger to stop from laughing. From the way Lucy’s eyeing me, my hysteria wouldn’t go over so well.

  Mira approaches Neeka and strokes her arm. Slowly Neeka’s voice lowers to its normal octave, and the voice box stops glitching. “How could you?” it finally translates. “If Father finds out about this, I’m finished with Earth Force!”

  “No worries, Furry Friend,” Marco says. “He won’t find out.”

  “That’s so not the issue, Marco!” Lucy says. “You pressed Neeka for information and then tricked her into trading for you!”

  “I never lied,” Marco says. “Ask her.”

  “Oh! Oh! It’s true. I didn’t understand, but he didn’t mislead me either. Oh! I just don’t know how I always end up in these predicaments.”

  I guess Neeka is just as gullible with her fellow Tunnelers.

  “I don’t understand,” Cole says. “I thought you said the foot powder is harmless.”

  We all look at Neeka, waiting for her to confirm what we’ve been hoping ever since our prank went live.

  “Oh! No! They will be fine,” she says. “Their feet were slathered with healing ointments, but only as a precaution. And they will have to stay at the hospital overnight for observation.”

  “But no permanent damage, right?” Marco says.

  “True,” Neeka says.

  “See?” he says. “A successful prank.”

  Neeka shakes her head. “Still, Father would be most displeased.”

  “Of course he would, sweetie,” Lucy says. “Marco, you owe Neeka an apology.”

  Marco’s not really the apologizing type. Still, he looks from Lucy to Neeka to all of us, sizing up his options. He shrugs. “Sorry, Neeks. Jasper, Cole, let’s eat.” He turns around and leaves the Nest.

  Cole and I dash out after him. I’m not about to stick around for more of Lucy’s wrath.

  At dinner, all anyone can talk about is what happened to Regis, Randall, and Hakim. By the time Cole, Marco, and I sit down to eat, the existence of the foot powder is common knowledge. As Marco predicted, most people think the burns were self-inflicted—they used the powder without permission and didn’t know you were only supposed to use a sprinkle.