“I’m sorry, Aid. I just saw a picture of you and someone who looked a hell of a lot like my girlfriend.” I can’t look at him anymore. “I just put two and two together and made ten thousand. Now I’ve lost the best thing that could ever happen to me.” I punch the ground. “Why am I such a fucking screw up?”
“You’re not a screw up, Tris.” He sighs, sitting back down. “You’re just going through some deep shit that only you can sort out. And you haven’t lost her.”
“Aiden, I’m not stupid. She’s beautiful inside and out. Someone will come along and sweep her off her feet.”
“Don’t let them.” He shrugs as if it’s the easiest thing in the world. “I’m serious, Tristan.” He looks me dead in the eye. “Keep fighting for her. Every day, you fight for her. Show her that you’re not this jealous, untrusting asshole. Don’t let some book nerd asshole steal her from you.”
I let out a laugh. “Book nerd like you?”
“Hey, at least I know sports and other shit to teach my nephew so he doesn’t get the crap kicked out of him at school.” He chuckles, mock offended. “He doesn’t have an older brother looking out for him.” He nudges me with his shoulder.
“I’m only older by five minutes.”
“Still older.” He smirks. “Listen, Lillia waited a lifetime for you to admit how you really feel. Hell, Lennon and I had a big night out when you finally grew some balls and admitted what we all knew. Everyone apart from you and Lillia, that is.” He chuckles again. “Just, please, don’t fuck this up. Get the help you need and find your inner peace. Once you find that, then you can start loving her the way I know you can.”
“Please don’t say some shit about how you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself.” I close my eyes and pray he won’t say what Lillia has already said. “Because it’s a bunch of bullshit. When I think of Lillia and now Jax, the love I have for them, it clouds every dark thought I have and the hate I have for myself. I love them more than anything in this world.”
I will get better for them and for myself. I intend to be the father and husband they deserve.
“He has three bottles in there and some extra formula in the side pocket. I know Tristan will have some already, but you know, just in case,” I tell Emmett.
It’s that time of the week again, when I say goodbye to my six-month-old son as he goes to his dad for the weekend. My heart aches every time I send him off with Emmett to take him to Tristan. We should all be together, not living separately. I’m obviously not hiding my emotions well because Emmett smiles at me sadly once he’s strapped Jax in the car. Pulling me to him, he hugs me longer than he normally does and smooths my hair. My blood runs cold at the sadness I feel. My shoulders sag and I sigh deeply. I wish Mom and Dad were here to help me through this. I squeeze my eyes closed.
“How is he?” I ask quietly, so low that I don’t think Emmett heard me. I pull back and fold my arms, hugging my midsection, and wait for an answer.
“He’s doing okay.” Emmett nods. I get the feeling he’s not telling me everything. “He’s getting better, Lillia.” He reaches over and rubs my arm, smiling warmly at me. “Just promise me you won’t give up on him completely.”
My brows crease. “I would never give up on him. I haven’t given up on him.” I stare at him, wondering where all this has come from. “I split up with him so he could get himself better, Emmett. I didn’t do it for any other reason.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me. I know how much you two love each other.” He leans over and kisses my forehead. “I wish you would reconsider coming to our wedding this weekend.”
“I don’t think that would be a good idea.” I shake my head. As much as I would love to go and spend the day with them and the rest of the family, I can’t. “Besides, Lennon will be there with Avery. They will represent me.” I offer him a small smile.
“It’s not the same. You and Tristan may have never been married, but I see you as my daughter. I will always see you as my daughter whether you’re with Tristan or not.” My eyes burn with threatening tears. Slowly blinking, I try to rid them before they fall but it doesn’t work.
“I love you guys so much.” I hug him tightly. “I look forward to seeing the pictures.” I let him go.
“Take care of yourself, sweetheart.” He climbs in the car and drives off, leaving me with a lead heavy heart.
I walk back into the house and head straight to my escape from reality, my library.
I run my fingers across the spines of all the books I have. Old books by the Bronte sisters, and Roald Dahl, to more modern names like Sylvia Day, Jodi Picoult and, EL James. I have a few independent authors in there too; Kirsty-Anne Still, JM Walker, Kyra Lennon, Lisa J Hobman, Annie Hughes and loads more. If it was up to me, they would all be signed up with contracts to a publishing deal in a heartbeat.
Picking my favorite book, Romeo and Juliet, I curl up on my snug chair and get lost in another world for a few hours.
I decided to read a book to distract me from thinking about how I’m missing out on Emmett and Sally’s big day. Just as I put down the book, with tears flowing down my cheeks, I hear my cell ringing. Picking it up, I see it’s a video call from Avery.
“Hello.” My throat is scratchy after crying at the damn book.
Her once smiley face crumbles into concern. “Lil, is everything okay? Do you want me to come over and watch you drink your body weight in wine?”
I giggle at her and wipe my nose with the back of my jumper. “I was just reading Romeo and Juliet.”
“Oh. Thank God, because I’m too tired to come over.” She sighs heavily. This pregnancy has taken a toll on her. She found out she’s having twins. I thought Lennon was going to pass out in the office.
“No, you don’t have to.” I laugh. “How’s the wedding?”
“It’s great. Sally looks stunning and Emmett looks handsome.” She smiles brightly. I feel like she isn’t telling me everything.
“Spill.” I narrow my eyes on her.
“Huh?” She’s trying to play dumb.
“There’s something you’re not telling me; it’s written all over your face. Now spill.”
“Look, Lil.” She sighs. “I didn’t want to tell you this…” She swallows and looks down. “Tristan has a date.”
I feel the color drain from my face, my eyes widening a fraction. Lost for words, I look away and try to compose myself. He wouldn’t. It’s been two months. She must be mistaken.
“I’m sorry, Lil,” he whispers. “Lennon isn’t happy. He keeps throwing him dirty looks, hoping he’ll burst into a ball of flames.”
All I can think of is him there with another girl around my son, when it should be me.
“I gotta go.” My voice breaks a little.
“Lil, will you be okay?”
“Yeah,” I squeak. Clearing my throat, I speak again. “Yeah, I’ll be okay. I’m just tired. Got a meeting first thing, so I’m going to turn in.”
“Okay, I love you.”
“I love you too.” Before I hang up, I hear Tristan’s voice. “Was that Lilly?” I hang up quickly. I don’t want to hear or see him. All I can see in my mind’s eye is Tristan and this mystery girl.
Walking up to bed after locking all the doors and windows, I climb into the bed I used to share with Tristan, hug the pillow, and cry until I fall asleep.
I just want this pain to go away.
Waking to my alarm, still feeling completely exhausted from the night before. I make my way to the kitchen to start the coffee machine. I nearly have a heart attack seeing someone sitting at my kitchen table.
“Jesus!” My hand flies up to cover my rapidly beating heart. “Aiden, you damn near killed me!”
“Morning.” He grins widely at me.
“What are you doing here?” I sigh, trying to calm my racing pulse.
“I wanted to see how you are.” He watches me carefully.
“I’m fine.”
“Bullshit.
How are you really feeling? Avery said she told you about Tristan’s date.”
“Listen, Aiden. I’m fine, I’ve already told you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get ready for a business meeting,” I snap, and storm away, leaving him with his eyes popping out of his head.
I hear Aiden shout that he loves me, the door shutting, and his car speeding away.
I can’t have any thoughts of Tristan ruining today’s meeting.
Arriving at the café the client wanted to meet at, I order a coffee and a cupcake with rainbow icing and glitter sprinkled over it. It looks so pretty, I don’t want to eat it.
“Lillia Kennedy.”
Looking up, I come face to face with a gorgeous man. He’s tall; a little under six feet, I would say. Dark hair and dark chocolate eyes are hidden behind black framed glasses that make him look sexy as hell.
Standing, I hold out my hand. “Trevor Jacobs?”
“The one and only.” He smirks.
Wow. That smile goes straight into my panties. He is a business meeting, not a date.
“Nice to meet you.” I shake my head clear of all thoughts of this man. It’s hard to believe he writes such touching books about deep feelings most men don’t know exist.
As the meeting comes to an end, I start to feel myself again. The fun, outgoing girl who laughed and smiled. The girl I used to be before Tristan Hunt entered my life.
“That’s where I got the story for my new book.” He pushes the manuscript in front of me. Wow, this guy. He’s gorgeous, funny, and knows how to reach deep within and pull at your heart strings. He’s just finished telling me about how he came up with the idea for his new story. It’s about two people who lost each other, only to be reunited with each other through tragedy. Things try to pull them apart but their love is so strong for each other, they always find each other. He based it around his parents’ lives.
“Wow, I look forward to reading it.” I pick up the manuscript and place it in my satchel. “What made you get into writing?”
A slow, sexy smile appears on his face. “Would you believe me if I said it was a dare?”
My mouth pops open in disbelief. “Really?”
“No. I started writing not long after my dad died. I approached my mom with an idea I had and she told me to go for it, so, I did, and here I am.” Tears brim my eyes when I think of all the encouragement my mom and dad used to give me and my brothers to go for something we wanted. God, I miss them.
“Hey,” Trevor reaches across the table, covering my hand with his. It feels strange, but a good strange. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” His cell beeps with an incoming message. Reading it, he sighs.
“I’m sorry, I have to go pick up my niece for my sister.” He stands, rubbing the back of his neck. “It was lovely to meet you, Miss Kennedy.”
“Likewise, Mr. Jacobs. I’ll email the contract to you first thing on Monday morning.” I stand and hold out my hand. He shakes it with a lopsided smirk on his face.
“I was wondering, if it’s not too out of line, would you like to go on a date with me?”
I jerk my head back, shocked he’s asked me out after just meeting me. My mind goes to Tristan and what he would say about me dating. Who gives a shit? He took a date to his father’s wedding around your son. “Sure.” I smile.
A beaming smile appears on his face and he shocks the hell out of me by kissing me on the cheek, causing me to blush bright red.
“I’ll call you and let you know when I’m free.” With that, he leaves.
Falling back down onto the chair, I let go of the breath I had no idea I was holding.
What have I done?
My almost one-year-old son babbles away in his high chair, eating his fruit and yogurt. Well, when I say he's eating it, I mean he's wearing most of it. Hard to believe he's almost one year old already. Just feels like yesterday we were in the delivery room, eagerly waiting for his arrival. His birthday party is tomorrow. I get to spend some time with Lillia and my son. My heart twists when I think of what's happened in the past year.
Lillia's in a new relationship with an author from her company. They've been together for nearly six months. I haven't had any type of relationship since Lillia broke it off with me at Jax's christening. Aiden's getting married in three months and I don’t know how I’ll feel if she takes this guy as her plus one.
“Mama.” I'm pulled away from placing dishes in the dishwasher and look around to see Lillia standing with her hands clasped in front of her.
“You're early.” I swallow, trying in vain to get some sort of moisture into my mouth. She's stunningly beautiful. Her hair is longer, and she's a lot slimmer than she was before having Jax. I can't help but worry about her every time I see her. We finally were able to be in the same room when Lennon and Avery’s girls were getting christened. Ever since then she’s either dropped Jax off or I’ve picked him up.
“I know.” She nods, staring into my eyes. I can feel there's something she's not telling me or wants to ask me.
“Is everything okay?”
“Mm-hmm.” She hums. That's not like Lillia; she doesn't hum. Either she says what's on her mind or she changes the subject.
“Lillia? You know I know you, right?” I smirk and hand her a glass of orange juice. She looks at the glass then up into my eyes. I didn't even think, I just automatically got her a glass of juice. “Sorry. Habit.”
“It's fine.” She turns her attention to our son. “Hey, little man. Mama missed you.” She scoops him up and hugs him tightly, kissing his brown hair.
“I'm sorry about the mess of him. I was going to clean him up before you came by.” I grab the pack of wipes and change of clothes I had ready.
“You don't have to apologize, Tristan.” Her eyes are full of amusement. “This is mild to how he usually ends up with Lennon and Avery.” She giggles. “I swear they were having a food fight.”
Her smile falters. Bringing Jax's head towards her lips, she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
“Are you sure everything's okay?” I reach over and touch her shoulder. She jumps at the contact, too busy in her own thoughts. Her eyes meet mine and she looks into them for the longest time. Her eyes fog over with tears.
“I can't do this.” A single tear falls.
“Do what?” My brows furrow and I narrow my eyes on her. She's talking in riddles.
She shakes her head, clearing her thoughts. “Do you mind looking after him for an extra hour or two?” She hands me our smiling son.
“Lilly, you know you don't have to ask. Besides, I'm not looking after my own flesh and blood.” She nods, a weird look etched across her face. “Has something happened?”
“No. I'll be back.” She does something she hasn't done for almost a year. She reaches up and kisses my cheek.
What the hell just happened?
“Your mama is an enigma,” I whisper to Jax, who giggles, clapping his tiny hands together.
My cell starts ringing. I walk with Jax in my arms to where I left it in the living area. I see Aiden’s name flash up.
“Hello?”
“Hello, twinny!” He yells down the receiver so loud, Jax's eyes light up like a Christmas tree.
“Den, Den!” He squeals. He loves his Uncle Aiden. I swear it’s like having two kids when the two are together. Throw in Lennon and his twin girls and I have no idea how Avery copes.
“Is that my little man?”
“Yeah. He’s all messed up. I’m about to change him before Lillia comes back.” I take this opportunity to quiz him about what might be going on with Lillia and her weird mood. “Is Lillia okay?”
“As far as I’m aware, yes.” He goes silent on the other end. “Although, she’s being really cryptic about stuff lately. I’m worried about her.”
“Yeah, she was in a weird mood earlier when she came by.” I fill him in on what happened next.
“So, do you think it has anything to do with Trevor? Maybe he’s
proposed to her.” I hear his curse himself. “Shit, Tris. I’m sorry.” It still causes me heartache when I hear about her being with another man. I just have to face facts; she’s moved on. You have to move on too. Never happening. It’s Lillia or nothing for me.
“It’s fine, Aid. I knew this day would come. Do I like it? Hell no I don’t, but I have to make it look like I’m happy for her when inside it’s killing me.”
“Tristan, remember what your therapist said. He said to tell Lillia or someone how you’re feeling. Bottling it all up is what split you guys up in the first place.”
“I know, but I can’t tell her not to see other people because I’m not ready, can I?”
“I guess not. But at least speak to her and tell her that it’s too early for her to bring him around Jax and family functions.”
“Have you met this guy?” I ask the burning question.
“Yes. We were at a function together.”
“Does he seem like a decent guy? Like the type of guy she deserves?” The pain in my chest gets worse with every question about this guy.
“He seems okay. I just don’t see her eyes sparkle the way they used to with you.”
I nod. Not that he can see me, but no words will form and leave my mouth.
“Listen, I gotta go get Jax clean before Lilly comes back.” We say our goodbyes and I clean Jax up and play with him until he starts falling asleep.
Seeing Tristan lost in thought when I stopped by to talk to him about Trevor, all the familiar feelings came rushing back. They never left. Not really. I knew I had to do what I'm about to do right now. I use the key Trevor gave me last night when we were on a date. He asked me to move in with him. I agreed, but now I regret saying yes.
Walking through the hall, I notice his shoes and clothes scattered over the floor. Thank God I’m telling him I’m not moving in with him. Besides, why would I leave my huge house for a poky apartment anyway? I already tidy up after Jax; I don’t need a grown man to tidy up after. Tristan wasn’t messy. I shake my head clear of all thoughts of Tristan. I need a clear head for this. I make my way further into the apartment. I see a pair of panties just outside his bedroom. They’re not mine. Swinging the door open, I’m met with a scene that makes me gag.
She Loves Me. He Loves Me Not. Page 27
