by White, Karey
“Since when is a kiss not a big deal to you? Has our little Charlotte started giving out kisses that don’t mean anything?”
“Knock it off.”
“I guess I’ve touched a little nerve.”
“What’s your deal, Angus?”
“I don’t have a deal. I’m just used to you being honest with me, and I don’t think you have been for a while now.”
“How have I not been honest? I tell you everything. You want to know about the kiss? Fine, I’ll tell you. He kissed me when he said goodbye. It completely took me by surprise and I have no idea what I even think about it. But it doesn’t matter, because he’s headed to Scotland tomorrow. And in a couple of months, I’ll run into his brother or I’ll get an email telling me he’s getting married and it won’t matter if he liked me or if he kissed me or if I liked him. None of it will matter. So there you go. I’ve been honest with you. And dang you, Angus, now I’m crying and I don’t even know why.”
I reached in my purse for a tissue, and when I came up empty, I started searching Angus’s car. I found a napkin in the glove box. I wiped my eyes and blew my nose and then stuffed the napkin into my jacket pocket.
We drove in silence for several miles. I pulled the napkin out to dry my eyes a couple of times. I didn’t even know exactly why I was crying. Was I this torn up about Flynn leaving? Was I still sad about Kyle and Wyatt? Was it because I was fighting with my best friend?
Or was it because with every guy I dated, the hope I had of finding love died a little more? Right now that hope was on life support, and I felt like if I wasn’t careful, I would bump the cord and unplug it for good. I fidgeted with the drawstring on the bottom of my jacket, wishing I was already in my own car.
“I’m sorry, Charlotte.” Angus’s voice was quiet, and he put his hand over mine, holding it still. “I didn’t mean to go off on you.”
I held perfectly still for several seconds before I turned my hand over and clasped his. I don’t think Angus and I had ever held hands before, and I was surprised how strong and comforting it felt.
“I know things have been hard, and I shouldn’t have piled on. I’m sorry.”
I nodded.
We held each other’s hands until we pulled into Carmel. It was like our hands were somehow symbolizing our friendship and I needed to hold on tightly so it wouldn’t slip away. I had lost so much. I couldn’t lose Angus, too.
My car was sitting in front of the garage when we arrived. Angus pulled in beside it, put his car in park and turned to me.
“You okay?”
“I’ll be fine.” I attempted a smile.
“I know you will be. You always are.”
I felt sad that my friend, someone who knew me as well as almost anyone, couldn’t see that I wasn’t fine.
I paid for the repairs and soon we were driving back toward San Francisco. I was hungry and tired and my mood was despondent. It took about two minutes of flipping through talk radio and obnoxious pop music, all with that infuriating buzz in the background, before I decided that as miserable as my thoughts were, they were better than the radio.
One week ago, I had spent the weekend crying in my bedroom. I knew I was perilously close to spending another weekend in the same condition.
Maybe I should go see Flynn. I was pretty sure he would be happy to see me. I wouldn’t want to keep him from spending time with Bruce, but maybe I could join them.
I spent several minutes figuring out what I could say that would sound natural and friendly instead of pathetic and needy. Finally, I realized there was nothing I could say. I was not this desperate.
I picked up my phone and hit Angus’s speed-dial button. I watched in the rear-view mirror as he put his phone to his ear.
“I’m going to turn off and go to Will and Gina’s.”
“Sounds fun. Tell them hi.”
“I will. Thanks again for the ride. Have fun with Aleena.”
“I will.”
“Okay, see ya.”
“Hey, Charlotte?”
“Yeah?”
There was a long pause and I thought we had been disconnected.
“Take care of yourself.”
“Okay.”
I was surprised to realize that today had been one of the worst days in recent memory. That didn’t usually happen with Angus. I really needed to see family. I couldn’t wait to snuggle up with sweet little Emily. Maybe I could rock us both to sleep and I wouldn’t wake up until my life was somehow better.
I heard Mia’s key in the apartment door and stepped into the hall to meet her.
“Hey,” she said in a tired voice when she saw me.
“Wow. You look amazing. Where have you been?” She was wearing a ruffled navy blouse and an orange floral pencil skirt. Her hair was pulled up and she looked beautiful.
“I had a date.”
I pulled out my phone. “Home before ten? Must not have been a very good date.”
Mia shook her head, threw her purse on a chair, and headed for the kitchen. I sat on the couch to wait, and a minute later she joined me with a glass of water.
“Dating is a waste of time.”
“That good, huh?”
“We went to Quince, which was nice.”
“So the guy’s not hurting for money. Was it good?”
“The food was great. But he was so boring. All he talked about was his job and model cars.”
“Model cars?”
“Yeah. He makes little model cars and enters them into contests. Last year he won the model car Olympics or something.” She smiled weakly. “I kinda zoned out when he started talking about the best kind of model glue and what color his winning car was.”
I mustered a half smile. “At least we’re starting to date. We’ve both been on a dry spell.”
“I think this was my first and last date for a while. I just don’t have the energy to work this hard for something so unfulfilling.”
I reached across the couch and squeezed Mia’s hand. She scooted over by me and leaned her head on my shoulder. “You’re amazing, Charlotte. You just keep trying and trying, even when it doesn’t work out. I just don’t think I have it in me.”
“I’m not amazing. I think my tank’s about empty, too.”
“We’ll just live here until we’re old and everyone will call us the stylish old maids and they’ll wonder why we never married since we look so good and we’re so accomplished and intelligent and witty,” Mia said. “It’ll be so mysterious.”
“Or they’ll think we’re pathetic. Maybe we should be looking for a couple of cats to breed. We need to have cats all over the furniture and sitting in the window sills.”
“I’m allergic to cats.”
“Well, another dream to fall short on.”
Mia laughed. “Did you get your car?”
“Yeah. And then I went to Will and Gina’s. I held Emily all afternoon. I know I’m biased, but she’s seriously the prettiest baby in the world.”
“Hopefully McKayla won’t have an ugly baby. The comparisons would be tragic.” McKayla, my younger sister, and her husband, Connor, were having a baby the end of the summer.
“With Connor and McKayla as the parents, there’s no way they’ll have an ugly baby. Will and Gina are going to let me babysit next month while they get away for their anniversary. I can’t wait.”
My phone vibrated in my pocket. It was Aleena.
ALEENA: LUNCH. MONDAY. I’M PAYING ‘CAUSE BOY DO I OWE YOU.
I groaned even though I should have been happy someone’s love life was going better than ours.
“Bad news?” Mia asked.
“Depends on who you’re asking.”
Aleena got held up at work so lunch didn’t happen on Monday. A gushing phone call took its place, with Aleena telling me how great Angus was and how glad she was I had set them up.
“Why haven’t you ever gone after him?” she asked.
“Because he’s Angus.”
“Whatever. I�
��m not complaining.”
Wednesday I got a text from Bruce’s number telling me to check my Facebook page. When I did, I found a new friend request from Flynn Macgruger. Of course I accepted it. There was also a message.
Hi Charlotte,
Made it home. Mum and Jessie did a good job. Everything at the store was in order.
Bruce suggested I open a Facebook account. Said it would be easier to talk to you through it, so I did. I’m not sure how good it is for my ego, though. If you accept this, I’ll have one friend. What does that say about me?
Hope you’ve caught up from the work you missed. Thanks again.
Flynn
I laughed when I looked at Flynn’s Facebook page. There was nothing there. His profile picture was the stock silhouette. I was, indeed, his only friend. He had no history at all.
Hi Flynn,
Glad you arrived home safely. I never got behind while you were here, so work is fine.
If you’ll notice, I have less than 50 friends and I’ve been on Facebook for four years. Sort of. I’ve never done much on here, although I do have an actual profile picture. You should consider adding one of those.
I just looked up what time it is in Stornoway and you’re 8 hours ahead of us. That means you’re probably already asleep and I’ll be sleeping when you get up, fyi.
I can’t believe I just used an acronym. I’d go back and change it but since you’re new to Facebook, you should probably brush up on these. So here’s a little lesson.
fyi – for your information
gtg – got to go
cu – see you
btw – by the way
rofl – rolling on the floor laughing
L8R – later
aad – acronyms are dumb
Yeah, I just made up that last one.
Have a great day.
Charlotte
I think I checked my Facebook page more that next twenty-four hours than I had during the last year. On Thursday, I found that Flynn had added a profile picture. It was one I took of him at Big Sur. He had also left a message.
Thanks for being my only friend. The time difference is inconvenient but we can work with it. Will you be around Saturday morning? Maybe around ten your time?
Flynn
I responded.
It’s an appointment.
Saturday morning I folded a load of laundry with my laptop open on the couch. I felt a little anxious. What did it mean that we were talking? I couldn’t pass this off as being friendly to an out-of-towner because we were both at home. Did this mean we were going to be real friends? Where was Flynn’s head in all this? Had that kiss meant something to him? Did I want it to mean anything? What if we didn’t have anything to talk about?
A couple of minutes after ten, my computer rang like an old-fashioned telephone, and a message popped up telling me Flynn Macgruger would like to Skype. I accepted, and a few moments later, there was Flynn, filling my computer screen.
I settled into a corner of the couch to talk.
“Charlotte.” That was a good way to start off.
“Hi.”
And then we sat there looking at each other for several seconds before Flynn laughed. “I think we’re supposed to talk.”
I laughed too. “Yeah, I think we are. You look the same.”
What a ridiculous thing to say. What did I expect? Did I think that because he was in Scotland he would look somehow different?
Flynn laughed. “Can you believe it? I haven’t aged much or anything.”
I laughed at my silliness. “So what shall we talk about?”
“Did you get your car?”
I really didn’t want to remember or talk about the trip back to Carmel to pick up my car. “Yep. It’s running great now.”
“That’s good.”
“How was your trip home?”
“Long. I had stops in Philadelphia and Glasgow. Every flight was crowded until the last one to Stornoway. I had two seats to myself on that one, but it only lasted an hour.”
And then we were off. We talked easily for more than an hour. We talked about the hardware store and babysitting Emily and the mugs I was designing for Trees of Mystery.
After a while, Flynn said, “I’ve got to head over to Mum’s. She’s got a slow drain.”
“Does she live close by?”
“I’ll show ya.” He picked up his computer and turned it around. Out Flynn’s window, I could see the green countryside and a narrow country road. And then there was a little white house. It looked so picturesque.
“It’s lovely there, isn’t it?”
“The best part is behind our houses. Hang on.” Suddenly, the picture on my screen was just Flynn’s blue, button down shirt, up close. Then I heard a door open and he turned the screen around. “This is what’s behind our houses.”
A stream, about five or six feet wide, ran behind Flynn’s house. Behind the stream were green, rolling hills. “There’s a footbridge over there,” he said. He turned the computer to show me, but I couldn’t see it. “Sometimes I sit back there and fish.”
“It looks so peaceful.”
“A little different than San Francisco.”
Flynn turned the computer around, and his face was back on the screen.
“Maybe next time I’ll take ya over to see Mum’s house. That’s where I grew up.”
“You can show me the Isle of Lewis while I sit on my couch.”
Flynn laughed. “I’d rather show ya in person.”
“This was fun.”
“Let’s do it again,” Flynn said.
“Smile.”
Flynn had already been smiling, but once I said it, he straightened his features into a frown.
“Come on. Smile.”
“What are you doing?”
“I was just going to take a screen shot. Come on. Pose for the camera.”
“Ah, so ya don’t forget what I look like.” Flynn smiled again, and I snapped a picture.
“Thanks. Now go fix your Mum’s drain.”
“Talk to you later, Charlotte.”
We talked several times over the next two weeks. Flynn showed me the rest of his house. I showed him some of my sketches. He tried to walk me to his mum’s, but somewhere along the way, the connection gave out. He had shown me half the place before he realized I wasn’t there.
“Are you outside?” Flynn asked. He was sitting in the office of the hardware store and I was in my parents’ back yard. I hadn’t seen my parents for a few weeks, so I had come home to spend the weekend. Mom and Dad had exchanged a look when I had said I was going to the deck to talk to Flynn. I could read the reservations on both of their faces.
“I’m at my mom and dad’s house.”
“You should introduce me,” Flynn said.
“You haven’t introduced me to your mom.”
“I will if you want me to.”
“She’s probably not thrilled that you’re talking to me.”
“Why wouldn’t she be?”
Suddenly, I felt silly and presumptuous. I knew my parents were hoping I wasn’t falling for a man from Scotland and I had just figured his mom would have the same reservations, especially given her history with Bruce. But maybe Flynn had already assured her we were just friends.
“Do you really want to meet them?” I was anxious to leave the subject of Flynn’s mom and my imagined concerns.
“Yaw.”
“Just a minute.”
I went in the house and found my parents washing dishes. “Can you come out here? Flynn would like to meet you.”
“Meeting the parents has sure changed since I was your age.” Dad said and smiled.
“I’m sure he’s nice, Charlotte, but is there a reason for us to meet him?”
“Mom, we’re friends.” Mom dried her hands and followed Dad outside. I moved the laptop to the far side of the table so Mom and Dad would both fit in the screen. I stood behind them. “Flynn, this is my Dad and Mom. And this is Flynn.”<
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Flynn flashed his best smile. “Nice to meet you, Charlotte’s Mum and Dad.”
“How are you, Flynn?” Dad asked.
“Very well. Just enjoying a visit with your daughter.”
“Did you enjoy your stay in California?” Mom asked. I could tell she was trying to be friendly, despite her misgivings.
“Very much. Charlotte was kind enough to show me around. I had a grand time.”
The four of us exchanged an awkward round of pleasantries and then Dad excused them to run a few errands. I felt relieved when they left. Skype probably wasn’t the best way to introduce people.
Flynn seemed unfazed and immediately began another topic of conversation.
“I’m buildin’ a guest house for the Crawfords.”
“The Crawfords?”
“They live just outside Stornoway. Mr. Crawford taught me mathematics at my primary school, and now he’s havin’ me build a guest cottage.”
“Is he planning on company?”
“He’s building it for his son and daughter-in-law. They’ll live there and take care of him.”
“Why does he need taken care of?”
“He’s not well. They’ll live in the guest house until he dies and then his son will inherit the house. I’ll be building it this summer.”
“Congratulations. Another building job.”
“I’m lookin’ over plans with them right now and I’ll get started as soon as they pick something. I like working the store, but truthfully, Charlotte, I’m excited to build. It makes me want to get up in the morning.” I liked seeing his enthusiasm as he talked about the project. His eyes lit up and he sat on the edge of his chair.
“You’ll have to show it to me as you build it.”
Flynn took a deep breath. “Didn’t you tell me you have plenty of vacation days saved up?”
“When did I say that?”
“When I was there. When I asked you to go with me to Big Sur.”
I smiled, surprised he had remembered that.
“How many days do you have?”
“I’m not even sure. More than two weeks.”
“You should come here.”
