by White, Karey
“I wish you were a four-wheel drive,” I said to my car and patted the dashboard.
It was a wimpy thing to do, but when I pulled up to the house and saw that only Will and Gina’s car was there, I drove on. I didn’t want to be pelted with questions before everyone had arrived. I drove slowly, looking at the familiar neighborhood. I stopped across the street from the house where Angus had grown up. So many memories lived there. Janice and Dave Barclay had been like second parents to Will and me. When I got tired of playing NBA video games with Will and Angus, I’d kept Janice company. Dave had teased me about being one of the guys, but if they ever started to roughhouse with me, he’d remind them I was a lady.
The basketball hoop above the garage was gone, which made me a little sad. I rarely played with them, but I’d sit on the grass, my back against the walnut tree in their front yard, and sketch pictures while they played. Suddenly, my eyes burned and nostalgia squeezed my throat and chest. I wanted to go back to the time we were best friends and almost every day was spent together. I didn’t just miss Angus. I missed all of us, the kids that could fight and forgive in minutes, the trio who always had each other’s backs. If I could go back, I’d watch for the clues that things were different. I’d be ready when our feelings started to change, and I’d never, never, never be the one who caused Angus pain.
I had to have Angus back in my life. I had to make things right no matter what it took.
Charlotte
“Better hurry before they eat it all.” The young deliveryman was getting in his car as I arrived.
“That would serve me right for being the last to arrive.”
He smiled and waved as he drove off. I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, steeling myself for whatever opposition I might face about this rash and possibly irresponsible plan I was presenting.
“She’s here,” Will said when I stepped into the kitchen.
“Thanks for waiting for me,” I joked, watching my family loading up slices of pizza and breadsticks.
“It just got here,” Mom assured me.
“I know. I passed him in the driveway.”
“Everyone get your food and let’s go sit down so Charlotte can share her news,” Mom said.
“She might want to eat first.” Dad winked at me.
“You eat while I talk.” I’d have trouble choking down my food until I got this off my chest. “Then I’ll eat while you tell me how crazy I am.”
The room fell silent and everyone turned to look at me. I tried to laugh but it came off more like a goat yodeling. “It was a joke.” I turned and headed for the living room. “Sort of.”
I don’t think my family has ever assembled and quieted themselves so quickly. Within three minutes, all eyes were expectantly on me.
“Whew. This is hard.” I sat in a swivel chair close to the fireplace. I pivoted the chair back and forth, my nerves making it difficult to sit still. Just a few feet away was the place Angus had pulled me into his arms and told me how he felt.
I planted my feet firmly on the floor to stop my momentum and sat up straight.
“I have a few things to tell you and it isn’t going to be easy. Please let me get it all out before you jump on me and try to talk me out of it, okay?” When no one spoke, I swallowed hard and continued. “I’m in love with Angus.”
“No kidding,” McKayla said softly, and Connor shushed her. It seemed everyone was trying to suppress little smiles. Except Mom. There was no attempt to hide her delight. She was quietly patting Dad’s leg over and over until he took her hand and held it still in his own.
I grinned. “Wow. So I guess this came as a bigger shock to me than it did to all of you.”
“We’re not as blind as you are,” Will said.
“Be quiet,” Gina whispered.
“Then you probably won’t be too surprised when I tell you I’m moving to Kansas City.”
You’d have thought I’d dropped a shock bomb on the room, and only Will was immune to its mood-altering effects. His smile was like a gift. My eyes met his and he gave me a little nod that filled me with courage.
“You think this is a good idea?” I’m sure Mom didn’t mean for her voice to sound so accusing when she turned on Will.
Will’s smile didn’t falter. “Absolutely. They love each other. She should be where he is.”
“I didn’t even know you two had started dating,” Dad said.
“We haven’t.” All eyes were back on me. “I mean... we’re not exactly dating.”
“What does ‘not exactly dating’ mean?” Mom looked confused.
“It means we haven’t been dating. But I know he loves me, or he did a few months ago. And I know I love him, and if I don’t go, who knows what will happen. He’s going to be gone a long time and... I don’t want him to forget me.”
“If it’s right, he won’t forget you,” Mom said, panic rising in her voice.
“Come on, Mom.” Will’s voice was gentle. “That kind of thinking might have been reasonable when Chuck was eighteen or something. But we’re twenty-seven years old now. If she loves him, she’d be nuts to wait around hoping it’s right for four years.”
I loved that Will had said “we’re twenty-seven.” It had never been “I” with us. We had always been a team, and that solidarity bolstered my confidence.
“If you two wanted to test the waters, why did he leave?” Dad asked. “Why didn’t he finish his residency here?”
It was a reasonable question, but there was so much history I didn’t plan to share. They didn’t need to know he’d taken the Kansas City fellowship and residency to get away from me. They didn’t need to know that he’d rejected me. Twice. Those things would only make them think I was crazy to follow him, and I needed their support. Or if not their support, at least their quiet resignation to my plan.
“This was a good opportunity for him. He had to take it," Will said, and I wondered how much he knew of our situation.
“You can understand why we hate the idea of you moving so far away,” Dad said. “But I’m sure Angus will help you get settled in and make sure you’re okay.”
I glanced at Will. Part of me wanted to leave it there and have my family think Angus was on board with my move and would look after me when I arrived. But that wouldn’t have been honest, and I couldn’t stand the idea of leaving my family without telling them the truth.
“Angus doesn’t know I’m coming.” I looked at Will for support as gasps and horror filled the room.
“I think surprising him is a great idea,” he said.
“Maybe you should be thinking more of your sister and less of your best friend,” Mom said. Mom didn’t usually lash out like this, and I felt bad, but grateful, that Will had put himself in front of the speeding train that was Mom’s concern.
“You know better than that, Mom.” Will’s voice was firm. “I would never, ever choose Angus over Charlotte. It’s because I love Charlotte that I want her to be happy, and there isn’t a person in this room that doesn’t know those two belong together. And let’s be honest—sorry Chuck,” he said to me. “Charlotte has yanked Angus around for years. It’s about time she came around. And it’s going to take a big move to show him she’s serious. I think she’s on the right track.”
The room was quiet. I was glad Will was on my side, and even though his words were true, they were a knife jabbing at my heart.
“I’m going.” My voice was quiet. “I hope I go with everyone’s support and prayers, but even if you disapprove, I’m going.”
“Can you at least let him know you’re coming?” Dad asked. “So he can help you get situated and moved in.”
I shook my head. “He’ll tell me not to come.”
McKayla handed baby Simon to Connor and crossed the room to hug me. “I hate that you’re moving, but I totally get it. I love you both, and you should be together.”
“Thank you,” I whispered in her ear.
McKayla wiped a tear from her cheek as she sat bac
k down by Connor and pulled the baby back onto her lap.
“Mom.” Will was doing his best to help Mom accept what I was doing. “Angus has been waiting on Charles for years. He’ll take good care of her.”
“He doesn’t even know she’s coming.” Mom’s voice broke on the words.
“He’ll know soon enough,” Dad said and put his arm around her.
“How soon are you going?” Connor asked.
“As soon as I can get everything arranged.”
“You’re not going to Kansas City in the Bug,” Dad said.
“I was wondering about that on the way here.”
For more than an hour, we talked about plans and logistics. Everyone joined in the conversation except Mom, who listened and picked at the fringe on a gray throw until I thought it might fall apart in her hands.
McKayla and Connor left first. McKayla hugged me and held both my hands. “He’ll be so glad you’ve come.”
“I want to believe that, but what if he doesn’t want me there?” I spoke quietly so Mom and Dad wouldn’t hear me.
“Then you’ll have to change his mind.”
Will and Gina left next. “You’re so brave,” Gina said as she hugged me.
“Not really. I’m scared to death,” I whispered. “But don’t tell Mom. That’s the last thing she needs to know.”
Gina squeezed my hand. “She’s scared, too. She’s worried about you.”
“I know.”
“Good girl, Chuck.” Will hugged me.
“You should have told me how he felt a long time ago.”
“Sometimes I wondered. But it wasn’t my secret to share. Let me know if you need anything.”
I took the empty pizza boxes to the trash can outside. When I came back in, Dad was patting Mom’s back and she quickly wiped her cheeks.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I hate to worry you like this.”
Mom mustered a small smile and shook her head. “You know, I hardly had to worry about you at all when most parents were worrying about their kids. But you’ve more than made up for it the last year or so.” She laughed. “Scotland. Kansas City. Running off by yourself all the time.”
I hardly thought two times counted as all the time, but I’d allow Mom some worried mother exaggerations.
“I’m sorry.” I crossed the kitchen and we hugged each other. “I have to go.”
Mom nodded against my shoulder.
Dad was leaning against the counter, his arms folded. “Let’s meet tomorrow after work. Your mom and I will go with you to trade in your car for something safer, and we’ll get some dinner.”
“Sounds good.” Suddenly I knew if I didn’t leave, I’d cry in front of my parents. That would only compound their concern. “I’ve got a big day ahead of me tomorrow.”
I had been so close to tears when I hugged my parents goodbye that I thought I might cry all the way back to the city, but instead I felt a surge of excitement. I was moving forward with my plan to win back Angus’s heart. All the way home I imagined the look on his face when he saw me in Kansas City. I imagined the smile that would turn up the corners of his mouth when he realized how committed I was to us. Most of all, I imagined him taking me in his arms and kissing away all the nonsense of the past several months.
Charlotte
The dingy hallway smelled of burnt fish, cigarette smoke, and dirty diapers. Ironic since there was a no smoking sign only a few feet from number 1C.
Cissy, the apartment manager turned the key over and retried it. When it wouldn’t even enter the keyhole, she swore under her breath and flipped it over again. “This key sticks a little, so you might have to jiggle it a few times.” She wiggled the key and then pushed her bony hip into the door and tried again. Surprisingly, it clicked and Cissy stepped back to allow me to enter first.
I didn’t have to go far before I knew this wasn’t the apartment I’d seen online. “Um, the ad said it was fully furnished.”
“Yep.”
“There’s not much in here.”
“It’s a studio,” she said, like that explained the sparseness of the furnishings.
“Right. But the pictures you sent me had a bed and a small table and chairs.” There had also been a coffee table, an armoire, and a dresser that had also served as an entertainment center. The photo had said the television wasn’t included. Apparently, the broken down couch and the stool pushed up to the counter were the only things that were.
Cissy straightened, took a deep breath and held it for a moment as if she were willing herself not to snap. “The email said the pictures were typical of a one-bedroom apartment. You didn’t ask specifically for pictures of the studio. But we don’t care if you bring in more furniture. Just be sure not to muff up the walls or it’ll come out of your deposit.”
It took about five steps to get to the wall that made up the kitchen. I opened the door of the small refrigerator. The odor almost made me gag, and I quickly closed it. At least the light worked. I don’t consider myself a snob, but I knew I’d be spending a couple of hours cleaning before I unloaded any of my belongings.
Cissy didn’t seem to notice the smell. “The couch folds out, and it comes with cable TV. And you’ve got a parking space out there.”
“I didn’t see any numbers on the parking spaces, so I wasn’t sure which one was mine.”
“They’re not numbered.”
“Oh. So how do I know where I’m supposed to park?”
Cissy sighed as if the answer was obvious and I was being dim-witted on purpose. I was apparently taxing her reserve of patience. “You just park in the lot.”
“There’s always a spot for me?”
“Now how do you think I’m s’posed to tell you that for sure? If you get here early enough, you’ll get a spot. If you don’t, there’s plenty of street parking.”
A designated parking place was one of the things that had drawn me to the Royal Crowne apartments, so this was disappointing.
“Don’t you have to pay for parking on the street?”
“Depends on where you are and what time o’ day it is.”
Cissy dropped the key on the counter and stepped out into the hall. “I almost forgot to tell you, Cheryl”—I didn’t correct her—“you should probably leave the stick in the window. Just to be safe.”
The door shut behind her, and for the first time in my life, I was living alone. I walked to the window and twisted open the blinds. On the other side of the filthy glass sat the parking lot. If I’d opened it, I could have climbed out onto the hood of a rusty, old Impala. The outside pane was cracked. An inch-thick wooden dowel barricaded the window shut. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to feel grateful that they’d provided this extra measure of security or afraid that Cissy had thought I needed it. I had hoped to be on the second or third floor, but the only available apartment not on the ground floor had been a two bedroom. I didn’t need that much space, and I didn’t have the money to pay for more than I needed.
I threaded the key onto my key ring, locked up, and walked out to my car. I needed to go shopping.
I dropped onto my bed after midnight. I say bed instead of couch because I’d invested in a cot and an air mattress. I couldn’t imagine getting any rest on the dirty, battered couch, and although I hadn’t seen any rodents since I arrived, there was something unnerving about my new home that made me want to be off the floor while I slept.
I stopped at Cissy’s apartment on my way to the store and asked if the couch could be removed. I was disappointed but not surprised when she told me no and that if I did get rid of it, it would come out of my deposit. I pushed it as far into the corner as I could, covered it with a sheet, and stacked my belongings on it. For now, it would be my makeshift closet.
I had planned to go to the grocery store but I needed to clean out the cupboards and refrigerator before I filled them with food. Now that they were scrubbed and as close to sparkling as I could get them, and not one, but two boxes of baking soda were deodorizing the inside, t
he first order of business tomorrow would be filling them. Maybe after I got groceries, I could look at Craigslist and try to find another stool so I could invite Angus to dinner. I couldn’t wait to let him know I was here. Surely the sacrifice of leaving everything behind to be with him would be enough to convince him we should be together.
Despite the late hour, I could hear the television from a neighboring apartment. I determined that the tenant liked game shows and was possibly hearing impaired. I fell asleep to the words, “Big bucks, no whammy” said over and over and over.
Glass breaking outside my window woke me up. Voices shouted and cursed and someone laughed like a hyena directly above my head. I had no idea what time it was or how long I’d been asleep. The neighbor had turned off the game shows and it was quiet except for the noise just outside my window. I snuggled deeper under my blanket, trying to calm down.
I couldn’t tell how many people were on the other side of the wall. The dowel jammed into the window frame did little to settle my nerves. For the first time since I’d decided to follow Angus to Kansas City, I felt in over my head. I realized no one even knew my address here. If I disappeared, where would my family look for me?
More glass shattered against the wall. Probably a bottle. I lay there for several minutes, so tense my body began to ache.
I had wedged my phone between the cot and the air mattress. I felt around until I found it and turned it on. The screen looked too bright in the darkness, and I had the irrational thought that the voices that sounded so close could probably see the light of the screen. I pulled it under the covers and brought up my family’s last group text so I could send them my address. It occurred to me that a text at this hour might cause them concern, so I quickly keyed in a message that I hoped wouldn’t alarm them.
ME: JUST IN CASE I HAVEN’T GIVEN IT TO YOU, MY ADDRESS IS
What was my address? I couldn’t remember it so I deleted the message and started over.
