by Lexi Blake
He sighed, a weary sound. “And take what road, Kay? This has been my life for years. My entire adult life has been about the Agency. I don’t know much else, and I fear I’m not doing any good here now. When I was in the field, taking out terrorists or gathering intel on potential attacks, that was pure. What I do now…well, let’s just say there’s a lot of gray in what I do now. This job is my whole life. My brother’s gone. He was my only family. I’ve only ever truly cared about one woman and she’s a Taggart now.”
Mia Lawless Taggart. Her heart ached for him, but she couldn’t believe there wasn’t someone else out there who could ease his soul. She’d found hers. “I didn’t think I would ever feel about anyone the way I feel about Josh. You can’t give up on the rest of your life. You’re in your thirties. You’ve got a lot ahead of you.”
“Yeah, that’s what scares me. All that time and nothing good to fill it.” He turned away from her. “If I can contact you once you get to Mexico, I will. Be careful, Kayla. Watch your back. I wouldn’t trust anyone except your boys, and I don’t include Josh in that. You don’t know enough about him. I would hate to see an operative like you go down over a guy.”
He walked away without looking back, and Kayla was left with a chill despite the hot California sun.
She stared out over the ocean, praying she was right and Ezra was wrong.
Her cell buzzed and when she looked down it was Josh.
Come home, beach babe. We need to talk.
There was a heart emoji after the message.
She smiled. She had to be right because this feeling was everything.
She would fight to the end for it.
Chapter Fourteen
Josh stood on the balcony, watching her. He could see her standing and staring out at the ocean. A man was walking down the beach, but Josh hadn’t seen if he’d stopped to talk to Kayla. Not that he would blame the dude. He would hit on her, too, if she wasn’t already his.
Oddly, the idea of men hitting on her didn’t bother him the way it probably should. Not as long as they were respectful and took her no with politeness.
Because she would tell them all no. She was his. His girlfriend. His sub. He got that now.
She didn’t watch the man as he walked away from her. Her eyes were out on the ocean. She loved it here as much as he did.
They could build a life here if he was brave enough to. She’d heard his story. She wasn’t leaving him.
All the things Tyler Williams had said came back and made his stomach churn. He couldn’t risk her. Oh, he knew damn well he was in for a fight, but he couldn’t make the choice to put her in danger. He pulled his phone out and texted her. Complete with a heart emoji. Jeez, he was turning soft. Going all kinds of soft for a girl.
It was kind of cool.
He watched as she pulled her phone out and that smile on her face was fucking everything. She didn’t wait. She turned immediately and started coming home.
Because she wanted to be here with him. Because him asking her to come home was meaningful to her.
He smiled as she picked up the pace.
“Her dads are awesome, man,” a familiar voice said. “I hate that you missed brunch this morning. How did it go with your expert?”
He glanced over and Jared was lying on a lounger on his balcony, soaking up some sun. “He was a smart man. You know I like to listen to the experts.” Kay was still a couple of minutes away. She would have to wash off her feet at the base of the house. “I kind of got the feeling the dads didn’t approve of actors.”
He couldn’t necessarily blame them. If he had a daughter as smart and funny and capable as Kayla, he wouldn’t want some dumbass actor who showed off his abs to the world coming and whisking his baby girl away.
What would Kay’s daughter look like? Would she come out of the womb with ninja skills?
Why didn’t the idea of potentially, someday in the future, maybe having a kid with her scare the holy crap out of him? Why did it kind of make him happy?
Because he was going so fucking soft.
“They totally warmed up to me,” Jared replied with a grin. “Papa Fred was absolutely impressed with how many pull-ups I can do.”
Yeah, Josh bet he was. He was going to have to make a better impression on those two men if he wanted his family life to run properly. It would be weird to have parents around—even if they weren’t his own. He hadn’t really known his own. Nothing except his father’s fists. “Well, I expect they’ll be around a lot.”
“Do you think the other dude will be around, too? Is he like an adoptive brother or something?”
“What? Who are you talking about?”
Jared stood up and waved a hand down the beach. “The dude who talks to Kay a lot. I’ve seen her with him probably three times over the last couple of weeks. At first I thought he was hitting on her, but they seem friendly. Not like friendly friendly, but like family friendly. She rolls her eyes at him the same way my brother does with me. You know, the dumbass look.”
“Who are you talking about?”
Jared pointed. “The guy who just walked by. Like I said, at first I thought he was a new neighbor or something, but according to a realtor I know, no one’s sold recently. They tend to meet down by the big rocks. Okay, I know I suck, but I’ve got some binoculars up here and I’ve watched them. They’re def not hooking up on the down low. I think she finds him annoying most of the time.”
Something nasty rolled in his gut, but he shoved that shit down. He wasn’t doing this to her again. “I’m sure there’s an explanation. Kay wouldn’t cheat on me.”
“I didn’t think she was.” Jared winced. “Shit. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“It’s cool. I’ll ask her about it.” Reasonably. Calmly.
Before Jared could say another word, he turned and found himself walking out of the house, going down the stairs to find her. She was at the base of the stairs, washing her feet off in the faucet he had there.
“You know even your feet are gorgeous,” he said, sitting down on one of the stairs.
Her lips curled up in the sweetest smile. “I try. I know you love a pretty foot, weirdo.”
This was what he loved about them. Them. She teased him in a way no one else would, in a way he likely wouldn’t tolerate from anyone else. He was self-aware enough to get that. He hoped they could joke their way through the next couple of minutes. They definitely needed to do this alone. He glanced behind him and sure enough, Shane was standing at the top of the staircase. “Could we have a couple of minutes, Shane?”
Kay grinned the bodyguard’s way. “I can protect him. There’s also a seal out here I cut a deal with. The two of us will take down any sea gull that tries to nest in that hair of his.”
He laughed because he could actually see her trying that. Shane nodded and left them alone. Josh turned to Kay, getting serious. “Who’s the guy you were talking to?”
She didn’t miss a beat. There was no fluctuation on her face, no shock. “The one I was talking to just now?”
He nodded. “Jared says he’s seen you talking to him a couple of times. Is he bugging you?”
See reasonable. Logical. She deserved that. She’d done not a damn thing to make him think she would cheat on him. She wasn’t other women. She was Kay. She was his.
“Not at all. He’s staying at an Airbnb somewhere down the beach with his boyfriend. The boyfriend isn’t very nature oriented. Honestly, I don’t think that relationship is going to work out. Do you want to meet him? He’s nice.”
He held a hand out. When she took it, he pulled her onto his lap and sighed with pleasure. “No. Sorry, baby. Jared mentioned it. I thought I would ask.”
She settled against him. “It’s okay. I’m an open book. How was your lunch?”
Shit. He didn’t want to mess this up, but he had to. Williams had made sense. “It was enlightening. I’m not smart when it comes to reading people. I think I am. I guess everyone does, but this afternoon pro
ved to me that I’m an idiot.”
She shifted so she could look him in the eyes. “Why would you say that?”
He hated admitting how stupid he’d been. “According to the DEA guy, my friend Hector is the head of a cartel. Like a big one. I’ve been to dinner with the guy and he’s murdered hundreds of people.”
Her eyes widened. “Are you serious?”
“Have you ever heard of the Jalisco Cartel? According to Williams, he’s the head of the cartel. I have to believe him. He’s former DEA. If he doesn’t know, who would?”
“What was his name again?”
“Tyler Williams. Seems like a good man. Definitely knows his stuff.”
“Wow. I didn’t expect that.”
He kissed her cheek. “Neither did I. That’s why I’ve decided to completely cut ties with the man. I won’t be seeing him while I’m on the shoot in Mexico.”
“Are you sure this guy is right about this?” Kay asked. Her body had gone still. “Maybe I should try to look into it. It wouldn’t be the first time someone got accused of some crime he didn’t commit. Up until now he’s been perfectly good to you, right?”
Suspicion played along his spine. Something wasn’t right here. “I saw pictures.”
“Pictures can be doctored.” She wiggled off his lap. “I’ll get my team on it. I would hate for you to lose that contribution because some ex-DEA agent has a thing against a businessman. You know some of them are totally paranoid. I should know. I could tell you stories about crazy damn CIA agents. They spend so much time dealing with conspiracies that they start to see them everywhere.”
He was surprised at her reaction. “The charity can handle it. I’ll do another fundraiser and more than make up for it. I think the cautious thing to do is to believe the man who put his life on the line and stay away from Morales. I’m going to explain that my schedule has changed and I can’t make it out to his place this time. I’ll ignore his calls from now on and it will be fine.”
One brow rose over her eyes. “You’re going to ghost a drug lord?”
“I thought you weren’t sure he was a drug lord.” This was starting to feel like an argument, but not the one he’d expected.
“I don’t know,” she shot back. “That’s the point. You’re listening to some guy I’ve never even met. You’re allowing him to manipulate you.”
“Manipulate? I’m allowing him to make me rethink two days of my life. I’m rethinking going to a party. I don’t think that’s some grand manipulation. Why is this important to you?”
“I don’t like someone playing you.”
He shook his head. This was insane. “Baby, it’s not a big deal. Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m heading down to the set in two days. I’m going to get my work done as quickly as possible and I’ll be home with you before you know it. You can stay here or go have a nice visit with your dads. Hell, invite them back here. I won’t be gone more than a week.”
“What? You’re going there by yourself?”
Now this was the fight he’d expected. He’d prepared for this fight. The whole time he’d been driving home, he’d come up with a plan to make her feel better about it. “Not at all. I’ll take Shane and Dec with me. If you think I need someone else, I’ll hire a third guard so I’m never without two. I have no intention of doing something foolish. I have you to think about now. I want to come home whole, believe me.”
She shook her head, her eyes clouded with disbelief. “You can’t leave me behind. We’ve planned for this trip. Why would you ditch me?”
“No. I am absolutely not ditching you. I’m worried about you.” He reached out for her hands, holding them between his own. “Baby, have you thought about what a man like Morales would do to you if he even caught a hint of your background? I can’t risk you. Come on. Let’s go upstairs and we can talk some more. I know you’re freaked out that you’re not going with me, but let’s bring Shane and Dec in on the discussion and make some…what do you call those…protocols for me to follow. I’ll do everything by the book. I don’t want you worrying.”
She seemed to lose color, her shoulders slumping as though something terrible went through her head. “We can’t go inside and talk.”
“Why? I think we’ll be way happier in the kitchen than bringing those two bruisers out here. I don’t even think Dec can fit on the stairs. He’s a big dude.” He tugged her close. “It’s going to be all right. I’m not going anywhere until you’re comfortable with this.”
“Why? Why do you have to be reasonable now?” She pulled her hands out of his, the first sign that something was seriously wrong with this scenario.
Kay always touched him. It was one of the things he loved about her. She was so touchy-feely and he’d never realized how starved for affection he was until she’d given him some. Now he craved it, craved her hands on him even when it wasn’t particularly sexual. He would have said he was a solitary being. After everything he’d gone through, he didn’t like to be touched, but it was different with her. Everything was different with her. It was like she’d walked in and flipped a switch he hadn’t known he had—the one where he was a good boyfriend, one where he was capable of giving and receiving affection and yes, where he was capable of love.
“I thought you wanted me reasonable.” What the hell was going on? There was a little voice in the back of his head saying stop. Don’t go any further. This is where it all falls apart. It was time to distance and save himself. He wasn’t going to listen to that voice. “I’m trying to be a better Dom for you. That’s stupid. We’ve gone far beyond the D/s boundaries. We both know I mean boyfriend looking for something more. Kay, I’m insanely crazy about you.”
She bit her bottom lip and looked so forlorn, he wanted to draw her back in, cuddle her until she smiled for him again. “And I’m crazy about you, but I don’t know if you’re going to believe me five minutes from now. Do you know what I want to do, Joshua?”
“What?” He would do almost anything. He simply couldn’t willingly put her in the line of fire.
“I want to start the day again and this time I won’t let you go. I’ll keep you in bed with me and everything and everyone else can go straight to hell.” She turned and looked at him. “Will you get in a car with me and run away? We don’t need anything. We can start driving and not look back.”
Now she was scaring him. “What are you talking about? There’s a hundred-million-dollar movie relying on me right now. Also, we wouldn’t get far. No matter where we go someone will recognize me. You want to tell me what’s going on and why you went pale? Let’s go upstairs and get a drink.”
“We can’t go and talk in your house because it’s wired for sound and the Agency is listening to every word you’ve said inside there.” She spit the words out like she was worried if she didn’t she wouldn’t be able to say them at all.
He felt the world go still, everything slowing to a terrible stop as her words hit him. It was rather like watching an accident. He could see himself sitting there as though he was outside his body, watch as the words changed him. From here he looked calm, as though nothing had processed yet.
He shook his head, utterly dumbstruck. “Why would the Agency listen to me?”
“Because Hector Morales has one of their operatives and they need your access to his home in order to find out what happened to him. Or rather they need me to use your access to his home to find out what happened to him.” All the words were said calmly, each one making perfect sense, and yet that wasn’t what he heard.
I lied to you.
I used you.
I let the wolves into the only place you’ve ever felt safe.
He stayed still because he wasn’t sure what would happen when he put himself in motion again.
Why had he thought she was different? Oh, he could look back and see why. She was fabulous at getting under his skin. She’d read him like a book. If she’d come in and played the perfect sub, he would have held her at arm’s length, but she’d been weir
d and quirky and so entertaining he couldn’t resist her. She’d been light to his never-ending darkness, and that had been the most brilliant play of all.
The funny thing was she’d told him who she was. She’d told him time and time again that she was a spy and an assassin, and he’d thought because she’d made the stories humorous that he was somehow exempt.
And the Oscar goes to…
“Josh?” She was standing in front of him, her gorgeous face tense. “I know this is a shock, but I need you to understand that it doesn’t change anything between the two of us. Nothing.”
Oh, but it changed everything. “Did you wire the place yourself?”
“What?”
“Did you do the wiring or did someone else do it? Who came into my home and turned it into an audio drama for bored agents to listen in to?”
She was quiet for a moment before she answered. “Riley did it.”
That made sense. Maybe he wasn’t such a bad judge of character. He’d never trusted Riley Blade. His mind worked the problem even as he ignored the howling in the pit of his gut. He wasn’t going to give in to that. He would hurt her if he did. If he examined that wound for one second, he would lose control, and that couldn’t happen now. Better to let it bleed without acknowledgement. He’d bled before and been forced to deal with the wound at a later date, when he was alone and safe again.
“Riley was in on it.” Which brought up another point. “I suppose you tagged my phone, too. That was how you followed me last night. I knew I didn’t fuck up. That plan should have worked perfectly. That’s good to know.”
“Let’s take a walk and talk about this,” she said, reaching for his hand.
He pulled it away before she could touch him. “Don’t do that.”
Now the tears showed up. He was sure she’d been saving them. “Please. I didn’t know you when I took this assignment. I only knew that somewhere out there another agent is in trouble, maybe even dead, and I was the one who could help him. I didn’t plan on falling in love with you.”
